I had the funniest conversation with a coworker today about dating!
So I just said… I do not have the time… where is the time for that? I’m just too busy.
That also helps me avoid for the time being 😘🤫
And they said … exactly!! Because when dating you have to start all over again and learn all about people blah blah blah
What’s your favorite color? Do you want this or that? I dunno what they ask?
Which is true… what a pain in the butt …
So I said … I wish I could just order what I want? And have it just be? Can I just have that?
I just don’t want to date casual and I don’t have time for stuff… and it’s covid… what are you gonna do??
So can I just skip the awful dating things… and anything else … and I am busy so… I am exhausted after work… and weekends I have to handle my own things.
I could make time… maybe. But he would have to be incredible for that.
Yeah there is a high bar – good luck
And then… not that it’s anything… because I do think it’s beautiful… I love my breasts … however …
They are not normal – again they are beautiful… but I am missing things and also I have a lot of scars… which is totally fine. It’s just different. Beautiful, but different. I will have to warn – cause I don’t want to see a look of shock ok ? It will make me cry.
And that’s another thing… I don’t want to tell tons of people about my story… or about me…
My actual story is similar to cancer … in the way that when you hear what happened – there is a look people give … they do the same look when I say I have had breast cancer.
I am very perceptive to how you react with my things.
So anyway… it’s not the breasts – but I will have to warn someone. Ugh 🤦♀️
They aren’t horrible – just the scars are scary looking. It just initially looks shocking because of the scars but it still not bad… it’s just a thing ✌️
Otherwise they look amazing ❤️ they are nice and round and stay out with or without a bra. They feel fake to me but whatever – they are. They are Silicone. It’s like jelly… so juggles and stuff… it’s when you touch them they aren’t as soft and smushie as regular breasts… they are smooshie but dense so I am pretty sure you can tell?
I think I have a photo from after surgery?
Nope nevermind – not sharing that. ✌️ way too “😮”
If they were smooth without any scars … I would be exactly like Barbie lol … sort of anatomically correct lol – I am missing things ✌️
So just that’s why I feel I need to warn … That emotion is heavy so that’s hard.
It’s only the emotions on that. Otherwise I have an extremely healthy body image. Lol …
The scars relate to my cancer and those were devastating moments so that’s just really hard to let someone come into.
I don’t want to remember such horrific memories or have someone feel bad for me with that.
I just want to enjoy life.
Anyway… was a funny convo… because if I could just order, and skip all the uncomfortable stuff – that would be really nice. Lol
Work went good… I am doing ok so far … if I am still alive by December 31st – I have done good.
And our boards are completely full!!! There is a lot!
It’s so sad, but also life… just heartbreaking
On my ride home today I was thinking … will I take death better with my mom? I am still not sure how I will take that.
I want to think I will be better with death? But I do not know.
Because that’s my mom ❤️ and I had an amazing mom ❤️ I just want to have her forever. My entire life was with her.
She gave me an amazing life – full of laughter and love ❤️ I loved a full life with her.
But I guess it kills me a little to watch her life go away. 💔 it’s mercy… but at the same time a slower heart bleed.
I just remember our lives so full of life… and then to see how ends. Is just sad.
I know it’s life… I just love my mom. ❤️
If there was a song that reminded me of my mom… 🤔… it would be this: