Ok- all done 🙌 🍕

That was actually fun 🤫… I got to meet the advisor and …

She wanted to eat there to see all her people…

So whenever someone around her age came inside… I asked “is that your people?” Lol … the people in this club – not her regular friends

Most of time it was – the very first one we saw was a boy around her age and I asked if she knew him. She said yes. So I waved and went to speak … she saw me ready to say something and said “no mom!!! He’s not one of my friends, I only simply know him.” Lol

And then we sit down at a booth and she texting her entire group, I brought my laptop because I was working (sorry death is pouring into my funeral home … I have no choice. I have soooo much work!!)

Just a little side note… it is not Covid. Last year we were horrific with Covid!! Ugh last year was awful!!!

But currently they only trickle in here (we do sometimes have spurts but not like last year… I have a few but not many – most are natural causes or cancer or whatever.

The deaths are because we are coming up on baby boomer generation … so the last of the 1920’s and 30’s… plus the generation covering 1946 to 1964 – right after World War II. That generation is starting to hit. ☹️ … my parents were/are that generation 😔

Anyway back to pizza… got sidetracked – but just wanted to mention the crazy amount of cases is not because of Covid… people in my area are getting vaccinated and/or wearing masks.

We have been doing better here 🙌 … better – but they do still come in… so still be careful – I am just informing

Anyway she is group texting with “her people” and she texts “I am at blah blah blah pizza for my fundraiser” 🙌 🍕 (it’s for the club she is in lol)

And one of her “people” says … WAIT! I am at blah blah blah pizza … which one are you at?

And without even realizing… we were not too far from them – they were next 2 booths over 😮

My daughter tells her person – “turn around” lol

It was her best friend lol ❤️

She’s constantly laughing and I say “what?” And she will say “oh nothing, I’m just talking to so and so” (her best friend)

So I will ask – “well what’s so funny then?”

And she tells me “you won’t get it mom” 🤨

I hate when she says that!! Lol … when I was a child my adults used to say “your too young, wait til you’re older”

And now that I am older …my child tells me “you won’t get it” lol

So yeah I don’t like that lol … so I always say “well lemme just see, maybe I will?”

She will show me …

And nope – I don’t get it… but she laughs hysterically 🤨

Now when she says that I’m like “ok” lol cause I won’t – her humor is odd – not even funny stuff lol 🤷‍♀️

Tonight on way home, she tells me it’s weird when we out with the boys lol (my sons)

I am smallish… I’m tall but small lol … I am average height? I think? Lol but whatever – I always feel very tall. You can tell I am the mom.

Sorta lol

My oldest son is 27… and obviously he is not a child and when he is next to me… and we are all out in public… EVERYONE just immediately “ASSUMES” that he is my husband or boyfriend lol 🤨🙄😝

He is taller and larger than me lol – he also wears a beard so lol – people just assume we together 😝😝

I tease him all the time and say I will buy us tshirts that say “I made him, I am NOT dating him” lol … and he can wear one that says – she made me ➡️ lol …

He always tells me “no mom I’m not wearing that” lol 😄 fine then whatever – would solve the problem lol

We are used to it because ever since he got bigger than me – that’s what people think. Lol

I do not look old enough to have a son his age. Most people mistake me for younger but whatever. It’s always been like that… when I had him I was 20/21 … but I looked 12 😮

But my daughter finds it very disturbing lol … of course it is, but what can you do without wearing tshirts lol 😘✌️😄

What am I supposed to do??? – immediately announce when I go anywhere “everyone this is my SON” lol – yeah I’m not doing that lol

It is what is… whatever – people always “assume”

Ok … and this guy person… so… he wants to be my friend outside of work. That was VERY respectful to ask if we could be friends outside of work.

Being careful and easy with approach ✔️

Respecting my position of employment ✔️

And asking me if that would be ok… ✔️

I like that… easy… no pressure… not crazy … and respectful 🙌

So yes – I can be your friend outside of work. He was respectful, so sure… I am ok with that.

Although … lol … I am not actually sure what that actually means lol … 🤷‍♀️

Ok so is just the label “friends”?? … and we talk outside of work? Lol 🤷‍♀️ is that it? Lol

So I’m not really sure – I just think is simple normal friends, so I will go with that. I think people just do that right? I’m pretty sure. Lol

I just don’t normally have people asking if is ok to be my friend lol … you just “BE” my friend lol … but I do suppose with men, I am extremely careful. And he interacts and sees me – but not daily (only for one month a year) lol … this is his second time with me.

But I think he was being really careful because he literally just closed out my file – meaning I am done with it him for this year lol … that’s when he asked.

But also, if we be friends – that means I can not work with him anymore. Because his business oversees mine… if we friends, that is conflict of interest and they will have to assign someone else. So he’s willing to do that for friendship 😳😮

So he probably googled to see what there was to see? Lol … I am private dear sir lol … there is not much 😉

He can see little of my Facebook – a photo when I was child with my mom ❤️ and a few photos with kids ❤️ – but it’s locked and secured. I never login ever – since 2019.

I have an Instagram… I have never posted or responded – although I am friends with “2 people” lol – my sister in law – and my cousin.. who post constantly lol … I never use it – I am wordy anyway

I do not have a Twitter because I could care less about that lol

Umm 🤔 I have Linked In but post nothing – also do not network with that at all- nope 👎

I don’t like any social media. So whatever. I keep the Facebook because it has 10+ years of memories – including cancer … but also has all the family and friends I love … but am quiet with… I just keep them there ❤️ but never see them or go on. But I just wanna keep them always!

I do not like social media – I only like WordPress

So you won’t see much – even if ran background – all I have is the divorce, which falls under court cases.

Obviously he knows where I work and what I do lol… he actually is very funny with it because he is fascinated by literally everything I say about work lol

Don’t worry, I think he is harmless?

He’s at least respectful, so I like that, I can be friends. Hopefully it is just relaxed no pressure, because I am not sure what exactly he means. I do not want to be a weirdo and ask – I will just observe the behavior.

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I did not think about what the term “friends” could mean 😮 …so yeah I will just have to observe the behavior. I’m careful …

I’ll watch him lol ✌️

Ok well I am not gonna freak myself out about it lol – whatever … he was nice and that was very respectful.

Ok well I am gonna attempt at catching up a little while I am able 🙏

Gnite

😘❤️✌️

So busy!!!

I have soooo much work – not even funny …

We have a fund raiser for one of my daughters school clubs tonight at a pizza place 🍕

I’m like “what time does that start?” Lol

We have to be there in 10 minutes (at 5pm)

And that guy… it is sooo funny that he is doing it properly lol …

He had to talk to me again today and then just politely asked if we could be friends outside of work lol

Don’t worry – I can still handle my own. Friends outside of work or not. I am always careful. Very guarded with things. Not an easy nut to crack lol 😉✌️

But it is funny because he moves slowly and carefully lol … almost like he knows lol

No sudden or fast movements lol 😉😄😄

Just interesting – did not expect but whatever

Ok well we have to go do this fund raiser 😑🥱

And she’s like “all my friends gonna be there” 🤦‍♀️ that means tearing her away will be difficult lol. There will be begging to stay 🤨

Omg I wanna be at home lol

Ok I have to run

I will try to be back later ✌️

It is freezing 🥶

We went from awesome warmness, right into cold!

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My nose is frozen 🥶 I just turned the heat on because brrr 🥶 my fingers kinda frozen numb

Why is my WordPress looking different ?? 🤨 when I write … it’s sooooo teeny tiny now!!! Can I please have bigger letters lol … what is that? Are they trying to destroy eye sight? Big please! I do not like the teeny tiny letters 🤨 some of us are old.

Well whatever

I have a pretty big thought I want to say… but I can not say due to privacy reasons. It just kills me little. But it shall come to pass whatever it is.

And I have no idea when anything is happening – they tell me and try, but we so busy and it’s crazy there

So… the terrible thing did not happen today – that waits for another day… that’s good and bad… is not just done and handled. So it just simmers.

It will come 😑

And then hmm 🤔 so you know on linked in? Ok well I sort of have that – I don’t network like that… I just don’t like anything except WordPress lol … but I have one- it just sits there. Only my name lol … I don’t share anything 😉

Anyway… so it tells me someone searching me

Huh oh?? So I click and see who lol … well of course it does not tell me a name… but DID tell me who they work for.

When I see that – I am pretty sure I know who it is searching me? Lol … I am little curious for what reason?

But – I don’t know for sure, was just the place they work that stands out. They are the only person I know personally, from that place.

I am working with them, but they have worked with me before – they know my demeanor and personality from last time – I was one of their first umm people? So they at ease with me

Just odd IF was them looking me up – because why?

Then today calls me after hours to first talk about work, and then chit chat lol … but I can not really tell if he is flirting or not?? Because he is ummm 🤔 a very serious intellectual person lol… he jokes and it is funny… and he is sarcastic lol

But then I remembered the Linked In thing 😮

So ok… I can see how women can be confusing lol…

On one hand, if I am not sure about anything and you are subtle – I’m not gonna see that. I’m just not going to think anything, unless someone is direct with it

But then if you are direct.. I am careful, I just prefer to know someone before they come near my life… I want to be at ease or know a person then I would be fine.

So yes – I can see the confusion lol – I really don’t know how to help you lol

But just weird investigating me lol – for what? Lol … I’m not exciting. There is nothing there for you to really see I don’t put any info – I don’t think?? Just my name.

I’m just pretty sure was him lol – who else from that place and has my name? Lol

But I am curious why?

Whatever – I’m too tired 🥱

I’m too tired for music again – but I do not want only ice ice baby lol…

So…

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Much better! I LOVE Iration! ❤️

Ok I have to sleep – I am struggling again!!

Gnite 😘✌️❤️

So… it’s Monday – it was a Monday 😑 … breathe.

Ok… whew… alright… I do not know where to begin??

I have a bad thing coming tmrw. I hold my breath. I am nervous. It’s just not going to be good. There will be crying. Ugh 🤦‍♀️

There is nothing you can do… you know the locomotive 🚂 coming right at you… you see it headed straight for you – but are literally tied to the tracks 😮😳 … it’s a feeling like that 😮

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So ok – tomorrow will be really hard or bad. I do not see it going well. Alright well, bring it.

Ok there is that tmrw. 😳

No choice but to handle.

The one thing is, I know what about to go down… but I am not permitted to say to person. So I keep quiet until the train hits.

Ok what else. Oh just many many things.

Oh… and… challenge guy still actually tries… even after I say no or that I am protective

He even tried the “well don’t let your life pass you by, you should enjoy and have fun” 🙄

But I do have fun in life and I don’t let it pass me by. I like the peace I have. I am protective with who comes close and there is no way I am having fun without closeness lol

He did not really hear the words I say. But whatever.

He is persistent – but no… still no… trying to convince me otherwise lol … nice try.

I am always going to say no to him – always always always. Because that’s the only thing he makes effort with – so nope 👎

So whatever 🙄

I just don’t pay attention, at all, when that’s the focus… you lose me instantly – he can say or plead whatever he wants – is still no.

He is not going to convince me otherwise… my ears turn off, because he’s only after that. So I will just be nice – but not listen. Also not change mind. I do not take seriously

Whatever – I’m just surprised hasn’t given up yet. Why still chasing? I am one person. There are many others who be fine with it. I am not.

Instead of understanding that and being supportive of… or appreciate/respect … he just tries to get me to change mind 🤨 … which is not happening !!! I will always say no because of that right there, and that’s just to start.

Like I said – just surprised he keeps it up – whatever. Always gonna be no.

Ok well I keep falling asleep writing this. I have to sleep for now I am too tired 🥱 I’m even too tired for music 😮😮😮

Ok well…

Gnite ❤️✌️

I’m generally quiet with my story – some people know or were beside me as I went through that. On here – I tell you the important things and the surface of what happened – “the basics” – just not the details

The details are awful

I don’t like to speak on it much because I feel the words are a waste – it doesn’t matter. Government doesn’t listen or care, neither do courts – I have lost respect for both

Also… I do not like to relive that. At all. It is very difficult to revisit – my ex took advantage while I lost my family, suffered his continued abuse, losing my mom, and cancer …

So all that just takes my breath away and always makes me instantly cry… so I don’t want to talk about it.

It’s over – it’s done. I want to move forward and be ok. So I just be quiet.

I don’t like crying… or sad emotions for my own self

I am way way way better helping someone else – which takes focus off of me and let’s me help someone else and make their life better – I am much better that way.

I like that better. I don’t like being one who needs help or needs anyone. I prefer being one helping others.

And I’m really protective of self… so I just be quiet. ✌️

I am severely protective because I do not ever want to go through that again. Completely not willing. So I am extremely careful.

I just focus on kids and work. I never want to not survive again.

There is another reason too.

Because when I tell my story, first of all – I just cry and I don’t like that… so I don’t tell often.

And if I do… and then someone knows…

That’s hard because sometimes people make me cry with their empathy and compassion. So that also makes me cry. Only when it’s directed at me – it also makes my heart feel that bleed.

I just like being quiet and not remembering that, I don’t want to live in the past because that is not my life now.

Death, cancer and Satan took my life for a minute… so … am highly sensitive with my things. I don’t like to revisit that.

I am sensitive so 🤫 it makes me cry. That and speaking about my mom – those two things.

I want my mom 💔

Yup those 2 things

So I can’t really mention my mom because I cry, and then if I have to revisit things I cry.

It’s just hard because when I say things and people know things – sometimes things they do makes me cry – not badly – is because of the compassion

I don’t really ever stop to look back… I keep myself busy to avoid that and also survive.

So that stuff stops me in my tracks kinda… I really don’t like when focus is on me.

So I just remain quiet.

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It’s just when a person knows me and then finds out my story. Because it always brings a reaction

I am just silent and quiet with it

Most realize the trauma but then see who I am – you would never know unless you learn my story.

I always smile and help others mostly. I work work work. I don’t really slow down so nothing can catch me 😉😘✌️

Ahhhh so the big picture coming through now huh? 😉

I am a heart sensitive person. You can not come close to me if you are hurtful or toxic. If something has given me pain – USUALLY I avoid it …

However – I don’t know how or why death weaseled it’s way in 🤨 I hate death the most for taking my family and making me feel extreme fear 💔 …yes I know it is life – but does not make my heart bleed any less

I am very good with empathy towards others because I can instantly feel the pain of the loss 💔 my attention is on their loss – not mine… and I know the grief with loss

Well anyway… my landlord makes me cry because she does the most amazing things for me and it touches my heart. If wasn’t for her coming into my life when she did – she had a hand in helping me stand up first place and she always make sure I am ok, always ❤️ she makes me feel safe and secure

She bending over backwards for me right now with things and knows what I need and gives to me – so that just makes me cry shhh 🤫 because she is amazing like that. She just does that, I do not ask. She always makes sure I am ok ❤️♥️❤️ she help me like family

And shhh other people do things too. When they learn my story… I just like that kept quiet because I am very sensitive when you come close to my heart like that. That’s where I cry.

Anyway… someone I respect learned my story… and then is doing nice things… I told them “don’t make me cry” because I know they trying to do same

They tell me …”Trisha, we are blessed with our lives and we have a lot, when we know someone who truly in need we want to help”

So.

They all make me cry. 🤫

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I am quiet with my things because to speak of, I cry …and so, I avoid and then someone does things – which hits my sensitivity 🤫 shhh

Yes am sensitive so that’s why

It trips me up. I try to be fast and busy so again nothing can catch up to me as I move forward.

And I like to avoid all that – it’s too heavy. Life however, thinks I need to face it at this moment

I have these incredible people in my life and I mean that much to them to care to do what they doing ❤️ shhh 🤫

I just keep busy and work. Things took my life away once. If I go forward they do not take my life away…

If I look back – it brings me back… and then the people who are amazing make me cry 🤫

Someone I know going through similar and someone else I respect just learned my story.

I never quite know how someone will take it? Because well I just do not show that. Extremely silent and quiet.

I work very hard and I do for myself and my kids.

I am a force at work, but personally I stay extremely silent. So just a Pandora’s box 📦

I build myself quietly.

The memories are difficult.

And then the empathy directed at me is little sensitive to me. It hits my heart and I’m a little scared with people there.

So people will make me cry. They just do and will. 🤫 is good… I’m just sensitive. they don’t have to, I do myself – but they do things anyway. I can’t say anything because it makes me cry. 🤫 it’s not bad, it’s just a thing

Is very hard to speak – I get choked up

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😘❤️✌️

Gnite

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Ok… ready for a ride?? 😮 buckle up lol

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Ok let’s start with Thursday… I worked late didn’t want to drive home – hotel too expensive so a coworker said I could stay in her guest room.

The woman at my location said privately to me, “Trisha I don’t think that’s a good idea”

??? What? Why?

Because you two are gonna be laughing and talking all night and you won’t sleep lol

No!!! That won’t happen lol

So I went over and we laughing and talking and then it was 10pm lol dammit lol

But I went to bed and it was amazing being right at work the next morning – and was great because it had rained over night, and roads were wet so… I’m glad I stayed over and we had so much fun laughing. She’s a cool person. Very sweet!

Friday at work- 😑 yes the big wig came to my location. He was nice, as well as some man they are considering for Market Director. He is from North Carolina

Oh that was an insane day! 🤦‍♀️

Someone is not doing their job and it’s falling on me to do. I knew this was going to happen, but I had no say here. I voiced opinion and boss thought be fine. And here we are.

So I will have to correct that issue – because no!!

So whatever – I was MASSIVELY late for Friday night ☹️

Today I had those interviews and I had not planned to stay til close – but 🤷‍♀️ their part timer I have not met keeps calling out so here we are 🤨

Tmrw I am covering their phones 📱 and working from home in case anyone needs anything

~sigh~

Also I am on call tonight – so no deaths!! Lol

And then… hmm 🤔… in MY life… certain people have been instrumental in me standing up… my earth angels ❤️

Like my girlfriends and my landlord ❤️ my job … so… to me they came into my life when I needed help the most – I never would have been ok without them!! They gave me peace and respite and still do…

They were meant to cross my path when I needed them 😮

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❤️

So every so often in life … I dunno …are you put in someone’s life because they really need you like that??

Someone who is close to me has a situation that mirrors mine.

They are literally at beginning of their journey. 😮

I am supportive yes… absolutely, whatever need!!

But is hard for me with any type of domestic abuse. It is hard for me to speak to a person with that…

I am very dangerous to allow to speak to other victims of abuse… and …

You just do not want to know what I have to say. And if I were to ever speak what I truly think and believe it would be venomous so no… I will TRY REALLY HARD to stay quiet … because saying anything doesn’t do shit. So … yeah careful – I’m dangerous there ✌️

No one care and no one helps… that’s why so many suffer in abuse and are afraid to leave.

I am extremely dangerous speaking on this topic… so I probably should not.

I have massive fire on that- so careful on that one definitely.

It is the earth angels that come to you when you need ❤️ it is these people who save your life and give you peace, let you trust ❤️

This person is about to go through it. 😳 I’m about to watch someone else go through things that I did… already that is happening!! 😮

This person that it’s happening to… is just like me… with even more fire… she has more fire than me, but I think her strength teeters?? Her self esteem kinda unsure… she is strong… Is confident and all that surfacely…

But underneath it all is different ✌️

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So, ya know… yes – I am just VERY dangerous to speak to on this matter.

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‼️

They come to me. They know my story. I am aware they are just like me and have oddly similar circumstances in some ways ?? Also person similar to me. Very much

So… I just be strong support and caring friend because that’s what will need

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It’s just weird because there have been alot of coincidences with things lately?

Anyway so that is little difficult because I know those experiences and I do not really speak with it. It’s a little difficult because is forcing me to kinda turn around and that’s hard for me – I only focus forward – to look back is pain and fear so I don’t like that… forward is better – untouchable forward 😉✌️

Well anyway that’s the scoop.

I will have to share my opinion of interviews tmrw – I am too tired 😩 I can’t keep eyes open.

Gnite ❤️😘✌️

Good Morning 🙌 Happy Saturday! 🙏🙏🙏

Today I am working – but I am just conducting interviews all day long!

I have soooooo much to tell you but I have to get ready for interviewing people. Lol

I have 6 interviews, I have 3 positions for the one I am interviewing today

I have a total of 5 positions to fill… 2 are part time, 3 are full time… I am interviewing people for the full time position today.

And I will meet the family I help today ❤️

I have many stories though!!!

I had a sleep over Thursday night!! Lol 🙌 … it was hilarious and fun … you will just have to wait for that story

And Friday 😐 I couldn’t get out of work until 6:30p so kids stayed late.

I had to work late because someone didn’t do their job – so I had to stop doing mine to do theirs too!! 🤨 so that’s a thing

That’s not gonna last long. 🤨 that’s gonna be huge issue.

And then kids and I had great time as always … but it really sucked being so late for Friday night, and working again today.

I’m oncall again – they took me off for a minute – but I have to be back on for Saturday night until we get more people. So I am Saturday night and Sunday is my one day off.

Ok I have to run ✌️