So … country boy text me tonight… he’s aware how Irish I am lol …

… he tells me “Happy St Patty’s Week” and sends me a picture of himself and his dog

He text me few weeks ago too

So not really sure what that’s about.

My mind is still set – and I feel caution with him because I do not understand his motives – I do not trust and we do not want same things so there is zero point – I’m not doing that

I think he just wants to make sure he stays on my mind ? … I’m kinda checked out from stuff like that cause I just don’t do any games and I just keep my guard up if I feel needed

Like what is purpose ? State your purpose lol

But really ?? What is purpose? Just text every so often – I don’t have time, he doesn’t have time… we do not want same things … so?? What is this?

Not like I ever see him or anything so ??? I don’t get it and we have had many conversations about this

I want one thing that is very important to me – if he can’t do then ok… I’m sorry. I can’t without it… also won’t

So does he think my mind will change eventually ? Because no – it won’t

I’m not willing without – he knows this!! Not new thing

Plus… I’m just guarded with him anyway because I don’t really understand what exactly his angle is? If you ask him – he speak American male … so I have no idea ? I just don’t understand but whatever

Too unclear – so I don’t like to mess with that – do not need or want the aggravation if can not be clear with what want – that is games to me … I do not play those … I am too tired to deal with stupid shit

I like him… but no chance if I am not at ease and with peace … and if can’t do that one thing then absolutely not – solid as a rock on that – very important to me

So I suppose is fine to text and send me pics as a friend… I guess that’s ok

But not really sure why he put in effort when he knows will be no… he has plenty of friends – he doesn’t need me… we both too busy …

Plus I’m really girly girl – not his world in the slightest

He has no issue with women – is baseball player so … what does he want? … state your purpose lol

What is motivation of continuing to text me? And am I ok if he is friend in life? I guess? He did nothing wrong… I just say no because just way different and don’t want same things

But I’m just really not the type of friend he generally keeps?

I just feel maybe motive behind it so am cautious.

IF he could do what I want would I want him?? Hmm 🤔

Well I have known him for about 8 years… I met him before I lost my parents and my grandparents, also before cancer

One thing he always did for me was when all that hit … he would just say grab your things I’m taking you away … and I told him a story about something that happened in marriage that involved a gun so they used to make me shake…

But he took me out in the mountains and set up cans … and taught me how to shoot ❤️ he took my fear away so that kinda meant a lot to me in that moment – that was very sweet and very kind

And when I was losing my family and battling cancer he would fly me to baseball games and it would be awesome … he would totally make me not think of everything that made me cry

He was always a gentleman and very sweet ❤️ he always made sure I was ok… once at a baseball game in Arizona … well it was sunny and I am Irish so I have to be careful … first day I got really pink lol … so he went out that night and bought umbrella ☂ and chair, tons of spf lotions lol, and a cooler full of food and drinks lol – he would always ask me if I need anything and make sure I was comfortable and ok

So he’s thoughtful … I give him my time because he helped me through mine.

He is also aware of that

So I am thankful for that yes, and appreciate very much yes…

But … we don’t want same things – I’m sorry I can’t.

He knows how I feel but then still approaches so not really sure why he does

I am all involved with emotions lol – is in my job and I’m very comfortable with my own emotions with things …

He is country so he is macho man 🙄

https://youtu.be/vnzXZ5ECHCY

So yeah – I can’t – my emotions be too much from before and then because is him so nope – I can’t

We too different and on different pages

… anyway so … I give him my time but my answer is still no … it’s not that I don’t totally appreciate his thoughtfulness because I do!

But he can’t give me something I won’t go forward without so. I’m sorry it’s very important to me so I can’t – he’s known this always …so again, not something new

So I don’t know ?? I am too tired to guess at things

And then the people close to me in my life – my second family … they are so amazing to me always ❤️

Omg Saturday gonna be big day!! 😮 two are coming over with house warming things – they coming all the way to my house they bringing chairs 😮 these beautiful antique chairs – I love them they already show me

They coming all way to my house just to make sure I get them, they are delivering … so I wanna make some amazing meal for them – hmm what do I want to cook? I want it to be special for them

One has special diet so gonna have to be vegan 🤨 but ok fine lol … I will have to research on the vegan stuff

I have a ton of people suddenly who wanna come over on Saturday … someone is fixing my fence – I pay them to do that

Is same guy who does my lawn for me 😊 … he does my funeral homes too – that is why I trust him lol

The funny thing about having him come to my house and do the lawn and the fence … is ever since the first day he did for me – the neighbors just go one and on about how fast and amazing he and his team are lol

They ask me “where did I find them?” Lol

At the funeral home 😄

But now my entire neighborhood keeps signing up to have them come do everything 😄😄😄 I started something lol

See I bring you business 😄😘

It’s because they are professionals at what they do so … you can tell they know what doing – totally trust their work!

And then a girlfriend wants to stop by briefly to give me something – and of course everyone wants to do on Saturday lol

That is going to be a lot of things happening on Saturday

Generally I just keep my weekends quiet, other than slowly organizing/purging boxes and things and getting comfortable setting up the home.

One weekend day is when I have to catch up on all lost sleep and store more lol – I have to or I would not survive the week – is exhausting… usually that is Sunday

But I’m still getting used to having people more around me… just different

I’m pretty quiet in that aspect – I stay to self for past few years

When I had cancer … I got to see how much I meant to people and I did not die!! It was humbling and beautiful and touching so…

All of these are people I love respect and trust so am at ease – just usually not so many people all in one day lol

I have really amazing people in my life who kinda are just like my adopted family ? Like I tell you – I found my people lol

They supportive and amazing always – honored and blessed to have them in my life ❤️ is quite the amazing people

There are many of them actually – I have maybe 4 REALLY close friends … but the rest are also like family to me… they all want to come over – they keep asking me about house warming party lol

I have been busy! Lol

https://youtu.be/M11SvDtPBhA

I will I will – eventually!! I promise I will soon

They are all dying to visit lol … ok ok – I will do soon

I’m really tired 🥱 I need sleep 💤

Good night 😴🌙💤😘

This is California .. it’s usually sunny ☀️… but ya throw in some rain 😮 and suddenly accidents everywhere!!! Literally all over the place this morning!! Took me hour and a half to get to work today!! Insanity!!

Omg and then EVERYONE was late to work today lol … I text my boss and say hey I gonna be late – I almost there but we not moving

And my boss text me back and says “me too” lol

It was crazy morning – and I had to have someone call the dealership and tell them I be late ⏰ I wasn’t too late maybe 1/2 – 45 min

We had to drive the hearse lol – everyone stares lol … is ominous maybe ??

So whatever work is ok… little stressful – but par for course – is fine – we got it .

It’s not totally the cases it’s just everything else – building falling apart, constantly with repairs and things omg … I do like the work of 10 people.

But whatever … and then I have a staff member who put in 2 weeks ☹️ so ok … wild ride again!

https://youtu.be/616-QGQyx-I

And then, maybe last week, my daughter tell me “mum guess who I see at school” and was someone that we knew from elementary…

I was all excited – we have not seen her in ages

Since was a little girl!! I asked what she look like? Still same? My daughter say yeah but she wears make up lol … my daughter doesn’t wear any – I don’t mind if she wanted but she doesn’t want … she will want – but then gets annoyed because you can not be rubbing your eyes lol

So whatever – that was exciting to hear about few weeks ago.

So today I go to pick her up at school, and she comes over with someone and guess who was 😮 that little girl who was definitely not a little girl anymore 😮😮

Heavy heavy make up – on such a beautiful face … she does not need but whatever – I also like make up – just not too heavy generally

She was cute just totally grown up ☹️

We were about to leave and up pulls her mom – and then we talking and talking and the girls give up and wait 😄😄

But then she telling me her daughter is out of control 😮 and all kinds of stuff

So then we leave … and I say to my little woman … be careful with her – don’t let her talk you into trouble

And my daughter asks what?

I said she runs away and gets into trouble – stay away from trouble … she is already in trouble with me currently with a grade in geography.

Don’t ruin your life … be smart…

She wants to go to Calpoly

https://www.calpoly.edu

So I dangle that carrot lol … don’t depend on anyone… stay smart … don’t do stupid shit – aim for what want

My daughter is a good girl… good head on her shoulders … I want to keep it that way

Oh god teen years with a girl – god help me!!

I could do boys all day long – they are easy! At least mine were

The girl has mental strength, but also she is little more dramatic and emotional lol … she does have my fire lol … she is also very sweet – she has 2 brothers she adores – so I just have to trust my parenting 😳😮

Please let me have done well 🙏🙏🙏

Omg the tests life gives you!!

So gotta keep my eyes wide open always lol

Ugh ok – let me steer her straight hopefully 🙏 I’m pretty sure because she’s a really good girl … she is my rule follower lol … omg she won’t do anything if there are rules attached and she doesn’t meet the requirements lol

I offer to teach her to drive in a deserted area … and she’s like offended lol because she is not old enough to have permit yet – almost but not yet

But we be far away from anyone or anything else lol so I just teaching lol … but she has to follow every rule! Lol whatever – we can follow rules – fine 🙄

Just wanted to give edge but whatever

https://youtu.be/Im3JzxlatUs

Alright – so… teen years. Ok. One more time. Please don’t kill me on the last one!!

https://youtu.be/FGBhQbmPwH8

Ok well I am home but I have to work. I be done soon. 🙏

Today was good, but also “meh”

I feel silent today but we see?

Today, oddly, does not give me good feeling ??

But it’s probably just everything and it’s not sunny – I’m not in mood for gray and rain – I have to know it’s coming – no one said anything

Today I worry?? I don’t know why? Probably just the rain??

https://youtu.be/BI5IA8assfk

Oh I am dragging my feet today!! Omg

It’s pouring buckets this morning – that’s what woke me up was all the rain – not my alarm 😮

I woke up about 5 minutes before my alarm went off lol

https://youtu.be/pmTiK9jp970

Of course it rain today… I am scheduled to take in funeral vehicles to be serviced and I have daughter so I have to leave early

So of course … I haven’t been watching news or weather so this was a surprise … great… said with sarcasm lol ✌️😘

Ok so today will suck and I gonna be a drowned rat all day long. Awesome – still said with sarcasm lol

I only tease – rain is beautiful and we need it … I would like it on the weekend because then I can enjoy the storm in my new house lol

But I don’t wanna be out on roads and watch… every time I have to go outside today it will probably downpour on me! Lol happens every time!

And it’s still chilly … high today 68

Ok so rain. Alright then 😐

We need it – it’s good – I’ll just keep saying that. I just was not prepare to wake to rain lol

https://youtu.be/bSO6ikrxSqk

Please let it be a good Tuesday 🙏🙏🙏

I am wiped! It is my end of month and someone is out so lots of activity… and of course daily life drama … and emotions (it’s a place of mourning so many emotions)

https://youtu.be/wwKwoU9cQ_o

Sometimes your heart breaks with a particular situation … sometimes either you can relate OR when a person has sheer devastation…

You know that lump you get when you wanna cry but you are trying to hold it back because if you let go omg !! Just no. Because that would be weird … But your eyes tear up with them. 💔 your heart breaks for them and you wish you could find the right words but there are none. 😢💔 is best to just comfort… help through strong but gentle

So ya know … all the emotion and also paperwork and being on the phone. Numbers, contractors, bills.. I pushing caskets and all sorts of stuff

I work early before the sun until late after sun goes down lol … then I come home and have to go to bed because I have to be up early to do again.

Please let tmrw be chill 🙏🙏🙏

Tmrw is Thursday … I want to say Friday eve however … to apply “Friday” to any other day just seems odd? Also kinda makes me ache for Friday to be faster because …

https://youtu.be/ucX9hVCQT_U

Totally probably one of my favorite songs ❤️ yup

Anyway… have you noticed that no one talks about Covid anymore or very very little

Suddenly all that is a memory 😮

I forgot to call the bra place today… work was too busy – I will

Tmrw will be busy too, but Friday should be better… let’s just all wish for that?

https://youtu.be/P5ZJui3aPoQ

Well not really much is new … work work work sleep for a minute work lol

https://youtu.be/Yjyj8qnqkYI

Sooooooo …. Before my house was small – and out in middle of no where … just so much peace

Now the house is bigger … and when I am by myself – I still look around and see how far have come … how worked so hard … so I still look around – maybe little in disbelief?

I didn’t really notice it at all in a smaller house – but by myself in big house – I notice

Well anyway – I can not speak of the war and things because it’s too much

Ok I have to go to bed 😫

Gnite before I just fall asleep which is happening!!!

Well I wrote last night but I keep falling asleep writing and then I don’t wanna post lol but whatever – this is from last night ✌️

I’m off to work 😉😘✌️

Can you imagine almost being 110 😮😮 whoa

Imagine the life you would have seen … how many pandemics? How many wars? 😮😮 the styles, fashions, society 😮😮😮

You remember life around age 5!! 😮… sometimes before that!!

Doesn’t that just blow your mind – what a lifetime 😮😮

https://youtu.be/MEb2CecR11I

Happy International Woman’s Day!!

https://youtu.be/-AphKUK8twg

💋

To all the amazing women out there – I hope you have amazing day today!! 🙌 .. totally should be a holiday!! We could have fit it into the World Covid Week but no one wanted to do that.

Anyway have a good day if you can 🙏❤️✌️

And to Ukraine – you have a pretty incredible leader – I do not speak of leaders kindly because of things … but I like your guy a lot!!!!!!! I would say I like him the best over all of them – impressive leader – I like him

Also.. you can do it!! We aid as much as can

It’s just we are United States so the minute we touch something it be bad – we do not want a crazy life ending world war

https://youtu.be/_Yhyp-_hX2s

Thoughts and prayers to you 🙏🙏