Just life stuff

So … country boy text me tonight… he’s aware how Irish I am lol …

… he tells me “Happy St Patty’s Week” and sends me a picture of himself and his dog

He text me few weeks ago too

So not really sure what that’s about.

My mind is still set – and I feel caution with him because I do not understand his motives – I do not trust and we do not want same things so there is zero point – I’m not doing that

I think he just wants to make sure he stays on my mind ? … I’m kinda checked out from stuff like that cause I just don’t do any games and I just keep my guard up if I feel needed

Like what is purpose ? State your purpose lol

But really ?? What is purpose? Just text every so often – I don’t have time, he doesn’t have time… we do not want same things … so?? What is this?

Not like I ever see him or anything so ??? I don’t get it and we have had many conversations about this

I want one thing that is very important to me – if he can’t do then ok… I’m sorry. I can’t without it… also won’t

So does he think my mind will change eventually ? Because no – it won’t

I’m not willing without – he knows this!! Not new thing

Plus… I’m just guarded with him anyway because I don’t really understand what exactly his angle is? If you ask him – he speak American male … so I have no idea ? I just don’t understand but whatever

Too unclear – so I don’t like to mess with that – do not need or want the aggravation if can not be clear with what want – that is games to me … I do not play those … I am too tired to deal with stupid shit

I like him… but no chance if I am not at ease and with peace … and if can’t do that one thing then absolutely not – solid as a rock on that – very important to me

So I suppose is fine to text and send me pics as a friend… I guess that’s ok

But not really sure why he put in effort when he knows will be no… he has plenty of friends – he doesn’t need me… we both too busy …

Plus I’m really girly girl – not his world in the slightest

He has no issue with women – is baseball player so … what does he want? … state your purpose lol

What is motivation of continuing to text me? And am I ok if he is friend in life? I guess? He did nothing wrong… I just say no because just way different and don’t want same things

But I’m just really not the type of friend he generally keeps?

I just feel maybe motive behind it so am cautious.

IF he could do what I want would I want him?? Hmm 🤔

Well I have known him for about 8 years… I met him before I lost my parents and my grandparents, also before cancer

One thing he always did for me was when all that hit … he would just say grab your things I’m taking you away … and I told him a story about something that happened in marriage that involved a gun so they used to make me shake…

But he took me out in the mountains and set up cans … and taught me how to shoot ❤️ he took my fear away so that kinda meant a lot to me in that moment – that was very sweet and very kind

And when I was losing my family and battling cancer he would fly me to baseball games and it would be awesome … he would totally make me not think of everything that made me cry

He was always a gentleman and very sweet ❤️ he always made sure I was ok… once at a baseball game in Arizona … well it was sunny and I am Irish so I have to be careful … first day I got really pink lol … so he went out that night and bought umbrella ☂ and chair, tons of spf lotions lol, and a cooler full of food and drinks lol – he would always ask me if I need anything and make sure I was comfortable and ok

So he’s thoughtful … I give him my time because he helped me through mine.

He is also aware of that

So I am thankful for that yes, and appreciate very much yes…

But … we don’t want same things – I’m sorry I can’t.

He knows how I feel but then still approaches so not really sure why he does

I am all involved with emotions lol – is in my job and I’m very comfortable with my own emotions with things …

He is country so he is macho man 🙄

https://youtu.be/vnzXZ5ECHCY

So yeah – I can’t – my emotions be too much from before and then because is him so nope – I can’t

We too different and on different pages

… anyway so … I give him my time but my answer is still no … it’s not that I don’t totally appreciate his thoughtfulness because I do!

But he can’t give me something I won’t go forward without so. I’m sorry it’s very important to me so I can’t – he’s known this always …so again, not something new

So I don’t know ?? I am too tired to guess at things

And then the people close to me in my life – my second family … they are so amazing to me always ❤️

Omg Saturday gonna be big day!! 😮 two are coming over with house warming things – they coming all the way to my house they bringing chairs 😮 these beautiful antique chairs – I love them they already show me

They coming all way to my house just to make sure I get them, they are delivering … so I wanna make some amazing meal for them – hmm what do I want to cook? I want it to be special for them

One has special diet so gonna have to be vegan 🤨 but ok fine lol … I will have to research on the vegan stuff

I have a ton of people suddenly who wanna come over on Saturday … someone is fixing my fence – I pay them to do that

Is same guy who does my lawn for me 😊 … he does my funeral homes too – that is why I trust him lol

The funny thing about having him come to my house and do the lawn and the fence … is ever since the first day he did for me – the neighbors just go one and on about how fast and amazing he and his team are lol

They ask me “where did I find them?” Lol

At the funeral home 😄

But now my entire neighborhood keeps signing up to have them come do everything 😄😄😄 I started something lol

See I bring you business 😄😘

It’s because they are professionals at what they do so … you can tell they know what doing – totally trust their work!

And then a girlfriend wants to stop by briefly to give me something – and of course everyone wants to do on Saturday lol

That is going to be a lot of things happening on Saturday

Generally I just keep my weekends quiet, other than slowly organizing/purging boxes and things and getting comfortable setting up the home.

One weekend day is when I have to catch up on all lost sleep and store more lol – I have to or I would not survive the week – is exhausting… usually that is Sunday

But I’m still getting used to having people more around me… just different

I’m pretty quiet in that aspect – I stay to self for past few years

When I had cancer … I got to see how much I meant to people and I did not die!! It was humbling and beautiful and touching so…

All of these are people I love respect and trust so am at ease – just usually not so many people all in one day lol

I have really amazing people in my life who kinda are just like my adopted family ? Like I tell you – I found my people lol

They supportive and amazing always – honored and blessed to have them in my life ❤️ is quite the amazing people

There are many of them actually – I have maybe 4 REALLY close friends … but the rest are also like family to me… they all want to come over – they keep asking me about house warming party lol

I have been busy! Lol

https://youtu.be/M11SvDtPBhA

I will I will – eventually!! I promise I will soon

They are all dying to visit lol … ok ok – I will do soon

I’m really tired 🥱 I need sleep 💤

Good night 😴🌙💤😘

6 thoughts on “Just life stuff

Add yours

    1. I leave him alone… because he does not want same thing … and I am busy anyway.

      I only reply because he gave me his time before and that meant a lot to me while going through everything

      But I stay quiet and I stay away – never see him or anything

      It is him who always reaches out and I’m always gonna reply because again what he did during hard moments meant a lot to me.

      So what attention? I do not ask for attention – he knows who am and what I want.

      If he doesn’t want that – then what is he doing?

      I do not like attention.. I stay very quiet/silent and stay away

      I am very honest with him with what I am ok with and what I want

      He was there to take my mind away when I was experiencing severe trauma …

      So I kinda feel like if he needs a friend, like he did for me… I can do that

      But it’s hard because I do like him and he did do those things when I didn’t know I needed them – he was very thoughtful

      So every time I always say no… because he say he can’t do emotions so then that’s immediate no… because I am all emotion lol

      I can’t not reply because of what he help me through

      Otherwise I am severely silent

      Every day I just do my own thing and stay away from things I probably can NOT handle.

      It certainly would not be attention because I do not hear from him all the time is once every few months.

      So I have no idea

      I am fine by myself and love the peace of being silent and quiet – I do not NEED a man… so if he wanna be there then be there but if not then ok make that decision!

      It’s hard because I am torn with what he did during my trauma

      So it’s more that.

      Like

      1. Nope do not think so… he doesn’t want commitment so nope

        I think he checks to see if I am lonely or something – would I like to be taken care of? Ahhh I do that myself with peace so unless he want commitment then no

        But he still checks just in case I’m ready 🙄

        That’s what I think

        He thinks… If he stays around maybe? Make me keep him in my thoughts or something? So when I am ready there he is lol

        I be ready when I have peace but I do not so that is not happening lol

        I be back to critique you later so I can focus on that

        Liked by 1 person

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