I am a day behind myself because there was no Monday 😮
I was on the meeting this morning and I said the end of the week – Wednesday Thursday, & Friday… will be very busy… and they say “you mean starting tmrw?” 😮😮😮 I lost an entire day!! Lol … then yea, I mean tmrw because I was thinking it was a Monday 😮
Makes a shortly week – but I forgot all about that 😮
I did have wonderful weekend ❤️
On Saturday, I spent time with my girls – made that vegan Potato salad and everyone loved it – it did actually taste like normal potato salad 😮
They are so funny ❤️ we ate and told stories and laughed and laughed 😄👏 I enjoy them very much!
My kids also all came over and we ate and spent time together ❤️ also enjoy them very much ❤️
On Saturday night … the local baseball team set off fireworks at about 9:15pm … and Mr. Doby lost his shit!!! 😮😮 😳
I know animals do freak out for fireworks… I have had a lifetime of chihuahuas and none of them cared about the fireworks lol 🤷♀️
Doby was not alive last 4th of July… he was born July 16th ❤️ (a day after my moms bday) – but he missed them last year…
And then maybe new years he still too young – but didn’t overly bother him – he didn’t really notice…
But Saturday night boy 😮😮 dude was losing his shit – he went on massive protection mode trying to be all tough and fierce and thinking someone shooting up house or something – I don’t even know 🤷♀️ but he COULD NOT handle his shit Saturday night 😮 … for 15 minutes while it occurred and then about 5/10 minutes after cause he was all upset lol… awww ❤️❤️ I have never experienced a pet like that so that was interesting
I have heard others experiences, but that was my first time experiencing a freak out for fireworks 😮 so alright then – 4th of July will be a thing this year then 😮😳 {{ things to prepare for 😳}}
Then I was able to catch up with cleaning house and bills 👏
I also catch up on sleep 😴 ❤️… and outside yard work 😝
When I first met my neighbor he looked me up and down and then said “you do not at all look like the type who does yard work”
At first I was like – HA! I will show you 😄😄
But then I realized – ya know what, perhaps that vision is correct … I get all hot and dirty and then things chase me 🐝, plus it hurts… I can’t do a lot with my chest – so I am limited here and there
It takes me the amount of time the grass grows to recover and then I have to do it all over again 😝
Artificial grass is looking mighty good lol … no hassle, always beautiful, very little work – of course it’s expensive so I don’t lol … but I’m just saying – I would not mind artificial grass 👏
Oh yeah and Doby always HAS to be with me, god forbid I go outside without him 🙄 … he thinks the lawn mower is some game so I have to also dodge him or distract him 😑🙄
I’m sure we are quite the sight 🙄🫥
I asked my neighbor something about MY lawnmower and he says “well what does the manual say?” 😄😄 … oh yeah well I guess I could read that – yeah that’s right – I’m one of those … unless it’s got a million pieces and you are assembling something, I do not generally read instructions lol … what you mean I can’t just throw together and have it work normal? Lol 🤷♀️
So whatever was simple question that I can not figure out – so fine 🙄 … I will turn to the manual
At work today I got a new keyboard – because my old one was driving me bananas 🍌… I would type and it would take 5 minutes before it decided to recognize my strokes 🤨
Ok well I do not have time for a temperamental keyboard – are you gonna work or not? So I could not take it anymore – I even replaced batteries to no avail – whatever bye 👋 replaced
Now is like having a keyboard on a cloud ❤️ oh the keys always register the strokes right away and it’s just awesome 👏 yay!!!! 🎈 I love it!
Someone made me laugh today because of this theme song :
I can’t tell you the story – but was very funny 😄❤️👏 … took me a minute to remember what was from … I knew was from 70’s and some kinda cop show (I knew was one my parents watched lol )
Wow brought me right back to being little girl lol – the story was funny and to hear that again and in the context put was also funny 😄👏 I wish I could share ❤️ but that’s all I can say ✌️
I’m a little quiet … I’ve been thinking … because of Satan. It just makes me want to be silent but out of fear, so how do I stop that? I don’t know yet – but we see
Country boy said hi to me this weekend, but he always does for holidays or special occasions.
Military still tries to see every so often – but I just can’t – I am not ok with how he wants or expects me to be – or anyone else for that matter and he is hard core republican and ya know I can’t and there are many reasons – I can’t
I want a nice peaceful chill happy life – I give that to self so… if you can’t also do that – that’s a deal breaker lol … and I don’t want to be manipulated or move fast … you have to be so careful cause I came out of hell – so I am on high alert 🚨
However – I do lay my shit out right from start – here’s my shit – if you can deal “great” – if not – I’m not your girl 😘✌️ I am not dealing with BS or anything else – so here I am – AS IS …
I also can not hold up someone else’s mental health … I can be there for you and give support and help you forget the pain in life … but I can not hold you up unless you are already happy and confident. I can not take on all your pain on my shoulders, I can not handle pressure – I am not mentally equip to handle massive pressure – why would I want that? I want to enjoy life and be alive for it 😘
So anyway…. I was thinking 🤔 … cause in Sacramento I grew and I was able to forget all about satan and ignore all that / I don’t like to deal with it anyway. I have severe panic attacks with it. So I just worked hard and no one knew me there and I could be who am ❤️
But now I am back in town and still owning it so now is drawing attention- and he never wants me to do ok without him so he can continue to say what a horrible person I am… and be right
When married to him – I was quiet 🤐… and I didn’t know anyone cause he made having friends really impossible.
So at first he told people all kinds of things about me that were not true – but so he could feel better about his ownself and get sympathy or whatever
Whatever – he’s a loser – not a man
And he continues to preach anything bad he can about me… whatever …
Now I have people and I am also stronger than I was then
So we see – I don’t trust anything – not the lawyers, not the courts – nothing – I trust nothing!! Broken ass system, hurtful programs, yeah I trust nothing in this area.
I don’t think I consider that song gospel? Lol … but I do think it fits – I can’t wait til one day he leave my life … I wish he was out of my life but he will never leave me alone as long as I do well and survive … he thought he could crush me and he didn’t ❤️👏
He will never have my soul or my spirit ✌️ but sometimes when he comes back it makes me feel fear 😧… so we see how stronger I got 😳🙏
He can’t really hurt me anymore but I put nothing past him and don’t trust the government for ANY help. I don’t trust the courts – no one in this area – I trust no one here – so that is where my fear comes in 😮😮
But we will see … because you know I am a little stronger … but I haven’t faced him in awhile so we see – the peace has been amazing ❤️ I can’t even put into words ❤️ … so ok … satan again huh? Alright then – that’s next Monday. – so we see
I could probably not care if I trusted the system to be fair or just – but I do not so … I can be radioactive all I want – but what does that matter in a broken system – so I still fear – but we see ✌️
Also, I need to be aware of my attention – I forgot about that. I remember now.
Memorial Day is to honor all the United States military service members who died while serving
Some place American flags on service members graves – to honor, remember and say thank you for your service 🇺🇸 – the ultimate service 😮 because they gave their lives to protect.
We also celebrate their memory with coming together and having BBQ’s and being with family and friends – thinking of and remembering who we have lost.
Thank you to those who gave their lives, so that I may live mine ❤️ thank you – appreciate greatly!
So… I have a 3 day weekend ❤️👏 (or at least I think so 🙏) … I get to skip Monday 👏👏 woo hooo!!
Before I tell you my weekend plans – let me just say … OMG so many people out and about!! Omg … yesterday going to work just here in town took me about an hour!! It took me 30 minutes just to go 5 blocks!! Are you serious?! Then after that I had to be in parent traffic – which is literally THE WORST traffic known to man!!! It was awful!! Omg! This drop off usually takes me MAYBE 20 minutes? It took me an hour!!!
Ugh 😩… and I don’t know where people learn to drive omg … we will just leave that there ✌️
The police will be having check points for drunk drivers – because that’s also a thing 🫤
I am having good weekend though… today I will be making vegan food… I am making a vegan potato salad 👏 … most of the food is vegan … but I’m also bringing marinaded chicken to grill because not everyone is vegan.
I am going over the house of one of the ladies I walk with ❤️ all of us are going over … I’m glad I connect them all ❤️👏 and they all survive ❤️
One almost died and is lucky to be alive!! So we going to BBQ today and be together and enjoy ❤️
First let me rewind to Friday – the best day ever always 😘❤️ …usually ✌️
Friday at work I had a charity luncheon to go to with my new guy …
So of course, I know people – this is my community – where I live and work … so some were coming up and giving me hugs, – but this is anywhere actually even in Sac, I was same. I am very personable – when I let people know me then is like that…
And I have purpose with the funeral home and think that’s important – I get so comfortable with my people and my job – I forget about my ex 😮 the longer I am away from him – the more I feel myself ❤️ but I forget about him… and then the attention am drawing in our town 😮 … I forget to stay quiet … but when he comes back I worry cause I have trauma there …so I worry with severe silence and keeping balance 😮 but we see 🙏
Well whatever
So anyway … I am butterflying around and introducing him, including him in convos …
He is very charming, funny… good guy, good demeanor – perfect direction … he is young … but with all that you would think he could walk in all confidence like he own it – but he shy lol … in business ?? He could totally own it – he has a good presence … but is all still new to him … still getting his bearings – he still in transition over to my location.
Well anyway – I did not expect the shyness lol 🤷♀️ he is not shy at all with us and rocks it… so I did not see the shyness coming lol
Is business, so you network… he’s got a great presence for networking if he not shy… he has nothing to be self conscience about – he’s quite charming and funny… we funeral people – we hilarious and wonderful thoughtful people 👏❤️ … is a people business … literally 😳
Like I said – with us he’s already comfortable and not shy, funny – and he is observant type 👏 also thoughtful. Good guy – totally comfortable with us ❤️👏
We will get him there lol 👏 takes time … but he’ll get it – he’s quite charming – they will love him!!
Then there was my daughters dance show which you saw ❤️ that was a spontaneous Friday night lol
I didn’t know about it until Friday – she said nothing 😮 but was awesome and we had wonderful time – I love watching her enjoy herself and then also be up on stage 👏❤️ my little girl ❤️ and all those memories she making ❤️… that’s MY baby… I create that ❤️ … she rolls her eyes – but I take credit lol 😘
Saturday … well ugh I had to do yard work and then bring her back up to school for another 2 shows 😮 Saturday afternoon and then Saturday night 😮
I did my front yard and went to do back – but my battery 🔋 died on the lawnmower …so I had to go charge it… and it took awhile so I did laundry and cleaned before taking her to school, and waiting for the batteries to recharge lol
So I came home and the batteries were charged so I did the back yard … but I also have a side yard to do… but only had enough charge for backyard – my back yard is HUGE! Took me forever to mow
So once again I had to charge and didn’t get to my side yard – takes too long to recharge and my yard so big … why did I get a HUGE yard? 🤷♀️I didn’t realize how big it actually is!! 😮
So whatever maybe next weekend ?
But I’m doing it!! 👏👏 and fixing things ❤️👏 so very happy and excited with that! 💪
Check me out all handy and doing these things ❤️👏… ish lol … I google and watch YouTube for how to do …lol 😘✌️
I have some funny Doby things – I bought him this cactus 🌵 chew toy … well he constantly follows me and shoves the cactus at me to play 🙄 it does not have prickers but it is annoying lol … why did I buy a toy cactus?! 🌵 that was a toy offered at local pet store 🏬 is a vinyl cactus 🌵 in a pot that squeaks, or used to 🙄😄 dude is a powerhouse! 😮
At night he goes into wicked protective mode and if he hears a noise – man is on it lol ❤️ awww my fur baby ❤️❤️😄👏 keeping me safe at night ❤️
He acts all fierce for someone to be scared – but is funny because is him lol … he’s very loving the minute he meets you lol … but that is a new thing
Also… I have this massage thing that goes on your chair and “supposably” massages you… it’s better than nothin lol … but isn’t not overly massaging deep tissue lol 😄
Well anyway … Doby does not like to come be my lap dog if I am sitting on that and have it on 😄😄 he does not like the vibration 😄😄 … so I sit there and turn it on 😄😄… he gets all mad 😄 …and the minute it turns off …he’s in my lap lol 🙄
He is sooo quirky and funny 😄❤️
On the weekends he is literally GLUED to me! Lol 🙄 but he is a sweetie ❤️ he is almost 1 years old – come July (the best month ever lol ✌️) 😮❤️ wow that went slow and fast lol
And then today I was supposed to do a ton more things than I completed – but whatever … was slow playing the day lol
Today was my friend who almost died … it was her birthday today 👏🎈 I went to see her and brought beautiful flowers with many beautiful colors 💐❤️
I got to meet her neice 😊 very nice woman 👏
Had a nice weekend 😊❤️
I know Monday will hit hard!! There was a lot of death this weekend for our location 😮 so bracing for what walking into 😮😳😮
I’m too tired to post – my eyes can’t stay open, and my body aches for melting into bed!!!
But from Friday ❤️…
Notice John Denver cover lol ❤️👏 (btw this was a class she had to take instead of PE – this satisfies physical education requirement) and she loves it!! She looks so beautiful ❤️
There was a woman there that wore a shirt that said there is no hood like motherhood lol 😄😄👏👏 my boys commented that’s totally a shirt mom would wear 😄😄🤷♀️ they know their mother – yes I would lol 😄✌️
Ok well like I said – life does not like when you go around spewing too much happiness 😮
I feel sick 🤢
My lawyer called today… and said the other lawyer – and she couldn’t remember his name … so I said, that’s ok – I know who you talking about, you can just call him asshole, I will know who you mean. Yup totally said that. She nervously laughed – whatever
It’s starting again… he knows I’m back in town and doing well. He wants me crushed – it’s never gonna end … he is always gonna be there to harass 😫 I hate him
Instantly I feel sick, and panic – I can feel that in my chest… and like I wanna run again.
Also, some old friends back east friend requested me on Facebook – I want them … but I don’t want Facebook – so I’m just gonna leave that alone … just be silent … I don’t wanna open that. 👎
I don’t want that. So you will have to find another way to reach me. I can’t
And I don’t wanna reach out because I also want the silence – I don’t want to say anything about everything – I don’t want to explain and say everything … I do not care to do that
I would not be able to handle the intense emotion … nope 👎 … can not do that
I also do not have the balancing energy to do that. They were close friends maybe 30/40 years ago… they gonna wanna know things – and I don’t want to rehash all the stuff that sends me into panic and sadness
May he forever burn in hell – I can’t see him again – I can not do that and be ok.
So that might be a thing.
We see.
Get the F away from me!!
Alright so… I maybe have moments of silence and withdrawal – it just happens – I will try not to let it because sometimes coming here helps – but I am only silent to recollect my own self. Not because I don’t love life – I do
If the panic and things are too overwhelming I will go massive silent so just warning ⚠️ but maybe I be ok? I don’t know
I just don’t want anything to do with him or these things – there are things like this I have the ptsd with severely so 🤷♀️ … I don’t have any protection
😭
So yeah – I be fine just uneasy what he gonna pull now
See why I am so careful now? He has been my worst nightmare in EVERY sense … Omg
He wants to make sure I am crushed and have nothing and have pain – he didn’t take me down yet, but he is determined … I hate him. I’m telling you he’s mental
Had really interesting week… ugh many things including an earthquake didn’t see coming … but my weekends have been amazing ❤️👏 the warmer it gets – the more my life comes alive 😮 … see hibernate in winter – come alive in summer ☀️
Friday I did something I have never done before 😮😮 TOTALLY winged it – and did well for first time lol 🫶
I only did well because I am catholic so I know catholic … because I have no fear with public speaking … and because been to enough of these- am familiar with how goes (fortunately and unfortunately)
I lead a informal catholic service 😮 I said I was just office manager but they were fine with that… and the other 2 who were there are young and were totally wide eyed with fear lol … so ok fine – I will do it … and I did. – went well 😊❤️
I’m kidding ✌️… but went well – better than I expected 😊❤️ so that was new – not even my wheelhouse and I did ok 👍 (I was lucky to know catholic things very well 😊 and then also I am confident person in this area)
Then Saturday, I had daughter to school by noon – came home – it was hotter than hell … wore nice shorts and tshirt 😊 still sweat 😓
Her show was at 2 pm til 5pm ❤️🫶 they all did soooooo incredible – it was a musical 🎶… wasn’t all singing and dancing – was story mixed in there too! They did amazing ❤️👏 and the set was incredible 👏👏👏
I am very ABBA’ed currently lol – but I love them so that’s ok
They had a huge closing night celebration dinner supposably planned lol … they put some kid in charge of handling that 😄😄…
Instead of making a reservation – he called the restaurant and said “there will be 50 people coming tonight, thank you” and hung up 😄😄 he did not stay on to make reservation and so they all converged on the restaurant and there was no reservations – so you have a HUGE CROWD of teenagers all coming from being made up in play lol … and they starving lol
They are soooo mad at that kid lol … he learn lesson
Don’t assume people know how to do things – even me … with that first time speaking and running funeral … I just have seen done over and over and I am catholic. I know all the prayers and things…
Kid probably never made reservations in his life lol … you can’t just say that and hang up 😄😄
But they still had fun and eventually got accommodated 😊❤️ 🫶
Was wonderful night ❤️
And then, they all spend night with me and made me breakfast 🍳 in morning ❤️😮❤️
We celebrated Mother’s Day and oldest’s bday which was on May 8th ❤️ but the year he born – it fell on Mother’s Day ❤️ I became mom for first time that day and he was one of my best presents ever ❤️… so we celebrate that day together ❤️👏
That reminds me of being little girl with my mom going grocery shopping lol … every Thursday would be shopping day and I remember my car seat – and this song always came on every Thursday… I would belt it out lol 🎶❤️ my mom would laugh and just makes me think of her ❤️ I miss her already
Ok let’s switch topics l✌️…
I was gonna buy plane tickets to go see – but they are expensive and I can’t afford with having to also do the fence …
On a wonderful note… I bought myself my very first set of tools lol 👏
Now I fix things 👏👏 … I fixed my washer all by myself … sorta – I could not twist something because of my limitations – but my son could, so he did that for me ❤️ but otherwise I used my new tools and so far so good 👍 back to business – fixed ✔️ 😊❤️
Had wonderful time and am thrilled ❤️
I am very happy …but also cautious with that ….cause life tends to make sure you are not spewing happiness always lol ✌️
I am trying to also savor so much of that… so when life does throw bad things … I have these incredible moments to hold me while I go through the bad.
Not to mention – moments I want to always remember ❤️ I’m so proud of daughter, also proud of my own self ❤️ … had wonderful entire family weekend ❤️ & birthday celebration 👏❤️
(Hahaha the security guy on the little golf cart thing at the end 😄😄
Nothing like Turkey or Syria – but whole lotta shaking going on around the world 😮 we are due for big – so tmrw I should remember to make sure have earthquake insurance ✌️
My area doesn’t rock like that though since I have been here and that is 20 years.
My blood family has been teasing me because it was California earthquake at 4:20pm lol 😄😄 ok that is a little humorous lol 😄
** ⚠️ warning ⚠️ **
Following video contains bad words and things. So just know that and don’t watch if bothered easy – you probably know the song anyway 🙄
They are not in California – they are in other states … but that’s how they view California 🙄
We don’t have good rep in other states lol 😄 🤷♀️
But my blood family is in massive republican state lol … Texas 🤠 it is only legal with a medical prescription in Texas … but not otherwise
But in California, been legal for long time… we have dispensaries everywhere! And also, California is extremely liberal with everything!!
So add those 2 things together and my brother is always teasing me lol 🙄 thinks he’s got jokes lol
That’s alright – I am older sister… he is usually old Fuddy Duddy ?? I dunno he got older and morphed into dad lol 😘🤷♀️ … so I enjoy his happy teases lol … cause he thinks he got jokes lol ❤️
(I am spitting image of my mother, always have been… I didn’t morph – have always been just updated more modern version of her lol ❤️ 2.0 lol – not morph… he morphed 😄😄😄 … clears his throat just like him, sneezes same, acts like him 😄😄 … but is funny cause he’s my baby brother lol)
Anyway… besides the earthquake – I will be up very late tonight because daughter in play. I don’t pick her up until 10pm! 😮
She call me while at work to order her Starbucks before her performance 🎭. lol 🙄
I got her a drink she asked for and this bumblebee cake pop because I know would make her smile lol ❤️
She called me laughing with her friends, who also laughing in background – I guess it looked weirdly funny ?? Lol 🤷♀️❤️ but made them laugh 😊❤️
Doby got in trouble the day I worked late… daughter was not watching him very good and he can be asshole without love or attention 🙄 he’s very sweet just very social 🙄
Anyway… so since she not pay him attention he ripped my couch 😮 she walked out and his head was in the hole… lol 🫤
She told me over the phone and made it sound worse than is … is not bad and also hide-able… but he was still an asshole 🙄
If he knows you are home – he wants to be with you lol … like right up on you lol … he is very loving but has asshole tendencies if you don’t wanna be with him lol
She was in room on computer laughing with her friends and he was not included in the fun 🙄😄 he wants to be part of that and since she didn’t let him – he found his own mischievous entertainment
He is fine for me … I let him roam house … he does not come in when I shower … he is good – but I have areas and things Doby proofed for the most part – my favorite stuffed animals and things begin glass, shoes all in closet … no clothes out etc … and he’s good for me. ❤️
He is mostly always with me… they are more like siblings lol 🤷♀️
He acts soooooooo guilty when I just say “who did this?” 😄😄
Learning Life 