Ok… well … I have been sick 🤒… not Covid – just stupid normal sick- because our weather is going HOT/cold/HOT/cold rain … my body does not like that, you can not fluctuate temps and weather like that … my body freaks out!

My breasts ache every time it’s gonna rain 🤨 so that’s kinda annoying

Well anyway, I am feeling better today… I am awoke from the dead. Lol (totally kidding but felt that way for minute!)

Meh.

So… I have stuff to say. But I don’t know if I can say what I want to say?? I really have to though, because it is important. I know how important it is. but I can not bring myself to face it – so then it looms over… and I try to avoid and mostly do well with that… but I should not avoid… it is serious not to avoid. Yet I do if able

I want to say so badly … but then I think of how to say and then that brings up everything and I just can’t … too overwhelming all at once so maybe little by little?

And then not just the saying part… cause eventually I believe I will say?? I hope I will.

But then once I say, I am afraid of what to follow

I absolutely see my issue but my mind just tells me that it’s ok and I am safe way “I” handle – but I am not … it just makes it easy for me to handle… but is not the way I should be handling.

The first time I was alerted to my breast cancer… I am thin/proportionate… everything had been fine. No history of breast cancer in my family.

Cancer yes. My dad had non-Hodgkins lymphoma … he battled 20 years before going into remission for like 10… he died at 67 from a myocardial infarction (heart attack) – what we used to save him – killed him 😭 the chemo and radiation weakened his organs and his heart could not take it… I lost him at 67!! We were on borrowed time anyway – but still

Anyway whatever just listen – there were other past family members who died of cancer. One was leukemia, she shared my name, but is not who I was named after… and I am not sure what types of cancer for the others .

Ok well…one night in 2013, I went to bed in a white tank top and little shorts … like any other night – nothing unusual. I was in an abusive marriage – which is whole other thing on top … but I slept in a room by myself… and usually locked door

The next morning I woke up in a pool of blood like I was stabbed or something – there was that much all over my white tank and bed 😮 … I had no pain anywhere – but I ran to mirror wiped down to see what the hell? How in the world did I wake in pool of blood??!!

… my right breast was leaking blood 🩸 as if it were milk 😳😳😮😮😮 I did not even know that could happen 😳😳😳

Ok so – imagine the terror – ok so then I don’t want to deal. I don’t want to face it. I was scared – I knew be bad

So I wouldn’t go see doctor because I was afraid

But I had this cool friend who said to me “ oh here is a plan for you … go to a clinic and just tell them you have an infection – they will give you antibiotics and send you on your way. “

Ok that sounded “do-able” … ok I could handle that

Until I got in there and then they say “by law they can not let me go without scheduling a mammogram, due to events that occurred”

Oh great. Ok then… I cry little

Well anyway… then it began… doctors and hospitals and things that went so fast, my head always spun… whether I understood or not.

I had my first double lumpectomy at that time – ok – that was done

But it was not. 3 more lumps came back, again lumpectomy… but then this time they left a message for me to call them because they needed to discuss my “pathology report”

Ok well they had never said that before – I knew was bad… ugh 😩 right away I knew was bad. Just that stomach drop

And then you don’t wanna deal but you have to… and then remember during all this I was still dealing with all my family just dying all at once! And also… I couldn’t have my mother 😭… they said to tell her would cause her to go into a “terror loop” of worry so no … I want my mother to have peace within her final moments – I always want her happy ❤️ so I went through by myself…

I have an aunt who was always my “cool aunt” she had been a nurse and has a beautiful heart – she is no longer married to my uncle. But she stepped in through phone calls and texts and was like a surrogate mother to me since I couldn’t have my own 😭 it was comforting

I would go in, and just cry and cry the minute I walked into dr office.

During appts he would say “you ok?”

Yup… I’m fine … I can’t control the crying so just keep speaking – I can hear you.

And he would speak his doctor words – none of which I understood… so I would go to the car and sob while I called my aunt and tell her everything he say … and she would explain to me and prepare me for things -she calmed me ❤️

During medical tests sometimes I would be so bad they would have to give me Valium to calm down – it was hard – just every time I had to face that, I think of my dad and then my kids – and you face your mortality … and when you alone to face that whew – how you not cry?

And you put your life in the hands 🙌 of others 😳😮😮 and hope to god they know what they doing. You assume they do – but not all do. So that is also terrifying to think… I had to just trust, I had no choice.

I also felt like my life was constantly about breasts omg!! Always and every appt I had to be topless.. or was breasts breasts breasts – omg my life had never been so about breasts before!! And then suddenly it was – oh I hated so much!!

So anyway, all of it was so overwhelmingly traumatic… right down to the final surgery and then when I woke from surgery – I broke?

That’s when I went silent and fell off face of earth everywhere ..: found place to live (on ranch in middle of no where) which was incredible peace and respite from everything ❤️ …haven’t opened Facebook since 2019… refuse. Don’t have twitter – have instagram because my cousin is there ❤️ … but I have never liked or posted anything – I just follow her and I don’t ever log on anyway because my email just shows me what she posts ❤️

I really want nothing to do with most social media…

My people were wonderful and loving and supportive, I was very moved and humbled by the support and care people gave me. Sucks that takes someone being 😷

I went from 2019 to 1985… just the cell phone really. The peace from being in middle of no where and the beauty there was incredible… very soul healing ❤️‍🩹

I just wanted to be left alone to heal, but since I do that so severely – it was sudden and uncharacteristic… I had just suffered a lot of losses and my ex was being horrific… so I needed to be away from life for a minute on my own terms – just leave me alone for a minute!!

But they all see it as worry I was gonna hurt self, I was not – I just wanted to breathe!!

I just needed the peace for my soul after so much stuff – I needed to walk away from life for awhile

Ok so anyway … eventually I build to what I know important to say. To think someday I say it – makes me 😢 cry – I don’t want it but I need to

I also like to avoid this completely … so maybe I can build in writing ✍️… to be able to say in actual words? I don’t know.

But maybe writing will help? I don’t know either

But we see.

It was all very overwhelming and severely emotional… I also had to remain a mother – also by myself – she never was late and I always got her to school or figured out with help from another mom.

I always cooked dinner and had adventures with her when able – we did crafts and biking and laughing, always made sure she taken care of.

After all the cancer things handled and they doing reconstruction … I took her to dr appts with me, and she saw me in recovery many times

So she not ever be scared like me. It be ok to ask questions and see this process – even though I on other side of the cancer by then… I never cried with the reconstruction so was ok for her to come with me.

I also do NOT like to cry in front of ANYONE… I hate to cry very much! I never want you to see me cry – which is one reason easier in writing.

There are certain ways that are best to handle for what you can handle.

I self medicate with work. But then that can be traumatic too. Because it gets insane and the pressure can be intense and then when you work to grind you kinda burn out?

I self care but not as often as should. I focus so hard on work so none of that puts me at mercy ever again.

I do not trust anything. Believe that everything is broken… from government to healthcare – because it is.

So I work to not deal with them – work is my crutch 🤫 takes my mind and focus away. I see other things not my own.

Going through all that and other things at same time – it was alot

So anyway… I’m not sure I even want to say this?? Because of the emotion. But is best so I can go forward? I am still unsure.

Maybe it help another with same or similar?

There is a lot more – but that made me face mortality and also know the fear of death. It really smacks you.

Then you see news of war or bad things – and if they overturn this Roe vs Wade I will absolutely lose even more respect for government so what you gonna do?

I am furious they take ANY right of mine away – fuck you! Where is the ridiculous law for a man to control his body?! A woman is not alone

And then also – fuck you because I want the right to die if I need that… leave my rights alone – government needs to stay the F out of my business

It’s fucking bullshit

Government got their own shit going on … handle that… my body is NOT your job!!

You way over reach now.

I will take my own right to die whether they deem it legal or not. I am not going through that again! Fuck you

What they gonna do?

I do not want the government controlling what a woman or person can or can not do… do not open that can of worms – leave it alone and handle the bullshit on your plate currently

How dare you even think of touching a woman’s rights or any persons right to anything!!

You mind your government business and stay out of my personal business!!!

Just wanna create wars all over the place huh? So we see … I will never trust the government or have faith in ever ever ever again with anything!! So how you gonna take that down ?? What is the decision? Not that I will listen or approve – cause I will fight against that one for sure!!

Hell no!! My body – my business … handle your own shit …my body is not your worry

You do not know what someone goes through or their circumstances – big fuck you to the government if you take my rights of my own body away!!!

What gives them the right? I have every right to control issues with my own body… if I want that and it’s my body… you are NOT gonna stop me!! I would do what have to do and would not care what they think they have the right to control – leave me alone!

Be careful what battles you choose!!

Yes it’s about abortion, not the right to die… but it falls on same area – thinking you gonna control what any person do with own body … ha! Yeah ok

Be careful because that touches many things.

You give them an inch and they take a mile and ruin the country so no!!! Quit the stupid shit leave people alone – handle your business before you go thinking you can control mine! Ha!!! Have you seen the country??? – no fuckin way – get your laws off my body!!!

So yeah – there is stuff I have to say lol

I can not watch tv because everyone is fighting – there is a war… I am tired – it’s always bad

I thought Covid would make people ?? I don’t know? Appreciate things more? See life? – but nope is almost right back to how was. a deadly virus didn’t even change the world really – interesting

And my want of my own right to die … I want to not suffer and I don’t want my family to suffer or watch me decline. I want to be remembered as I am on my terms. When I say that there is ALOT of emotion behind those words …

So I want the end of my life in peace should I ever have another diagnosis.

I understand time, and I understand how precious life is. I understand the gift it is…

But I just can’t do that to myself or my family… to suffer watching mortality take you away – nope I can’t …

So much so… that if you tell me no… I find a way – that be my purpose – you either with me peacefully and safely or you not.

Before I did anything I would have to have time to process or absorb… so would take me some time to take it in. I do take seriously

If there is pain? And I am always sick or no longer able to really love life… then yes – I want my choice. I want your remembrance of me to be peaceful and not sad … could say peace and make it beautiful

I have thought and thought about this. So. I know what I want should that arise. I do not want the government making my end of life choices – “As if”

I have to start saying something … I need to get past something – I don’t want to – I want to still avoid…

Because I just ignore and pretend it go away but it does not so … kinda strikes little fear so I’m gonna try to say stuff little by little. I have to get past it, because I think I need something? I don’t even wanna say that.

Ok well whatever – working on it sorta hopefully 🙏

I’m scared to speak and scared not to speak 😮😮😮 I am very scared to not speak.. but then I can’t… I will try to work up to it.

Happy Mother’s Day to every woman who has mothered or cared for another ❤️

This is my favorite Mother’s Day video – it just makes me laugh sooo much lol ❤️ …

https://youtu.be/cRiGtHTJb0A

Oh yes… it still makes me laugh ❤️😄😄

Make sure you call or be with your mom ❤️ I wish I could be with mine!! I will talk to her later though ❤️

Today boys coming over to be with us – oldest is staying night, but 20 year old has to work, so he just stop by later to celebrate with us. ❤️ totally love Mother’s Day!!

❤️

Today was NOT my day! I had a Murphy’s Law day!! 😮😮

Someone vandalized the funeral home. 😮 Is nothing sacred? That is poor humanity! We give peace and help people through loss of loved ones … including someone like that.

We were hit as well as another local business. I walked into that by myself this morning. I was not ready for that today!!

I say to my staff – do not speak to me today unless you have a contract, a check or an emergency.

And then they were all awesome – I always help them and today they turn around and say to me – what can we do to help you and they all jumped in ❤️ … teamwork – makes the dream work lol

Now if only the world could learn that shit???

https://youtu.be/biUnzjsuehA

So my whole day was police and things – I could not wait to get away from work!!!

So I leave for day at end of day and come home and there are police all over my street 😮 and in front of my house…

Seriously life? Really? All day?? And at home? What?

I do not know what that was about… I told an officer if you need footage – I got angels and security footage lol – but they say nothing like that.

So I did not want to know – I went right inside and locked myself in because no!!

I went and checked hot tub – but I was not in mood to get in suit and get in hot tub and if I see the creepy person today – just no!! So no – I did not want to risk that chance

Also… a topic today was this stupid abortion thing… men get women preganant in first place – is NOT only the woman

So where is that law that says every man MUST have vasectomy and that can be reversed if needed… how would men like that since you can’t keep in pants anyway? You want the government making that decision for you?

Where is the law for a man?? Yeah sexist!! Also you take that away and you gonna see more upset upheaval and protests… if you take that away… people gonna do it anyway – do you want it to be safe and humane???!!

The government should not have control over anyone’s body

Hello… this is United States ?? Why do some have freedoms and then others think ok to control people? I do not think so.

I will tell you right now… I get a bad diagnosis with either a return of cancer OR Alzheimer’s … yeah whether you assist me or not- I do not care … I am not going through those things!

I want it on my terms and I do not want my family to watch me deteriorate – no!!

So either you help me or not… but I will handle it. My life. I’m not doing that again!

So… do not tell me what I can or can’t do with own body…

However one of my coworkers say to me “well you already let them” 😮🤨 …what???

And he say to me “well you got vaccinated right?”

Dammit – I did let them – I fell hook line and sinker. No more – done with the vaccines and what will be will be. I caught it anyway last time… so eh whatever – do people care still?

Currently they are saying another strain and huge Covid wave is coming?? ok well I’m tired of being scared so whatever

I am tired of shit. I have also had a day from hell, and I am tired

Anyway – can we stop with these ridiculous things ?? Countries have a war and people wanna start fights. 🤨 leave it alone. Mind your business, not your body – not your call

Ok I am just too tired- I see comments another time because I have to be up in 4 hrs ugh 😩 to do again – I’m so tired 🥱

Gnite

You would not believe what I walk into today 😮😮

Omg why? Why I get out of bed?

😮 so life… funny huh?

So this past weekend, the guy from few weeks ago – the one I started off with firey ??

He asked if we could have lunch on Saturday – sure fine … but then postponed til late Sunday – ok fine whatever but I am not driving far.

So he came out my way, and we sat and talk… dude is married – he said she live somewhere else (another state) and they getting divorced 🤨 … second marriage

Yeah no 🤨

So I told him, look I do not want to enter anything complicated – you are married and should have just told me that when I asked you…

I can’t be anyones savior – you have to do that yourself… so that’s a massive pass

He told me I bring light to his darkness 😳😮

That struck me…

Ok I do not like darkness … darkness is kinda heavy… I can’t have heavy. If you heavy – I can’t handle you. I like to love life.

I am not darkness – I am light … darkness overshadows my light 💡

https://youtu.be/CVeB7ACVgO0

I can not have heavy darkness – I am very careful – nope nope and nope 👎

Only with death is that ok – otherwise instant no.

So whatever – “men” – see… are you understanding how this is??

Well with some not all…

But then there are also things I do not understand… so I got home maybe about 5pm… and then Country boy text me…

Ok why?? Can you not if you are not on same page as me??? So what is purpose- I do not know… see I am telling you… he just does that so I think of him – he be on my mind 🤨

Sigh 😞

I like country boy… but I stand soooooo firm… so what’s the deal? He say one thing – but then acts different … so I kinda need distance if we not on same page there. Stop making me think of you

Plus he makes me laugh – but stop – we not on same page. Just let me distance

And then … not that it is anything – because it is not… totally not… strictly business …

But… the vet who helping me with things around my house 😮 careful

Well he’s the one who I didn’t know if he was gonna kiss my hand or not lol

Well… so… he’s funny and sweet… very sweet!! But check it… so dude sets me up with dining set … helps me with spa.. and gutters – it all makes me smile 🙌

I asked him if he could give me 2 estimates …

One for full on repair … and one to get me by until I have enough money for full on repair? Lol

So today he come to my house when I was still at work…

He price out the fence … he give me estimate for full on repair… and then just did the repair to get me by for free … and he doesn’t want any money

I come home and it’s amazing 🤩 perfect

He pretty incredible

But again – strictly business that’s it – I’m just saying … I know I pay him but he’s really sweet… plus he knows how to do literally everything lol

https://youtu.be/LlY90lG_Fuw

So also thank you for that ❤️ 🇺🇸

https://youtu.be/oDa5X_kQYsE

Lol

https://youtu.be/-ScjucUV8v0

🤫 shhh 🤐

https://youtu.be/1l0xpkk0yaQ

Careful lol

Just be careful ✌️

And then… so… I have not used hot tub because what?? I go sit in by myself?? And do what?

But then my coworkers are like no you have to get in – we dare you lol

Well ok fine … if you gonna say dare lol

So I did ❤️😮 It was very chlorinated lol … I was tense after work… sat in there with heat and bubbles for 10 minutes and I now I am not tense 😮

It is sooo cool!

Yeah ok …THIS guy better be careful… don’t meet me… make me laugh… fix everything perfect and do stuff for free … PLUS a vet ?! Yeah be careful ⚠️

Don’t be too awesome – careful

https://youtu.be/9WbCfHutDSE

I will keep distance

Anyway… tonight I put on my bikini … my back yard is pretty private but back up to an alley – do you see where this is going?

So I get in … notice nothing… think I am alone… so then I get out but I don’t have stairs yet … thankfully I have long legs but that was a stretch lol – whatever so I get the towel around me and I start to head inside and I think I see something behind the fence …

But ya know – I’m scared of noises and things so nope not gonna check so I keep heading in and I have to go up concrete stairs to the slider and I get a full view and I see someone’s head – definitely a man

Creepy – can you please not do that

https://youtu.be/7YvAYIJSSZY

And then see ?? By myself

So whatever if you wanna see scars. But it’s really creepy all by myself

Don’t be creepy! That is very bad! I definitely do not like that.

Ok well whatever – so definitely not on married guy … ya know … funny thing… I thought to myself – watch this gonna be something shady – he from Sac… yup … I want zero entanglement in that.

And country boy … well he better figure out what he wants – cause I’m not playing around. You better state your purpose 

And military man … probably should be careful and keep distance … keep business …

We see who he is. But he just keeps being amazing

I pay him so… but he always gives me really cheap price or free – even with the quote today … he give me quote for repair and was already cheap … but I need time to budget …

So not only did he fix my fence to hold me over until he does repair – he refused to let me pay him… and then when I say ok I will start budgeting for it … and he says well I can maybe see where we can have be little cheaper lol

Well no… because I want to pay him what he worth… is ok for me to budget for it… you do not have to just do things for me… but that is very sweet. I appreciate … you take care of me… I’ll take care of you… so that’s all… his time, labor and help is worth something to me …so yes – let me pay you!!

So anyway careful… he drawing my attention

I think I am going to ask my alarm company to install cameras in backyard too. Yes I want full surveillance for my compound lol

But I seriously hear all kinds of things at night near my window and then that today – so yes – full surveillance please 🙌

Just because ya know? So whatever – safer

Ahhh moments you miss the middle of no where!!!

Ok well whatever … gonna crawl into bed. What day ugh Monday still – tmrw is Monday part 2

Alright – good night 🌙💤

Do you remember the guy who helped me with the spa? He’s the same one who I went to shake his hand and he took mine like he was gonna kiss it lol

He did my gutters, and my spa… and yesterday when he was over here helping me with last part of spa… he ask me what I gonna do with yard – I have a patio with a gazebo lol … I was gonna get a little table and chair set with a grill for that area

I don’t entertain but I will soon have a entertaining house lol

I been doing a lot of work on it too, just making it mine ❤️

Anyway – he mention to me he know of a table and chair set for free… do I want? Free? Yes I do lol

(My daughter sometimes says I sound like Mr. Krabs) lol ✌️

Anyway I said yes I wanted – let me know

And ya know … today was good day sorta … Today I got news I was not happy with. But whatever – corporation … they suck… they have no idea the staff and people they have and under paid and overworked

Whatever. So it was one of those – and then that makes me think of this decision .

But do I want to move OR do I want to leave all together because of the corporation?

I might leave all together ? Do I want death anymore? I do not know. Heavy choices

Is the grass greener ? Yes I think so lol

Boy 2022 gonna switch it up 😮 maybe ?? We see I don’t know 🤦‍♀️

Anyway … I came home all exhausted … and was gonna go look at spa – I opened my curtains to the slider and there it was 😮😮❤️

He got the set, came to my house and set up for me 😮 …I did pay him -cause you know labor and gas… and that was very nice (I use app to pay him) he is the bomb!

That was really nice to come home and see 😊

He is Air Force Vet. Really nice guy. Very kind

Ok well kids coming – I have to run

Try to be back later – but definitely tmrw! Trying to be realistic lol 🙏🫶

So Tuesday was insane. I’m so tired all the time… and then pulled in soooo many directions omg!! My stomach turns. Let just not talk about it – it makes me tense.

Tonight my oldest came over and help me scrub hot tub … we did ok job but I don’t know how to drain what we refilled so – they gonna come back lol

But we did scrub a lot 🧽

It’s a brand new hot tub – not really ever used … I looked it up and is a spa from San Luis Obispo, California

It wasn’t too bad but still need to be drained again and flushed – I dunno how to do that … not my forte lol ✌️

How nice will it be after work to sit in hot tub ? Omg – but I have to stay awake to do that lol

So I will have a hot tub 😮😮 I just have to take care of it 😳 so we see how this goes – and also … this will also depend on my electric bill because if it gives me a heart attack – then no

Today was ok… had a good day actually.

My oldest came over to scrub hot tub with me. ❤️

He is the sweetest – this kid is really good to me ❤️ I love him so much!! I had to take a work call while we scrub that down 😮 was just with a coworker about stuff at work that we coordinating

But he and I continue scrub while I take that call

I felt bad.

Also… I got another perspective with someone. I understand them completely now 😮😮

Is a very dear and close friend

But … here is the thing – I know things and I am quiet and observant and I listen … so …

I adore this friend of mine very very very much – he is a man but non threatening … sooo smart/intelligent!! I could just listen and discuss the laws all day long … I know we weird lol ✌️

He has a wonderful sense of humor – he is secretly hilarious … he just pretends to be hard ass lol … everyone afraid of him at first – because he is so smart and doesn’t like incompetence…but I didn’t meet him that way lol

I thought he was nerdy when I first see him because he always wears a nerdy thing I do not want to say what is … because is sooo unique lol

But anyway .. he makes me laugh – and treats me like a human being … I laugh and we think similar ish … I enjoy him

He is completely off limits!! So that’s not a threat

I know he’s sick – he doesn’t know that I know. I just be quiet and not say anything – I just listen

I know if I keep him in my life he is gonna hurt

I know he gonna get worse and I gonna watch that

I know what will happen…

I am afraid of those things because I don’t take well… you would think since I work for funeral home – I would have it down – but no… I don’t

I’m sure he is just careful with me – he knows me very well. He knows my story and my silence

In my eyes, he’s this incredible, smart, funny, caring human being.. I have always known him to be good to me. He is a particular person – brilliant mind!!

But what he is sick with… is going to take him away 😭

And then sooooo many things make sense now!! I understand so ok

It explains a lot

So.

I am in thought with because that is going to be hard and that’s gonna hurt.

So people always hurt – inevitable

It hurts BUT I would rather have in my life for the moments he is… even though I already know it’s gonna hurt to watch and it’s gonna hurt to lose 😮💔

I do not like aging – where is science on making us live forever?? Although I do not know that I would want that – this world is crazy!! I don’t know how much I can take

So I am willing to be hurt because the human being means more to me than the hurt bothers me 😮😮 and I do not like anything that’s gonna make me cry or feel the heart … very sensitive with losing my people.

But then you think is life so … you are helpless against what life wants to do. You have to learn to accept how life goes. It will force you.

Anyway. Just life I guess

I just have many people in my life right now who I am going to lose 😳

I do feel fear with that.

Everyone has a time – but I not ready for things like that – life does not care … it is gonna make me face things … it’s not gonna stop – it’s gonna keep coming I have many many people in my life who I am in danger of losing to death 😳😮

So… should that happen with any one of them… I will go severe silent… I will just cry and not have desire to participate in life, for little while til I can’t anymore

But then one of life’s lessons – for me, at least, is to learn to let go. I have hard time.

But I do cause life forces you to. – but I understand how someone could possibly die from heartbreak

Anyway I am exhausted and I need sleep I work later this morning … so can not happen again

Gnite

😘❤️

So I leave mid afternoon to grab daughter – was a day!!! Oh my god! Let’s just not.

So I rush home with tons to do right away on computer for work!

But when I got home I forgot I had workers here fixing my house with things and fixing that hot tub 😮 it’s a brand new hot tub 😮 so they drain it – I have to buy some hoses because I have none lol

And I have to put on my bikini and get out there and scrub 😳😮😄😄😄 omg why do I not see this going well ewww but ok – I have to do that – they are gone … I could pay them to just do it – but let me see – maybe me? We see how this goes

But omg it will work – they test it and drain it and I just have to clean and flush 🙌 should be easy? Maybe as long as no nasty bugs 🐜

Ewww lol … we see … I’m really not the type but ok I will get dirty – this should be fun. Ok I am off to Home Depot for hoses – few scrubbers … CLR?? For calcium stains and dawn dish soap I gonna be scrubbing and flushing lol… I also need bug spray

I also had them do gutters and clean and fix those … and they cheap so yay!!

But I say oh crap… because someone else wants me to come be their office manager

Omg my head spins omg – I think I will be sick with so many decisions omg … ok later I think of that – right now hot tub lol

Omg