I have been avoiding neighbors, but that didn’t work out so well for me this morning.
I went out to my car, and there is that neighbor guy and he comes right over 🤨🙄 ugh 🤦♀️
And then he says… “hey Trisha! Happy Easter”
I said Happy Easter back… and then he says “hey so what time you get off work usually – I can have dinner ready if you want, and we can have dinner together this week”
What?????????????? 😮😮😮
Ok so then I had to say something because this is way over my head … I am not looking to be on Jerry Springer or anything lol … no!! Just no and no!!!
So I told him… I am not comfortable hanging out with you without your wife. I am sorry you are not happy and need a friend – but that can’t be me… and you are a married man… – I keep to myself and I like it that way.
He just said “oh ok no problem, just thought I would ask”
🤨
Yeah it’s still a no. 🤨
Boundaries dear sir… boundaries!
And that kinda bothers me, not just that he’s married and trying to have dinner with me 🤨
But also… what gives you the thought that “I” would ever be interested in that? 🤨🤨
Cause he comes on pretty heavy duty so ??? Why??? What would make you think I would be ok with that at all?
His wife is away and he wants to have dinner with another woman? A beautiful woman – yeah no!
He is seriously coming on way too much for me!! Nope!! Not dealing with it!
Also… I am not lonely – I love my peace. That whole thing is not peace, so I would like to repel it lol
I want zero stressful situations and I feel like that is invading my peace now. 🤨
See!!! I knew it would be issue – ugh and this is why I keep to self – yet issues still happen 🤨 because I have to go outside 🤨🙄
So if I move – I have to find a place that it won’t happen 🤨 but there is no place like that 🤨 it always happens 🤨🤨🤨
I am wearing full on vail. I will just cover up completely so no one sees me other than that
The mask does not help in slightest, like I thought it would 🤨 it still happens even with a mask!!
No matter where I go – I can never escape 😮 …how’s them apples ? 🤨
It’s like impossible!
I have a pretty face, on a thin body, with fake boobs 🤨
So. 🤨 you can not escape like that without full on vail and coverage – it’s the only way, until they come out with my invisibility cloak from Harry Potter – but they are taking forever!! lol ✌️
My wish list includes that invisibility cloak and teleporting … could I please have those 2 things 🙏 lol … I would really love those ❤️
So I don’t know where I want to move – now I am more serious with moving
My peace is invaded – I want to move ✌️ I don’t have peace here with that now. It makes me tense. Now I am on guard.
I don’t want him knowing me, nothing.
So where to go 😮🤷♀️
And yes – I will keep moving so it is peaceful – I want peace so there is that. When is no longer peace – is time to move forward for peace.
I have been here quite awhile now. I think it is time for me to move forward in that area.
I have a massive safety net here with my landlord – she has been so amazing to me ❤️ she became like family so she’s stuck with me now regardless lol ✌️
Friday went well. Mostly… was a very Good Friday ❤️
It did go well… and I got a lot of praise… they are really amazing to me always – I love my coworkers… they are thoughtful and kind and sweet and amazing ❤️🙌❤️
But I don’t know – I am not being hard on myself … trust me, I am not… but I do not think that praise was due? I appreciate very much, but I felt I am not done yet
But they are very thoughtful and sweet ❤️ I love my team ❤️
I also have to get on my girl’s because while I was out of office they didn’t stay up on their work – so I have to make sure they do that …when I am there and when I am not. I am not their mother lol ✌️😘
Anyway… also … I do not like when random men call me babe. “Hey babe” 🤨
The 80’s called – they want their line back lol 😄✌️ …sorry that joke was totally for my own enjoyment lol … but I do not like being called babe!
I have my favorite guy who calls me “hot trish” 🙄😄 yes … that still goes on 🙄😄… it’s like the longest running inside joke lol
He is so funny lol … that is never going away!! It just stuck!! And every single time he says it!! And tells everyone that’s my name 🤨🙄😄😄 – there is a whole story which he always finds so hilarious and loves sharing with people 😮 (I do find it hilarious too – I just don’t share the story or tell people my name is Hot Trish 😄😄🙄) … don’t call me that either lol
Only Trish or Trisha – just simple – stick to the facts lol
People and my name – lol 🤷♀️ I give up
“My name” was like a theme this week lol
I also had one extra bakery 🥯 item today after delivering all my items … so I just know someone who needed a little boost – and was Passover/Good Friday/Easter weekend … so I delivered that and it made her day ❤️ it’s always nice to be thought of or cared about ✌️❤️
And then kinda just chilled with the kids. ❤️ we didn’t do too much, chatted and laughed with stories of the week…
We just relaxed together – but was nice – we are always talking and oldest was showing me drawing he has done – he’s really good!!
He lacks confidence – he has confidence in areas – just like me… but he lacks confidence within himself, as far as, what people will think
You just have to go for it. He is very critical of his own work.
19 was stuffing his face full of chocolate 🍫 and tells the other 2 … I am the lucky one because I got moms genes 🧬 (he says that because I am thin – he is too – just like me … also the other 2 are average size but they have their dads build more.
19 has my thin build lol 🙄 he is tall and skinny lol
They each got some of my traits
My oldest got the funny ones 😄😄 … his hair on his head is a light brown… but it was MY genes 🧬 that make his beard grow in red lol 😄❤️ I really love that!! Lol – if he grows a beard it does not match his head lol … it’s the cutest thing and makes me Irish proud lol ✌️ (he does not like that – but his mother does 😄❤️)
He got the red hair gene lol ❤️
He also got my eye color. He is only one of the 3 … with my eye color. My eyes are a blue green
The other 2 got their fathers eye color – brown.
My oldest had freckles across the bridge of his nose as a kid – but they have faded now. He does have freckles still
… 19’s eyes – while they are brown… He has my eye shape and then he has my thin build. His face has a lot of my facial features ❤️
His frame is like mine
Daughter is taking after fathers side… she has my smile though ❤️
All 3 actually have my nose ❤️
Also here is a funny thing … oldest wants to begin his life and move off – he was talking about that.
Daughter doesn’t want him to 😄😄 she’s like “no you are my brother, you are not allowed to go” 😄😄
She doesn’t want him leaving
This woman gonna have a hard time with that when it happens
She says to me he’s my brother, he can’t leave
And I said … He’s my baby – he has to fly someday
She wants to cut his wings so he can’t leave 😄🙄
No you must stay with us 😄😄 you are not allowed to leave 😄
Awww ❤️❤️❤️
I warned them to stay little and not grow up – but they all just HAD to grow up lol 😘✌️
Anyway… they left and then I was exhausted!! I am not getting enough sleep lately 😮
Currently I am spring cleaning 🧽🧹 🙌 ahhhh so nice ❤️
I have documentaries playing on tv, while I clean and do laundry ❤️ thats like the best … documentaries and/or music lol ❤️
I have little more to do and then I have to run to store – but should be back later ✌️❤️
I end up handling 2 funeral homes again. I had to do reports and outreach …
So I bought some nice little presents 🎁 to give out.
I have 2 churches I will go to tmrw – one Catholic, one Jewish …
Saying hello 👋… no one knows me yet 😳 I have to go out and introduce self – because I talk to them all the time, and work with them – but they do not know me. Never seen me
…and then I am saying thank you to our flower shop – because they go above and beyond for us always…
When we say jump – they say how high? So yes – thank you ❤️
For the 2 churches – I will be bringing pastries – cause church pastries and coffee all go together lol. So sounded perfect to me.
Hello – guess who I am? Here are gifts – remember us and recommend us please 🙏
For the flower shop – I will bring chocolate gifts and hand sanitizer – thank you for having our backs ❤️ – I bring chocolate and keep you safe 😘
I have to do one more – but someone, has not gotten me the info yet
Today someone called to inquire on information.
I will always take my time with you and I can make you feel instantly at ease with me. I have a very calm gentle caring demeanor
Whatever you need, whatever questions you have, anything. I will make sure you are comfortable and understand.
Anyway so that happened today
I know I am competitive with other funeral homes – I want you to come to ME.
Some may be more grand and beautiful … mine is like the comfort of family … so I have to aim at the care and service that we provide – we are REALLY good.
Anyway… so the person tells me… they were given a list of places to call – and mine was not on that list.
When I asked how they learn of us…
They tell me… because your name is one of the best in the area, your reputation for caring for families. ❤️
They said if you ask locals – we are one of the best ❤️❤️🙌❤️❤️ yay!!
We are higher cost than some – I do not set the prices for the location.
So my aim will be how we care for you ❤️ we will be the best – and our name will be on everyone’s lips – you watch – I will make that happen ✌️ I will aim at that. You watch my numbers
No one can come close to us in compassion, so let’s see how far I can take that. That is where I am going to separate us from the others 😘
I do not mind attention if it is for work… then I want attention lol
I had to shop at store today for those gifts and omg – I just don’t want to go out to public places – I am tired
It is always a thing!! And I’m all dressed up too, so that never helps the situation. That makes it a million times worse, because I am all done up!! Yeah like that doesn’t catch attention or anything 🤨 I might as well pull up in the hearse lol
And no I do not… it is bad enough I have to take it to car wash and gas station lol. I do enjoy bringing it to be serviced – that is fun lol
I have news to share about work. But I am just completely exhausted – I will share another time maybe
Oh and check this out – remember fire guy?? He had to come do re-inspection today… inspecting my work on completing the list he gave me.
My work is flawless – you tell me what you want and I will have that and all the details.
He said – I already knew you would have it all done – because you messaged me and asked me questions and I could tell you were a person of your word.
😮❤️
He said some will just not be compliant or not really care about getting done!! 😮
Why would you not follow regulations?
I asked “don’t you shut places down for non-compliance?”
He said they are turned over to code enforcement which then goes after them.
I like him – I got to talk to him for a minute – good guy … excited for his job – loves his job
So next year they be back 🙄 I be ready fully this time lol – you will not find one thing wrong 😘✌️
But yay!! I passed compliance ❤️ fully ❤️
Have all Friday reports completed for 2 locations – have outreach ready and packaged for the locations they are going to ❤️ and I will be dressed to the 9’s … because 1st impression… remember me 😘✌️
You have one chance at a first impression – so better be good.
So I want to draw attention. And then I come bringing gifts lol … and none of them know me – they do… but only over phone lol
So. Ok … I am more comfortable with attention when is work related … if isn’t related to work, I hide from it…
But at work – I think it is ok. We see lol ✌️
I do not mind drawing attention for a work purpose
If it’s for work… there is a reason to draw the attention.
I have a focus and an aim. ❤️
But if is on my own, I do not like attention very much. I guess it is that I feel – that’s my personal space … so only the people close, can really be there – the ones I love and trust ❤️
So yeah I guess like that ?
At work there is a purpose… on my own that is very personal … I think that’s it!! 😮
Also… I have this horrible itch tonight … I can feel the itch INSIDE – it’s like under one of the implants and I have no feeling in my chest!! So no matter how much I itch – I feel no relief – there is nothing … I can not get to the itch and it is driving me insane!!!
I can feel the itch!!! But I can not feel the scratching, rubbing, moving or anything else I do!! ugghhh – it’s like torture
I wish my scars were zippers – I could unzip for a moment and try to fix that
Instead I have an itch I can not scratch lol 🤨
I do not understand how I have no nerves and no feeling … but yet, I can feel itches – this is not the first time
Are they ghost itches? Where you remember the feelings? But it really isn’t there?
Kinda like when you lose a limb – you sort of have a ghost limb?
Or lose a loved one… you keep imagining… they walk right through the door like normal
It’s it that? Cause it fricken itches so I can feel an itch and it does not feel like a ghost itch
But the mind can also trick you? So not really sure – but I itch and there is nothing I can do!! Totally torture
I never had inside itches before all this.
And thank god I am home because it is my breast and I want to itch – but I feel nothing so it’s just not going well
Anyway – I have got to go. I don’t have enough hours or enough sleep!! 😮
I have a funny odd little story lol … or stories lol
So there is this umm case or issue- that I have found and been handling since January 2021. This past January
I tell you – I am cleaning everything up 🙌
Well, a person calls me… always ends up getting me… and tells me no one is helping them.
So ok … I will get help… so I reach out – tell other people to help this person. They tell me “ok yes ok sure, we help” (it’s their department which I know nothing about)
And then this same person calls me back few weeks later and tells me same thing 🤨
Ok well now … I’m just gonna take matters into my own hands then. Cause I’m done – I will handle – so I tell them that and say I will call them back.
So… I was already informed who the manager of this department is… never spoke to him, never met him… doesn’t matter – this needs to be handled!!
So I call him and just kinda started in lol … hello my name is Trisha and I am with “my place” – here is my issue… here is what happened… here is what they said they would do… this person is 85 years old – can you help me handle this?
So… he says to me at 4pm… “I will be right there, I am 30 minutes away! I want a tour anyway” 😮 … wait what?? 😳
Oh ok 😮.. he wanted to come and take the file. He said “this will now be handled” 🙌 see … that’s what I wanna hear – easy peesy- when I tell you to handle – you handle it ❤️ yay!!
But he is chatty lol… many in the funeral business are chatty which makes them so awesome and hilarious!!
But yes chatty lol
So I left late but that is ok. Was good to meet him
He said I was Fiery because of the red hair lol – don’t even ask how that got in convo lol … but he did tell me he had heard of me and has heard good things about me… 😮 they talk about me!! Lol
Good… I do want good attention at work so – I work very very hard – so yeah … say my name lol ✌️😘
I am very elusive lol – only “my team” of staff from the 3 funeral homes, has really met me in person – very few of the others have – some but not many – we have been locked down tight for awhile…
I did not expect him to be running right over when I called – but I suppose opportunity and there was no time for me to say no – I had to give him the file to handle it
That was cool though. Networking with other department
I like his work style.
Oh and then … ok listen… I am getting more and more uncomfortable with neighbor guy… ok so let me tell you…
He is out of town I guess? He text me and say he away until Friday – which is fine all the neighbors do that… that is not unusual or out of the ordinary for them to let people know, so we keep eye out. Is a totally normal thing the neighbors do when they leave. So ok whatever
I said “ok, sounds good. See ya Friday”
And his reply makes me uncomfortable
He just said “looking forward to it”
Ok wait – back the horses up!!! No no!!! Do not be looking forward to see me!! This is not good!! No no no!!
Now I have to say stuff 🤨 ugh 🤦♀️ now it’s a thing – I want no part of anything!!
Now I have to tell him – look, I am neighbor, I am woman, you have marriage and you have wife. I do not want any issues or any drama – I am not getting involved and do not want to be involved with anything.
If he is not happy in his marriage than he needs to handle that – not try to turn to me.
Ugh 🤦♀️ so I have to say – stay away
So whatever ok.
I told you would be an issue. It’s always an issue. So. Whatever
So … are you seeing what is like for a woman sometimes? Yeah like that.
So… nope.
Also country boy actually texted me tonight. He teased me about something as his opener 😄 so ok … I will text
We texted for like 5 minutes – usually I am chatty on text or I just write long stuff lol 🤷♀️… but I dunno – I’ve been quiet
I told him the story about the hair and being fiery and he said … yeah it’s not the hair… it’s the Irish ☘️ lol 😄
Yup ok he’s right lol
I just texted with him for quick moment… but I am just sorta currently little quiet.
He is very sweet though and hmm he is actually making effort of things … hmm … we see
Every time I say “we see” it makes me think of my daughter… because she does not like me saying those words 😄😄
I use the words “we see” kind of automatically ? Very easy answer for just about everything lol 🙌💋✌️ then I can delay my actual decision …
She says that when “I” say “we see” … that means no 🤨😄😄 so she does not like me using those words “we see” lol
It doesn’t always mean no… “just we see” lol
That is hard for me not to say. Did not realize how much I say it until she points it out lol
Huh, interesting 🤔
Well whatever – maybe I fix that – maybe not … we see 😄😄😄❤️✌️
I am doing little better with the overwhelmed aspect. Mostly. It’s fine for now. Sorta. Mostly
Let’s just go with that for now
I need to go live in a convent lol I am kidding – I do not want that!!! Nope … I do not want that either
It’s one extreme or the other – I don’t want either one – hmm… how to find the middle 🤔… is there a middle?
Ok so… now I understand those people who marry themselves with a whole thing !! That just sounds better and better every day!!
I think I have found the one🙌 😄😄 lol … sorry that was funny ❤️
But twice today I got asked to dinner or lunch 😮😮 and it’s not even noon yet!! Wth 🤦♀️
Ugh 🤦♀️
I am uncomfortable. This is why I get overwhelmed. Cause see – it’s like that. I just want it not to be so much. That gets to be a lot with all the stuff going on and I just want to avoid all of that.
But whatever ugh 🤦♀️… I just don’t want to deal with any of this. Makes me really uncomfortable. And then when it’s a lot – it adds to the overwhelming things.
I want to remove the issue – but I do not know how {{?}}
It feels way over my head. But it’s something that is just going to happen. So. There really isn’t much you can do. 🤨 I try to avoid and it only gets worse
I am really having problems handling that.
I need a shirt or something that says “Danger ⚠️ stay back” lol – although I doubt it would work cause very rarely do people pay attention to signs 🪧
But I dunno – I said no of course … there is just too much happening and then that too. 😝
So that is why I am currently complaining. This is why I run to country lol ✌️… well partly
What am I gonna do if I have to actually be back in civilization 😮😮
That be coming – I am aiming to get another place so 😮 I don’t know where yet 😮
I don’t think I want civilization but country people don’t leave lol … so depends on what’s avail and how lucky I can get too.
Always changes
Ok I have stuff to handle that is making me all stressed so going to go do that and should be back later
Omg the wind today!! On the highway was really bad!!!! Blowing the cars and trucks 😮
And it’s just blowing really hard – but the day is incredibly beautiful though ☀️🙌😊
There is this one guy 🤨🤨… ok you know how I am sorta – I keep distance. Massive distance.
Also 🤨… I myself, am a teaser (but only with my own people or those I feel comfortable with) … not like this though, only funny things … I don’t do things that would bother people – I am very sensitive to that. Or try to be – and am always very respectful.
BUT HE is teasing me and I’m not really liking it. 🤨
There are just a few really personal things to me… and one is if you call me Patty 😮… he fricken calls me Patty 🤨
Ok ya know – I am not gonna respond then – I have to have contact with this person. Work related.
But past 2 times he call me Patty … only my family can do that. So I do not like that. It is bad enough that I allow family – no one else is allowed lol ✌️
It makes me feel weird every time he calls me Patty – and he says it over and over and over!! 🤨 and the more I cringe the more he does 🤨
What is it with boys?
But the Patty thing I am not liking one bit. That’s like sacred – you can not use that name for me … only family. Otherwise it’s totally sacred lol ✌️😘
Do you know how much I tried to get my family to stop calling me Patty 🤨… I was in maybe 6th grade when I went to Trisha… so about 11 yrs old.
I hated Patty because of what my last name was – my name is massively Irish …and I didn’t like any of the other nicknames
So I wanted Trisha and since there is a plethora of nicknames to chose from – I just chose what I wanted and that’s what I go by lol … I just dropped the PA. That’s the one good thing about Patricia – you have so many name variations you can pick 🙌😄
Well my family just could not wrap their head around it 🤨🙄 … they would say – you will always be our little Patty 🤨🙄❤️ my efforts were in vain because they never listened and continued calling me Patty without ever trying Trisha – they claim they could never remember 🤨🙄 whatever – I would always remind them and they never listened – childhood frustrations lol – kidding
But it did suck when people came over my house and family is calling me Patty 🤨… and then my friends would be like “what did they call you?” Lol 😮🤨… and I had to explain 🤨🙄
But no one else is allowed – that is special privilege only!! Only family!
So I’m not liking this teasing at all… it really bothers me a lot – to the point where I do not want to see him because I know he is going to call me Patty and I do not like that.
I’m not responding to that. 🤨 when he can figure that out then I will respond – that’s not my name
Too bad his name is not Richard because there is a nickname I would like to use lol ✌️
I just do not like it. It’s not cute.
Joking once or twice is fine – but don’t keep it going. I don’t like it.
And who he think he is? Trisha sounds nothing like Patty 🤨 That is not respectful –
Stepping into my personal realm 🤨 I do not like that
I have worked with him since I started – I do not see him often though… once in a blue moon. But I do have to deal with him for things.
I think he is teasing me to get a reaction – it is the wrong reaction … retreat! Retreat! Lol ✌️😘
And then today?? I don’t know ? I was very umm?? Clumsy? I dropped things constantly today! I was not together. I also tripped and bumped into things 😮 like I was just off
I also feel off
I am still kinda having panic – just a little … I think I can handle
And I also think it is best if I stay alone
I think is best for me to handle myself without any outside influence unless is sincere and worth it – not that he isn’t worth it?? I don’t know
But just for right now, I need time. I am already being lectured hard, by my friends because they think I should just let go and relax 🤨… I am relaxed and let go with peace – not crazy things ✌️
So I do not listen to them – they are always wrong anyway.
They told me “don’t move to country – don’t leave civilization” lol 🙄😄
I didn’t listen – I jumped 😮 I am not a jumper 😮 but I jumped 😮
Best jump I ever made ❤️❤️😊
They also tell me TO date – but again I do not listen … I have told them why I say no – they do not listen to me – so then, I also do not listen to them 😘✌️ see how that works – “mirrored”
Yes I am stubborn
They don’t understand so they can just do their own thing and I will do mine.
I do not trust the choices they make. That is them, it is not me.
So whatever.
I keep to self, work and do my own thing. I do not bother anyone.
Nice and peaceful
And right now I just have immense stress kinda so … I just like to keep it peaceful and avoid all things that could be bad in any way.
So please do not call me Patty – I don’t mind being teased, I do like that, it is fun and I like life to have fun… just not with Patty
I do not find that fun or funny at all. It is very personal to me.
And then also… I think I am best right now with none of that whole dating thing – I just think I am not ready. I think that if I feel this much panic with things – I just can’t. I am not ready for anything like that.
So whatever.
I am fine with the peace I have currently. Also I do think when it is meant to be you will know because you won’t feel fear or panic or caution? So whatever
It is an amazingly beautiful day today … so gorgeous!!
Like when you take a deep breath and think of this song :
I only like Dunkin ❤️ – hate Starbucks 😝😝😝 yuck – only if I am in a bind or my people want that 😝
But Dunkin … I always love ❤️
When we would fly home to see family – I would map out all airports where the Dunkin was vs our gate 😄😘✌️ the minute I was off that plane I was at Dunkin lol ✌️
You love what you love right? ❤️
What an impressive story that I didn’t know ❤️ now I love even more ❤️
Work went well. I am chugging right along on that. 🙏 I do have many things happening … I have Fire doing another inspection to check out my work 🤨🙄 which is flawless ✌️
And I have services happening now, I just had the bathroom fixtures removed and replaced (they were renting the most ridiculous things! Toilet paper holders, soap dispensers and paper towel dispensers) so nope… I bought new – they took out this morning with hardly any damage ❤️🙌
And I had them installed today 🙌❤️ ahhhhh no more bill 🙌
So that is really awesome!! 👏
And I handled office manager for 2 locations for one week
I do love being with my funeral people very very much ❤️ all of them are just amazing 🙌 … they are so funny ❤️
And it’s like being with 8 different people very similar to me in certain ways lol ❤️ they are all pretty amazing – we all fit really amazing together ❤️ I have an amazing team ❤️
Then kids came. We watched YouTube videos – some that my oldest made and then some of other people playing video games lol …
I don’t really connect – when I went silent – I walked away from the world.
I stopped social media and all contact – no news nothing… came to country and went quiet. Stay to self. I like that. Is peaceful.
But I only like to watch THEM actually play – not other people playing things on a video lol
Whatever
Then they showed me the most horrifying thing ever… you can not unsee this… so watch with your own discretion 😮
Anyway… I felt like I wanted to show them what their father says, he wrote it to the court all the lies – they would know it was untrue and they would know what he does… they would see. They know the truth.
But I don’t say anything. They don’t want to hear anything anyway – they don’t want to be in “middle”. So I just feel silent. I want to say things – but I just don’t.
So that is hard. They don’t know what he does, and I can’t say.
My marriage was abusive. He was very jealous and I am pretty so that was always a huge huge issue…
He was also heavy drinker. I was not aware because he worked all day, and then he was in a band at night … so he was gone a lot …
He was extremely abusive in all ways… so i just tried to shield kids from that with comedy and laughter. I spent all my time with them… and I loved being a mom ❤️ they were miracles to me ❤️
When they looked back – I wanted them to remember laughing and having fun with me… not that.
But … I was quiet … just kinda kept to self – didn’t have anyone come too close, because the situation was abusive … you hide that from people.
So… no one knew me. I was friendly and just quietly – always very polite and nice. I am pretty though
He has always always always been brutally hurtful…
So I didn’t know, but while I was raising the kids he was telling people I was this horrible person… and then that gave them the sympathy to let him have affairs all over?
Made himself look like this poor soul.
I had no idea until one day some friends got to know me a little and were shocked that I was nothing like what he said.
He was telling them I was the one cheating – I was always with the kids!!! Not one minute without!!
He said I was this raging crazy person – I am quiet and also silent and even then I wasn’t going to speak up and get hurt if I could diffuse the situation.
Plus… I am smaller than him.
He said many horrible things about me so that … now he again plays the victim saying I was the abuser, I was the drug addict, I was the alcoholic
He also says to everyone – that I am this slut who sleeps with everyone
Ok well… I am pretty, and I have these fake breasts … so he just makes sure people will judge me.
So I removed myself from entire situation.
In my marriage – getting hit on was such a problem – I just removed that issue… I didn’t go out.
And then here – he has just been so brutal through everything – I am exhausted and overwhelmed. Through everything he has been brutal!! Insanely brutal!!
I can’t even function in the same room as him – I can not breathe at all
And … after my last cancer surgery… I went silent from everyone and everything and went to country to be left alone. I needed the peace
Well he still says that. And he shares photos with people we had 😢💔 and still claims that. He makes me out to be a very bad person.
The more it shuts me down – the more he does it. But I can not, because it completely panics me. And remember I am hit on constantly!!
If I was anything that he says I was or am – I could not have stayed so strong and survived. How do you do that to a human being who is the mother of your children?
In court last Friday, my lawyer said to me after being with them… well you did have affairs and sleep with people 😮
What?? I did not… I can prove everything and have character witnesses everything…
And he is supposed to be MY lawyer – I put my faith there – so that kinda threw me over the edge a little. And then he was rushing me for lunch
That made me feel sick- and I feel like I want to withdraw intensely.
So … I am always working – because he has made me struggle through everything – he wants to crush me and make sure people judge me.
You want to judge me then go ahead. Believe what you want to believe.
It is very hard to think of things without feeling sick 🤢
So I just keep to myself. I find it more peaceful. But I can’t not stop having panic now – I am having some issues
So yeah – how would you not want to go silent and get away?
I just want to be left alone. And then that makes me cry 😢💔
So … just heavy but that’s ok – I am used to it.
So anyway – there is also all that going on … I just stay quiet – I go to work, do my thing… come home and repeat. I don’t really have people in my life – except my coworkers… and I have a handful of friends I keep close. Because either they are loyal or I have known them forever (but they are also loyal lol)
I just keep a very tight inner circle.
So with my coworkers and my close friends – I smile and laugh and love life ❤️🙌 they are supportive and caring and amazing to be around ❤️
I stay out in the country and I keep a low profile. I don’t talk to anyone and I try to keep to self. I am polite and friendly but will also be elusive and distanced
I stay far away from any situations or I try to – but they always happen!! Always!!
Country boy I just feel like – I don’t know? He is kind and gentle but I still feel panic
I do not know.
And then I had an uncomfortable situation earlier in week.
So my neighbors… or one set of them… the wife suffers from depression, and things?
She doesn’t work. And she is going through menopause
She is nice, but has some issues (but don’t we all?) I don’t know them all too well. I am friendly and we have BBQ’d before.
They are nice
She is away for a couple weeks in another state far away.
One night when I came home from work maybe Tuesday? He was out and asked if I wanted a burger – he had extras.
I guess so?? It was nice to offer so I said ok.
We had burgers outside and chatted… at first was normal neighborly chit chat… then he asked me questions like would I ever marry again?
And then he said he loves her but wishes they hadn’t married 😮
Ok there are things – that people don’t need to tell me. That was one of those things
He started talking about money – which makes me highly uncomfortable…
And then he asked me.. 😮😮😮 he asked me “how does a woman go without sex” 😮😮
I was stunned …what????
What am I supposed to say to that!! I didn’t actually answer – I just shrugged… I can’t answer that to someone I do not know well – that is overly personal – and I am a woman and that was not appropriate – he does not know me well enough to say anything like that!
I get sometimes people need to vent – but that made me HIGHLY uncomfortable!!
I finished my burger and said I have to work early in morning – which wasn’t a lie… and I left.
I am quiet and reserved and keep to myself even with them next door. I am extremely silent.
So ya know… pretty… sometimes it’s a curse and then you add boobs and it’s awful!! It’s constant always all the time! And no matter how hard I try to get away from it – it doesn’t go away.
And you think – no… not everyone that way… but then I don’t expect and it goes that way. A lot! So I just keep to myself. That way I can just avoid all of it.
So I just go silent and stay away. But all of that makes me severely in a state of panic.
I haven’t seen or spoken to him since that. I am purposely avoiding – because no!!
And do not ruin my peace with that!!
Where else can I escape to?
It never stops.
So. I just have overwhelming panic that’s all. It will be fine.
I usually ignore all of it and just survive. I do not care if people who don’t know me want to judge me not even knowing me. Go ahead.
I am not going to constantly fight and defend everything – I am tired – you believe what you want
I just wanna be left alone. ☹️💔 but not really – but yes . I prefer it that way. I am safe like that – otherwise I panic.
I don’t want to have to hide away, but I have to. It’s just safer.
Anyway. Nothing he says is true, but whatever – believe what you want
Let me end on a better note so I can try to switch thoughts …
My daughter ❤️ … she is very anti Disney … she hates Disney 🙄 … it is only that way because Disney discontinued a game she loved years ago. Lol
But ever since that betrayal from Disney – she doesn’t like them… and she is a tough critic lol
She calls them a cash cow because they just charge so much and take in the money not caring about families – she’s a little activist on that lol
Anyway… some other neighbor for Christmas gave her a Mickey blanket not knowing this little girl hates Disney lol. 😮🙄😄… because typically what little girl doesn’t like Disney? … “mine” lol
So I went to cover her with her Mickey blanket – and she made a face and said something about not liking the Mickey blanket lol
Learning Life 