They make it cute lol – I don’t know?? They just do?? I think of that Nemesis Song because of how they are.
They do bother each other though lol … 🙄
They are like kids – one is young the other is not… lol
Um so … they are saying it was me who have abused him all this time. 😮😮 that “I” was the one causing issues through out everything
He just bullies … so ya know just actually look at the case – but I don’t really have faith that the court does that. They really don’t care.
I feel protected behind this lawyer ❤️ and thank you COVID for allowing me to NOT have to be around him in person
I hate that I feel there are some bonuses to covid. But that is one for me.
So… how he is and how he does – he says is who I am… he tells the courts constantly what a horrible person I am.
I always think there is no way the courts can’t see? Or care? I never understand? And they always do whatever they want. They are slimy – not even human – you have no idea.
So anyway… my boss is writing me a character reference as well as my landlord… I already have them from my police and the school.
They also said that due to covid he could be laid off – so then he could come after me for money… and then I wouldn’t survive. So I am scared – I am tired. I know he wants to crush me completely. I have always been at his mercy.
Maybe he can crush me? 🤫
Hope for the best / but expect the worst.
Have I told you I hate him? Yeah like that. I hate him.
Anyway… I have to go – I will be able to catch up better on Saturday… I do here and there but is hard so I will plan for Saturday
Ugh god… almost done… almost there… please dear lord protect me 🙏❤️ please
So this is going to come down to good vs evil … we about to watch that.
I always want to believe so badly that good will win. I have always been honest … and every single one of my jobs you needed compassion and heart for… the police, the school, the funeral home …
My character is solid if you know me.
It is him – he is just a bully
See even adults still bully. So. Whatever
My lawyer says he can say whatever he wants …
And my lawyer makes me feel protected … but the courts make me not feel safe, and they are not out for best interest of anything. So I just do not trust or feel safe.
So then – bring it before a judge and let a judge decide. I will be judged so ok. Bring it.
I have nothing to hide – go ahead judge me. I work and be with daughter that’s it. I survive. I do my own thing and he keeps coming after me to make sure I can not stand up at all. He will try to completely crush me. He does not want me to succeed without him – he wants to feel like he is god.
Fuck you.
So half of me has a fire – but that is held back because he scares me. I am scared to be strong because I am scared of what he can do. What he’s been allowed to do, and what he gets away with. So I am just scared so… I just say that – I will be fine but I am just saying I am scared
Ok I have to go. I’m fine
Ok Gnite
Crap I just had a death – I really have to go bye ( you are not supposed to die!!!)
I have work to do… a lot of work to do… so when you stop me from doing work, I am not being productive. 🤨
Omg so many fricken meetings … and don’t do them after lunch!!!! I just want to sleep lol … all they do is talk and make me watch their screen with things I already know or do not deal with??
Dude I have a ton of work to do… stop scheduling me for meetings!!! I am not getting work done and I am getting buried while they make me sit there and listen!!! Omg
I can’t do other work because this program will log me off if I try to do my work while there is meeting 🤨 and then the camera and stuff 🤨 dude 🤨
I do not like that!!
Omg my morning tmrw 😮 oh don’t ask. I have to rush out at 9am and grab something we NEED for Friday 😳
We called in a favor and this place took care of us… once again I know where to turn ❤️ yay ❤️ I am getting good at this!!!! ❤️ alright keeping their info ❤️ … I will send them something to say thank you ❤️they really got us out of a bind really fast ❤️ now I got your back 😘
It is me and one other 😮
Also – a lot of drama went down today?? I am not really understanding the drama very well?? I dunno – is office drama stuff ?? I just wish we could all be a team together ❤️ 🙏
And I am sorry … someone supported me, stood up for me, put me in my position … also I honestly believe what the corporation did to her was awful!! So 100% I have her back. She continues to be supportive and she is only one year older office manager than me. Freshly put in a position that was too much. So yes I will call the company out on that if they try to do anything.
Her funeral home struggles.
I don’t know why – that one is the cheapest of the 3 and always struggles
Mine is the middle – haunted mansion is your high end.
I’ll have this girls back if anything goes down – the company did her wrong. I’ll stand up for that. Absolutely. They were in the wrong with what they did to her.
And ya know… she needs support. They come at her really hard … let me help
I can also be fierce sometimes if I believe in something – but I have to truly believe in it.
But if I do believe in something and it is solid – yes I am fierce.
I am fierce but delicately
I am helping some people currently who were hard on my arranger but with me? Are very kind?
But my arrangers have to be fast… if you have issues or problems you come to me. I will spend the time and help you – if you need me to explain I will – I don’t mind – we can go line by line… I want to make sure we are all happy and on same page – if you need me to explain things – I can do that and I want to make sure the trauma of the death is not added to with the funeral. So let me spend time.
My arrangers handle the funerals / if you need beyond that – you get me.
I will stop to help… of course.
Anyway… I come off very soft (but again that’s if you are not the water heater guy lol ✌️) I am done with him!! Totally done!! Chapter is closed! Locked and bolted!! Lol …I never want to deal with him again!!!
I did not like him.
I usually have no issues with any one ever ?? Except for Satan and this water heater guy but the water heater guy – I think he is fine we just did not work well together – where as Satan has a black heart!!! 🖤 I wish that was cracked like the red emoji one!!
I don’t think water heater guy has a black heart – he seemed human. Just like a jerk though lol ✌️ ya no … I will stand up.. so you wanna come at me like a jerk – yeah I’m gonna be a bitch
Cause I will be damned now. Bring it. Come at me bro. This my location – you don’t think I will protect that?
You do me right, I’ll throw my business at you… and then some – cause I am connected with all my funeral homes …
But if you wanna come at me – then c’mon let’s go. Watch me shake – as if
So yeah – only Satan and water heater guy lol 😘✌️
But I want to point out something – I am strong here ❤️ because I am wanted – and I am appreciated… and I am protected.
So I am strong. I am supported in kindness … you have no idea. So there is that.
But with court I am afraid🖤
I really wish that black heart had a crack – I want it to have a crack right down the center
I am just really terrified of my ex – you also have no idea … the sense of fear is insane so just ya know … I am not strong there 😢💔
But here’s the thing with that… I may not be strong there – but I certainly have nothing to lose so bring it.
Never again will I allow bullshit. So if you gonna approach me – you make sure you come at me honestly and without bullshit. Then you might have a slight chance
I don’t play games and I certainly do not guess or read minds – you must be direct.
I do not catch on – everyone is nice to me… and I smile at everyone – so you are gonna have to step up if you want my attention
And then how would you do that? Lol because I am guarded so how you gonna get around that??
I have myself Fort Knox’ed in myself? How you gonna crack that ??
I don’t even know how to say to approach me… because when I think of it… my initial response is no…
I wish I was smarter when I was younger – now I battle Satan
But ya know … the only way to be old and wise – is to be young and stupid lol ✌️whatever
Ok so last thing I want to say is – the weight of the world is coming down on my shoulders right now so… it will not be over until the end of March.
I don’t know how this is going to go… I hope, and I have protection – I don’t know how often I will be around in March – I might need to be here, but I might not have time? Only for March and then I am free ❤️ (I hope) … but I just have to ride it. Ok
That made me think of this song lol – I have always LOVED this song 😄😄
I have the cutest little dance to it too … which I torture my children with 😄✌️
They hate this song 😄😄 daughter thinks … hahaha I do not want to tell you what she thinks because I like this song – it will tarnish you on it lol
She thinks it sounds like burping 🙄😄✌️ she just tries to make me not like it… but your mother loves it ❤️✌️😄😄😄
My daughter is not at all fond of ANY of my music 😄😄😄🙄
Ok I should go – I didn’t really want to speak tonight but some of this made me feel better ❤️
I am a little stressed – March is coming …
I have a calendar on my wall… I stopped changing it when I lost my school job so it sits on March 2020
Last year March was hard … I am scared of March again
I will be back when I can – but I may need time ?? I don’t know.
Just tense stuff so let me adjust a little here and there and I will be back when I can.
I am about to be free for hmm… actually the first time ever in my life 😮😮😮😮
So let me absorb that and also … I go up against Satan so let’s see how that goes – let me breathe a minute. He terrifies me… it’s fine – I can handle I’m just telling you.
It was a good day. We had a wake this evening – they call it a visitation … but it’s a wake – same thing.
It was still happening when I left.
You should see my books!! I have my funeral home looking and doing incredible!!
I have cleaned up 🧹❤️❤️❤️ I am still digging out of the mess – and structuring it… but it’s looking amazing ❤️👏 I am on top of the accounts ❤️
And then… court 😮 so… there is a lot going on…
We served him with a deposition. Meaning he will be interrogated on matters – and be under oath… so should he lie – he can go to jail for that… afterwards we are allowed to ask for proof and discovery. ❤️
So we served him ❤️ that was last week – last Friday.
I bent over backwards to get Monday off and I am working Saturday to do that… Mondays are insane so… I had to line everything up to make sure they be ok without me on Monday – trust me it gets crazy!
Today his lawyer try to get out of it to delay that so we can’t do that.
My lawyer told him – you can only miss this if you agree to extend timing of discovery requests – they never responded
My lawyer is fierce with them- his lawyer has never had to work before – now he has to work.
Have I told you how amazing the lawyer I picked has been??? Omg ❤️ 🙌 protected 🙌 ❤️
So for the first time in a very long time – I feel a slight safeness ❤️❤️❤️❤️
Lately I was thinking – how would I ever fall in love again after that? I don’t know? Time I guess?
Cause that is/was very traumatic – all of it! So I don’t know.
I told my girl’s about the pizza story… and they said… hmmm are you sure HE is not hitting on you?? 😮😱 I didn’t think of that until they said that – and now I think of that 🤨
I am good to people … and people mainly are really good to me always – all my life has been that way. I have survived because people cared and were good to me ❤️ I am and was extremely lucky – and I work very hard. I fought through all of it.
So ya know, it’s Monday 🤨 it was decent – busy. Whew I got swallowed with paperwork again!!
No deaths again though- so thank you ❤️❤️❤️ I hope it keeps that way 🙏🙏🙏
It was just busy – tmrw will be crazy busy too – lots of urn releases and things.
On my way home I stopped to get gas at this gas station with a convenience store (it’s that one where the guy gave me the trash bags)
So I got gas and then I went in and got a drink and asked for a slice of 🍕 pizza – I just wanted to be fast and little.
And he said “you want pizza? I’ll give you whole thing” 😮 and he gave me entire pizza for $3!!! Dude!!
He is sooooooooo nice to me every single time I go there lol
He is very sweet.
I am pretty loyal if I find things I like lol… like gas stations and stuff lol … I pick one try it out – if it becomes too busy or if I get hit on there… nope …new one lol
But I like this one lol… he’s very good to me 😊❤️ so far no one hits on me.
Today at work… well let me rewind for a moment…
We had a service “sorta” – about 2 weekends ago… our A/V (audio/video) broke…
The girls told me this horrific story about the guys who installed it – and nope I am not gonna deal with that. ✌️
So… I got the ok from my boss to find someone else – so off I went … that was the one I looked up and he got right back to me – and anything I asked for “BOOM” in my hands immediately – that is how you conduct business. ✌️
He got to meet me today! Lol 😄✌️ it went well – I am impressed … quick, easy, no hassle and also cheap – done and done well. Alright then.
So … I talked him up with my other funeral homes and they need A/V too…
See look… you do me right … I’ll hook you up. I am also keeping his info for any further issues ❤️✌️ woo hoo!!! I picked good again!!
Yay!!!! 👏👏👏
One thing I am nervous about with work is when we reopen 😳 we gonna be back to massive services 😒
Actually – I have never seen it pre-covid 😮 I worked at a school before that!!!
So that will be crazy. But I don’t know when that is happening. We are still locked. I like it locked. I am not sure with people yet. We see. I will get a crash course eventually because that will explode 🤯
Big huge services… do we need that?? I have been thinking that for awhile??
I know you love them and you want to have your moments to say goodbye…
How would I be if it was my mom?… well we just want something private and quiet – that is how my parents were. That is how we are. Most of the family has already passed – is only us left. Me, my brother and sister. And none of us are near each other!!
I am in California – brother is in Texas – and sister is in Maine.
My dads death was private and intimate and he did not want a huge deal or an obituary, so we did what he wished.
My mom wants the same.
You can celebrate their life if you want.
It’s just a very painful thing too. Such a final loss. You are thankful they blessed your life – but you can never have them again.
So anyway.. huge services – I don’t know? It seems more ?? Private and personal when is smaller. I want that. Small, private personal. That’s it.
I don’t think I want an obituary either? Or if I do – I will write that myself. ✌️ but I don’t think I want one… you either know me or you don’t. Otherwise who would care? And if you already knew me – you wouldn’t need that. What purpose does it really serve?
The extravagance of the huge services seems like a lot ? I get that you want to send them off with love – I understand that
It just feels like a more intimate and private moments to me. I dunno whatever – I like everything private so whatever ✌️
I have like a GAZILLION things going on at work!!! Omg
But I am very pleased that I have a little list going of people who are reliable workers that I can call on to do things for me lol ❤️
Oh wanna hear a sorta funny story ? Lol
Ok well … I am office manager – I handle the office and the vehicles… I coordinate things with other office managers … when they go in for service, they borrow our cars and Vice versa
We have a flower van and a hearse (these funeral people call it the coach 🙄… I prefer to call it the limo) lol ❤️
Well both vehicles need to be taken in for service – so I am doing flower van first. That will be done Wednesday (easy)
The Hearse is a Cadillac ✌️❤️… that thing rides like a cloud!! Omg!! Anyway… I have to bring it into Cadillac
All 3 funeral homes use same Cadillac dealer because is only one in area 🤨🙄 whatever
So haunted mansion brought their beautiful hearse to Cadillac … and dropped it off to them…
One of their service technicians smashed the back of the hearse into the wall of their garage? 😮
So Haunted Mansion has been borrowing MY hearse lol
Now I am scared to take MY hearse to them lol. Awesome
I have no choice though. I’m sure they have learned their lesson because they are fully responsible for repairs and I believe they also asking for lost time without hearse
So I do not think they will make that same mistake again. 😳🙏 let’s just hope because that would be all bad
I bet that employee had a REALLY bad day that day – plus we are all connected lol… so things like that go around to all the funeral homes lol omg
It completely smashed the back end of their hearse 😮 and theirs was the fanciest lol
It was beautiful today. I got out pretty early and ran around and did my errands.
I stopped by another funeral home and used their computer – just for a minute, to do one thing lol ✌️
It is funny – everyone just tells me things, just always. I just listen and keep the info – whatever – but I hear all the stories 🙄
And each version of stories is a little off from the same one someone else tells 😄😄 it is a little humorous
Somewhere in between all that is what actually occurred lol
Anyway whatever … it’s funny though how everyone just tells me things – even first time they meet me?
I have had complete strangers tell me their stories lol … but that does happen sometimes – right? 😳
Anyway… I want to say something else… there is a person who is cool and chill – and I like this person as a person – very friendly nice person… I do not know them well at all. I just happen to have to deal with. But I don’t know them well.
And hmm I want to be delicate here… I have no problem with religion – or whatever … you do your thing – I support you for that… be whoever you wanna be 🙌 embrace it … I be over here quietly with mine ✌️ Religion is a private personal thing to me. I just want to be left alone with it. That’s all. I want that private and personal to me.
And I get very uncomfortable when people start preaching or saying verses of the Bible just out of the blue or directed at a conversation – ok that bothers me… that makes me squirmy.
I just politely stay quiet, do not speak. You can say/do whatever you want… but I am more “severely private” in that area.
I don’t mind if someone wants to pray for something – that is fine and I am not uncomfortable with that … and whatever religion doesn’t bother me either.
But just randomly busting out Bible verses and things makes me HIGHLY uncomfortable.
So that kinda happened and caught me off guard 😳😮 I now feel guarded.
Its not that I am not religious – I do believe in things … I am just very very private. I don’t want to talk about it. I feel it is extremely personal and private.
Sometimes maybe I mention something quick like saying I’m Irish Catholic, but I don’t really tell you what I mean by that. That is how I was born and bred… so yes I claim that… but how I do and view that is personal and private ❤️
I also do not need saving of any kind. I am good. I treat people good, I am kind, and respectful … I am quiet.
I just get squirmy and uncomfortable with that… so ya know whatever. So my guard will be up with this person now.
Bleh
Whatever
I say that most respectfully – you do not know the way religion hits each individual. Just be mindful – because I try to be mindful of you and if I am not – please by all means tell me so that I may respect your wishes.
So – now I am not sure how to be around that person?? That kinda throws me off. Now I will want to keep a distance because I am afraid that will happen again. I’m pretty sure it will.
So because it makes me uncomfortable – I will avoid that
So whatever – I will still have to work with this person so ya know, that’s fine – I’m just gonna be dodging everything else
I was gonna put Papa Don’t Preach right there – but the other words in that song did not fit correctly. This one really doesn’t either – but she’s got some heavy themes going on there – so that’s what I went with.
It’s a squirminess – do you feel that?
Well anyway… that is a new thing that just popped up.
And that was Sunday – now I am off to bed to handle Monday. 🤦♀️ ugh Monday!! Lol
It has been quiet though ❤️ which is good thing ❤️ keep not dying … I don’t know if you are all being vaccinated or listening? Whatever you are doing …keep doing it!!!
I don’t understand why they are saying we about to have a ton of deaths coming when it’s dropping like this?? What?? Is a hammer gonna drop? What do they know that I don’t know?
I have to brace for this stuff ya know – that last wave was really horrific!!! You don’t even know!!
So what I got coming??
One of my neighbors is a anti-Vac’er … she refuses the vaccine 😮 she does NO vaccines or anything – she is holistic type, and all natural only. She is very content in her decision.
However you want to be and do… and however you find your own peace, then you do that.
I might worry for her but ya know she makes her choices ✌️
Friday… wow… that was fast!! I lost a few days because shot #2 kicked my butt!! That was awful – I do not like being sick … but I really like being alive … so I suppose it is fine, my tummy is not back to normal yet.
Food just ?? Makes my tummy feel not good – so I eat little. Couple bites – no more. I just wanna make sure I am not going to throw up!! I do not trust my stomach yet!!
When I had one of my cancer surgeries … ok well – I don’t take mediations or anything – Advil pretty much only and that’s even rarely because I hold off until is dire and I need.
So on that particular surgery- I was on so much drugs?? I think morphine during surgery and then when I came out into recovery they gave me Norco and then Oxy for rest of time … so when they sent me home and I had all that going on … my body was not used to that in the slightest!! Omg
And then when at home I smelled something?? And it was over… I had just had surgery and my whole chest was wrapped in bandages – and I had the most violent throw up … omg… I was holding my chest so I didn’t rip my stitches – it was a nightmare!! Omg so bad!! So violent – I couldn’t control it – it wouldn’t let me stop!!
Oh it was so bad – so since then … I am just extremely cautious!! Because I do not want that again at all – for any reason!!!
I think back to that moment?? And I just remember how horrific it was – so nope 👎 … I will avoid throwing up at all costs lol
So today I was LATE for work!!! LITERALLY THE FIRST TIME EVER… I was late for work 😮😮😮 … but I was late for work, FOR WORK lol
I am a person who is never ever ever ever late – even when I try to be late – I am early – I am just that way… except today 😮
But that was because I had a death that took me awhile to handle. Because sometimes the family requests time – so we are respectful of the families wishes as much as possible …
So I just had to handle some things on that. It took me an hour and set me back an hour 😮
Whatever
So … hmm… I adore my people very much … one person has a heart of gold and is just a great awesome person – she is funny and sweet and like I said heart of gold … good person…
But she is forgetting everything? Like severely?? It can’t be Alzheimer’s or anything because she is so young?? I don’t know her exact age but I’m gonna say maybe around 36? Too young for Alzheimer’s – right?? Is it?
Traumatic moments effect the brain in insane ways – the brain is an extremely delicate organ …
So umm… what we went through with covid was really traumatic – I tell you stories here but only the ones I can tell… there was a lot of trauma
We were swimming in death – it was almost over our head – and we lost coworkers to covid… we watched families in devastation – all that – in addition to no staff and insane pressure
While people were protesting and fighting – we were going through some pretty intense things …
Today as a matter of fact – corporate sent out information on some hotline to help if traumatized (for us!)
Anyway… She was the one who was one person doing the job of 3… and she had a few who upset with how she handled – but I have had her back too… because that was not right for the company to put one person in the position of 3 people – they “set her” up to fail…
So I had her back honestly – that was not right … and then she is a hard worker. I like her and want to keep working with her and she has also helped me, supported me, and been very kind and caring. Informative l
She has helped me with areas of the job and stepping in. She’s been very supportive and helpful ❤️
So anyway – the point is – lately she forgets everything?? Or I don’t know??
I know we went through covid… and she just lost her dog she loved very much ☹️💔… so she’s kinda having some trauma
She’s not on it? I worry? … maybe I need to hold her hand? Which I don’t mind. She help me and I will help her.
I have gotten my funeral home looking really good in 3 months… I have a good control over the claims from the Preneeds to atneed … I am watching the spending but things keep happening 🤨🤨
But I can maybe help- the problem with this office manager job here – is that there is no defined order to it – I have been organizing how I want it but is not at all orderly or direct.
And then like I said – things happen – like today…
Fricken… stupid audio video equipment has issues now… so I had to call someone …
The girls told me who originally installed it sucked really bad lol… I did not like the stories they told me about who they used
Ok well I’m not doing that then… so I researched audio video repair… I had a list of companies and I called the first and they are like well we maybe call you on Monday …nope next …
Then I was like ok forget this… I found their response times and reviews on a website … and ONE!!! ONLY ONE stood out from all the rest… 5 ★ star reviews … I do read reviews
10 minute response time!!!
All the rest said HOURS or DAYS – yeah screw that – I run a funeral home / get your ass here if you want the job. Yes I am tough in business (who knew??) lol
But I have services and things – I can’t be waiting weeks – so you either want the job or you don’t and I don’t play around.
Get it done fast and impress me – then you get ALL MY BUSINESS – ALL THE TIME!
I found this guy on Yelp with his business … I was “instantly” impressed – he responded right away!! Boom what can I do for you?
Alright then – this is what I need… and I tell him what my problem is.
He tell me… I can be there tmrw 😮😮😮😮 Impressive!! But I can’t take him tmrw – I needed his liability policy and tax id and everything to have him come on property and do work blah blah blah.. because he be new guy
So I ask him for all that – and l within seconds everything I asked for is in my hands 😮😮
Fuckin hired!!
So I tell him… come on Monday, then you get to deal with me lol 😄😘✌️ … yes I did say it like that lol
Also on the phone – good phone persona… personable and professional.
The guy is on it… and that is how you get all my business lol ✌️ not only that – I will refer too.
But I wanna see some hustle – and my stuff is timely… and we have loss daily so … I’m not gonna mess around – and if your price is right and you handle your business right – we got a deal
So I meet him Monday lol and he will do work for me. Should be a quick easy job for him. Easy money. Just fix it for me.
I like my picks in business – I do pretty good ❤️ I am a tough critic though – you better be on it, if you wanna work for me.
And lol … even my boss said lol … I have to make sure I send over people who are on it for your location 😄😄 oh yes …
It’s not just me though – if they send us attendants – they better know what they doing or if they are learning that is ok too… but follow directions – we will teach them but show interest in learning!!
Like my part timer – omg!!! I want to clone him!!
So when he started and would take notes on everything we said 😮
And then if I asked him to do anything he would do that and 10 more things …
And now is like he reads my mind and anticipates before I even ask!! Omg keep doing that!!
So I spoke to my boss about him – I said if you want another full time here – we want him – we will train him. He’s good, he’s great with families too!!
It could be a career for him – he is my oldest sons age and he be getting married soon … he is a really good kid – very mature … he has interest and determination and fits in perfect at my location! So we want him.
Also he is very easy to schedule too – he works with what we need – he’s good!
Impressive
So I told my boss that – if we get another full time we want him! We will train him and I’m working on that now.
My only sadness is – he’s like an incredible assistant – can’t I just keep him for me? Lol I’m kidding (I do want to keep him though lol) he is amazing! Impressive being so young.
How am I gonna find a equal replacement – it is rare!!! we just lucked the F out!!!
But that won’t be for awhile. We have time to train him to step up. He will do good.
He is young in age – but his spirit is older
Oh and remember my favorite guy?? Well he may be next to join my team – not at my location but within my 3. He is paired with another and its perfect for him… he clicks with that arranger so seamlessly and perfectly!!
The two of em stopped by my location today because they borrowed our hearse.
And music is a thing for me?? So certain things will make songs just pop in my head … something will match a song… and then it’s in my head lol …
So they come to my location and it was my favorite guys birthday today ❤️ even his birthday is hilarious – he’s awesome
But to see the … umm what’s the word I want?? hmm… dynamics?? … to see them together and the smiles on their faces and they had inside jokes, and were giggling, so this was the song that popped in my head and then stuck there lol :
So for the rest of the day – I could not get that song out of my head 🙄 lol … it was funny though ❤️ I really love my entire staff across all 3 funeral homes ❤️
Anyway… I was late coming home tonight because my boss called at last minute and need me to handle few things for another location and some outreach for my own
My oldest son found me a cute little doctor teddy bear to send to a doctors office to tell them thank you for their help
And then I had to send something to a nursing home so that if a family asks – they will refer to us 🙏
I sent them this tin that looks like a medical bag and says medical supplies – but it is cookies 🍪 chocolate chip cookies lol ❤️
I sent a card with it and said – thank you for referrals and continued support – sincerely us
I know!!! That’s sounds horrible to me too. I hate outreach for a funeral home!!! It just makes me think we are competing for deaths – and that bothers me
Come to me because we are good, know our shit and sincerely care… not because I send you things hoping for business. So that’s my only thing with that…
Yes I want them to remember us to refer to us… and it is a business – I just don’t like that part.
I understand it – I just don’t like it. But I found cute things that maybe give a smile when is not typically easy? And unique things – to make you remember my name lol 😄😘✌️
I told them my stories – oh!! Really quick – we have to do the death certificates … and a doctor has to tell & verify causes of death … they tell us what the causes of death are…
But one made us laugh today – because the doctor wrote a main cause and then for the secondary contributing factor of death – this doctor actually said “hospice care”
So he is saying the hospice care killed the patient – ok he must be new – what?? What?!!?? Maybe he is not America and does not realize lol?? I don’t know?? So we had to refax for clarification and again comes back same…
So we can’t list it like that 😄 that is not going to be approved – and this doctor evidentially didn’t like this hospice care??? Cause what???
You can not list hospice care as a cause of death – you just can’t lol … and if that WAS the case – it would be at the coroner
Oldest has been drawing so he talked about that / he doesn’t think he is good – but he is … this is my child that always wins all the games …
This child’s mind is more problem solving type – he likes to create and problem solve.
He is good at art – but expects to be Leonardo da Vinci 🙄 and when he isn’t perfectly on point with how he wants it, he doesn’t like that lol
He’s good – but hard on himself! And also art is an expression not just ?? I don’t know?
You can’t force it – just let it come out – art is creativity so you just let it flow. He aims at a particular style of art – is just for hobby
We didn’t really get a lot of time tonight because I was so late ☹️💔
It is hard when I work so far away and work is work.
I do struggle with work life balance – I have not figured out how to balance that yet ? I am learning sort of
Ok well I have weekend off but I am so tired I can’t keep my eyes open and I am still not totally myself just yet.
Ok so… I have risen from the dead lol… whew that 2nd shot kicked my ass!
I am doing much better now, I have slept and started eating food again. I am still little foggy and lightheaded but am ok. I be fine for work tmrw.
This morning I still had to go into lawyers office. From now until the end of March it will be insane. At the end of March – I am done ❤️
Today we put in a new court order… he will be livid – so I am little nervous with that.
He will attack with vengeance so I am very afraid. I am not sure exactly what he will do? But he’s going to be pissed. Really really pissed.
Beyond pissed so – whew they are serving him. Yikes
But my lawyer and his staff is going after him ❤️
I am happy because first time with any protection ❤️ I might be ok… but because of that protection – he will come after me somehow so that just sends a terror.
Work wants his photo at all 3 funeral homes so should he appear they simply call the police – I don’t think he would come to my work but I never know? I just don’t know?
I think they all partly want to see who this man is.. they have heard some of my stories. So they make their judgement on what I say… but I only say what happened.
But I am nervous because I am fighting back he is going to come with FULL vengeance, so I am nervous – I have seen what he can do… that is why I call him Satan … I truly was married to Satan 😮😮😮
I am thankful to be away, I couldn’t imagine going through covid with him!!
So my story unraveled in a way so that I didn’t have to go through covid with him – but I have struggled all this time because he has been brutal when I had no help and no money / he took full advantage to make sure I can’t stand up on my own…
But check it… I do. And I have – he did not crush me completely… and I have fought to get where I am after breast cancer and everything while he was brutal through my deaths and my cancer – I had no way to fight back.
How do you do that to a human being? So he is not even a man… he is an awful person and very abusive
So I am happy and very comforted they are fighting for me… but I am scared of the vengeance he will come at me with – I’m just used to alot
So… here we go 🙏 please let it be ok 🙏🙏🙏 I do fear him still, so that kinda turns my stomach some. It will be fine. I am protected ❤️ finally
I just don’t trust what he could do?? So I just have a nervousness with all this and what he is capable of.
I’m sure it will be fine. Finally. For the first time ever, I have protection and someone fighting for me
Maybe I ask lawyer to issue a temporary restraining order but I don’t know? Because he has not done anything yet – I think I have to wait until he tries something but I will ask ?
Here we go… it’s about to get really big 😮 I am nervous – little scared because he has been brutal so yeah little scared but it will be fine – it will be ok
🙏🙏🙏
Ok now I have time and energy to read – I be doing now ✌️❤️
Gnite ❤️
Ps… on a positive note – I get my old name back ❤️ I be me again ❤️ I want everything of him removed from me… I do not want his name – so I take mine back ❤️
It will be a bitch and an issue – but I don’t care – I want him erased off of me. I will do whatever it takes to just remove him from being connected to me.
I definitely do not want to carry his name – no thank you
And then I talked to my sister in law in Texas and she telling me my brothers best friend and his wife got divorced 😮
I remember my brothers best friend lol he is funny- I am shocked they got divorced … and theirs was fast – like a week… but with mine it was paused while I battled cancer. And my ex is Satan so ???
But I am shocked cause he picked a good girl?? They have 2 beautiful kids and were doing well! ?? they both worked in hospitals
So I don’t know what happened? Odd .. I see my brother and his friends as these little boys lol but they are not lol – they are men, but I still see the little boys? Lol just because we all hung out for awhile
My brother is 5 years younger than me. I helped my brother once upon a time through something and his friends were also involved so I got to know a lot of them other than annoying little brothers friends lol
We are very close, my brother and I… growing up he was a dweeb lol … now he is just morphed into my father but I still pull the big sister card lol ✌️ and he lets me ❤️
He has good friends too … they are really good friends – I have also known them forever
I am shocked with his best friend!!! I am just really floored because looked so perfect? And seemed perfect?
Why do people do that? Make it look perfect when it isn’t ?
I don’t really understand that but whatever – maybe at the time their view is construed?
I liked her… I don’t think I would have paired him with her but – she is a good wife and mum… they have beautiful kids (2 – boy and girl) … I don’t know what happened ?? I didn’t ask
Mine has taken years because of the circumstances … mine has been 4 years. And this is first time I can stand up ❤️
My ex won’t want that… he wants to make sure I can not survive without him – but I do ❤️ and after everything with my deaths and cancer – I am still standing ❤️
So the second shot made me really sick- my fever spiked today to 102.5! I forget how horrible fevers make you feel
I felt it coming over me – that’s why I called out today. Something wasn’t right?? So I didn’t want to chance it.
Oh thank god I listened to my body!!! And then it engulfed me!!!
I was sitting there and suddenly – I started getting really cold… and nothing was warm enough!! Oh I was miserable!!
I am still weird??? Still small fever. Arm hurts and so does the right side – very bothersome – I just don’t feel good.
So the second shot sucked for me.
And then I have been dealing with all my stuff here and ignoring the news and just staying away from everything mostly – I catch blurbs – but otherwise I am living life. All the craziness is just too much for me… I like peace – nice and zen 🙏 ahhhh like that – not all insane crazy all the time with everything!! So I just really been staying away from things ?? Whatever
I was also dealing with massive death so that was a thing for me
And then I talk to my brother who lives in Texas – they have no running water or electricity! 😮😮😮 because of the storms!! Whoa I had no idea!!
They doing ok but they have no idea what going on. Or when be back. Wow! They tell me is Armageddon lol … like I say when is fires lol
But wow!! My thoughts and prayers to those without power or water
Maybe I should watch a little more news – but it is very hard. It makes me so tense…. and then I have to go deal with death – yeah no I don’t want that! Death is tense enough – news is always bad!!
So yes I have been ignoring things because I need to breathe and i have a lot right now – I have the weight of the world on my shoulders
Just for a minute cause you know court so…
Also… here is the thing – I finally have a lawyer who is fighting for me 😮😮😮 omg – he is making them answer ❤️❤️❤️
I have a good one omg he’s so amazing ❤️ so it’s like people… lawyers, doctors etc – you have to find the one you fit with.
He is amazing ❤️ I feel a terror but with him, I do feel a peace of sorts? So all the others would send me into a panic… this one prays with me and is supportive and knows his stuff
Omg I am forever indebted ❤️
Anyway. He is amazing!!!
He actually cares so that is touching – he is making my ex answer ❤️❤️❤️❤️ omg first time ever ❤️❤️❤️❤️
I picked really good ❤️❤️❤️
Thank you gut ❤️❤️❤️ check me out, making right decisions lol ❤️❤️❤️
I don’t know what to say. He is brilliant ❤️ thank you ❤️
I am touched very much with the kindness people have actually shown me. Sometimes people just surprise me… I’ve had that happen a lot actually
The lawyer surprises me – no one has fought for me before ❤️has been only me. I fight to survive.
So… yes I am forever indebted ❤️ thank you ❤️ finally!! So whatever happens now – I am ok with, because I trust this man 😮😮😮 I trust that he protect me 😮😮😮
I trust he gonna make sure I am ok. ❤️ ok so. I am at peace with it now.
I am doing a little better but that fever keeps spiking. I am drinking but I am not eating. I can not even fathom eating food! Nope! I had some crackers and that’s good
I wish I had my mom ❤️ my mom was amazing if you were sick- she babied you … chicken noodle soup, ginger ale, and toast lol … that was always the sick food lol ❤️ but it was awesome ❤️
And she would bring cold face cloths and put them on your forehead, brushing your hair away. She always kissed your forehead when leaving the room ❤️
If you called for her. Boom there she was ❤️ and she would make you laugh or make sure you ok.
She would rub rubbing alcohol on your back to bring down a fever ❤️
And she would boil water and put Vick’s in it and the smell would permeate the room lol
She just babied you ❤️ so I really want my mom. I miss her
Well whatever I was just remembering how amazing she is whenever we needed her ❤️
So whatever let’s not talk about that cause the memory is nice but it is also difficult ✌️ let’s stay away from that one, that’s too sensitive and I didn’t really realize that when I started talking about the memory
Well anyway… the second shot – omg took me down!! I am still feverish, my body feels so heavy – like omg I don’t want to move, and then I go freezing!!
The lawyer knows that I am running a fever due to vaccine – still wants to see me and I can’t miss. Bleh 🤢
Please let me be able to function tomorrow 😳🙏
Oh and my staff ❤️ I have the very best staff ever ❤️❤️❤️❤️
They check on me with the lawyer … and they check on me when I am sick… or if I have problems. They are just amazing – I do love my coworkers – they are really awesome!!
So I said thank you for checking on me ❤️
And they said… trisha we are like family right? Awwwww ❤️❤️❤️❤️ yeah we kinda are after 2020 – and I spend so much time with them lol and they are hilarious … I love coming to work to work with them.
Anyway ❤️ they are very sweet
So I dunno I am light headed ?? I am just not with it and I can only get that fever to drop but not go normal!! And it’s draining. I am starving – but oh no no!!! My tummy is like “go ahead see what happens” – no thank you … I am hungry but food turns my stomach 😝 so I will wait
I am drinking fluids.
Maybe he let me do phone appt tmrw ? But I will still plan that I will be fine tmrw – mind over matter right? I did not expect it to kick my ass lol
I just thought be fine like the first time – nope. It is not… not for me… but one of my coworkers had no reaction?? I thought I would be just like that.
So did surprise me little with that horrific fever – I did not expect it even though I knew was possibility – I expected to be totally fine like the first time .
Ok well that sucked – I do not like being sick. And it makes me just want my mom bleh
Being sick makes me just remember everything about her – she is so comforting ❤️
Well anyway I have to sleep again – I am starting to freeze so that temp is probably spiking again – it is night time
Ugh – I hate being sick- I forgot how much I hate being sick.
So for me – I got sick
Another got sick like me too
Another one was completely fine – no issues
And I have one more staff member who needs 2nd shot… so not sure how hers will go yet??
Ok well I will be functioning eventually 🙏🙏🙏 I am not doing that very well right now.
Ok well … I don’t feel well… I hurt – my arm hurts alot!! And that right side – it hurts and is kinda stiff.. little pains but is fine. I took some Advil.
I have work to do – from home so I have to do that. I am working on a few things.
Is actually court stuff so I am kinda doing that since I meet with him again on Thursday.
I am also working on taxes 🤨😝 … but I make them take everything they can – so I never owe… they always owe me. ❤️
I like it that way. I do not like having to owe. Anyway… ya know I hated math and see they still make you do it!!! I even do it for work 🤨
I still don’t like math and all that 🧮 🤨 but yet here we are ✌️
You do need your studies even if you think they are not important!! You will use them in life!! No matter how annoying lol ✌️😘
Although I do think education could be updated.
Anyway… my daughter is in school they have her listening to this man speak.
She says to me – Mum, this guy sounds just like Sid from Ice Age 😮
❤️
So I went to listen 👂… omg he did!!!! Completely!! And then I could not unhear that!!! So all I could think of was Sid 😮
Every word made me think of Sid!! He would speak 🗣 and because I could not see him I just kept imagining Sid 😮
That’s hard because I love Sid!!! ❤️ he makes me laugh and smile ❤️ so to hear him I already giggle – and then like I said… I could not unhear that after she said that!!! It was awesome though ❤️ awww Sid ❤️❤️❤️❤️ he’s so adorable ❤️ I love his innocence and sweetness ❤️
But Sid is not real lol… and that was an actual person lol… but his voice though ❤️
Ok I have to do these awful math things 🤨 also I really want to lay down – I just hurt 😞 and I am lightheaded and kinda queasy. But no fever. I just feel very very hurty slug like?
So I am going to slug off in a second but I will get back eventually 😞
I have to work on some stuff so I can’t really stay long.
So I went and got second shot… I had a man this time
The first time it was a woman and didn’t hurt at all – I didn’t even feel the needle with her ❤️
This time it was a man – and I felt the entire needle going in 🤨 dude… gentle!!
Ok so it’s gonna feel just like the first one as far as my arm- I can feel it like before with that ache in my arm – So by tmrw it will hurt like a tetanus shot 💉
So ya know how has not been tested on cancer patients – and I am have implants … oddly I feel something in my breasts? Weird to explain – whatever??? I don’t know how to say?
Normally have no feeling – but I feel something? I have no nerves in that area so I have not had feeling there since umm… 2 or 3 years? But I feel something?? I don’t know how to explain how it feels? Just weird.
I just took my temp – so far am good. Nothing bad – I’m still alive – so far lol
I am tired – but I always am. I work a lot. I do a lot of things
Oh and at work today…
Do you remember a story maybe sometime back in December about my garage door getting damaged? Someone ran into it
Ok well that happened again today 🤨🙄 so I have to come up with a solution for this situation cause I am starting to get to know this garage door guy lol
When I called today he says … yes I remember you, again? Lol
Is not me doing it lol… is a van that keeps doing it – and by accident and so far is 2 totally different people lol
I told him I will keep him on speed dial 🤨🙄😄✌️
He laughed – he said … see you next month or 2 lol 🤨🙄😄
So I need to prevent this!!
I’m gonna need that van and when it comes back… I am going to mark it’s position and then make STOP marks!!!
DO NOT RUN INTO MY GARAGE! Lol how hard is it not to run into the garage door of a funeral home?? Lol evidentially VERY!!! Lol
And when that all happened today … the only other staff in office with me was leaving to get her shot … then the phone rang – the door bell went off with a delivery, flowers showed up… and fricken someone runs into my garage …
So my staff member didn’t wanna leave me in a big pile … lol .. but I told her just go – rip the bandaid – I got it… you go get shot… I got it all
So I pushed her out..
And then handled ✌️ 😵 whew!! All at once!! Ahhh what day is it? Tuesday? Lol omg … not even close to Friday
Ok like I said – I have work. I have to get it finished so I have to go ✌️ I be back tmrw
Learning Life 