Still standing but little scared

Ok so… I have risen from the dead lol… whew that 2nd shot kicked my ass!

I am doing much better now, I have slept and started eating food again. I am still little foggy and lightheaded but am ok. I be fine for work tmrw.

This morning I still had to go into lawyers office. From now until the end of March it will be insane. At the end of March – I am done ❤️

Today we put in a new court order… he will be livid – so I am little nervous with that.

He will attack with vengeance so I am very afraid. I am not sure exactly what he will do? But he’s going to be pissed. Really really pissed.

Beyond pissed so – whew they are serving him. Yikes

But my lawyer and his staff is going after him ❤️

I am happy because first time with any protection ❤️ I might be ok… but because of that protection – he will come after me somehow so that just sends a terror.

Work wants his photo at all 3 funeral homes so should he appear they simply call the police – I don’t think he would come to my work but I never know? I just don’t know?

I think they all partly want to see who this man is.. they have heard some of my stories. So they make their judgement on what I say… but I only say what happened.

But I am nervous because I am fighting back he is going to come with FULL vengeance, so I am nervous – I have seen what he can do… that is why I call him Satan … I truly was married to Satan 😮😮😮

I am thankful to be away, I couldn’t imagine going through covid with him!!

So my story unraveled in a way so that I didn’t have to go through covid with him – but I have struggled all this time because he has been brutal when I had no help and no money / he took full advantage to make sure I can’t stand up on my own…

But check it… I do. And I have – he did not crush me completely… and I have fought to get where I am after breast cancer and everything while he was brutal through my deaths and my cancer – I had no way to fight back.

How do you do that to a human being? So he is not even a man… he is an awful person and very abusive

So I am happy and very comforted they are fighting for me… but I am scared of the vengeance he will come at me with – I’m just used to alot

So… here we go 🙏 please let it be ok 🙏🙏🙏 I do fear him still, so that kinda turns my stomach some. It will be fine. I am protected ❤️ finally

I just don’t trust what he could do?? So I just have a nervousness with all this and what he is capable of.

I’m sure it will be fine. Finally. For the first time ever, I have protection and someone fighting for me

Maybe I ask lawyer to issue a temporary restraining order but I don’t know? Because he has not done anything yet – I think I have to wait until he tries something but I will ask ?

Here we go… it’s about to get really big 😮 I am nervous – little scared because he has been brutal so yeah little scared but it will be fine – it will be ok


Ok now I have time and energy to read – I be doing now ✌️❤️

Gnite ❤️

Ps… on a positive note – I get my old name back ❤️ I be me again ❤️ I want everything of him removed from me… I do not want his name – so I take mine back ❤️

It will be a bitch and an issue – but I don’t care – I want him erased off of me. I will do whatever it takes to just remove him from being connected to me.

I definitely do not want to carry his name – no thank you

And then I talked to my sister in law in Texas and she telling me my brothers best friend and his wife got divorced 😮

I remember my brothers best friend lol he is funny- I am shocked they got divorced … and theirs was fast – like a week… but with mine it was paused while I battled cancer. And my ex is Satan so ???

But I am shocked cause he picked a good girl?? They have 2 beautiful kids and were doing well! ?? they both worked in hospitals

So I don’t know what happened? Odd .. I see my brother and his friends as these little boys lol but they are not lol – they are men, but I still see the little boys? Lol just because we all hung out for awhile

My brother is 5 years younger than me. I helped my brother once upon a time through something and his friends were also involved so I got to know a lot of them other than annoying little brothers friends lol

We are very close, my brother and I… growing up he was a dweeb lol … now he is just morphed into my father but I still pull the big sister card lol ✌️ and he lets me ❤️

He has good friends too … they are really good friends – I have also known them forever

I am shocked with his best friend!!! I am just really floored because looked so perfect? And seemed perfect?

Why do people do that? Make it look perfect when it isn’t ?

I don’t really understand that but whatever – maybe at the time their view is construed?

I liked her… I don’t think I would have paired him with her but – she is a good wife and mum… they have beautiful kids (2 – boy and girl) … I don’t know what happened ?? I didn’t ask

Mine has taken years because of the circumstances … mine has been 4 years. And this is first time I can stand up ❤️

My ex won’t want that… he wants to make sure I can not survive without him – but I do ❤️ and after everything with my deaths and cancer – I am still standing ❤️

My boss is calling be right back

9 thoughts on “Still standing but little scared

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  1. I applaud you for staying strong and fighting!!

    Please call the lawyer and ask his advice about a restraining order. And please keep you guard up and STAY SAFE!!! Better to over-react to nothing than under-react to a real threat!! PROTECT YOURSELF!! And don’t use your youngest as a reason to ‘play nice’ when it could hurt you!!! If it comes to it, she’s old enough to be told the truth about the situation!!

    Sending good juju!!!!!!!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. ❤️ yes I will call them tomorrow – I have a few things to ask them about.

      Thank you for saying that ❤️

      I don’t use my youngest to be reason to play nice …

      But I am compassionate so I am not horrific and brutal like he is.

      And yes kids will see

      Colors will show

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, me too 🙏

      Oh yes – my people are extremely protective and very supportive!! ❤️

      I do surround myself with good people ❤️

      Thank you – I hope to have the strength to get through this last part too ❤️

      Stay well and safe also 😊

      Liked by 1 person

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