My woman better be ready when I get off work tmrw – we have to back to school shop… ugh Tuesday lol
Ok – every day can not be Friday lol 😘
Ugh ok – and school starts on Thursday – who starts school on a Thursday?! – that is little dumb – quick 2 days and then weekend … what sense that make?
Whatever 🙄 so gonna be crazy week – omg
It will be fine 😳 🙏 as I pray …god please!
Be easy this time from here … pretty sure be good. Just here we go with crazy stuff
Ahhh sophomore in high school – those were the days 😊❤️
Well anyway… and then guy. I think is over my head. It feel too hovering ? And he doesn’t know me.
I know he interested VERY much … and then probably has the time to think of me…
That’s just it… when I can give you time I will… but my life crazy and I so tired and he does not give me moment to miss.
So I feeling little hovered ? Is new… I don’t date – he doesn’t know me… and I don’t want to deal with anyones bullshit – do not bring shit to my table lol ✌️
If can handle a woman then fine, be secure – if you not secure you should probably know her more
But chill… go slow and not all crazy!! Relax!!! Please do not suffocate and please give mercy for job and being mom… so ya know
And we in different places – that age difference is very apparent here … he want to fit as much fun as he can into as much time as he can – he know his days numbered 😳
And while mine are numbered too – I not as high up as he is… but again – you are never promised tmrw
But I am not in rush… I can not operate on fast and furious! Not here – because feel like he not want me to think and just have fun 🤨
Omg I sound ridiculous but I have responsibilities and things and also… I want it to be amazing – I want to be at ease – I am not at ease
Yeah – you should know who the person you want is – if I not at ease – that’s a thing.
He doesn’t understand or know
He just want companion to enjoy life but I can’t the way he want – I can’t always be taking trips and things omg ! I do actually have a life I am living
I not gonna be at anyones mercy – just so you know
So I dunno ?? I don’t wanna feel smothered or owned or obligated or whatever … careful that’s your tightrope
Sunday was nice chill and relaxed – plus I acted adult…
I had convo with guy… but it not go as I expect ??
I lay out everything … my mother, that I am still a mom raising a child, that I work all the time and am exhausted … that I do not typically have time to be running around having fun lol omg
I steal moments when able… and also I not used to someone around my life… I pour into work and kids – and my mom
And there are sometimes I am just quiet – I am soaking in peace that’s all – just let me lol – I’m just gonna need that.
Also I am sensitive to way others treated and want to make sure good person
But he apologize and then say however I want it he is fine with – he can be patient for me he say … he say he really like me and want to keep having adventures with me
He say that he love the connection we have and enjoy spending time with me. Loves life when with me, and then ya know he speak of life
That is what trips me up – life
I in death so much that life is glimmer – I forget life because focused on death … so he makes me remember and think about it in different perspective
He is definitely on another wave than I am, he is closer to the end than I am- so he want to fit it all in as much as possible, as much as he can before it’s over
He say he broke up with ex because she always thought he up to something or accuse him of something…
Yeah well I don’t play that game cause if I even suspect you done! No questions asked – I not dealing with shit. If you gonna be a man, then be an actual man – don’t be a boy – I leave so fast you won’t know what happened – not dealing with that shit so because how you do
And if you start to accuse me or add any pressure of that kind to me – fuck that shit – I’m out – be secure … be grown up
If you weren’t so fast you wouldn’t have to be insecure
I don’t fuckin play games so careful as you step up
And I kinda feel like he just insecure I gonna play games cause he say that
Also … if you knew me and knew my life then you would not have reason to be insecure – if you gonna move fast then yes – maybe you should be insecure
And yes I say that too.
He say he be patient and when I can fit him in he be happy with that.
Ok sooooooo 🤷♀️🤷♀️
I do have fun yes… is just chill easy fun – hasn’t really been pressure until we came back and he’s all head over heels omg
Alright so what you think ? How would you handle? What is your view? I have too many thoughts to sort
Otherwise I do nothing today – just have peace – my house is clean, everything is done ✔️… I catch up on sleep and speak to few friends ❤️ I be lazy 🙌❤️ ahhhhh in my new bed all day long … getting up for food nibbles lol … really awesome Sunday in that aspect – my day of rest ❤️
I catch up on sleep today!! Should last me for the week 🙏🙏
Ok so Monday is tmrw – I know something will come at me. Alright – cmon Monday – let’s see… just don’t kill me 🙏
Well I had a very FULL Saturday!!! 😳 omg – can I get some down time from drama? Whew ok … so the answer is no to that currently.
Ok so… hmm… well first let’s start with something good… something I just found that I love 😮😳 …
I don’t watch tv usually … but I was cleaning yesterday and decided to just have tv on while I clean… well since I do not watch tv, I do not have cable or satellite… nada… I do get discovery plus cause you know documentaries or informative programs sometimes ✌️
I have smart TV’s which connect to my internet and my oldest son set all my tvs up with Roku? I dunno?? But I get tv?
Yesterday when I was cleaning, and turned on the Tv… it said – hey you might like this show … and the name of the show is “Murder House”
They take a home that had a horrific murder that shocked the country or area… and they completely change it and make it completely different to get the haunting spirit off the home… omg
You mix murder and home remodel 😮 it sounds so gory and awful – but is amazing – the stories, the houses, and the remodel.
I binge watching them 😮 I can’t stop!!
How my TV know me? lol fricken smart ass tv
Ok.. I feel little better now… I really love that morbid show 😳😮 omg
Ok so small situation with work… I walked in on something because I pop in unannounced. I am right around corner – careful
So I gonna handle that as warning and let pass… we have had so much drama – that I do think best to let this one lay… but for future reference – no. So handled with a warning. Next time I won’t be so forgiving – I was thankful to have someone with me
But that was awkward!! Very much!! ok… let’s just move forward. Careful … one freebie – but I be aware so careful
I gonna be watching – time will tell
So alright – well one of my best friends and his husband came to my house – I love him so much ❤️
He is hilarious and knows all the laws – he is brilliant person!! Also incredible human being ❤️ hence being one of my best friends – if he wasn’t gay!! Omg – he is just amazing and incredible human! I can not say enough ❤️
When I buy house he come to see and bring me things ❤️ he knew I had nothing and also what went through and he knows I work so hard. He bring me plants (fake ones …because I tell him I am plant grim reaper lol – I only keep ONE plant alive since FEB 2020… and is aloe plant – which I am allergic to lol … but I can keep it alive!! Everything else dies on me)
He also brought me 2 antique chairs … like these cute little rockers ❤️ I love them
And he brought me a mattress too … that was when I first move in…
Many of my people have help me furnish ❤️ my house is all love from my people ❤️ every single piece ❤️❤️❤️ do you see why I love life because the people around me are incredible – they take my breath away – bar is set really high for humanity ✌️
I buy things here and there to make my own … just little things like bed frame for the mattress … and I bought a microwave to match kitchen. But I slow – I don’t really spend money because I am surviving? Plus there are things I wanna do to this house first and I love my house of love ❤️ every piece tells me how loved I am 🥰 so it’s touching – I don’t wanna get too mushy lol ✌️ kinda too late but whatever
Today they do so much for me ❤️
As a man – I totally trust him know who he is – brilliant man!!
One fix my door and they both bring me this beautiful bed omg 😳 😮 is cast iron and huge 😮 – is really beautiful!! ❤️
The bring it for me and put all together ❤️
We talk and laugh whole time – I bought some Nan bread 🥖 (very good – reminded me of a softer slightly different version of pita bread) and we had hummus – just for snack… with water – healthy stuff
He is vegan – I am not … but I will try food – except anything from the sea or water… nope 👎 but I want to give him good things too – make him know he appreciated and loved also ✌️
So last night he say to me – find a place for us to go for food
😳😮
Ok well – with food… I eat meat and things … I am not familiar with vegan … but I find this place that was really incredible – everything was vegan and GMO free and gluten free – you would think eeww yuk lol … but omg so fresh and decent
I pick because had almost 5 stars and I read all the reviews on many sites – and I read the menu … so I thought I would chance it lol ✌️ I did good 👏 they loved too!
You still not gonna make me vegan- I just can’t … I was still hungry after – but was delicious for vegan food (all plants) that’s not typically my thing
Also – I do not like spice in food – I like Mexican and can handle Mexican spice
But … I don’t like cilantro or any weird spicy things – he got nachos and I try and way too spicy for me… you take a bite and it’s normal for a minute and then boom the heat hits – yeah – I do not like my throat on fire 🔥- only Americanized Mexican ok … sometimes I can also handle small Chinese food heat, but very little … otherwise I can’t handle with both heat or tummy
I had a chicken sandwich but was no chicken – was all plants – they only say that… it’s like a chicken patty but all plants and they make everything fresh fresh fresh right away! It was really good. I was impressed because I am not total planty person lol ✌️
I would be a carnivore ✌️ not a herbivore lol. I just like to see?
Pretty decent – was good to share with them… but isn’t a place I be like “hmmm I will go there” …unless I with them… I was impressed though – for eating only plants lol … interesting
Loved the atmosphere ❤️ so cute!! Was different colors and like Andy Warhol ish pics on wall? Super cute – definitely with character!!
So I am a mom… granted she is at a sleep over birthday party tonight … but ya know – I do need down time… omg do I need down time?
He call me twice – but I with my friends and no. I not answer – I busy. Chill.
And then he text me and say he know the date we go out again / ok … 🤨
Ugh 😑
Ok I will deal tmrw – I can not for rest of day today!! Sunday I will deal and adult … ugh
It can never be just chill, understand boundaries – I am still raising a child and working very hard at a job I love … I am also gonna need down time.
Back off
So. Ugh … always
Please just chill. Do not come at me fast and furious – way too over my head – That immediately makes me retreat hard so please just careful with boundaries and do not come at me like that… too much.
On Friday with my kids – I say to them… we should save up and take trip to Hawaii to have family vacation 🙏❤️ …
They all made faces about Hawaii 🤨… they say and what we do?
I answer with many awesome examples lol … and they roll their eyes 🤨 what??? How you not want that???
They say no
Ok fine – where you wanna go?
Oldest say Japan and then the rest of them jump on board 🚂… they all want to go visit Japan and then they all start talking excitedly about Japan – Tokyo and some other big city I did not know?
They speak of electronics and video games lol
Ugh so I look it up and is all city 😮 I say that… where the nature? That is a lot of people and also very big city 😳 that would probably be shock for me …
They tell me all kinds of things and tell me about getting everything from a vending machine lol
Ummm
They were losing me lol … but then they say there are country areas and so much history and culture – ok well I would like that…
But then also… one other thing… Japan 😳 … what about your earthquakes? Yours are worse than California’s at this moment
We are due for one – either San Fran or LA 😳
But yours I see on news before – they look scary where you are 😳
We on the ring of fire too. But yours look more intense 😳 and also more frequent
When I go into San Fran – I pray a little ✌️😘 please not today
But ok … if they want that – then maybe someday
I do not speak any Japanese – the oldest does 🙄 … he has been obsessed with Japan since a child lol – he is not Japanese at all lol … but he has always loved and admired. Funny though
He had a friend in school who was Japanese and the kids father wanted his son to come back to Japan and visit family – the actual son had zero interest – but MY son was like omg I will go lol 🙄
I like Japanese too… but that’s like the only place they wanna go. None of my other suggestions were liked – only Japan
So alright – I won’t understand a thing but ok – pretty sure many speak English ? And I have a phone that can translate so I think I could do fine … as long as translates correctly 🤨
Ok so… when I work in city… no one knows me there … I am unknown ❤️ I love being unknown ❤️
It was wonderful because I could go to work – be all unknown and that was it… then I come home and be away.
But now… not only do I LIVE in town, but I have been in this town… I am from this town… they know me here …
It was only matter of time, but today it happen… family came in and I knew them… I lit up and they did too, so excited and big smiles all at first… but then I remembered where I work and they remember what there for and then was solemn 😔
It was a matter of time.
I am from here, and live here and know many people … now I work here … I am no longer unknown 😳😮
I did not really think that through – although the commute I have now is kinda worth it… I’m not all stressy from the drive and I don’t have to leave for work when is still dark just to be ok with traffic
Now I can leave my house at 7:57 and still be to work before 8am 😮😮😮😮 how bad ass is that?
But to have that – people know me. So I’m not really sure how I feel with that?
Now will get around I am back and where I am.
So I not be unknown anymore
Ok.
So I could be ok? Is different now?
I just always worry with my silence – I do suffer from in diagnosed PTSD from everything – and that’s where I go silent
Should be fine.
I don’t really have escape now – everything right here …
I also running into same issues with men always so that and then not being unknown ?? I dunno 🤷♀️
I was also going through death and Cancer and satan before … I don’t have cancer or satan at this moment or hopefully ever again 🙏 dear lord please!!! I do still go through death, every day …but not my own.
I had a lot of pressure from all areas and I was exhausted from fighting for my life with cancer and Satan … and then also I was so well known here – everyone knew me… I had the entire community know me…
I went into my final surgery normal – and when I came out I fell off face of earth cause I could not deal at all. I just went completely silent … I stopped all social media abruptly – like completely done… suddenly without warning – I refused to respond to anything … I only had Facebook though but it has everyone from my childhood, my family, my adult life while married … people I loved
And I would post raw about the cancer and what was happening – everyone jump in to help me and many were soooo compassionate … every day I had hundreds of messages on messenger and things
Satan used social media to harass and abuse
And then even though cancer I still got hit on … once I lock keys in car right after mastectomy … I had not done the reconstruction yet – but I had tubes and drains and many awful things … when I came out to car… I see keys on seat… so I have AAA and I call for tow… they send out some young guy who thought I was a nurse because I at hospital and I was dressed in blue that day.
I said … no I am cancer patient – I just had mastectomy few weeks ago – and he still ask me to dinner 😮😮
I did not have dinner with him, or anything with him. That was hard time to me. And I was not in that mind frame. I just wanted my keys 🔑
But it was all that all at once that make me go silent. So I drop off face of earth… and then if that was not enough… I picked up and went to middle of no where and would not respond to anyone unless I thought you would send out swat team or something …
They were all mortified – I had just gone through so much turmoil and trauma and then went silent and refused to answer anyone. Didn’t care I needed that… I needed peace
I had a friend who would not let go and would NOT give up – no matter how much I not respond… finally I respond to her and she say – I was so worried you gonna slit your wrists or something
I just needed time and I needed the world to get the fuck away from me
Sometimes I still need that. ✌️ only when severely overwhelmed – I will go into my shell 🐚 for minute – just be quiet
I also do not give men chance really because of shit from Satan … if you pull any narcissistic moves or anything like that – I will drop you like hot potato… I go ice cold and walk away. Nope not dealing with that shit
I am driving this train now… I’ll be damned to have another man who full of shit and waste of time … so I watch how someone treats others, how they are with me, who they are as a person… and stuff like that – I’m not gonna get stuck with another satan
I have taken time to heal and know self and what want – I not settling … and after what went through – I can’t do that again
So… ya know – I dunno 🤷♀️
That brings me to the guy… so he text me either in morning or mid morning – but when I am at work… it’s poppin – so I can’t not respond to personal things – unless my kids have emergency or something … I’m just too busy and then I forget
I am really really busy at work! A lot of restructuring and things – I have a new location I fixing – and I currently handling 3 helping get some trained up
But guy will usually text me at night to say good night
Which is fine I guess… is just texts – whatever … isn’t anything too much, just good morning and good night usually or saying how much he like me 😳
But then tonight he CALL me
Calling is different than texts – I am weird with that.
With a text, it’s at my discretion – and if I busy or exhausted – I can answer later or another time
I was not expecting a call and usually – unless on call … my phone is quiet … 🙌
Except tonight – remember my little grumpy old man I used to take care of? He call me tonight and we chat for little while and I tell him I recently talk to his sister … they been in my life for maybe 25/30 years? They my catholic family ❤️ I talked to his sister on my birthday ❤️
But he had to go… he is old and forgets to charge his phone and it dies lol 🙄😄 (that actually doesn’t sound like a bad idea when I say it lol ✌️ ooops lol forgot to charge) but I need the phone always usually because of work.
Anyway I was doing things and not paying attention to caller ID … I thought was maybe grumpy old man again? But it wasn’t …
It was guy and when I answer first thing he say is so good to hear my voice…
And then I’m kinda caught off guard? We talk for minute and then he say… so when think you might be available again 😳
Ok.
So this is gonna be a thing. Ok
Cause now I don’t feel like he give me room to breathe… now I feel pressure
He on different path than me… he want to travel and have fun all the time… but I have to survive and then also… the vacation time I DO have… I save that for my mother – I am not willing to lose my mom and not be able to be there with her
Some friends say – yeah well life, and you never do something for you… but I do – I self care… they just mean major things … my life is my family and my job
And he live very far
I just feel like he jumping in WAY WAY WAY too fast
And I have been asking around about these emojis…
People don’t usually use those in regular text messages!! I have been asking people!! It’s a little weird right?
He will send me things with his emoji person but it will have a background and sometimes a full person … it’s weird – just odd way to text
Mine are all just the head and hands … his are all elaborate with stuff – is weird
But anyway – like I say a phone call is different
And since so far he texting me everyday – yes every day – like this is a total thing… this is not a total thing… way too fast!! That is overwhelm area – careful
Ok see sorta stuff like this just makes me not even want to try with anyone – or a give a chance
Because is always this or asshole so why bother?
I am not in hurry for anything – every day I wake up and I am lucky enough to have another day – makes me thankful enough ❤️
And I am away from having drama at home and I am away from Satan – is peaceful now
And while I do want something from someone… I just don’t know fate with that yet. And there is one thing that means ALOT to me – that I want and need… if you can’t do… then bye – to have a person in my life – that be a HUGE thing.
I just pour myself into my work and kids… so… I don’t really stop for someone to catch me. But then sometimes my people think I should live more and then since I work in death everyday and also because of losing my mom… lately I question if I live life or have I been forgetting to live?
I dunno – I see a lot of death so I just thinking
Tmrw I could die… you are never promised a tomorrow
My people see me pour myself into work… and when I not working I just like peace – so I come home and have nice peaceful night by self. I like that… is peaceful – I have peace now…
You could say I don’t have a life? I dunno… I do. I don’t always have to be with someone or do things to have a life. Sometimes peace is life … well for me. ✌️
Well anyway… a phone call and everyday texts is kinda much … this is new … he knows nothing about me other than my personality – nothing else
All he is interested in is travel and having fun… which is great sure – anyone would love that… and of course you have fun
But I can not have fun all the time – currently I am still adulting (mostly) ✌️
But omg – I can’t be gallivanting around having all kinds of fun!! I have shit to do!!!
And I need some room to breathe.
You really need to know your person for your approach – this is why you take time to know someone … he coulda been fine if he just chill
Is never chill
Well anyway … grumpy old man did call me back… and I was like “oooohh I gotta run – I have a call coming in – byyeeee”
Ahhhh grumpy old man I love you!! You save me! Thank you ❤️ I told him about everything and he tell me it does seem too fast, and said he sound needy and desperate
But again remember too, I am younger for him? So maybe is that? I am very younger
Ok so I am learning my age range
I have a saying regarding the young ones – cause I have issues there too… my rule there is… if you young enough to have been my child – nope 👎 must be at the very least 10 years older than my oldest. If you coulda come outta me – you never getting in me – nope!!! So I like that rule. 😊✌️
But I never thought you need one for older… but ok… if you could be MY parent – perhaps that is also gonna be cut off. lol … I never thought to make cut off for older – only younger … I usually deal with younger
I don’t really like to have these things because no one can be just chill and relaxed. It’s always gotta be this huge thing
Can’t someone just take some time… I know we not guaranteed time in life… I know… but I need time so that is always gonna be thing. Ugh – patience is virtue so… guy fails.
This is why I don’t like to give chances … cause no one can just actually be chill with me. Can you just be easy and treat me like human being and not overwhelm
Country boy did right in that way… why he still in my life… he go slow and take time and let me grow for own self and not suffocate – we not on same page though – he can be in my life but I will keep distance because of that. I already know we don’t want same things so is no point … but he has always also been great friend to me. And he still there … and since he know me so long… he knows all I went through. He can be my friend. But that’s it… he does not want what I want – no benefits offered other than my sparkling personality lol 😘✌️
If you interested in someone …you should let them breathe and not pressure – be easy. Go slow. Take time – true colors come always. Always always always – just takes time – what is rush?
Took me time to build my world again – and I love my world ❤️
All the best things in my life I build and I take time to make good life. So … he way too fast and I overwhelmed and pressured so I will deal with that as always 😞
And also I need to be little careful with balancing – not totally balanced because 2022 is just insane the entire year so far!!!
Can we please please please have a week in March? Please 🙏🙏🙏 mostly to commemorate Covid because we really should remember how we get to this place and also to honor & remember everyone lost 💔 … but also I really miss the shut down with the world, and the peace … plus I could use a week of nothing … please please please 🙏🙏🙏
One week of nothing sounds soooooo incredible … we can make it a yearly thing – we could all use escape and balance from worldly things – a retrospect 🙌❤️
I know you won’t do it, you only do stuff like that when you scared. Takes a deadly virus to make world shut down real fast – otherwise nope – it doesn’t – seemingly getting crazier!!
Mentally the world should take a week together every year 🙏😘 just one week together no pressure lol … but then again – see I want to always remember life
Yeah I don’t like it…. I do not like gods sense of humor!! I swear someone up there says “watch this, let’s see how she handles this” as they all laugh 🤨 I’m sure of it!
Ok well to start the morning I had staff issues … ones that I had to step in between, because personality clashes … they young. 20’s
Both very strong, but very different – but that is good… because I can see which one do best with which family – I like to have a variety to offer … it makes families more comfortable
BUT we must be team – they my team now so… yeah we gonna handle this. At first I speak with them and clear a few things …
But I so busy … my phone rings off the hook! And was last day of end of month omg
Ok breathe
Guy text me at some point in morning, but I in meetings and handling things and have my own shit – yeah who knew funerals be so intense? Omg
But he say a lot 😳
Just a lot of repeating what he already say – he love our connection, thinks I’m awesome… when I tell someone they be like “awww”
I like my life all nice and peaceful – I try VERY hard to be peaceful. I do not like a lot of craziness in ALL areas… I like peace ☮️
Well anyway… I work very late – until about 7:30… so about 12 hours … but I do good and get done ✔️
And then … I come home and walk in door and my phone blowing up – nope not doing that – I done.
And then my text messages start going off … 2 overlapping dings so I know is 2 different people … ok well who is it and what the hell is happening … fine I will look …
And this is where gods sense of humor comes in… it was the guy with a text of an emoji … he keeps using the emoji of himself constantly even just all by itself ? Is this a thing? I do the little emojis but I do not like to use my own
Ugh lol ok – whatever … I’ve just never had someone text me like that so is weird little ??
But at the SAME time he text… country boy text … ok very funny – very fuckin funny 🤨 this is why I do not like someone’s sense of humor!!
Where is my peace?? This is why I keep to self always!!
How do I make that stop? I try to be sooooo unnoticeable – I fail so miserably!
Ok well whatever – life wanna go loco?
Fricken always!! So you see?
Ok so country boy is my baseball player who… well we not on same page – and he doesn’t want same so ok made your decision. But he still checks on me from time to time / I tell you how I feel about that…
He just does so that I remember he there 🙄 yeah ok … you know the old saying “shit or get off the pot” ✌️ I hated that saying lol but it is true.
I have a fire with him so I stay far away from him… lol fire is dangerous and we not on same page … so I keep distance…
I have known him for 8 years – he is 1 year older than me.
Ok I thought that when you age … ALL this SLOWS down… so at what age does that happen??
Cause I am waiting and is not happening!!!
He just checking on me, like always does … every so often he remember me and put himself back on my mind.
He knows there is fire there … I very very careful with him. And we have backstory… he was there through my cancer and divorce and the death of my father…
I would get overwhelmed and he would say be ready I picking you up and we leaving and he take me away ❤️ … he show me peace ✌️
And then ya know, he good to me so I always good back. I also care because he was there and helped my mind escape the horrific things I was going through …
But there is definitely a fire with him … so I just cautious. We just not on same page 📄
I went silent on many reasons… but these things were also one of them.
I always worry because I do have urge to run away again – Y’all are crazy!! just the house kinda makes me stay but it makes me be all up in life
I’m not too sure about life – I don’t trust alot … I want to love life and live life, and I do mostly no matter where am … but at same time – I don’t trust it. So we do my way this time 😘
But I just don’t understand what I supposed to learn here? What???
I try so hard to stay away from all this!! Yup – it’s impossible unless you go to middle of nowhere and isolate.
It was the house that put me back in civilization… see why I was hesitant to come back? It was just better when I silent
Well as far as peace goes anyway. But the house made me come back to town… it was the house that brought me back … and then all the events lead me here
That was leaving Sac on Saturday and heading to Denver …
So it was good, I will tell you – then you give me your opinion.
Ok so … when I met him… he had a dozen red roses for me 😮 roses 🌹 – they smell so beautiful – they were beautiful… I took maybe 6 and put in my suitcase to press. Because how I gonna take that on the plane ? Lol
Was beautiful sweet kind thought. Thank you very much 🥰
We get to airport and … we get on plane ✈️… and there is someone next to me… and he makes a comment to me – that I had never heard but make me uncomfortable little? I don’t think was nice word.
I am extremely EXTREMELY sensitive to the way someone treats others so I was not sure though because I had never heard the term before – but I am pretty sure that is not a nice term… I would never use that term EVER! I found that term very uncomfortable.
He only said to me softly in my ear – but still raised a red flag 🚩 … you have to be very careful how you treat people so I watching. ✌️😘
I thought ok well maybe I just don’t know that term and I taking wrong so ok whatever
The person I sit next to that he make comment about … was a sweetheart – very old and did not speak English very well … I work in funerals and see many people – even ones who don’t speak English well – so I am used to figuring out what say…
So the stewardess lady offer drink and he say “coke-a-cola” lol … she couldn’t understand … but I knew what he saying, so I tell her and he gets his coke. I help him the whole flight because he was sweet and also needed help – if that was my family – I would hope someone help them too 🙏✌️
He tell me thank you and was so sincere
So anyway – that was that …
Ok I will watch and see how plays out – we see
So we get to Denver …
As a storm moves in. Wasn’t too bad Saturday night.
We got in Denver about 7:30pm central time Saturday night and we even see rainbow 🌈
It poured on way to hotel…
So we get to hotel and go to our rooms to freshen up and go to dinner.
Look at the skies of Denver 😮
Omg that’s what I miss!! I don’t miss seasons – but I miss weather ❤️ … Sacramento weather is boring… beautiful skies also yes – but boring … I miss good storms … we don’t even get those in winter anymore – just boring annoying rain with no excitement
In Denver – the weather can change in a SECOND 😮😮😮 … oh just wait lol … gets better lol
So we went out and had a nice dinner at a really nice place… and went back to hotel to go to sleep – it was late.
The next day, we head out to go check stuff out …
First … check out this shit!! Look what they pay for gas!!!
What the F California!!!! You suck! Rest of country pays little gas! I die every time I see that!!!
This place was incredible – you have to go… I had no idea – people been having concerts here since 1900! Or maybe before – the acoustics off the rocks are incredible.
Not to mention the sheer beauty of the area, the weather and the history 😮😮…
Omg the beauty – omg – this picture completely mesmerizes me!! ❤️ omg … there are others too!!
So we checked that all out and still had a lot of time. So he ask me if we wanna go to movies 🍿… yes ok sure – what wanna see?
And he ask if I see “Elvis” yet… no I had not… but he had … and he was excited for me to see
I also do love Elvis … but I also know is sad story.
Was good movie but I cry couple times so that was hard – I did not like that lol … and then I all mad how badly they all mistreat him because of motives!!! Abusive so … I also don’t like that. ✌️
I also didn’t like the era where they so uptight … I would not have done well in that era lol ✌️ … AS IF
I woulda been banned in a second lol – no way I be cool with their controlling ways – omg yeah I would not do well in that era!!
Good movie to show the severity of the abuse of Elvis Presley – makes you hate everyone who took advantage of him!!! Despicable! Really disgusting business
But anyway… whatever – we saw Elvis …
I also do not like when Hollywood takes liberties from the story they tell … either tell it right – or don’t tell it!! But whatever ✌️ … some incorrect things
I am very much critic! Especially if you make me cry!! Lol ✌️😘
Decent movie, despite Hollywood and the disgusting mistreatment of Elvis himself.
But anyway … we went back to hotel after that… freshened up for concert – I looked amazing!! Totally done up and felt good… was so excited
We had brought some cheap ponchos incase of little rain … but we did not have little rain 😳😳
We had absolute monsoon!!! OMG!! The heavens opened up and OMG just DUMPED BUCKETS!!!
So we got completely soaked and drenched – OMG – I was wet from head to toe, soaked – not just wet… I was soaked to the bone!!! Omg so wet!!
So we wait and wait and it rains and rains … now I am from California lol … it is the middle of summer – my shit don’t do this lol …
We do not get rain in summer and nothing like this – damn Colorado!! Lol when rains it pours 😮
It was too dangerous with all the electrical and lights and things – so concert was delayed …
It continued to pour – they had everything covered …
We thought was going to be canceled – but then they say they gonna do and start removing tarps from instruments and sweeping water off the stage 😮
It was still raining and it was 10:30pm now…
He came out and say he gonna go ahead and play through the rain and also the noise ordinance – if they fine him – fuck it lol ✌️
You can totally see the rain falling on the crowd through the lights in this video – just watch 😮
The concert was wrapping up about 12am… and I was soaked to bone and freezing – omg Colorado!!
I was shivering 🥶 really bad… talk about ammonia 😳
I mask whole time but still … I wet, freezing and cold! 🥶
He say “you ready to go to car?”
Yes – yes I am!!!
So we left during last song … half the audience had left even before concert started because was so bad – no one thought they would be allowed to do because of all the water – but they did obviously
I will not forget that!! And the rain ended as the concert ended lol … Fricken Colorado lol
I got this pic as we leave ❤️✌️…
It was fun. Was adventure for sure. Was like buncha people from the 70’s lol - but really cool!
Was nice and mellow music and adventure rain
One of my people say to me “you are a trooper to put up with that” … um well life things I don’t mind. Happens – made an adventure – and memory I definitely won’t forget lol 😄😮✌️
I got to see something like that – have experience so was pretty cool. Yeah – I put up with it lol – not a big deal – like I said … I don’t mind life stuff.
On way back to hotel he say to me … “I’m just gonna break the ice and say this but I am in love with you, I love spending time with you and you so fun and never dramatic, you been through a lot of shit and you never speak about what was done to you”
Well first of all … that is because I am in present … I do not look to past. Only for history ✌️😘 …
And Mr. Speedy … I am slower lol – that is not my thing right away – careful with that….
Also – this is why I do not give my time – do you see?
You need to relax… you do not need to say those things … also please remember I am a life whirlwind so be careful. You should not spend time with me unless you know how to handle a life whirlwind. ✌️😘
But ok … so I just tell him I enjoy the time with him too – but I am slower and also work alot – so I worry that gonna be a thing… is always a thing – so we see
But then on way home… once again the person I sit next to is similar to first time when we go there and he just say “hey! We know you” which also struck me as little rude … but I smile at the man. And he smile back.
Then during flight I again help with things – but this one spoke English fine so I help with other things, and he tell me thank you sincerely, just like the one before him.
I am little bothered by that ALOT!!
I work in funerals … ya know what… we all bleed the same… so I am highly sensitive with how you treat another – so I am bothered by that one thing!! Well and the I love you … but I am used to that. 🫤
Ok so… what think? Opinions?
Alright well good night – I am home safe and ok… once again – I was not murdered lol 😘✌️
Sorry that I say that – but people 🤷♀️ … you just never know.
And that was my weekend – was quite the adventure. So I in thought.
Ok so… Thursday – it went well… I have half day tmrw and hoping to get everything finished somewhat and stable.
I doing decently, is just messy.
Also… is very quiet – is a lull … we do not like that… because although is good no one dies… the thing is… those lulls… are like the calm before the storm and then we get our asses handed to us… that’s what happens … every time it does that …
So I am uneasy in the lull 😮 just hang on one moment while I get squared away!! 🙏 I almost there!
But yeah those make us really nervous. All hell breaks loose after those lulls omg
Watch – it will happen … it always does. And then I be begging for minute of mercy.
I seen that already sooooo many times!! Ugh ok … currently there is lull 😳
I just not used to it. When I say I am quiet in areas – I am REALLY quiet – I’m not used to having someone in life so 🤷♀️ is just ? New?
So I kinda sorta need time with the whole texting thing lol
I do it with my friends – no problem … but they know me … so they quick zip and make me laugh – bada bing bada boom done ✔️
If they want me more than that – they just call 🙂
And work – mostly tons of texts – my phone goes off all the time with work… mostly texts but many funeral people have my phone number and I can help them with things 🙂
And some families have my number because of certain things so… always avail for a family ✌️❤️
But otherwise – personally – I remain deadly silent lol 😉
So I dunno – this is new thing for me to fit in. I am little weird when someone try to come close into my world – that’s like my world so – I’m not really used to it
I’m a silent type
🤷♀️
Just used to not having that. And that’s sorta my world area… so … that’s weird
And then it’s weird that, I like him… but even with my friends I can be quiet – they know… they know I am either exhausted and probably sleeping or they also know there are times where I am very very silent – if I too overwhelmed I come home and be silent. I just like that peace – nothing bad. There are just moments of peace that I appreciate
If I forget to text them – they text me lol – yes I do forget things like that because life get all insane always 🤨
But when someone in your life then you kinda have to remember and respond lol
Ok so … I will have to train self to remember that lol … it’s just because things get crazy
And also – I am just more at ease when someone knows me and just ease in slow
Yeah yeah … 🙄 … life never let me have slow!!! Not this year for sure!!
It gave me slow for little while – but then I get a little bit of a grip and it go fast now!
I also haven’t stopped to have someone in my life either. So… everything just weird – I’m not used to
I been in peace too long 😮
Well whatever – just saying
And then today… after work I go to this place for something and I have to sit and talk to this man…
Very nice man, but evidentially he have some crazy life too? And he sad and telling me he just broke up with gfriend couple months ago – he very sweet and kind.. but people always tell me all there things lol … I did not know this man at all. Lol … was personal business stuff
One time when I was a little girl.. back in the day – they used to wheel your grocery cart to your car for you and help you load… you would tip them
So… I was with my mother and little brother & sister … and the bagger guy is walking us to our car to help us load … in meantime … my mother says “hi how is your day going?”
And I swear we there for at least an hour as my mother politely listened lol … l we were young and impatient so she had to go lol
But I remember that – it would happen to her to! Lol
It just happens – I just don’t understand how so comfortable to do that with stranger ? But I am calm gentle person with people so? 🤷♀️
Unless you try to come in my life real fast lol 😄… then I’m not sure of calm ? Lol 😘
But yeah… so weird things
Ohhh and do you remember me telling you about Jesus approaching with my DoorDash order? Lol
Alright well Jesus been in my life weirdly all week!! Jesus had totally been the theme – cause then…
I had to deal with cleaners – and the new cleaners – my contact is Jesus – omg
Oh but that’s not all!!!
Then Jesus from corporate called me 😳
Ok what is up with so much Jesus? Would life like me to pray? Cause that is ALOT of Jesus in short time! So??? Why all of sudden so much? Is this a joke?
And then every time it makes me be like “oh cmon!” And then I laugh cmon! Is not ever this way!!!
I am probably just way over cautious? Maybe? Either way – I gonna learn a lesson. 😮😳
Also… I’m probably gonna be little tough ? Only cause protective. ✌️ sigh … you have to be!!! Seriously!!
You do not even know.
So we see… just takes time to know who someone is.
I am not sure – we will see – this should be interesting.
He text me earlier hoping my day was better than yesterday (it was) … and he say he bogged down with hurdles this week and can’t wait to see his little redhead … hmm 🤔
I texted back I was at store – which I was… after work me and the new girls went shopping 🛍 I adore my new girls!
I just get few things cause someone text me a list 🙄 I was gonna get shoes for self, but didn’t – they were platforms which I do love… but when I wear heals I tower over people omg … I do not like that!!! Omg my legs
Yeah I do not like to be tallest woman… I am normally 5’7” … but in heels 👠 … or platforms omg I sooooo tall!!! I can see over the clouds lol 😘✌️ pretty much ✌️ I don’t like it
So I decided against – I do not want to tower everyone – no I stick out enough – I am good. Ugh 😑
We all dressed in black and all sleek… there were 3 of us 😊
We forget what we wear after work – we don’t think of it … and someone stop us and ask us why we all in black suits shopping lol … she ask us where we work? We say Funeral Home
And she just recently lost someone. And kinda shared with us … that is touching to us, see with grief people are vulnerable … it hurts so they just come to us. They just wanna unload their soul, she say maybe she come visit and bring coffee lol – she was sweet woman – young woman.
I gonna have some community event to bring people to my funeral home. Don’t be afraid – we can give you information so you informed – there are many interesting and helpful things we can share.
And anyways – with the way the world likes to capitalize on fear … in todays world – isn’t it a good idea to just have this information or be informed about death – we are more than happy to make time to answer questions, or we are also kinda grief counselors but not really / it just happens with the job.
She also thanked us for what we do 😊❤️
Plus we see a lot of human emotion, so we are ok – yes please come talk to us – let us inform or help you 😊❤️ don’t wait until you devastated to know things
Anyway very very sweet woman – is kinda nice to always see humanity in this way? ❤️ where it isn’t anything but that loss – very honest and very human emotions – nothing else – just raw
Also today… something about a family caught my eye so I ask them a question? And then they brighten up and tell me all these wonderful memories ❤️ they came in sad and left laughing and smiling 😊 … and that is how you make it through grief 😘
We do for that ❤️ when you can give peace ✌️ I had no idea was connected to wonderful memories – I love too… and it just brightened and opened them up ❤️
Well anyway… so we shopping and that happen.
Then I get home, made a fast dinner and text him…
I dunno how I feel with this… is sending up my red flags – but then you know – it’s me… I am overly cautious…
Oh and then today… so… I speaking to someone I hire as contractor… and I talking to him about what I want done, can he do it and we discussing …
And then he says to me… ya know, you just have the greatest attitude … you are very nice and very friendly
Oh. Well thank you
And then he says … you married? 😩😑🤨
No, I used to be married to satan – but now I am not
If you gonna ask me that question, that’s what I gonna say lol
And then he says how is a beautiful sweet woman like you not married
Ok 😳 well because – I was married to satan, I am not now, and I rebuild my life. I am cautious with my time.
But see!! I tell you so you see – it’s always a thing
I steer the convo back to work and now I will be conscience of that.
Ahhhh do you see why I protective?
I think that guy is harmless, but it sends up my protection mode. I gonna be cautious and know to keep all business!
Yes. It’s flattering yes. I get it. Thank you … I just cautious and with business – I’m sorry I keep strictly business ✌️
And then so as far as guy goes…. I don’t know… I will see…just matter of time to show who is – so we see – I gonna give a chance – we see with concert guy…
You can not be insecure, I am not gonna do that … I’m sorry – if I want you – you won’t have to worry… you don’t have to really worry anyway… but I don’t have the energy to baby anyone …
I don’t have insecurity with men – just caution ⚠️ I don’t trust but not insecure – I will walk if not good
I’m thinking that I see this weekend? so we see
I want to be at ease and relaxed and not on guard with things. So when someone can do that – then that’s what I want ✌️… also add a fire – I do like that too 😘 … but let me be a person… that is gonna be a prerequisite so … we see
I don’t mind someone being their own person – I be supportive and all that – I be your cheerleader 😘
Cause listen – I handle my own self. I do not need a white knight to save me… I’m good.
If you sincere I will see. I don’t wanna be owned or anything bad. I want to still have my life – I still want my people, and what I do, and my family ❤️
I am just hard in this area. I don’t know how to not be hard because I am not given chance to be soft ✌️ I always have to be guarded!!
I want amazing life so… i want to be at ease and happy and always love life … I know life has punches and hard times, but I mean in general …
I can give that to self just fine… so… we see
So don’t bother if you not gonna be able to handle.
I rather know to start – why waste time?
But ok I will see – I’m totally not sure what I doing 😮 … this is not my thing – I have been out of commission for very long time – so yeah – I gonna be protective
Sometimes I have moments where I wanna believe the best- but we see ✌️
So yesterday when I come home from work I lay down about 5:45 and by 6pm I asleep 😮😮 … I thought only for moment … I was wrong 😑
I miss all kinda text messages 🤨 work and personal …
So I figure I catch up today…
Well – guy calls my phone at 7am lol … he say he worried because I not answer yesterday and I had told him about the crazy guy and shots fired – so he say he worried
Yes I am ok… I was going to respond today
So I’m not sure – we see …it’s very early on but I get it. We see … careful I gonna be watching
I do not want to feel bad things so careful – remember you don’t own me
So we see
You gonna have to be very careful with that – cause if I even feel like you think you own me – we will have issues … be careful is way too early to be like that so I’m just gonna go with he is simply concerned sincerely – but careful there – that’s a thing so easy does it ✌️
And then one of my people say this… be careful in Denver 😳😮 and look what they send me…
So yesterday – I woke up really early, because I had to be in Sacramento really early. At like the crack ass of dawn!! Now I messed up my sleep!! I literally came home, had a drink of water and flopped on the bed thinking “Just one moment” and here we are 🤨 at the crack ass of dawn again – ugh ok what are we on? Wednesday? Ok
I was supposed to be back for a service … ha! That did not happen.
I get into city and I only supposed to get few papers and head back… but then since I training so many people… everyone like hey I need you omg
Ok so I handle one, jump to the other at another location since I already right there…
Then I get call from boss – hurry your ass up back, family coming for release – ahhhh!
So I drove it like I stole it – omg
But I get back and my big big big boss – over my boss had to do something for us “I” was supposed to do and he had never done lol
So I run in and he in a web meeting – and he says to me… can you check my paper work 😄😄❤️ he did great!! He is so funny!!
He knows I run all over place training and things. Whew! 😥
Yesterday was a day that was insane! Plus is my end of month and helping 3 locations! 😮 ahhhh 😳
Anyway whatever – from the minute I start work until the end of day – omg 😱 like a rag doll!
I have ONLY been at new location… umm… all last week was my first week… but the Friday prior is when they call me to get over there. So I have been there since 22nd
Well I was zipping all over the place and I miss my morning meeting, but I see it on my peoples computer and I wave as I zip by the camera lol
My big big big boss says “so weird to see you at that location” (was my orig location) because I passing it off – and I been neck deep in new one.
But is funny, I have only been away for week, almost 2 weeks.
My new location is hour away from rest of them, and this summer I been gone a lot!! With like Texas and everything. Omg
And then when I came back – everyone one else was sick, so they home and I work … (thank you mom for calling me away ❤️) see she still protects me lol 😉❤️
If I didn’t go to my mom, I woulda gotten sick. I would have been with them.
And if didn’t go to my mom, I would not have met this guy person. We never would have crossed paths ever!! And the whole thing was complete fluke! Completely!
So… I flew home on American … and maybe week or so before flight home – American ask “hey you wanna upgrade for $100?” Ummm – yeah ya know what fuck it – yes yes I do lol … so I upgraded to first… I was by myself and emotional and just whatever … so I did that
And the seat next to me was empty – I watched the seats everyday! Oh good, no one take seat next to me… literally every single day I check!! Ahh ok in the clear. ✌️❤️
Until literally DAY OF FLIGHT – dammit someone next to me! Ugh ok whatever
So when I go… it was him. From minute I sit, we laugh and talk entire time- the waitress thought we together and we like no no, we just meet. 3 hour flight was over in a second!
THEN… 🤨… the person who supposed to pick me up tell me as soon as I land – she just cut self can’t get me… needs me to find ride to help her …omg
And he say I can bring you 😳 ok well what I do? She was waiting for me for paramedics and I did not have ride – so fine ok – if I die, I die. Dear lord protect me lol … and it was fine lol … but I was lucky 🍀 … I am lucky even when I have bad luck
So he drop me at her house and asked for my number, then the insanity continued with the rest of my life. 🤨
I thought was fluke with the way we clicked… cause that can happen … but he text and ask for picnic – well ok that is different… and was wonderful – still really clicked
We just laugh and have good convo about things and I don’t talk about death. So I dunno?
He book us the most incredible hotel 😮 and we going to this incredible place – I forgot what day was the concert and thought was Saturday
When me and my people look and see who the concert is – for one moment I almost died 😮 the smile across my face was HUGE!! Because Saturday night concert is :
But no it can’t be… that can’t be right because I would have had no question yes or no lol ✌️ omg no question!
But no the one he taking me to is Sunday night
Ahhh – I was not lucky here lol … I’m kidding – but I love both of those ❤️✌️…
Sunday night be cool too. Probably older crown lol so we see – I do not know artist for Sunday – is blues music … so be new lol
I am still not too sure… I have ALOT of hesitation… I am cautious person usually. So I think life puts things in your life to give you opportunity of growth? So we see, I am an old dog though… but we see – I am also whirlwind with life
When I in middle of no where – I be quiet, I have peace… I like the zen ❤️
I stayed sooooo invisible… and I still try to… I knew the moment I leave the middle of no where that life would rush back in… I knew it!
I just thought it would be slower??? Not “ready set go” 🤨 I thought life would ease back little at time… but nope full throttle 🚀
I have only been back from the middle of nowhere since January … that’s when I get house … literally from start of 2022, up til now, this year has had everything humanly possible!
Ok so… the year I lived a lifetime 😳
I was under the impression that… as you age, things wind or slow down… ok well, that is not happening in my life … In my life …it feels like it’s gearing up 😳😮 dear lord have mercy!
Ugh – I swear my life somehow got insane. 2022 is just this crazy insane year! Omg – one lifetime in one year 😮 this is my most insane year of my life ever!!
I prefer peace so I chase that … but I am also this way… listen to the words lol
So… when in middle of no where I can just have peace. I can stay hidden and control the insanity cause there is peace… I silent ❤️ no problems
But then if I live life – it explodes 🧨 – I am very well aware of this. Hence the extreme caution
I am a life whirlwind – which is probably why I hold death up well? Or I think I do lol ✌️😘 (if something happens with my mom everything out the window lol) but typically yes – but I am reserved subdued life whirlwind… that’s why I cautious who come close.
I do not let go with life because it will go insane!!! I am trying NOT to have insane but it’s happening anyway… so fuck it – whatever – I will live life and see … just a little … I do not really trust life and it’s shenanigans
But lately there signs ??? Just peoples words or things that say live life before too late ⏰
Learning Life 