It did not rain on me 😮 the whole commute the ground sorta wet but not bad
They say storm 🙄🤨
Lol … just if you gonna tell me a storm – I mentally prepare lol … and they under deliver … I get all excited and then there is almost nothing
It’s cold 🥶 … right now is about 50 degrees … just that overcast that is entire sky is gray … just one of those depressing days – is cold and gray lol
I should not complain
I just need a place that has constant temps all year … preferably warm – I don’t care about seasons … my body just doesn’t like severe fluctuation in temps and weather lol
My breasts ached a little but not enough for a storm lol … my weather detectors 😄😄
Lol… If I was a flower… I would probably have to have full shade because of my sensitivity to sun ☀️… but I would want mostly sun ☀️ 😄😘 … so my flower would lean towards the sun lol
It’s that Vitamin D lol 😘✌️❤️
Yeah … I’m spoiled by the California sun 😮 Californicated lol
So I thought – or let’s go ahead and say I misjudged the week… completely!!
Because when it started… it started sad. So I was like “oh great, it’s gonna be all kinds of sadness” … I thought that was gonna be the theme of the week!!!
But I was wrong!! I judged before I knew lol
So Monday was sad… Tuesday was decent – didn’t kill me and was pretty chill…
And Thursday will be a tough day because it’s gonna rain… so that means suddenly accidents everywhere and no one knows how to drive in bad weather omg … fricken California drivers!!
But we get to have a storm ☔️ … we see
Of course it will be during the commute – of course
It will rain hardest as I walk from the house to my car tmrw… so I be soaked… it always happens – always always always … I swear life thinks it’s funny 🤨🙄
So Thursday should be fun…
And Friday… ohhh glorious Friday ❤️ … I be working from home… I have 2 webex’s one at 9am and one at 10am… that one be an hour. Then daughter has dr appt at 12 which I can just work while she do that… and then we gonna get her hair done and I can use my laptop while she doing that too!! And it’s Friday so family night – gonna be amazing Friday!!
Ok so now on to personal matters – that’s all work and normal stuff …
So today… lol… at 12:30… someone ring my doorbell… well luckily I have alarm system and I can see what you doing and I can even talk to you at my door!!!!! ❤️❤️❤️ I swear it’s like the best invention ever… I am enjoying that entertainment and knowledge of who’s around my house lol
So I go to look… and there is 3 people coming out of my house – it was daughter and her friends lol … she was locking the door so I say “ hey you leaving?” LOL (it’s like sooooo awesome!)
And she suddenly gets the biggest smile and rolls her eyes lol … and says yeah … I said ok, be safe – have a good time!! I love you! She said I love you too, oh and mum, I wrote something on the white board for you. Look when you get home
I have a white board that hangs on the wall – it’s not for anything other than little notes … little notes of whatever – usually saying I love you or telling a joke or sharing drawing ✍️ whatever
So I come home … and here is the white board…
❤️ … did you notice … she pointed out which drawing I was – just incase I forgot my hair is straight and hers is curly lol ❤️ plus she is shorter than me lol … I love it ❤️❤️❤️
this is her first big thing … she’s always beside me … so first time I let go to let her have life
I don’t really like it lol … but I trust her – and also my parenting so ok. She’s a good kid.
It’s just weird and hard because that is my baby – my last … I want to freeze time but life doesn’t let me lol… and then the older she gets the faster it goes 😮😮😮
So I don’t know … I am happy she grow up and having experiences … but at same time – I already miss her!! She is protective of me, and of course I am of her – but I let her know life and I do not shield her from things she needs to know… I do not shelter her… is best to know what you up against
But this is the biggest thing I have ever let her do…
She is in San Francisco at a concert 😮😮😳
It’s a concert which you know- don’t get trampled…
Plus is 2 hours away AT NIGHT 😮 so yeah lol … she’s lucky I can’t find a live feed of the concert lol ✌️
She is spending night with her friends tonight – it is spring break for her this week ❤️ she hasn’t had school all week.
She had this planned back in January lol
Anyway… so I saw the white board… and went to fold a blanket and I think I see smiley faces “😊” in my carpet…
Ok so first let me explain – when we moved in … all my floors are wood (which I like because easy to clean) but I needed some rugs to soften…
I let my daughter pick the living room rug… she is a feel person … 🙄 everything has to be soft lol whatever …
So she picks this shag rug… whatever – is her house too so if she like I’m fine with that… it was soft so ok let’s try lol
This rug omg … if you come to my house and feel this rug – that I all you are going to want to do… is soft and slippery and amazing omg – yeah everyone who comes to my house literally CANNOT stop touching the rug lol
I will vacuum and get the lines all perfect in the carpet and then people make snow angels or something in it lol… I had literally just vacuumed yesterday so it still had the lines this morning…
But daughter had her friends come in while she got her stuff … here is my rug …
See someone was feeling and drawing pictures in my rug lol … you really can not resist once you feel it… is just unique is weird never ever felt a rug like that …
People will come over and not expect that … then they feel it and then they just wanna keep feeling lol … it’s a little humorous lol
I am not looking forward to the commute tmrw ugh – I cringe!! Ugh 😑 I’m gonna have to wake up soooo early!!!
Why is gas going up? Supposably something about Covid ? People working from home… so why are there still thousands of people on the road???
Ugh yuck – gonna be wet 💦… I better wear comfy clothes. Rain boots for sure! I have some nice tall black ones of course lol above the knee… but is flats … if I wear heels 👠 I am way way way too tall … I do not like being so tall!! Omg … I have to get special pants because my legs are too tall for normal regular people pants 🤨
I am normally 5’7” … but if I wear heals 😮😮 omg I’m sooo tall!! I don’t like that… I feel like I tower over everyone – oh I hate it… I am ok being 5’7” … but not 6ft! Lol … I do not like it
So… just gonna say this… I am home alone… on my couch… with a blanket over my legs and just writing…
It’s raining … I can hear the water splashes as cars go by… I heard thunder… I could hear the rain falling …
I have a small lamp on and a aromatherapy calm candle (lol) … but the big over head light (on the ceiling fan) just turns on ALL BY ITSELF 😳😮
So whatever I accept the light turning on – but I did freeze for minute lol … cause what the hell?? I just left the light on… ok wanna be on – so be on.
So I continue writing … and then the light shuts back off 😮😳 ok … I’m sure there is explanation
That’s a little creepy … it turned itself on … let it stay on for like 5 minutes and then shut the light back off lol 😮
So… that’s interesting – I do not want to know. Let’s just pretend that did not happen lol – that distracted my attention lol 😮
If it becomes a thing, then I will worry.
Alright. Well I should be around to read for little while til fall asleep but I have to get ready for bed at this moment … happy Wednesday and Thursday
Do want you want to hear something funny 😮😮 there are other people like me out there lol 😮😮😮
Ok so… I like to be prepared. My objective is to not panic lol … summer is coming – with triple digits
Ok so it’s cold (it goes hot and cold 🙄) .. and it’s April … I am already late preparing lol
So I was looking through certain things and one thing I look at – I went to read the reviews … and they were all recent. I needed to read one in the middle of heat lol … but all of them are from February March & April of 2022 … in anticipation for heat they all say lol
Hmm now that I write that – does that seem fishy?
At first I think is funny because everyone preparing like me lol … I am not alone lol
Always there is many things happening… always stories for you…
But you know my girlfriend who I don’t agree with her lifestyle? I don’t mind it FOR her – it’s just against my beliefs … is not gay or anything like that. Something TOTALLY different!
Way over my head … but anyway…
She had Breast implants the same time I did… mine was because of cancer – hers were because she wanted them.
Mine are silicone… they feel jelly. Is soft … they feel closest to real.
Hers are saline – cheaper and less problems if pop – the body just absorbs … if mine pop can cause lots of problems – so let’s hope I do not pop!
But she did!!
Her right side popped the other day…
I asked how she knew popped – she said she went to lay down and one breast was gone 😮
…so she was going to go back in and have them fix and replace. She had to do some lab work to make sure she ok for surgery and her white cell count came back REALLY high … enough to indicate a large very bad mass
And her lymph nodes on that side are swollen and she’s tired a lot 😮
It doesn’t look good.
She’s had medical scares before but not as severe as this one.
Also she’s never usually scared but this time she is.
She’s young – she’s 45. So.
You really never know when death will face you…
I tell her… wait until MRI… then you will know what up against… once you know that – then they have fight plan.
Her boyfriend also left her last week so she is having some rough moments ☹️ she is a tough woman but today I just noticed a tenderness – wanting to be scared but not wanting to show weakness … that’s ok ya know … we all have weaknesses and this is certainly something where it is ok to feel weak.
She also said – it hurts her
I know it’s a mass – cancer hurts – mine hurt!! When she say that, my heart sink.
I’m not ready to be losing friends like that. I am not ready for that to start beginning …
When death comes too close into my life – it chokes me.
All day long, with other people, I can comfort and help through… no problem … am ace at it.
But when it touches my own life – that’s too close
I already feel the heart bleed of losing my mom and she’s still here … hers will do me in for awhile – it’s gonna be awful.
And then – my friends … I wouldn’t be where am without them in my life … how life gonna let me have that and then take away?
And then does that worry you? – because it’s always gonna hurt!! I don’t want to lose them.
She came into my life during all my surgeries … I met her through our daughters … but every surgery I would wake up in recovery room and she would be there – to see if I need anything, could she do anything for me? Etc etc
At that time I was cautious also (surprise surprise lol)… and I always be fine… i polite and say thank you but be cautious – I keep distance til I know intentions or who are
I would try to keep her at distance but she kept wanting to be my friend. She just tried and tried … I was in moments of severe silence and I had pushed everyone away – she knew and kept trying to be there for me… she never wavered
So ok, I will let her come into my life… I started walking with her, and we would talk while we walked …
She immediately right from start told me about her lifestyle … at first it was just too far over my head … but her friendship and devotion also loyalty … so I see different … if that’s how she wants her life and she is happy – I do not care as long as she happy and doesn’t effect me.
It has never effected me. But she laid it out for me… it took me few days to absorb the things she tell me. But ok … her friendship was so loyal and sincere so how I say no? I liked her and she also accepted me as is…
I used to cry when I was going through cancer and everything, it was really emotional – she let me cry. And then she would sternly have me get through it… she kept me strong
She even took care of me for a month when I was recovering from one of the surgeries
She’s loyal and she doesn’t expect in return – just just has a beautiful soul
So anyway… she’s never been judgmental – she helped me stand up…
So I feel small section of my heart be scared with her … I want to be positive – but for first time with her I am really scared.
I do not like when death comes too close to me.
It’s close to me always – but I don’t like when it comes after my people. Stop taking my people!!!
And then I also imagine losing my friends like that and that send really awful feelings through me!! How I gonna be ok through all that? My heart will bleed constantly and I am a cryer. I am very sensitive if you hit my heart.
On a daily basis – I can handle death pretty well – it just can’t come close … I have hard time it comes close.
Just hurts to think of losing people you love or who mean a lot to you. Definitely chokes me up
So I feel little quiet – I am absorbing her news
I’m getting pretty tired of bad things this decade!! How much change do I need?? Damn!!
We know nothing yet so… until I know how severe or how bad … I’m just gonna breathe.
Ok life can quit the shit please. We’ve had enough – stop with the Covid – we are tired of it… stop the stupid war – what is the point of it at this point? Really Putin? I feel sorry for him because he does not know the value of human life. What a sad existence … what a sad little man.
What else? Global warming – can we just stop all of it – I wanted that ONE week in March for the whole world.
How about a week in July? We should do that. I’m going to anyway – whether you do with me or not.
But life should back the shit up!! Ugh!!!
I want to say hurry up 2030… I just wanna be out of the 20’s!!! I’m good – they suck!!
But when I think that… I keep hearing my grandmothers words …”don’t wish your life away”
I was that child that always wanted to be older or hang with the adults lol … I always couldn’t wait for something lol
I don’t wish my life away… I just wish away all the crap life is dishing out! This is a hard decade and we are not even at the half way mark yet omg!
So yeah I still hear my grandmothers words – see people carry on even after death. (not that it makes me feel any better)
First of all… last week was like the slowest week ever!!! Time just ticked by omg!!! The week would not end!!!
Today I have a thousand things to do – I usually do on Saturday and then sleep on Sunday … but I work on Saturday so I not able to do all my stuff cause I have zero energy and I’m tired lol – my entire body just refuses to do anything lol … and my mind freaks out about all the stuff to do lol
I’m just so exhausted!!
I said to my kids on Friday – I was going to be running late home from work… they tell me “that’s ok we have key” 🔑
I said “ok but my house is messy” to me is dirty lol …
So I say to daughter today – will you help me clean house shortly? And she say “clean what? Mum is all clean” lol
Every week I like to vacuum and wash floors do all laundry, wash sheets, clean bathrooms etc etc… have house always looking nice. Starts my week out best.
I don’t wanna lax on it cause then I will have tons to do lol …
So anytime I say my house is messy to my children they roll their eyes 🤨🙄
I also have to stop at grocery store … I did not order this week. I slacked because again – this past week kicked my ass!
I also have my own things to take care of, bill wise… and then eventually I have to take my car in – but definitely not today!! That will be another day
My daughter wants hair done but they appt only so I will call tmrw – she has her first concert coming up on Wednesday night!! In San Francisco 😮😮
So… I am going to draw myself a nice big bath with bubbles, scents and candles – and I am going to do some self care because I need that. Then I probably get recharged and complete things hopefully lol
I’m going to give you some information you may want to know… especially the LGBTIQA+ community…
Ok so currently we are now being asked male, female or non binary for the sex on things …
Which is fine… but the information I want to give you is because my job is to give respect and decency to each person, as I would want for myself in time of death…
So if you specifically want to have Non- Binary as your sex – you need to clearly have that documented somewhere somehow – if you have prearrangements make sure they know your wishes!!
Typically… if you do not state how you would like to be respected in death regarding any matter… it will be who is your next of kin.. or who you give power of attorney/ healthcare directive to – that can make those decisions
If you don’t get along with father but want to identify a certain way… if he is next of kin – he will make those calls unless you specify otherwise.
We will ALWAYS go with the decedents final wishes first! – but if none are left for us – we rely on next of kin or power of attorney to make decisions.
If you don’t care after death then disregard the info… but if that is important to you and means something – then make sure you specify what your wishes are and make sure you have someone you trust making your decisions – if you don’t get along with or like your next of kin… or they don’t agree with lifestyle – they can make those decisions for you!!!!!
Regardless of what anyone feels – I just think that info is important – last wishes are very important and regardless of whatever religion or beliefs I have myself … it is the respect and dignity of a human being in their death. It is their final wishes hopefully 🙏
So… if you want that… make it known!!
And not just for that – but if you have last wishes that you would like – make that known!! Otherwise others decide things for you!
I don’t want to know someone experience that same heartache so.
She cried, I could feel the bleeding of her heart so that kinda killed me little – I don’t want anyone to know that feeling.
The door dash girl was awesome… she was the one in coma … doctors just saved her life twice and she wore a big smile like mine … and that excitement for life when you know how special it is.
I told her – call me if you looking for job or know of anyone – this job does change your life and we do know how to balance and also do self care.
We see a lot… but it’s ok – when you do it for awhile, it’s not creepy or bad .. it can be beautiful. But the pain is hard. It’s a heart bleed.
Anyway, she had a wonderful amazing personality – she could do well with us – and it helps you through your own things – and we a tight family… staff is very close. Her personality was sparkling ✨
And then today we speak of our own stories and … the coworker I have today will go really far – she is massively driven and came out of bad relationship – this woman gonna own the world someday – she bright and driven… beautiful … smart – she also has this bright excitement for life and understands being grateful for what have!! Beautiful soul!
It was as if today was independent woman day or women empowerment day lol ❤️✌️
But I really want to help that one woman who cried this morning. I keep thinking of her.
The systems here in the United States are severely broken and that’s why we in this situation with homeless and things like that!! So I don’t know what miracle I can pull off … IF I can 🙏
And what the hell is wrong with men? Whatever – men are something else – I tell ya … then you wonder why women have a hard edge. Because of that crap!!
But I have to see what I can do! I hope there is something 🙏🙏 I really wish to give her respite like I had!! So we see – I will try.
Everyone needs a moment of respite from hard moments. To breathe new life back into soul. Just takes a moment !! Plus having the right people in your life too!
I want to be positive but I don’t know yet what I will be able to do. I do not believe in government aid or programs to help people – Maybe some work but most fail to help or make worse – so I will NOT turn to that… I’m sure she has already!! It’s like first thing you do… and this is what happens – sorry I just don’t believe in government systems – they are all broken! I do not trust them or believe in them from personal experience. It’s crap – you can try though – good luck.
Well whatever – it’s a world thing evidentially, because the world seems little broken currently also.
It’s very important to have earth angels 👼 also… people come into your life, in moments … sometimes they meant to help you through something or to be there for you, other times it’s to teach lessons – you never know what life will bring to you… just don’t lose hope – there are people who experience same thing and there are earth angels!! Patience is a virtue!!! I know time is of the essence also… it’s a very fine line. So we see!!! 🙏🙏
So sometimes ?? 🤷♀️ I really don’t say much but complete strangers will tell me their life stories lol… I do not know why it happens but it does. I have a very approachable personality and then I look all sweet and innocent – comforting I guess?
Anyway – on my way in, I stop at a store I always go to and like – is mostly women … they hard working
And one who been there for long time, excellent worker – sweet woman … cried on me this morning when I stop in. She tell me very sad hard story that was relatable to my own. She works very hard and is so expensive here!! Rents and homes are insane expensive!!! When I say insane – I mean insane
She is homeless with a disabled son – if was just her I would let her use my spare bedroom – but is a 19 yr old mentally disabled male – which I have to think of my daughter first. That will be no.
But I took her number and will check my resources
Then I was chit chatting with coworker about our own stories lol
And then we order DoorDash and the door dasher tell me her story lol … she was in coma twice and a lot of other stuff lol
Today everyone tell me their story lol ❤️
My coworker said you better not stop on way home lol
Ok I preparing to be finished ✔️ almost done then I have tmrw off and relaxed 😌
I am working today too – end of month and I wasn’t able to get everything done because this week kicked my ass!!
Also… I have decided – either I’m not ready to date -OR- I should just NOT date. I’m pretty much done.
None of them are worth it
He pushed and pushed for me to meet him on Saturday – but couldn’t answer one simple question and was HUGE thing.
I asked if he was attached, because I was not going to go out with him if he was married or something – no… no way.
Well he wouldn’t answer with a straight answer – how hard is that? It’s a yes or no question. Not really a hard question.
So ya know – I don’t play that shit – my work is hard and can be crazy and I’m not dealing with crap in personal life too – so if someone worth it – they will be honest, and kind…
When I told him no, and that I was not comfortable if he can not just say, he was kind of an asshole.
So alright then dodged bullet and not giving my time to someone like that. See!!!
See!!! These are the things you deal with! So I learn lesson.
I like the way I handle normally better – you can’t just not know someone – you really have to know them before you give them any time!!
If you can’t answer one simple question, that IS a very important question – hello!!!
Whatever – at least I know what kind of person he is. Noted
I’m not into shady or drama- so nope!
Perhaps my movie would be horror lol … the horror of this shit lol ✌️
So yeah, if that’s my choices – then no, I’m good by self. I do not need to date – I handle all my own things and it’s peaceful – no drama or lies or anything so why would I want to invite badness into my life again after dealing with Satan- nope 👎
Learning Life 