What to say

I’m generally quiet with my story – some people know or were beside me as I went through that. On here – I tell you the important things and the surface of what happened – “the basics” – just not the details

The details are awful

I don’t like to speak on it much because I feel the words are a waste – it doesn’t matter. Government doesn’t listen or care, neither do courts – I have lost respect for both

Also… I do not like to relive that. At all. It is very difficult to revisit – my ex took advantage while I lost my family, suffered his continued abuse, losing my mom, and cancer …

So all that just takes my breath away and always makes me instantly cry… so I don’t want to talk about it.

It’s over – it’s done. I want to move forward and be ok. So I just be quiet.

I don’t like crying… or sad emotions for my own self

I am way way way better helping someone else – which takes focus off of me and let’s me help someone else and make their life better – I am much better that way.

I like that better. I don’t like being one who needs help or needs anyone. I prefer being one helping others.

And I’m really protective of self… so I just be quiet. ✌️

I am severely protective because I do not ever want to go through that again. Completely not willing. So I am extremely careful.

I just focus on kids and work. I never want to not survive again.

There is another reason too.

Because when I tell my story, first of all – I just cry and I don’t like that… so I don’t tell often.

And if I do… and then someone knows…

That’s hard because sometimes people make me cry with their empathy and compassion. So that also makes me cry. Only when it’s directed at me – it also makes my heart feel that bleed.

I just like being quiet and not remembering that, I don’t want to live in the past because that is not my life now.

Death, cancer and Satan took my life for a minute… so … am highly sensitive with my things. I don’t like to revisit that.

I am sensitive so 🤫 it makes me cry. That and speaking about my mom – those two things.

I want my mom 💔

Yup those 2 things

So I can’t really mention my mom because I cry, and then if I have to revisit things I cry.

It’s just hard because when I say things and people know things – sometimes things they do makes me cry – not badly – is because of the compassion

I don’t really ever stop to look back… I keep myself busy to avoid that and also survive.

So that stuff stops me in my tracks kinda… I really don’t like when focus is on me.

So I just remain quiet.

youtube.com/watch

It’s just when a person knows me and then finds out my story. Because it always brings a reaction

I am just silent and quiet with it

Most realize the trauma but then see who I am – you would never know unless you learn my story.

I always smile and help others mostly. I work work work. I don’t really slow down so nothing can catch me 😉😘✌️

Ahhhh so the big picture coming through now huh? 😉

I am a heart sensitive person. You can not come close to me if you are hurtful or toxic. If something has given me pain – USUALLY I avoid it …

However – I don’t know how or why death weaseled it’s way in 🤨 I hate death the most for taking my family and making me feel extreme fear 💔 …yes I know it is life – but does not make my heart bleed any less

I am very good with empathy towards others because I can instantly feel the pain of the loss 💔 my attention is on their loss – not mine… and I know the grief with loss

Well anyway… my landlord makes me cry because she does the most amazing things for me and it touches my heart. If wasn’t for her coming into my life when she did – she had a hand in helping me stand up first place and she always make sure I am ok, always ❤️ she makes me feel safe and secure

She bending over backwards for me right now with things and knows what I need and gives to me – so that just makes me cry shhh 🤫 because she is amazing like that. She just does that, I do not ask. She always makes sure I am ok ❤️♥️❤️ she help me like family

And shhh other people do things too. When they learn my story… I just like that kept quiet because I am very sensitive when you come close to my heart like that. That’s where I cry.

Anyway… someone I respect learned my story… and then is doing nice things… I told them “don’t make me cry” because I know they trying to do same

They tell me …”Trisha, we are blessed with our lives and we have a lot, when we know someone who truly in need we want to help”

So.

They all make me cry. 🤫

youtube.com/watch

I am quiet with my things because to speak of, I cry …and so, I avoid and then someone does things – which hits my sensitivity 🤫 shhh

Yes am sensitive so that’s why

It trips me up. I try to be fast and busy so again nothing can catch up to me as I move forward.

And I like to avoid all that – it’s too heavy. Life however, thinks I need to face it at this moment

I have these incredible people in my life and I mean that much to them to care to do what they doing ❤️ shhh 🤫

I just keep busy and work. Things took my life away once. If I go forward they do not take my life away…

If I look back – it brings me back… and then the people who are amazing make me cry 🤫

Someone I know going through similar and someone else I respect just learned my story.

I never quite know how someone will take it? Because well I just do not show that. Extremely silent and quiet.

I work very hard and I do for myself and my kids.

I am a force at work, but personally I stay extremely silent. So just a Pandora’s box 📦

I build myself quietly.

The memories are difficult.

And then the empathy directed at me is little sensitive to me. It hits my heart and I’m a little scared with people there.

So people will make me cry. They just do and will. 🤫 is good… I’m just sensitive. they don’t have to, I do myself – but they do things anyway. I can’t say anything because it makes me cry. 🤫 it’s not bad, it’s just a thing

Is very hard to speak – I get choked up