Yeah, Friday’s are my favorite, hands down… ❤️

Tonight we had discussions lol… about video games, politics 😮, police vs protesters, Tiger King 🙄😄, the neighbor… just many discussions lol ❤️🥰❤️

The first thing… I am an old school gamer… “OG” lol 😘✌️ these kids were born with controllers in their hands. Now they have surpassed me lol – completely!

Anyway… they came talking about the Xbox and PlayStation reveals for the next consoles lol

PlayStation was decent, but not phenomenal… they expected Xbox series X to just crush PlayStation 5…

And while they liked some of the things – they are not pleased with Xbox… they always love Xbox … they show me this…

www.youtube.com/watch

I dunno – if you follow games watch that – my oldest loves this YouTube channel. And basically explained same things

They went on and on about Xbox’s reveal yesterday (Thursday)

There are some. Shady things lol – they like Xbox … but they say devoting 10 years to Halo will fail… they said there is some website like that… that devoted time like that to a game and it lasted 3 years … plus if reviews are bad – they have lost their audience all together

And when Xbox showed Halo, they then turn around and say oh but that’s from 8months ago on a PC 🤨😄😄 they don’t wanna see that … this a reveal… they want you to blow their mind with actual things.

They do like the Xbox game pass, they have always liked the way Xbox is over PlayStation with their game pass.

Anyway – the video goes over it all ✌️ oldest is excited to see Fable… he played me the intro…

www.youtube.com/watch

I asked … is that what the game is going to look like? …cause if that’s the case, then props!! I like that – looks real

Oldest laughed and said no, is just the trailer for the game, won’t look like that – then what’s the point of the trailer – show me!!! Lol … that’s just an animation then 🤨 I wanna see game play – but oldest has always loved Fable.

Which then brought on the next discussion … Obsidian and Bethesda Lol …

They LOVE all Obsidian games – they trust Obsidian to turn out awesome incredible games.

They told me the story of what happened between them … they said the only reason Bethesda was making good games was because of Obsidian… once they separated – Bethesda now sucks

While Obsidian is kickin it!

So they are excited to see the new games from Obsidian.

They said Bethesda has Skyrim, The Elder Scrolls – which they gonna do again? But is new developer etc… and is Bethesda – so they do not expect much or that they will ruin it.

They also said Bethesda makes you buy things even after you have bought the game for $60!!! That’s rude! They say their games are glitchy too.

And they told me a story about Bethesda and this canvas bag 😄😄 … and some bottle…

They promised people canvas bags and instead gave them plastic bags – people were pissed!! Beyond pissed because was a collectors addition for Fall Out 76… they were promised canvas bags not cheapo plastic…

And then some bottle of alcohol was in a plastic bottle and was cheap and tasted gross?

They are not fans of Bethesda. They sound like they suck!!

But they are excited to see Obsidians games

Then we started talking about Dr. Disrespect… I dunno?… some guy on Twitch … there is a whole story lol

Nobody knows what’s going on and there is a whole mystery. They thinking lawsuits – involves like 30 million dollars 😮 … google it if you are interested.

They have been telling me about this story for a few weeks now lol – there are always new developments lol

Then we talked politics – they are not sure who will take president … they don’t like Trump… because he has no tact… he takes no blame… no idea how to handle his country 🤨 … business man – sure… president he kinda sucks!

He hasn’t handled the virus well, our country is in a state of social distress and he wants to send out more force – that’s only going to push back with more force from the other side.

Ugh 😩

My concern is Biden is old… I’m sorry but the office of the president is very stressful… have you seen what they look like before they are president – and how it ages them beyond years??? He is already past life expectancy… I’m sorry. It’s a really important position. I don’t want my president to die in office because they old. As if we don’t have enough turmoil, but Trump is up there too. So I dunno?

You have to at least be 35 to be president … I think there should also be a limit on age for that office. I’m sorry I do. This is not a regular run of the mill positions!! This is for president.

So… which one gonna lead?

They aren’t sure who is going to win? They think this social unrest and the way Trump is handling, will be his downfall.

I like New York’s Governor… Andrew Cuomo… I like the way he protects his state, and it’s people. I am impressed with his handling and support. I think he might do good if he ever ran.

My kids also say one of their concerns is the internet … they tell me stuff – too much and too involved to explain lol ✌️

I heard stories about some NBA thing – where people were ordering NBA shirts that said Free Hong Kong … the NBA banned that term because it caused issue with China

One thing I am very thankful for … if I wanna say whatever I want to say about my government – I am allowed to do that ❤️ thank you to the veterans who fought for me to have that ❤️ you are always in my heart for that!!!! I think of them every time with my freedoms – thank you ❤️

I can say whatever I want – I have free speech… and no one else but myself can silence ❤️ I appreciate that – I appreciate all my freedoms – thank you!!

We talked about worldly things – but I won’t share those out of respect … NOT respect for their government – ONLY out of respect for the actual people.

And then police vs protesters …

They show me videos from around the United States which are disgusting!! My own police are not that way… we love our police here – they are good… they would not do those things – even the kids agreed.

We are not in a big city – formally sleepy little old west town. Is peaceful here. Usually… my police are good. ❤️

I just worry with the virus. Is getting worse now. So people being hurt – and they gonna get sick – and it’s gonna be a huge painful mess all around.

I am surprised a little bit… I have a different idea – but it’s probably not good – if was pulled off and worked, would be amazing… maybe? Totally Oscar movie worthy

But then again – sometimes my ideas are like “I love Lucy” so ya know… ✌️ I just want faster change – this is 2020 – full on shock the shit.

Ok… Tiger King – I’ve never seen it… they talk about it… tell me to watch … they tell me gist of story… eh… they say mum, you will love it – it’s set up like a documentary… you love documentaries… they are trying to get me to try it lol … if I remember maybe.

I’m not really interested. I don’t really follow trends – but maybe I check out cause they ask me too … it just doesn’t sound like something I am interested in?? But they keep saying I love documentaries – I will love this 🤨 … I dunno??? I don’t follow trends and it doesn’t spark my attention or interest?? I don’t just watch ANY documentary… I have to be interested

They asked me if I liked the new neighbors.

I quickly replied – I haven’t really been overly friendly

And the boys were like “what???!!’ You???” Lol.

So I explained … I just kinda scurry from the car to the house. I just don’t know what to say and I’m always coming home from work, and I’m kinda quiet. I am tired.

And the dog is ok sometimes but not always. The other day coming home – he comes running at me ready to jump / I am all dressed up!! Nope!!! 👎 ugh so anyway.

I am just trying to have peace.

They were surprised cause I used to be such a social butterfly – I’m just quiet… and is the man… is always the man!! I never see the wife – and ya know I am cautious too – I feel uncomfortable.

But whatever. It be fine. Right now I have a lot on my shoulders… so just quiet

My oldest worries – I can tell by his hugs… and I think he worries about me.

The same way I love my mother… they love me ❤️

The others don’t worry like he does. But he sees my change. Is ok. I am just healing and dealing. So it’s just the moment.

But he just worries. The way he hugs me – is almost like he is afraid he’s gonna lose me? He hugs me tight and long. And he actually seems to almost savor it? Or want to freeze that moment? I just get that sense??

Maybe he is just not taking for granted ❤️? I dunno? But I just sense that.

Ok I have to get to bed – they stayed late… I am behind – I will be exhausted tmrw

Please do NOT be a crazy day tomorrow 🙏🙏🙏 I am going to be so exhausted

Ok Gnite 😘✌️

My foot still really hurts from stepping on that pricker?? It hurts and has soreness. Bothersome.

It’s in the area just before the toes meet the foot. Right in the center. So I have to step with it.

I had forgotten about it when I first woke up, until I went to walk 😮 – it hurts alot!! More than did initially?

It doesn’t look weird or anything? No redness. If anything the initial puncture area is whiter than the areas around it?? When I step, it feels like a bump is there? But when I look… there is not?? So I dunno? But it hurts still. I really stepped on that stupid thing.

I forgot about prickers – it’s been a long time, probably since childhood, that I have stepped on one.

Yesterday at work… I am kinda picking up on things that are making me think…

I go to help… well because my district manager asks me to. And I will take all the hours they will let me have. Plus I enjoy being there. I tend to love all my jobs, because I always aim for things I think I can be good at.

I am a massive communicator!! MASSIVE!!! Especially in work!!! I feel that is imperative to do!!! I like to be on the same page, and I like to know what’s going on, so I can do my job perfectly – “seamless” if you will

I believe communication aids that. I feel is important.

Not everyone thinks that or does that 😮😄 … I have noticed in many areas there is a little bit of a lack with that. Sometimes it’s a little annoying but whatever – I roll with it. I communicate because I like it and think is important – if they don’t, that’s on them.

I just notice the communication thing a lot … because it IS noticeable. But again, whatever. Just mentioning… it pertains.

So… the more I work, the more I see things…

Also… at this one place … the boss lady needs help… she suddenly lost all her workers… attendants from the care center come to help her sometimes and then my office sends us.

I don’t really know what happened – I don’t ask questions… I just go to do my job in the present… I don’t need that communication… she needs help, I go help.

I had told you about the story of the hamburgers – so I am cautious with her and how she is. But I don’t let that show, that is just a thought in the back of my mind.

At first, I was new to her… so she was kinda standoffish…

But I am one of those people who makes you feel at ease, very much… almost immediately… I am very easy going and happy all the time… and I don’t say bad things about anyone else to anyone else. I look for good qualities. And everyone is different. I am very diplomatic.

So anyway, she is becoming at ease with me. Instead of being standoffish, she is relaxing and laughing, even while stressed. She is being human. I think she is being very nice.

But people tell me things, I keep things like that to myself. Those are others personal thoughts – so I just listen… but I don’t repeat… I don’t like rumors.

But when you take little things you hear and put them all together – you start to get a picture? Little little puzzle 🧩 pieces.

I know that she suddenly for some reason, lost her entire staff. It can happen. Corona hit – that could be a reason? Who knows. There are many reasons that could happen.

That one day that I worked and my district manager saw me still working while she was doing the zoom meeting… made a quick comment that this woman had told her, only needed me for couple hours – but instead kept me all day… it was said, this woman says one thing and does another… I heard it, but sometimes that can happen so didn’t overly think about it.

Yesterday, an attendant said a few comments to me… while he seems to like her and get along with her, he said that her whole staff just up and quit – why do you think that is? He asked me 😳 … he said they all just up and quit all at the same time. 😮

I don’t think she is bad to work with? I have not seen that …really? But I have not worked with her continuously – just here and there, as of recently.

I also don’t like when people plant “seeds” … cause let me draw my own conclusions… but I do listen to words. I still make up my own mind – but I pay attention. I watch for myself.

Then later on before the end of the day… is just me and her… we were chatting and laughing…

I made a comment about how insane crazy had been all day long – why won’t they let her hire more staff?

She says there is a hiring freeze due to corona… ok that is believable. I can see that. And I have not noticed them looking for more people.

Even my own place, we try not to use attendants currently and try to do ourselves – we took a hit with Corona

So all that is believable.

But so much goes on!! She definitely needs help… way above what one person can do alone… and I said that!! And she says I know

I said they have to know that!! I would think they would let you hire at least someone!!

And she said … they won’t let her hire someone until she has good communication with the district manager (my boss)

They are both a little sucky with communication business wise.

And if you ask me… I’m gonna think this…

Both are strong women… think of it like 2 countries… each country wants to be the best – no one wants to concede or admit they struggle or need? And to be at the hands of the other?

So I think that’s a slight issue… my district manager is a beautiful and young woman… this other lady is my age… older than me by a few years… so could be power play.

Sometimes people feel like they been in business and know what they doing – don’t need anyone’s help… so that could be the reason ??

And while we are connected – my office still has to watch costs. Corona hurt us, and even now we have massive restrictions both with us and cemeteries.

So my actual boss is watching costs… she can not send workers constantly. And communication skills are a little lacking.

I am not sure why she lost her staff… I don’t know her that well yet and she is not my boss. I have intense communication with my own boss, so she could be being careful?

This lady also made a comment about that attendant who said things to me… they all seem to enjoy each other – but then will say things that you feel need caution…

She said be careful what you say to him, he has loose lips.

Well first of all – I don’t say anything I won’t say to your face, so that doesn’t really worry me.

But … I am just noticing little tiny things like that… I don’t think they belong in a work place but you know “people are people” they bring themselves

www.youtube.com/watch

I just prefer to work in harmony and have it be like a well oiled machine? Be a team, be supportive and knock that shit out!

But ya know… welcome to the world.

Just little things I hear and notice. I will watch and see. Not really sure what to think at this point – is all kinda still new … I have been by myself during all the Corona… now I am seeing them. ✌️ we see how this plays.

Disclaimer – every single woman is different… there is not a book to clearly tell you what we “all” want… you have to know the woman that you want – put some effort in to that. (Also don’t read those books about women that are written by men, they are clueless or biased) you can not lump into one sum.

What I like, is different than what my best friend likes (COMPLETELY!!) … which is probably a good thing lol ✌️

For me… when you approach – be humble, be a person. Be kind. Maybe funny, if you have that skill lol ✌️ definitely be respectful. That will catch my attention to start. Don’t come on too strong… let me think of you, remember you and want more. Leave an impression and let that simmer.

If someone comes on too strong, it kind of scares me a little and I back up… so keep it casual… take your time. Don’t be afraid… be confident but humble.

I don’t like arrogance, but I do like humility and confidence. If you can figure that out – you are golden… you will be in my thoughts.

I want to know you are strong and I will feel safe… I want to know you have a heart ❤️ and are kind towards others, and that I can trust you without fear.

Don’t try to own, change or control me. Please keep in mind – I am NOT a possession – I am a person. I will forever fight being controlled or owned. You will lose that battle, cause I will turn away immediately. You be done.

Be kind, gentlemanly. Definitely be a gentleman

Once you have my attention, and I’m showing interest in you… Be confident but keep it cool, mirror that interest (don’t over do) … make me feel secure in your presence. Make me enjoy you, let me be at ease with you. Let me want to be around you.

Give me a reason to be attracted to you… and you will turn my head.

Don’t come for me if you are not serious. That will backfire. I don’t want to play games. I will turn away instantly with the first sign of games. Not even dealing with that. You get one chance – don’t F it up with games.

Essentially, the big picture I want – is to have a man that can make me feel protected and safe… but yet also let me be who I am and actually love who I am. Supportive, caring, and honest. I want to be able to trust you. That is a big thing for me.

At the end of my life… I really want someone there to hold my hand … someone I won’t want to leave. Someone who can capture my heart – hit that heart string… and have me be secure in your love and devotion … it is very important to me… I will mirror that.

Don’t break my heart or make it bleed… cause I will want to avoid you, if you do that.

I am a communicator lol… so I have an issue – I want to be comfortable I can turn to you. If you listen well, and are thoughtful, I will be impressed.

I want to enjoy life with you, and make memories. I want to cherish small moments, appreciate life itself together. I want to have a lot of fun with you!! I want to feel life with you.

I am on the romantic side lol ✌️😄😘 but is ok if you are not… any effort with that is romantic. If you are… you will blow my mind. Make me melt… Most have no clue. But that’s not a major thing. I can do with or without – but I like a little from time to time. Just show me you care, and love.

I also like my own space… so I don’t mind if you have your own interests – there will be things that I like, which you may not (and vice versa) … I want us both to have things we love.

I want to be free to be who I am – and I will want the same for you

Ok so … having said all that… let me also say… if you can get me to the point of truly wanting you – I won’t see any others. I will just want only you.

But again – I have to feel secure and safe… and I have to trust you – I like loyalty, those are your key elements with me. I will take my time, so that I am sure you are not just putting on a front. This is where most fail.

I am not fast… so don’t plan on that. I am a whirlwind though, so careful with that. I am full of life, if I am comfortable with you. I can make you fall in love fast without realizing it… so be careful

I will make you feel good and smile. I will be supportive and loving. I will want to please you and make you smile and laugh… I will want to make you want me.

I want to build a life together 🥰

Once you are past those gates… if you can… no one so far has… but if you can grasp all that, then it would be on…

I am romantic so sometimes – so sometimes slow is nice … take time. Slow will make me ache for you… drive me crazy wanting you… you will be lucky if you can keep it slow.

But sometimes I also like passion… so I will want to have you up against that wall and drive you crazy… I want to make you “want”. I am going to want to excite you. Make you ache… I like to take control sometimes – let me do that and take charge… let me drive you nuts with desire! I like that.

I like experiences, I want to enjoy… I want to feel and know life. I want to know love. Show me that … and the world will be your oyster ✌️

I am on the traditional side… I give a girl next door type impression. And I am like that… but in private with someone I love, respect and trust… I want this…

www.youtube.com/watch

https://youtu.be/Ry6XUsow4Vg

Anyway… that is me lol… my best friend is different … she is, NOT AT ALL, like I am… complete opposite of me…

She is NOT cautious… and will openly “taste the rainbow” yeah Oh my god! Totally not like me!!

She admit-ably likes assholes and arrogance 😝 yuck … but I suppose there is someone for everyone.

She is looking for devotion but she is not devoted herself.

I never like the guys she picks lol ugh!! Nope!! I always tell her be careful… she doesn’t really pay attention cause she likes what she likes. But it doesn’t bother her, is a thrill for her – she lives on thrill. She does not mind. I do – I am way above and beyond her, with caution.

She does not have the same heart that I do with this… every woman is different, so know the one you want. ✌️

The fire you play with, is the fire that could burn you… a good fire lights up in the heart … provides light and warmth… it won’t hurt you… it will light your way and protect you…

A bad fire is like a forest fire and will consume you. Pick your fire 🔥 smartly.

I may not be right or what every person is looking for… but this is how I am and what I want 😘✌️

Just like with men – not all are the same… there is a variety – know what you want ✌️

So whatever … if I find that, then that would be incredible… but if not … I still love life and I am still happy …

I am already complete with who I am… I don’t need anyone to complete me… I only want to want you … you would be a bonus to my life, my icing on the cake. You would be an addition to my life, which I already love ✌️

I am a dreamer so possibly just a dream… and also nothing is ever exact or perfect – but that’s what I like and “would like” to have.

If I “don’t” feel safe or that I can trust you – you have no chance. If you are not serious or like to play games – I’m not your girl. Playboys need not apply.

Oh yeah and one other thing… I need you to be confident in my love for you… if I want you… I will ONLY want you… it won’t matter who hits on me… so don’t let that be an issue for you. I am hit on alot – if that’s an issue and I can’t make you secure with it – there will be problems.

I am the same – if I trust you. That’s why trust is so important to me… let me let my guards down with you. If you are used to straying and can’t be loyal – you are not the one…

I want to be united so that’s a thing too. I am open to life with you – but only if United.

So if you can deal with all that, then bring it 😘✌️

I don’t find it overly difficult but whatever maybe it is? I am from 100 years ago anyway lol ✌️ … I have a young spirit with an old soul

Got it?? Good! 😄✌️😘

Alright so … school… the way it stands now… at this very moment… they will ALL be homeschooled again.

Supposably they have it set up through InterCONNECT ?? They say is much better now.

We will know for sure on August 5th… our area has to stay ok until then, for even an option of regular school, which I am not comfortable with anyway.

I don’t know if that will happen because the cases in our area are rising currently.

And then on another note – my daughter and her friends are just missing each other very much!! A few have birthdays coming, they wanna see each other…

First she asked to go to a water park – nope 👎 so that was a 30 minute conversation, I swear she will be a lawyer someday – I wish she could take my case lol ✌️

So I obviously said no on the water park. That was an instant no. Even after she found some waterproof mask thing – still no

Now they all want to do a sleep over and assure me everyone has been isolating 🤨

I am just not comfortable with it. This is how you catch. It’s deadly – I don’t have the energy to fight that if I get it bad, and I don’t want to be giving it to anyone else if I am a carrier.

It’s hard, I know. I feel so bad ☹️

I didn’t make it this far and through breast cancer to be taken out by a virus – Oh my god! I would be sooooooo mad!!!

But I told her… what if I let you go? And what if you catch it but don’t get sick, but instead I do? What if I died? Would you be ok with that?

So the wheels are turning lol… they are trying to think of something so they can see each other

But I feel bad. She is 13. She really misses life and her friends… She is missing out on those fun experiences with your friends. Currently she just has them on her phone.

I can’t wait until they have a vaccine 💉.

Then work called… I am working all day long at the Haunted Mansion on Thursday.

Hopefully alone… my daughter is coming with me. She likes that place too. It’s a little creepy here and there – but I love its character … I think she does too? It’s cool when just me and her.

I am not bringing hamburgers this time lol… so I was thinking – what could I bring? I think I will make us Tuna Fish sandwiches 🥪 … that sounds perfect. I’ll make a couple extra so just in case.

I am late starting dinner but I’m just throwing together pizza 🍕 so will be quick and easy. I already made the dough.

I should probably go do that now, so I can be done and sit down!! I will be back.

😘✌️

Today I worked on a couple things with my case. So that is going ok with what I can do. I guess.

I also went to delete a ton of stuff off my phone…. stuff I do not use.

I came across an old app… is like a diary… it was from 2015/2016 right before I left.

Reading those things was weird … I had forgotten how bad it truly was… and then I read that… and the memories flooded back.

I knew was bad but it’s been awhile since I was in that … wow! I made the right decision ❤️ I don’t know what took me so long!! Fear I guess? Cause of all this … I knew he would be brutal – I just thought I would be protected

But reading that, made it very clear, I did the right thing.

Was weird to read that. It’s been awhile. I kept it.

And later years from now… when I am on the top of the world… I can come back whenever I want and read what I write here ❤️

It’s good to write things down to remember later. I’m so glad I got out ❤️ …my life is hard and I still have to deal with him … but I am glad I got away from him.

So. That was good to reread – I forgot all about that app. I had forgotten exactly how bad it was, and just to reread what I wrote 😮 … you remember you went through that… but as time moves on and that is not your life anymore you let it go – leave it behind… so the little details you forget… I’m always just avoiding it. So was interesting and almost surreal? to read?

In other news… I haven’t been mentioning it … “much” … cause I am not sure what to think about it?

That neighbor guy… I never see his wife but he has one – I saw her once.

He is just outside constantly if I leave or come home – there he is and runs over to chat… I think it’s harmless? I don’t think he means any harm? I think he is just that way?

But he runs right over. I am a little on the quiet side. And kinda skittish with the peace at my home being disrupted.

I am friendly – but I also like space … he is kind of invading my space. I don’t mind once in awhile – but every time he sees me he wants to run right over to chit chat, make friends.

Which is fine… but I need a little space … he’s literally right there all the time!!! I can’t step out of the house now! 🤨

I am now that weird girl who works at the funeral home and doesn’t come out of her house lol 🤨 scurries inside lol

I just need a little space – I am quiet, I’ve been working a lot… I’m handling a lot, I don’t really trust. And I’m not used to someone doing that!!

I am used to just having peace? When I work I leave at 7am and usually don’t get home until almost 7pm – but there he is… he sees me coming down the road and will stand and wait for me 🤨 waving as I pull in 😳

… and then he’s always like “heya trisha, how was work?”

Ummm good thanks, busy. And I feel like an asshole cause I have nothing to say, and I am usually exhausted – I don’t expect someone other than my daughter waiting for me.

Today I was home with daughter and he’s out there. So we just stayed inside – I need space little bit.

I feel like a jerk to say that cause he’s very friendly … and like I said – I think he is harmless … and I don’t wanna be a weirdo lol

So I am not sure what I think here. I want to be neighborly for sure. But I also need a little space… don’t come running right up on me all the time!

I am just not used to and where is his wife? It’s just I’m kinda quiet currently especially with people I don’t know.

I kinda still need my peace. So I’ll have to figure that out 🤨

I am also uncomfortable cause please don’t watch all my moves … that bothers me cause it makes me nervous. I know he’s being friendly but still it makes me nervous. It’s a little much.

Anyway… so that’s a thing 🤨

I texted my police guy… I know he has read by now… so he had the weekend – I have to figure everything out. So I texted.

He didn’t answer for a couple hours and he usually answers me right away… unless he’s working. So I waited for awhile.

Then I just said … “well I just wanted to know if there was anything I could do? But if you don’t know, that’s ok. Thanks anyway. “

And he said … wait, I’ll respond give me a little time.

So I am not sure if that’s good or bad and I am little uncomfortable because he knows it all now. I just don’t like that. I’m very private

But at least he did respond and says he will respond so ok. He always responds to me, so I shouldn’t worry – but I do.

Half of me, feels relief ? Little ? That someone knows everything in real life? But then at the same time – I feel panic with that!! 😮

Cause hmm… how do I say?

I just always have a smile, you would never know anything was ever wrong… no matter what I go through … unless you know me- you won’t see anything else.

I am soft though – very girly

But anyway… cause in the moments where I am cherishing life- even in the tiniest, most insignificant moment … I am happy. I am enjoying life and I like to have it happy. ✌️😘 …

I don’t want to be thinking or sad about the bad stuff. So I avoid that. ✌️ you won’t know, if you don’t know me.

Although… I am predictable in areas lol … but I am also mysterious-“ish” ✌️ I just like privacy. And I only let you know me, if I feel safe. I am very sensitive with feeling safe.

But I am always happy… so I don’t want you to know my sadness and I don’t want you to see that. Generally, in real life speaking 😘✌️

I don’t want to say stuff or show stuff because I will cry. So I don’t tell. I don’t want to.

So I am just uncomfortable because … I said stuff. And he knows stuff, so he really knows what is happening or what I say is. He trusts me that I am honest. I am and I was.

I am private. Cautious.

I just keep that area of my life very silent. I don’t reach out. I stay quiet. I don’t trust. So I am scared. It makes me uncomfortable and I feel little nervous. It’s one thing to say here… I am relaxed here. And you can’t see me cry …if I do that. I like that better.

Even with my close friends – if I cry in front of them I turn away. I do not like my children to see me cry … I don’t like anyone to see that.

And now he will be able to look in my face now and know my pain so that bothers me. Unless you close… I only want you to know my smile.

Ok well. It is there now 🤨😑 so. I’m just gonna have to deal!!! Ughhhh

I hate all this stuff.

This is way outside my comfort zone!!! Way the F out there!!!

Ya know what… all of it … all of that!! Way outside my comfort zone!!! “Breathing”

ε -(´・｀)

It will all be fine. Not a big deal. I can handle. Maybe – we see 😘✌️ just kidding – I can handle I’m pretty sure. I always do.

Ugh… I am out of balance!!! My peace is invaded … and my privacy is at risk… my life is on the line … ugh… what happened?!! How and when did I lose balance?? It snowballed on me lol

Well whatever – deep breaths … it will be fine. Just a moment in time.

It just seems like it went off balance all at the same time 🤨 fricken 2020!! Stop the shit!!!

This year sucks.

With the exception of the masks – I like those. You only see my eyes, enjoying that very much ❤️ that is a bonus!!

It DOES have minus’s … like fogging up my glasses 👓 when I am trying to read!!!!!!!

Or completely suffocating me 🤨😷 …. and my daughter is constantly saying … aren’t we forcing ourselves to breath carbon dioxide? Isn’t that bad 🤨

I have no idea?

But I like that you only get my eyes. ❤️

Anyway… I have to get to bed – I’ll be back tmrw.

Gnite 😘✌️

Alright so let’s see… I don’t like to wait on posts cause I forget things with so much going on, so let me retrace ✌️

Ok so… Saturday, me and daughter, went to the Haunted Mansion ❤️ I was so excited to take her around and show her.

She liked it, but she sorta stayed next to me the whole time… I told her to go in the home quarters area and watch tv.

She didn’t want to, so whatever

She hung out with me in the office…

Then suddenly, the woman who works there shows up?? She didn’t know I be working?? 😮

Ok this is what I mean with communication 🤨

I was told July 11 & 18th for sure… no one told me otherwise… but I have ALOT of hours this past week!! ALOT!

So I said to her… am I not supposed to be here?? Can you please check with district manager? I drive over an hour to get there – I would have had issues

So she checked with her and told me that is fine. It was ok for me to stay… and she got all excited and said cool so I can leave then!

She had said she had a ton of things happening at her house and listed them off… including her mother going over for dinner.

So I said, “well that works out then, you get to go help get that all situated”

And then she said “well not really when I work “they do everything and I get to just walk in and have it done, now I have to go help” 😮

My brain does not think like that… my brain is the opposite way… I worry it won’t get done right lol … here let me help lol ✌️😘 … if I can’t be there I do trust my people to handle… but most of the time I just prefer to help… but whatever – to each their own.

So she had a family come in and she had a meeting with them… then she went in the back home quarters for a little while… and then she left.

Daughter was tired so she went to home area and fell asleep on the couch … made me giggle a little … I told her she could also slumber in the slumber room lol … but she just laid on the couch … she thought the place was cool.

When we first got there … we have an area that has big glass doors… it has a covered carport right there for when we load casket into hearse for cemetery.

There were 2 bums sleeping there … it was a couple … they had a little make shift bed… I just let them be… it was shady and early on a Saturday… but they saw me turn on the lights … and they started packing up and left.

I mentioned to the woman who works there and she said – oh yes, they are fine… they just sleep there. She said they are good and listen when she tells them we open for business … I did not even say anything. It was Saturday and that’s in the back and no service or anything going on

Did not bother me, it just surprised me. I wish there was a way to help homeless. I don’t even have any idea how to fix that issue ☹️ some you really feel for

Anyway… it was crazy busy – and we have certain restrictions and things

Also I’m not sure if I have mentioned this or not… but at this moment in time, as per the California Department of Public Health… everyone MUST be in masks.

And now the new thing is,.. if you are coming into our funeral home for a service or memorial… you MUST sign a Contact Tracing Notification form…

You need to list your name, your address and your telephone number … all of them have to do now… if anyone on that form comes down with COVID … everyone is notified there has been contact, please self isolate and be tested.

So is getting tighter.

“Some” (not all) stores here even take your temp before allowing you in. I believe they are doing same form too??

So anyway, I was really busy!! I had a lot of calls… regarding mostly current cases. This week is crazy with funerals. So many! Plus I had paperwork! I didn’t even eat lunch at all… and I went to check on daughter and she was sleeping so I let her sleep.

When it was time to leave, I was exhausted. We were gathering all our things… I had brought a lot of things for us so I wouldn’t have to buy anything…

I brought a couple sodas (yes I have a weakness for Dr Pepper lol) I also brought water and some food for us… I brought a small pizza 🍕 for me (is a personal one) and I brought her some hamburgers.

When I went to get our stuff out of the fridge… the hamburgers were gone … well my daughter would have asked me first… and wouldn’t know how to do there… I would have had to do for her… but I asked her anyway…

She said she did not eat the hamburgers and didn’t know I even brought them for her….

The only other person back there was that woman 😮

So ya know, that kinda makes me see her different – if she asked would have not been a problem… but she didn’t, she just took. That’s not nice, now I can’t trust her.

It was weird … I noticed something else …

With MY girls at MY funeral home… we have each other’s back, completely … and we all help each other… we are kind to each other – we share things and give things – we are not takers …

And I don’t worry my girls take my things or go through my things … I don’t have to. They just don’t.

But at this place, I noticed she put her purse in a closet near her for protection kinda?

So I had though huh that’s weird … doesn’t trust for some reason … yet she is the one to not trust. Maybe that’s why she does that? I dunno? Whatever

I didn’t like that she just took like that. That bothers me and makes me see her differently. Again if asked I wouldn’t have any issue…

But this woman makes a lot of money, drives a nice red little sporty car… I drive a beat up car … and as a matter of fact she made a comment about that even …

Like I said she didn’t know I was working so when she had first pulled up she had thought … “ oh not again, did someone abandon their car in our parking lot”

But it was mine. And obviously she met my daughter… I am a single mom – she is not

So just to take food like that, now I know I have to watch her. That sucks. That is heavy.

So whatever. A lot went on yesterday while working the haunted mansion…

Oh yeah and I get a phone call with a different local area code… I didn’t recognize the number so I don’t answer …

They left a message – was some guy saying he had a package for me 🤨 lol

Um what?? Lol I didn’t order anything?? What is this??

So I called him back and he is at my gate at my ranch… I am at the haunted mansion… he says where do you want me to put the package so is safe?

I said “umm you wouldn’t know what the package is, do you?”

And he said,.. it’s a phone 😮… Oh my god! That was like overnight they did that!! And last night they emailed me to say on back order so I figured would be awhile. Nope, was next day 😮 damn! Nice!!

So I told him my secret spot lol … and he put it there … I got it when I got home.

So whatever, we get home have dinner and then I open the new phone… I plugged it in, and Oh my god! It immediately connected to my phone 😮

I didn’t want to use the new SIM card they sent… so I took out mine and put in new phone. I didn’t have to call and have them activate anything ,.. I just want to not do that!

Well first it says … would like to use last back up from cloud – will be quicker … sure, sounded good…

But no!! It sucked… I am in country with sucky internet … while it was fast for me to use phone… it did not transfer anything!!! Oh my god!

Yeah! So took me awhile to reset the entire thing and do all over again!!

Then… just some friendly advice … don’t leave thousands of apps on your phone 🤨 I use like maybe 5 apps but have millions lol

I have work apps, which I use… and then I have 3 games I like… and this – besides the ones they make me have lol … oh I have my own GPS app because I hate google maps – it always gets me lost so I don’t trust google maps in crunches

Oh yeah and Friday when I did that graveside service … they say here let me give you directions incase we get separated … and they begin to just speak directions to me lol…

Wait stop ✋… just gimme address … I will GPS if we get separated … I will not remember every turn and I don’t know the area … GPS is better / easier lol … just gimme address and you good lol

But anyway… thousands of photos and apps really F’s up the time of transferring 🤨 WordPress was not done when I went to bed … so I was like Fuck it! Gnite lol

So I have to take time at some point and delete crap lol… and the photos I have to get off my phone also!! Ugh so many!! Don’t ask me how many. I am always taking photos

Last night I asked daughter if she wanted to come with me today? And she says “what time do you have to leave?”

I say “early, around same time we did” and she was like “nope, I’ll stay home” lol… so whatever

I was busy anyway!!

There is one case where the family is fighting over control. That’s hard on top of such an emotional time.

I understand from both views – but is next of kin who gets the final say.

And then, we have a special case which is difficult.

And then we have quite a few babies. As in infants ☹️ … is like a wave? Is heartbreaking. 💔 is innocence lost ☹️ and I can’t even imagine the parents heartbreak! You are not supposed to die before your parents, and parents have such excitement and hope with pregnancy and all that… so is just devastating. I don’t like to see babies come in… it breaks my heart the most. 💔 they didn’t even get a chance at life.

So every time I try to do something else – that all was going on. And then I had someone shopping around funeral homes today… wanted price list … so sent that out.

When I came into work this morning … we have a board with all the deaths … has the name, when the service is, what they doing etc.

When I came in this morning… one of the names – is the same as a friend I have 😮😮😮😮😮

But it was not the same one! But for one moment my heart sunk!

And then… do you remember me saying something about some guy wanting my address ?

Well whatever… there is some guy who keeps wanting my address (I know him, I know what he’s trying to do)

Right before I got off work he tried to FaceTime me 🤨

Ok look… I don’t even answer calls unless you important to me… or is work. I don’t like pictures or video anything. So there is no way in hell, I am answering that!!! Nope!

So I declined and texted – sorry I don’t do video.

He text me back and says, you don’t want me to see your beautiful face ? 🤨

Nope, no I do not lol ✌️

Then he says … well what size ring do you wear 🤨… nope not going there either!! Hell no!!!

What is wrong with people?? I don’t even know him like that!! You don’t just buy people rings!! Omg

So I said no ring please

And then he says ok well just give me your address 🤨

Ummm that’s gonna be a no, as well lol ✌️

And he says “you are hard, I’m not gonna hurt you or cause you any pain – I just want to make you smile, you can trust me” 🤨

Yeah whatever – still no.

And he says “I just want to send you flowers”

So I said – then send them virtually … regular flowers die. I don’t need flowers to make me smile.

And he says … “well at least a card”

You can do that virtually also… whatever he had… I had an answer lol … and that was no

I am just not comfortable. You don’t just get my info like that…

And I don’t want gifts!! Please do not woo me that way!! That is NOT how I work!! Every time it will be no.

Someone really has to know me first.

He told me I am very difficult. Yeah well been through the ringer … so I don’t accept or trust things.

Not only does someone have to know me… but I have to really know someone to be at ease

You can tell me whatever you want – but that doesn’t always make it true …

And why are gifts a thing guys like to use? Ya know… get to know the girl. They all fail so badly!!! Nope!!

There is no way I am giving any guy my address like that!! What?? Are you insane ? And mess up my peace??? That could go really bad!! So nope! Not happening.

That gets kinda tiring cause is always the same.

Guys seriously have issues reading women – why is it so hard??? They make it harder

If they be chill, I will relax over time… if you can’t handle time – then it’s a definite no.

Ugh whatever – yes I am difficult in this area… and will continue to be until someone gets it right! If not oh well.

I have my peace. Show me that and you will catch my attention… you don’t need my address for that!

So anyway… I think that is everything – there is a lot here anyway.

I am going to eat and then I will be reading for rest of night lol … sorry about being so busy… I miss reading sooo much – last night totally killed me!!! Stupid phone

Ok I need food ✌️

Ahhh day off tmrw ❤️ well from work – not life 🤨

Good night 🌙 – I read in a moment

I will have to save yesterday’s stories for later. Yesterday was crazy.

It’s been getting very crazy everywhere

Even today… when I said was quiet – I spoke too soon … I have yet to even step away from the desk/phone! All morning was non-stop. Literally 😮

I would hang up… go to stand up to do something else and nope… that was not happening… I have done next to nothing besides handle cases and that phone.

Recently, oddly … we have a lot of babies. Heartbreaking 💔

Also… if you have special requirements for death… outside the norm of different religions… it may be best if planned prior… otherwise that can cause families to fight. ☹️

Ok I don’t have time… too much going on – I am being buried myself currently (figuratively of course!) but is busy today!! I am having trouble even writing this!

I’ll be back tonight 🙏✌️

So wow!!! Boy I do I have a lot to tell you!!! 😮😮😮

Obviously… I had a lot going on yesterday!! I didn’t even make it back to post after we got home!!

I am soooo exhausted and my whole body is soooo tired – I NEED a massage!! Totally omg!! Aging – it sucks!

But boy do I have stories … I am at MY funeral home now… I really love MINE!! Mine is like the best one ❤️

I love the haunted mansion… but mine is still the best ❤️ I love like no other!!

Every time I come here after being at the other places – I just feel like home? And I have the best girls too!!!

I am at work currently – it is slow… but I have to get some stuff done… I will be back for lunch maybe 😘✌️

Hope everyone is well – stay safe!! ✌️

I forgot… look what the kids showed me 😮😮😮

It’s prescription only… 😮… for kids with adhd and or autism… but they are working with it to also aid Alzheimer’s ❤️

That would be cool – but I wanted to share before I forget 😘✌️😉

https://www.theverge.com/2020/6/15/21292267/fda-adhd-video-game-prescription-endeavor-rx-akl-t01-project-evo

We had a really fun Friday night … was full of laughing ❤️

All 3 of my kids went to same elementary school… (we love that school – miss that school!! Best school ever!)

Anyway… when my oldest was in school … there used to be a game the kids played out on the playground called “wall ball” 😄😄

Very self explanatory lol… you hit a ball on a wall lol … he used to come home from school and tell me endless stories about how awesome wall ball had been that day. 😄😄

Or how the kids used to line up to play and the line be really long!!

Well he hasn’t been in elementary in years and years.. he graduated high school in 2012.

Both other kids went to same school too… but neither one loved Wall Ball like my oldest lol – he was like the king of the game lol (surprise surprise lol)

18… never really cared about it and by the time my daughter was there … Wall Ball was annoying to her and the lines were no more and while kids still played it … she had zero interest lol

I reminded oldest of Wall Ball,.. and still he speaks about with excitement lol 😄❤️

Daughter however is like Wall Ball was worst game ever lol … but was funny cause each was explaining why it was awesome and the other was going on about why it sucked … and 18 was like “who cares” lol

Also… my phone acting up… but I remembered I have insurance on it… so I put a claim in and they sending me new phone … I tell them that.

Anytime I talk about my phone … ALL 3 try to convince me to go android … ummm no… I am not an android person …

I really hate the android with a passion… I have had iPhone since day one… I tend to find things I really like and then only want that particular one or kind lol. ✌️

All 3 of them have androids … I still have an iPhone.

The thing I hate the absolute most about android is the iOS (operating system) … ugh I hate it!!! It’s all loosy goosy 😝

Where iPhone just so easy. Relaxed chill lol ✌️ I know it well. ❤️

But iPhone has its things I hate too… I hate their batteries…

Ya know since Steve Jobs died…  Apple has not really be amazing as they used to be and where are the new innovative products? And fix your batteries!! Are you not tech giants – then fix that!!! Stop making them suck!!!

Screw the camera – fix the battery!!!!!!

That’s my biggest thing with them… that and their phones are expensive which is why I am not upgrading and only using the insurance instead .

I was gonna upgrade but forget that…

So they lecture me about going android … you can talk til you’re blue in the face – you can’t convince me!! Lol

They try to show me I can download some app thing that can make the android have  Apple iOS 🤨

I can guarantee you is not as good… I just don’t trust it and don’t think it would make me happy whatsoever.

Not interested. Lol ✌️but they try lol

I was sharing Nana’s pictures (my mom) and telling them she says hi… like 50 thousand times lol

Then I was telling them about that whole “Mike” conversation with her… 🤨

And 18 says … ahhhh so now you see what is like??

I said what??? I don’t do that

He says “yes you do… every time I am texting you ask who it is and before I can answer you are asking me if is a girl” lol … ok maybe I do do that lol ✌️😄

Hey ya know… like mother/like daughter 😘✌️ just tell me lol … it was funny though cause oh ok now I see lol ✌️… I will TRY not to be my mom lol ❤️

I am kinda a carbon copy of my mother … sorta … she is the older version… I am the update lol ✌️😄

Then we played “The Mind” … that’s the game where we all play together and there is no ONE winner … we have to win together ❤️

I like that one because is a funny game … is kinda with numbers … but we always laugh so much… and no one is mad that one particular person always wins everything lol

Is perfect game for us lol 😄✌️ we all enjoy ❤️

So yeah had a really fun awesome Friday … but Friday’s are always the best ❤️

I heard from my police officer 😮… he said he hadn’t read yet, but will take a look and tell me what he thinks 😊 – so that’s good news 🙏 it’s something

I didn’t expect him to message yet.

Little sick feeling to have him know my life and stuff but whatever … I’m just uncomfortable – way outside my comfort zone… but maybe that’s good?

When I sent that… I wrote it, reread it, then just held my breath literally – and hit send before I could think about it. Lol ✌️

Then I felt sick lol… but whatever – not a lot of choices. Better than nothing 🤨

Daughter wants to come see haunted mansion tmrw – I keep talking about it like it’s this totally amazing place because it totally is!!! lol 😘✌️

I told her she can hang out in the home quarters area… with the couch and tv while I work. Lol … she’s gonna love it!!! Totally!! How do you not?

I can’t wait to see what she thinks!!

So we have to be getting to bed… no 4, but really 5am, stuff tonight – I already had that talk lol ✌️😄

Ok good night for now… I’ll probably have best chance for reading tmrw night after work. Can’t wait for her to see haunted mansion ❤️

Her memories later when she’s an adult… my mom used to take me to work on weekends at funeral homes lol … you’re welcome ✌️😄 I’m kidding but it’s a cool story 😘 unique ❤️

Alright good night for now. We have to sleep 😴😘✌️