We made it… somewhat. All done 2020!! Whew what a year!
I am on call tonight – I have already been getting calls. It’s not even 8pm yet…
I hope people staying away from others just while we get through this – please we being overwhelmed…
It makes me worry because I have read articles and watched documentaries about how bad it got for funeral or mortuary workers during 1918.
You just don’t know!!
Oh please – please listen. Please be careful. 🙏🙏🙏
I had no idea getting into funerals when I did would be like this 😮
There is no moment to really breathe… it is go go go… and we at capacity already – we do have refrigeration trucks … because we need help.
Alright so. Stay home ok? Please don’t have gatherings.
Ya know – perhaps it’s a lesson for the fact you can’t always have what you want?
It’s incredible how 1918 happened and was sooo similar ? But what was learned? Because we socialized so freely not thinking of this sort of shit show 🤨😮 I was blind to see that, in an instant, life can be different
Anyway.
So… I bet you are wondering how today went… my end of year… 😳😮 … obviously – I am still alive ❤️✌️ I have survived ❤️
So after stressing all morning and worrying lol… it was only supposed to be 4 hours – but I worked 8. There was no way that be good in 4 hours – I needed the full 8!!
But I figured it out… and then all the others had the same issue I did …so I was the one who showed everyone else what to do ❤️❤️❤️❤️
Woo hoo lol ❤️
I did it ❤️ woo hoo!! Well “we” did – all the office managers lol – I like this little team! That’s pretty bad ass ❤️
I have good support. Now we talkin. Teamwork – that is awesome!
I keep thinking how funny it is that I work with funerals… never in a million years, would I ever have thought – that’s where I would be…
And then not only that… but I work with numbers, finances, contacts etc… I am not a huge fan of numbers – I hated them and here I am.
Funny how that is
It’s really bad that I am tired at the east coast New Years (which is only 9pm for me)
I might take a little nap ? I will set my alarm – I made it to east coast!! I’m just gonna rest my eyes lol 😘✌️😄 (that is one of my favorite and well used sayings by the way lol ) ✌️
I’m just gonna rest my eyes lol 😘❤️
I will be back
I am on call
I am busy even tonight! We not even there yet and I am busy with calls!! Yes plural!!! I have had many calls already tonight
And they are all for MY girls! 😮 for my home 😮
So I’m gonna sleep for a minute but I will set alarm and be back. I just need little bit of sleep 🙏✌️
Ok listen … let me give you a little reality check ok? Believe whatever you want.
We are starting to really really struggle even with staffing!!!
So first let me tell you how we are… pick ups for people who have died are 25 deep… that means we have 25 people ahead of whoever dies next, to pick up… residences are priority, then nursing homes, hospitals can wait…
And it’s getting worse…
Every single funeral home has FULL BOARDS!!!
It’s nuts
And a family called me today with a covid positive case … they wanted to know if they could do a viewing … well yes, but the person MUST MUST MUST be embalmed because of the Covid – IF you want a viewing.
So you would be paying for both the embalming and then also for the visitation.
Then they asked me if only the covid positive family came to visitation could they skip embalming 🤨😮 …
If you are covid positive you are NOT coming anywhere near the funeral home! Sorry. Not allowed. 🚫 🦠 stay away ✋
Anyway… we are 25 deep when I left at 6pm.
Los Angeles is worse than us… they are now like New York was… where they are calling other locations in the network to please come help…
When you call them you are a very high number in line to speak to someone …
And arrangements … usually those are done immediately… they have so many – JUST TO MAKE the arrangements – the earliest appointment is almost the end of January!! 😮😮
And what happens is … we have all the normal deaths… the deaths that normally would occur. And then on top of that is covid – and yes it is picking up!!! Massive!! It’s like a wave 🌊
So… by giving you this information… maybe you can have understanding when we are trying to help you the best we can. You are not the only family we are servicing. It’s bad
Then on top of that you add restrictions, people spreading and getting sick
I am so sorry for your loss – it is really devastating families!!! Please listen.
I’m not speaking political – fuck politics … please listen. Please be more vigilant – please take more seriously … even if you are in an area that is not hit hard… still please be careful
😳 we are not doing good. We are handling but it’s coming in massive
Please listen to me… here we come on New Years – please don’t gather 🙏 please … go home watch Dick Clark’s New Years Rockin Eve (I don’t care what they call it now – it always be that to me ❤️)
Think of it… you home – all nice and warm and comfy… you can have your champagne and not have to worry about driving … and at home you don’t have to wear a mask…
And come here – I will stay up til midnight for New Years (Pacific Standard Time) … I celebrate New Years at 9pm – which is the actual New Years time because that’s my Eastern Standard Time ❤️… but I am out here in California so I also celebrate at their midnight too 🕛 🥳
And by celebrate lol… I stay up… and watch that Dick Clark’s New Years Rockin Eve… have champagne 🍾… although I have not had champagne 🥂 in a few years… last year?? I think I was house sitting?
And the year before I had cancer… so it’s been awhile. I probably won’t this year either lol – I am on call New Years Eve lol ✌️
Ahhh the life of a Mortuary worker … someone called me that lol… a “Mortuary Worker”… I guess so… I just am not usually referred to as that, with that particular word lol
Ok so… tomorrow is my dooms day 😮😮😮 tomorrow is year end… ALL office managers must work tmrw. December 31 is a day we can never have off lol… it is year end.
I have been working my ass off omg
So tomorrow is my dooms day – if I survive tomorrow – I am golden ❤️ 🙏🙏🙏 I think I will survive lol … pretty confident but we see. I’ve been working really hard – the other office managers help me along using the phone and walking me through, but generally I am on my own with what I am doing.
I am ready for inventory – I am good there! Expenses are all handled… I have been clearing away all claims
Did you know you can use a life insurance policy to help pay for a funeral?
The life insurance policy will pay the funeral home – we just have to file claims on behalf of the decedent and family. I have to make sure all those claims go through.
Invoices accounted for… approving and uploading contracts. Whew.
Then I have currier coming with ashes and death certificates I have to sign off on
Oh AND!!!!… today I kept trying to go to lunch… that was not happening … 12 went by… 1 went by… 2 went by… I just needed to eat something!! I was getting unfocused.
So finally about 2:30… I decide to go to lunch… but we having a decedent being dropped off… so the hearse was in the parking lot… as I went to leave here comes the van… ok… I will go open garage
They pull up and in a little because the neighbors complain about seeing funeral things 🤨… maybe next time don’t buy a house next to a funeral home if you have an issue with that. We were here first
Anyway… the girl damaged the garage door… we had to call someone out immediately to fix that right away!!
Guy came out immediately!!! Boom there… that’s what I like… in business yes … let me see you jump like that!! That is how you work it.
He was fast, easy and cheap!!
The cost was not bad… and I will just code it to the other location not mine lol – it wasn’t us lol – they said I could.
You know – it’s about the numbers – bottom line… so I don’t want that on my location it wasn’t bad. It was garage door… came off track and center piece bent lol
He fixed that in like a half hour… bing bang boom done
So this dude was fast to get to me… boom he’s there…
Ok so far, like doing business
Then he fix really fast!! I thought be longer? 😮 he was fast!! Good at his job!! It’s perfect!
And then, is cheap!! Dude you rock! Fast easy cheap. He did a really good job!! And that would be how you get a customer … so if we ever need more garage door help lol
Also… I talked to the big boss… above mine… who handles the Northern California area.
I was telling him about the internet issues. I basically have full control to get a handle on everything and all the accounts to fix it.
It’s like Christmas lights … you know how they tangle and it’s a big annoying mess ?? That is what this is like. Just one big mess that is not organized – I need it organized so yay… new year.
By next Christmas – I will have us running perfectly!! One year – watch me
So I am home alone. I just hear noises here tonight. 😳 dark, wet and quiet from rain… I can hear someone’s wind chimes in the distance
But every so often?? There is a noise … so I stop everything and pay attention … and nothing happens
I go back to what I was doing and I hear a noise again. I dunno – I am not going outside to find out. Nope I am good
I am just saying because it’s making me weird – just on alert 🤨 all by myself 😝
Well anyway… I just wanted to tell you how truly grim things are looking…
Those words – covid positive … happen more and more!! The families are just devastated … think about that…
They are devastated by the loss – some find it extremely difficult to handle. Their heart is broken and bleeding.
And then it’s Covid so everything is restricted, it’s coming down harder and harder all the time!!
We do what we can but … we can’t do anything!! Most documents and arrangements are electronic/virtual.
You know what covid and 2020 remind me of??? It reminds me of the tsunami 🌊 around Christmas 2004 in Thailand 😮
It’s like at first you don’t really understand what is happening… you think is fine… but it has force and nothing you can do – run fast and pray!! 🙏
When you look back at the year, and what happened with covid and oh just everything… I don’t want to get into all of it – I am American – if you saw the news you know we went crazy 🤨
Ok well … looking back upon all of it and seeing it come like this… it will get worse because of Christmas – it is getting worse
So please – don’t start the New Year out dying!! Please – please believe me. 🙏🙏
I just ask you to be distant and careful. I’m sorry it is that way. It’s ok… it is a moment – we will hopefully get past it Alive 😳
So let’s go ahead and celebrate this New Years from home… and stay alive for the New Year!! Wooo hoo! We should do that!!
I will stay up late, we can blog lol, I am on call New Year’s Eve lol
It is now pouring 🌧 rain and windy!! REALLY POURING!!
Oh yeah and I did figure out what that noise was lol… well I had some bags by a window 🪟 in the kitchen. And on the outside of the house there was a small ladder 🪜 … when the wind blew it would make the ladder thud, and the window is drafty – so it made the bags rustle lol
Yeah yeah whatever – I am all by myself 😝 just nervous. Is dark anyway… nice horror movie “type” night!!
I am being sarcastic I do not like horror 😝😝😝 no way, not by myself – that would be all bad lol
I like comedy 🎭 always!!! Comedy is my favorite ❤️
Then I guess action adventure ? Depends 🤨
I don’t like any movie that will make me cry except 1… and omg it still makes me cry!!
That would be Charlottes web. ❤️ I loved Charlottes Web ❤️
💔 just breaks my heart that’s all. You feel that lump and your eyes get teary 🥲
Surprisingly I still love the movie… usually if something makes me cry I do not like it… but that one… I still love that one… They did beautiful job to touch the heart and show life ❤️
Anyway. I have to go.
Tomorrow is doomsday. I am only supposed to work a half day… but it is the 31st. And we so busy!! We see 😮
I begin on call at 5pm tmrw (Thursday) night. And then I am on call until 12 noon New Years Day.
Alright – facing tmrw feeling pretty confident 🙏 I am about to be schooled lol
Ok… bed … I must go there lol ✌️😘
Good night 🌙😴💤
Ps… please listen 🙏 is more than you think. We are almost there just a little longer …
I want to be safe.
Ok I have to get to bed !!! Doomsday coming … Good night for real
I had the funniest conversation with a coworker today about dating!
So I just said… I do not have the time… where is the time for that? I’m just too busy.
That also helps me avoid for the time being 😘🤫
And they said … exactly!! Because when dating you have to start all over again and learn all about people blah blah blah
What’s your favorite color? Do you want this or that? I dunno what they ask?
Which is true… what a pain in the butt …
So I said … I wish I could just order what I want? And have it just be? Can I just have that?
I just don’t want to date casual and I don’t have time for stuff… and it’s covid… what are you gonna do??
So can I just skip the awful dating things… and anything else … and I am busy so… I am exhausted after work… and weekends I have to handle my own things.
I could make time… maybe. But he would have to be incredible for that.
Yeah there is a high bar – good luck
And then… not that it’s anything… because I do think it’s beautiful… I love my breasts … however …
They are not normal – again they are beautiful… but I am missing things and also I have a lot of scars… which is totally fine. It’s just different. Beautiful, but different. I will have to warn – cause I don’t want to see a look of shock ok ? It will make me cry.
And that’s another thing… I don’t want to tell tons of people about my story… or about me…
My actual story is similar to cancer … in the way that when you hear what happened – there is a look people give … they do the same look when I say I have had breast cancer.
I am very perceptive to how you react with my things.
So anyway… it’s not the breasts – but I will have to warn someone. Ugh 🤦♀️
They aren’t horrible – just the scars are scary looking. It just initially looks shocking because of the scars but it still not bad… it’s just a thing ✌️
Otherwise they look amazing ❤️ they are nice and round and stay out with or without a bra. They feel fake to me but whatever – they are. They are Silicone. It’s like jelly… so juggles and stuff… it’s when you touch them they aren’t as soft and smushie as regular breasts… they are smooshie but dense so I am pretty sure you can tell?
I think I have a photo from after surgery?
Nope nevermind – not sharing that. ✌️ way too “😮”
If they were smooth without any scars … I would be exactly like Barbie lol … sort of anatomically correct lol – I am missing things ✌️
So just that’s why I feel I need to warn … That emotion is heavy so that’s hard.
It’s only the emotions on that. Otherwise I have an extremely healthy body image. Lol …
The scars relate to my cancer and those were devastating moments so that’s just really hard to let someone come into.
I don’t want to remember such horrific memories or have someone feel bad for me with that.
…or a moment actually. What a difference every moment can make.
January 2020… I was still healing and I was working at a school with kids ❤️ I loved my job
I had applied for a 2nd part time job with funeral home at end of January and started first week of February 2020 … weekends only – answering phones and office things.
It was cool… I was little nervous because those were full services – that was right before covid. Like few weeks
March 16th the school said “do not tell the kids yet because parents have not been notified… but tomorrow March 17, 2020 will be the last day. 😮
So I had to know what was happening – and keep my mouth shut 😮 that made me feel sick… and I couldn’t tell them goodbye or tell them how they all brought me back to life, even if they didn’t realize it – so I had wished to thank them all for that. Those kids just accepted me from day 1 lol ❤️ and they made me laugh, they corrected my style choices lol, they were so funny and awesome … and the little ones were like my little ducklings they were so adorable
Everyday those kids made me laugh ❤️ they were bright and funny – hard on themselves but still bright with life – they just needed to feel important and heard… because doesn’t everyone
They listened to me because I listened to them. ❤️ Other people’s kids were pretty amazing
There was this one girl… freshman I believe ? Omg 😮 that girl will be president someday 😮 not even kidding – her presence and demeanor already!
And another girl was just finding her way to strength!! I hope she has stayed strong 🙏 I always think of her … she was awesome
All my kids were awesome
So yeah… I came back to life because of those kids – I could relate to them and I listened… I am compassionate so they were always really good to me… they used to make me cry sometimes because last Christmas the kids gave me presents 🎁 they were really sweet ❤️
I miss those kids – to think of them makes me smile ❤️ just leaving them was hard. That kinda broke my heart
So then I just had the funeral home. I was doing weekends all alone. So I would finish my work, and then complete whatever else I could find or knew how to do. I always noted and communicated what I had done.
Then they started taking me an extra day or so during the week… so ok … and I was still locked away so that worked
All spring summer and fall … I worked very hard and supported the team
And then it all exploded lol … omg … it exploded with cases and no staffing – everything!!
It went insane… and now here I am… full time full benefits and handling the entire office
I am very new – as in December new, at running the office with the accounts, reports and money etc…
But I’ve been handling the office and funeral homes generally.
I am also coming up on being free! So that is a big thing. That will be March of 2021. I feel sick about it though… I want to be finally free – but I am still scared of him, and I don’t trust the courts so it makes me feel panic.
But what will be will be. I have done my best. And he did not crush me. So whatever – he is soulless so it makes me fear him
So that will be finishing up I believe … then I can maybe move forward? Maybe? I won’t be at his mercy hopefully. 🙏
So I start 2021 in a fresh new position 😮… it is stressful because we are crazy busy!!!
Please stop gathering!!!! And keep your masks on – please wear those! Stay outside!! Distance!!!
These are the songs I would pick for a party like no tomorrow… because half of me wants to totally love and experience life – to let go… oh but no lol… cause I am also still trying to stay alive… and I’m not much of a partier anyway
It doesn’t matter how I celebrate this year… I’m just kinda glad to be done with 2020? That was an exhausting year … it had ups and crazy downs …just so much stuff!!
I am kinda happy to move on from 2020. Hoping for things to get better all around the world ❤️✌️
We had a very nice Christmas ❤️ I hope you all did too. And if you don’t celebrate Christmas – I hope you enjoyed whatever you have for whatever you do celebrate.
I worked a half day on Christmas Eve and then had my kids with me – the boys spent the night ❤️❤️❤️ I was sooooo excited ❤️❤️❤️❤️ – I had all 3 kids…
I remember the night we came home with daughter… as we drove I looked in the back seat to see 3 little people I made 😮 I had all 3 kids ❤️ it just blows my mind
So anyway – I adore them ❤️
We did gifts right away. Just so we can spend time being together and get the most from time ❤️✌️
I was on call Christmas Eve into Christmas morning… I had a couple calls. Kids had to be quiet lol everyone was still up – my kids are night owl people lol
They were like “omg how sad” … well I know… but that’s how it is … you have no control when you die – no day is off limits or special… and death is a part of life, it is of course sad because the heart gets attached.
It rained starting Christmas Eve night and a lot of the day on Christmas.
Just rain – but was beautiful ❤️
We got to FaceTime with my mom ❤️❤️❤️ I miss my mom ❤️❤️❤️ I want my mom
I can’t have her for this Christmas … and please dear god – can I please have next Christmas 🙏 – I really want her … that is one present I want really really bad and I just can’t have it at this moment. 💔 I just want my mom.
But we all got to see and talk to her ❤️❤️
We also got to see my brother, his wife and my nephew ❤️❤️ I miss them all – was good to sort of see them.
Anyway… we just loved the time together ❤️ was a beautiful Christmas ❤️
And now it is silent
I do have to get a few things done around here but I be back later – I have the weekend off ❤️
I am trying to act like ok day off… do not do work… it is very hard not to… let me just do a few things lol – then I be back ✌️
So work work work as normal … I have many area office managers helping me understand it and figure out what is what… I have a mess on my hands. So I am learning AND figuring out/detangling all at same time – but all the other office managers are very supportive!!! They are really helping!!
They have been amazing! ❤️ but I bug who ever I can find that I know has expertise and knowledge lol ✌️ they very willingly help ❤️ they are amazing ❤️ very sweet!!
I won’t fail like that ❤️
So… that is going well… it’s still a big mess – and I am still stressed because I have many things due by the 31st – let’s see how many I can do? Omg 😳 lol … so yeah I get a little tense because is such a mess and I am learning. But whatever I am trying really hard and it’s going really well!
Also… for Christmas the company gave us $50 each for nice meal or something we want or something for office…
My girls wanted a really nice lunch… so ok…
So I am easy going… just no fish stuff 😝😝😝😝
So then they want steak at like the best restaurant lol … so whatever
And they order their entire $50… so I said “hey now wait a minute – does that include tax?”
And they both moaned and said “hey c’mon we worked hard! We deserve it”
And ya know what… yes they did, and yes they do. So screw it… take your whole $50… lol … if the company has issue – I will take that. These girls deserve that! They work really hard always!!
We forwarded our phones to one of the other funeral homes and we had a very nice peaceful awesome expensive lunch lol ❤️❤️❤️ – was nice as a team ❤️
So whatever … I keep learning and working and sorting and counting … I am using all these new end of year programs I am busy…
And my girls are busy!! The boards are FULL we have like 1 open spot on board and then board be full… we can still take more they just won’t fit up on the boards 😮😮
I believe the care center wants to get a refrigeration truck because we have no space for the bodies.
We have several ship ins and ship outs… either being transported to us or being transported somewhere else.
We have one in Southern California we took the first call because they are here where I am… they died here.
But they have preneed down south with another funeral home …
Services to be down there – their restrictions are tighter than ours are 😮
And when you try to call them to report anything – even to report a death… doesn’t matter if you a family or funeral home – doesn’t matter who you are… but when you call you are 32 in que 😮😮😮 or some really high number!! You wait all day to speak to someone 😮😮 it’s nuts!!! It’s insane!! What???
And then we talked to a funeral home in Las Vegas today… their boards are full too they say! 😮 wtf!!
This is why I am always saying “please no one die today!!!” 🙏
Anyway… so it’s nuts
My girls both left at 5… I was still working… I have all that stuff to do….
Well the maintenance guy texted (something is wrong with one of my doors and he had been fixing … but my door locks are from like the 1850’s 🤨🤨… so there are no parts to be found 🤨🤨) he was trying to create one … and anyway he came after 5… I was still working so whatever – do your thing
So here is something oddly weird about me… maybe? So my personality is flirty… I am just flirty- ish… but literally with everyone!! I just smile a lot and am very friendly and bubbly
At the same time… I do not pick up any hints or suggestive themes lol … nope – I do not pick those up 🤷♀️ you have to be absolutely direct lol
So I finished my work. But I still had to lock up and shut down… but he was still fixing door.
So I went and sat on the couch in the foyer which is right there by the door he was fixing.
At first we talking about work… he ask me if I like it – do I think I will stay in business? Hmm I kinda think so? I have moments when I don’t like it… but I love too much more ❤️
And we just talked about my people and then which funeral homes are in bundles of 3 ? Lol
Just funny stuff …
Until he asked me… “so do you date?” 😳😮
Not really no. Why?
And he says “because you are really attractive, why don’t you date?” 😮
I said “I dunno, I just don’t, I am too busy, and before I was going through too much or I was married so… now I am just too busy and it’s just way over my head anyway”
And then he asked me what I wanted or what I am looking for.
Well… I don’t want anything casual… nope… don’t even apply. That will not be happening!
So then he said… so you want to jump right into another relationship ? 😮😮
I did not think of it like that … well it’s not that I would jump, cause I don’t want to jump … I want something that is meant to be and happens – I want to know that person and feel safe with them and secure, taken care of, loved …all that
So whatever …but I told him… I went through a lot so I just kinda keep to self and um recover? Had some rough years
He then asked me what? He already knew about the cancer. I am very open about that. (There’s a chance to save someone’s life with information, so I am extremely open with the cancer) ✌️
And I just told him “I lost a lot of family, had cancer, still battle an abusive ex, and then just survive” said it just like that. Boom and done
Then he asked me… are you afraid? 😮😮
So my initial instinct lol… is to be like “what??? No!! Of course I am not afraid!!” Lol
But am I? I think maybe? I think maybe I am paralyzed with it? I dunno? Whatever
I think maybe I am afraid of it cause that will be hard. So fine then… yes I am afraid of that lol … I keep myself very busy with kids and work
And let me just add … there is nothing coming!!! No! However you want to take that. I am not done being afraid lol 😘✌️
When it’s right and I am ready it be fine.
Then he asked me if I would let him get to know me, would I mind if he got to know me 😮
I didn’t really see that coming… I am really bad at seeing these things… and I did not expect that response
Well yeah I suppose it’s fine if he wants to get to know me.
He asked politely, that was very kind – I’m cool with that.
I’m not really sure exactly what that means??? Like text hello every so often?
I don’t really think I am his type? I don’t know?
I know that he is attracted to me… and he’s really really sweet and kinda shy with me? He has a shy type demeanor “with me”… like he doesn’t want to screw up lol so he’s on his best behavior?
He always makes sure he never offends me or says anything the wrong way… he is very careful… I appreciate that … but I do hope he just is who he is.
That’s all very sweet and stuff – but I need to see who you are.
I don’t actually know what type is his type?
I don’t think that’s me?
He’s good looking… he is kinda young ….what is with these young guys?’ Don’t answer that!
I just think I am too ?? Hmm what word do I want to use??
I’ve been through too much… and he is sweet and thoughtful…
But I went through a lot so that effects me. So I am cautious… fearful… on guard… there are things I am careful with … myself is one. ✌️
So… ok then – hello texts once in awhile lol … how else you gonna do right now?
So he will be really sweet… and he’s going to want to charm and impress me… he will want to make me laugh etc.
I think what it is… he is just attracted to me.
He just doesn’t know me though.
Oh yeah… he has kids… they are smaller than mine. Way smaller
He was asking me how my kids would feel if I dated anyone?
My kids would be happy if I was happy and that person was good to me ❤️
But… I had not really thought about that either 😮
So much to think about. That is a distraction at this moment
I told him that is like distractions lol… and he said that’s because is good to have distraction to relax you, take you away from work 😮
Smooth 🤨 lol
I just don’t know how I feel about dating ? I do NOT want one night stands or casual dating… so nope.
And I didn’t think about some of these things yet! I haven’t dated – I haven’t needed to think about any of it.
I just don’t have my focus there because it has hurt in the past so now I avoid a little bit, or a lot. ✌️
That’s kinda my method of operation lol… if it hurts – typically I stay away…
Only … I did not stay away from death 😮 I went right to that
So we have massive restrictions due to covid. And it’s really hard on both us and families. It’s devastating.
We can not have any services or anything inside – but we can have a very SMALL group outside…
So yesterday we did a viewing … when that was happening … I just noticed one of the family members slip off from the others and seem to have a really hard time…
So I just brought him a water – and asked if he was ok.
And he just cried and talked. So I let him. Sometimes it’s nice to just unload on a stranger and ya know it’s a funeral home, we are heartfelt and compassionate so … I just listened and shared how I have handled – and of course, my thing is to see you smile… I have a gift with that ya know lol
So anyway, by the end of convo – he smiled … then I had to go back in.
Today was the service – is the same – small outside
That same guy see me and say “hey thank you for cheering me up a little yesterday” so that was really nice.
As we talking he say… “I’ll be back, remember me.” lol
He does not live here – he lives in another state lol… but I guess he is from here.
But what’s he gonna do come back down to the funeral home? Lol 😄 … who wants to go to the funeral home? Lol what?
And … just FYI… we are comforting so we just make sure everyone is ok – it’s a very hard time to go through – we help in many ways. We care … we hold your hand “figuratively” and help you through everything.
Which btw… my location has 5 stars… ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ I think mine is the only one like that… and review after review is amazing!!
Afterwards I had to make a personal phone call to my lawyer… so I called.
And the girl who answered told me to hold for a moment.
And there is this guy who works at the lawyers office.
I have mentioned him before. He’s the one that when I first was looking for lawyer – I spoke to him – and he told me they were “Christian lawyers” meaning they actually care about their clients. (That’s what he told me… his words made me chose them)
And then he’s always really sweet when I go in there. He is very friendly and always has a nice big smile lol
Also the last time I went in… was umm 🤔 September? I’m pretty sure? Maybe beginning of October?
Well I had missed him when I first got there because he was at lunch… but when I was leaving he was there and he stood up as I walked in… and then he told me he heard about my story and was humbled and was impressive etc – stuff like that
He made me tear up with that. I appreciate, that is nice… but at the same time it is also hard.
Anyway – that was the last time I went into the office.
Today I only called… the girl put me on hold… and then he came on the phone.
So I said who I was … but I figured he probably would not remember me on the phone.
Right away he say … “oh yes I do remember you!” 😳😮 and he kept going … “you’re the one with that incredible story” and then again he went on and on about how he admired, couldn’t believe the strength etc.
(He makes me a little embarrassed with that) and my story – it’s what I had to go through. It’s just what was. I said that to him…
And he said … yes but your story of strength is incredible. Most do not have the strength to get through what you went through and still go through.
And he sorta told me his story 😮 … his is also an incredible story too! His is also a story of strength 😮 and also impressive.
Um. He’s super awesome. Really really sweet! He says things that make me feel my heart ..so that I kinda feel sensitive with. That is hard. Just when I flash back or through those memories.
It’s just seems like strength… yes… but then at the same time I remember what I went through – and that just brings tears to my eyes still. I had no choice but to be strong? What else was I gonna do???
Maybe that’s why he tell me his story? So I feel a connection? More at ease with him? Cause that’s a vulnerable spot.
I am just caught off guard with him sometimes, since he learned my story.
He seems very sweet.
He’s very caring. They all are, or seem that way. Everyone who works there.
I was just taken back with his reaction about remembering me lol … ya know… I’m a case. The courts don’t care so… I just figure they see so many… and I am just one quiet person… he has only seen me maybe 3 times? … I’m just a person… but he remembered so I did not expect that… or his reaction.
He mentioned that he was 39. That was a little odd ?
I am not sure if he is like this with everyone or just me?
His story… is different than mine but it runs on sort of similar lines? Similar kind of pain in a certain area? There is a connection on that pain because I know that feeling… and he picked up on it because he had it too? And he just knows my case. My story is um? just shocking, I suppose… it’s a lot. But we see. I don’t trust in this area very well. (Or at all)
I am not quite sure what to think with him. And of course, I’m cautious.
I do appreciate and he is very kind.
I don’t know him, other than with this. Was a nice convo… I did not expect lol
That was kinda nice today.
It’s been insane crazy!! I have to watch these training things – today 🤨🤨🤨🤨 they made me watch this harassment thing 😑
All kinds of harassment – not one particular kind… all of them…
🤨
Ok. So… it is very long … do you have any idea how much work I have to do??? End of year!!! Omg lol … I have a mess!!
But big boss want me to sign off on getting everything for the year to close smoothly … HA! I did not reply lol… cause I don’t sign off on that… mine will not go smoothly… it’s gonna be bumpy!! I will need back up.
I have 2 more videos I have to watch by end of day tmrw 🤨
Do you have any idea how much work I have?? I have to do inventory, books, everything by the 31st 😮 while doing everything else too
But I have to watch videos? When??? Cause that is hard!!!
If I am busy and you make me watch them… all I will think about is work that I have to be doing and how am I gonna do this? I can not do other things usually during these videos 🤨
I just have a lot to do… which I am already stressed about … but here wait we need you to watch this really long presentation 🤨… dude – I have stuff to do!!! Can this wait?? I had to do it today!! I did it. But that was really hard!!!
Just mentioning – because I have so much work!! On my own!! And then both of my arranger girls … full cases! Sooo many cases!!
It’s just nuts. I worry little
They might have to hold my hand here on this one this year? I just stepped in – I am very green.
Can we put my videos on hold?? Cause I kinda have some pretty major stuff to do at this moment lol … these videos make me squirm because I want it to hurry so I can get back to work!!! 😮 … I don’t really have the time to be watching videos … and I have to pay attention because it quizzes me too 🤨😄
So anyway whatever – ugh … I have to go to bed again. What day are we? Tuesday… ok
Tmrw I have my fire alarms being checked … they wanted to come today and I said nope not a good day lol
So is coming tmrw at 9:30am so they say. We see.
Let just see if they punctual lol
I got to see my fav guy today. The one who always makes me laugh. He is chatty – way more than me lol… he’s the one with the dad comment that he never lets me forget lol – he teases me – I tease him back lol
I don’t think he’s ever had support?
I like when people are supportive of each other and uplift or help. So I do that.
He always says stuff like “I’ve never had such a great group of work people ever”
I always end up eventually having amazing work places lol
And also… he is hurting painwise from something in his life… so you know… I don’t like people to be in pain… so I will try to fix that lol ✌️😘
So… I don’t think he’s used to it because of his reaction to it? And he is always touched by everything lol (he is good hearted)
He’s very sweet and funny. Bubbly sometimes dramatic lol … work is awesome when he’s there! I love when they give him to us!!!
Well anyway- I have to work again … so I have to sleep… ugh
It is pea soup outside. I got home about 7:30pm… I left at 5… that’s how thick the fog is!! It is dense
And you know what tonight is right?
Tonight is several things!!
First… is the winter solstice … that is today “December 21st, 2020… this is the shortest day of the year.
Now is the turn around heading to spring!!! Now more daylight comes back ❤️ … slowly – but it’s somethin lol 😘✌️
Tonight is also the night that we “should be” able to see the Christmas ★ star… I really wanted to see that. But the fog outside is so thick!! You can’t see anything.
I had a really hard day at work today. I’m doing ok – was just a really hard day… we have soo many new cases – our boards are full!!
I just feel under pressure… I know I just stepped into this… but I am the office manager and here comes end of year so I have to learn really quick.
And then it’s been nuts crazy!! When I say crazy… you don’t even know!!! Today … I had to step away… to take a breath.
Whew.
I am beat. You ever have one of those days that – nothing went totally wrong… everything went fine … but you had so much pressure all day long … and then when your day is over and you are home… and you want to cry for just no reason? Just pressure release I guess?
Cause is a day like that… I am so tense. And there is a lot.
Not badly – just because today was an emotional day with families… and we had alot!! trying to get all this stuff organized and sorted – and having tons of stuff pulling me in every direction
It just caught me off so I just feel sad. Or overwhelmed for a minute. So that is release for minute ✌️😘
We laugh when we can because we have days like today ☹️✌️ you just balance them.
I am doing good though so far. Just under pressure. It is emotional business
Not a big deal – but I feel soft tonight ☹️💔
And maybe it’s the holidays? I miss all my people, being able to see them or hug them or anyone… I miss my mom and my brother and my sister.
I worry. I’m a worrier. I worry for them. I miss them.
I dunno? It was just a hard day so every single thing is hitting. Is just a moment that’s all. I am tired too.
It’s fine… it will be ok.
Ok I have to remember it is still 2020. It still has what? A week and a half of torture left?
Then suddenly New Years will fix everything right? Lol… I wish… but we will be out of 2020. I just want to be out of that.
I definitely do not trust 2020!
Anyway… I am kinda spent right now… physically emotionally and mentally! Just exhausted. (Or overwhelmed)
I am strong – I am fine.
I am just also sharing my downs just like I do my good stuff. Am just human, so also have moments ✌️
Learning Life 