I was in a funk… just very sad with things

But … I have a best friend ❤️🥰❤️ – she also works in funerals but different part than me. She writes the policies or trusts BEFORE someone dies.

I worked last Thursday and Friday and I have one employee who is problem employee – so I still was not myself and got burnt out on just 2 days. So told my boss am taking last 2 Covid days and I be back on Wednesday. Just overwhelmed.

So my best friend called me yesterday and wanted to know if me and my daughter wanted to get lunch & hang out for day because she was taking yesterday off too… was the anniversary of her fathers death.

She said … I don’t wanna talk about death or work… just fun maybe shopping 🛍

So yesterday we had a mental health day ❤️

We met at her house… my daughter got to meet all her pets (2 cats and a dog) which she loved!

We went and got lunch at Carl’s Jr. which is what daughter requested lol – we ate in car.

Then we all went shopping 🛍

So the entire day – we did not talk about death, sadness or work 🙌❤️

And she’s wicked funny… so we all laughing and having wonderful time ❤️

I just needed to escape and remove myself from everything else for a minute – just have some girl fun ❤️ nothing else

I have the funniest and most amazing best friend ❤️❤️❤️ when we together we laugh and are goofy and the world just melts away ❤️ I love her ❤️

Funniest thing about her is her family is from 2 different places lol… one side is from Massachusetts so she gets me lol (we drive the same and have same excitement and humor lol 😄✌️)

And the other side of her family is from Hawaii 🙌 🌴☀️ … lol … she is fun and hilarious ❤️

We listened to Christmas music all day too ❤️✌️

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❤️❤️❤️

So better spirits for us ❤️ took my mind away for a day ❤️❤️❤️

Tmrw I go back to work and then have Thanksgiving off – which I be with kids ❤️ and Friday I work – but I have most of my Christmas shopping already done ❤️

The only problem I have with that now – is I am a horrible Christmas person … really really horrible and worse if I buy things early…

Cause I itch to give the presents early!! I find that VERY hard!!! So I have to wait an entire month!! KILLS me!!!!!! I want you to guess and then I can give lol – see !!! I am very bad … and if I know that you have something… I will try to guess lol

Luckily some friends are Jewish, so I can give some presents next week 😄❤️✌️

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❤️

I do wish holidays were more about the holiday than presents … but I do want to make sure my people know how much they mean to me and that I think of them … without them I couldn’t stand so strongly!! ❤️ I love my people very much ❤️ I am grateful for all of them ❤️ so just small little tokens of thought and love 🥰 they have meaning

We also shopped at a store we have out here called “Daiso” ❤️❤️❤️ OMG … I could buy everything in that store 🛍🛍🛍

Is Japanese and totally awesome 🙌❤️ yes please

That store was for us ❤️

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Is a Japanese dollar store “type” store with the cutest ever things… very dangerous because you want everything lol ❤️ they have Japanese food and toys and household things – everything is sooo cool and also adorable ❤️

I really love that store ❤️ and it’s cheap lol

Everything is in Japanese and it’s funny because sometimes they will have English translations that I’m not sure quite fit correctly lol

But you can try different Japanese foods and snacks and drinks – it’s sooo cool! I bought some Pocky’s of different flavors … and other fun snacks … also got some ramen 🍜 things ❤️… I got a couple things that I do not know what it is, because is ALL written in Japanese lol … be cool surprise to try … plus also got some fun stuff for my home 🙌

I love when cultures come and show you what they got ❤️

Currently my best friend is trying to get me to try Thai food 😮 because she loves it … I have never tried… my rules are … I don’t do seafood of any kind … nope never … and I’m not too good with massive spice. I can do little spice, but too much will make me feel sick.

I am not sure if I am a Thai food person?? Lol … I am picky eater … also let me repeat “NO SEAFOOD” … zero!! Nada – if lives in sea I will not eat. I want no part of any seafood and you will never convince me otherwise – I am not at all open to seafood.

That is a HARD PASS – would starve first!

And spice I can do… but not crazy.

When I lost my taste with Covid – I was quickly eating things I don’t normally eat because I had no taste 😄😄✌️ … so spices, weird things and jalapeños lol 🙌

I was a bad ass for a minute lol

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Like that!! So Covid has a couple benefits lol

My taste is back now… same will smell but smell is more intermittent – sometimes I do, sometimes I still don’t

Just depends – it doesn’t always register in my brain that there is some kind of smell??

But sometimes I can… I can smell pine trees and just things intermittently – depends I can smell some perfumes but not all – can smell some of my lotions but not all 😮

Also… I have heard there is uptick in Covid cases like mine (fully vaccinated) so I just give up… when is your fuckin time …is your fuckin time period

I’m tired and over that crap 💩

I did not die 🙌❤️ not my time – nor was it my mothers ❤️❤️❤️ she didn’t even catch it ❤️🙌 thank god!!!! Omg!

Covid has had massive bonuses though … I got to have everything shit down world wide and sorta meet all of you lol 🙌❤️

And then of course – the highways to myself 🙌❤️ I will never forget that awesomeness 🙌❤️

I got to be sick WITH my blood family ❤️❤️

My mom escaped it ❤️❤️❤️

I had 80 hrs of Covid pay 🙌❤️ so still got paid while sick 🤒 that all ends December 31st supposably – but we see… cause this shit is other worldly 😮

I got to eat whatever I wanted spice or not

And I can’t smell bad smells – only good ones ❤️ … that can stay lol ✌️ I do not mind that Covid issue lol

So there has been some pretty cool things along with the bad… cause that shit took me down hard 🤨 fully vaccinated 🤨 wtf

But did not take me out yet!

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Today my best friend called because one side of her family is assholes and made her cry – they are ungrateful – she got them all Christmas gifts and was so excited to spend Thanksgiving with them…

But they called her yelling at her because she also donated money to one of her family members she does not even have relationship with and they say wasn’t enough money, they want more… so FU then. These people have their own good jobs and make a lot of money… one is CPA and other is lawyer so screw them to make her cry like that!! That’s despicable!

She gonna spend holidays with other side because the selfish side isn’t worth it – they don’t even realize how amazing she is!! I got her back.

Tmrw night I drive her to airport and she go to her loving family… not the bullshit mean one.

That makes me mad they made her cry today!!Their loss – they do not know how amazing she is and isn’t because of them!! Because they are losers ✌️ she is amazing ❤️

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So she spending her holiday with her GOOD family … not the pieces of shit who only want money and don’t care about her. Screw them!

So I take her to airport to be with good family… she did for me… I do for her ❤️

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I’m protective and know what they have put her through…

They nothing but gold diggers – screw them! Family or not! Not worth it. Sorry ass losers

She has my back – I have hers ❤️

I’m glad she will be spending the holidays with family that loves her ❤️

The other side doesn’t deserve her – she won’t speak to them ever again after what they said to her today! And she doesn’t need to.

She has blood family who supportive and loves her – and of course the family she made herself loves her – so it’s their loss

But I will tell you… when I hear her cry and hear what they say to her … those are things you go to war for!

I have family like that too… they aren’t worth it. No matter how much you try, it will never change.

So… moral of the story is … create your own love and laughter … and F all the rest they can find their own karma ✌️

And mess with my bitch … and I mess you up lol – kidding – I just like to sound tough once in awhile lol 😘 …

No one should make anyone feel less than!!!

Be a human being – you don’t do that to family! Or anyone!!! That right there is a sign of the Devil – read your signs correctly – if anyone makes you feel bad – they don’t need to be in your life then ✌️

Know your worth and know who you are. Love does NOT hurt!!! Except when they die – that’s the only exception. The loss of some one amazing

But love is not harsh and cruel ever!!! If is harsh and cruel is not worth it – be done

End of story!!!

When I had cancer the doctor told me – get the toxic people out of your life. It will kill you.

Believe me they will… save your own beautiful soul ❤️ you will find other souls just like you ❤️ and then you will love your life and have people who love you! ❤️🙌 I love my people I create ❤️

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Well I have to run… but I leave you with my favorite Christmas song …

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❤️❤️❤️✌️

I should be back in little bit 😘❤️

Sorry I have been away. Things were very overwhelming to leave … I sobbed

And then returning was emotional too. My kids… my daughter flew into my arms and held me so tight and we sobbed … she just held on and cried and cried 💔😭 and boys held me too, they just didn’t cry.

We watched a movie but someone in the movie had Alzheimer’s so I cried and we couldn’t finish it 💔 I couldn’t stop crying

And my work family … I love some of them very much. they’ve been very caring and wonderful!! (Except 1)

I am slower and just kinda emotional

I go to write but then cry – I cry to even mention that. Because everything I go to say, hits my heart really hard. 💔

And my mother on the last day I saw her – had a piece of paper in her hands that she would fold and unfold … I asked if I could look at her paper

She handed it to me… and I opened it up … it was a coloring picture of a pumpkin and Minnie Mouse sitting on top of the pumpkin – she stayed in the lines but colored everything purple and she had colored it in sections.

It was first real time I could see her really clear 😭💔 was like a first grader did it 😭😭

I asked if I could have that and she asked “you want that?” And I cried … yes I do 💔❤️ 😭😭😭

I am going to frame it for my walls, because she made it and it’s probably last thing I will have that she made 😭💔

And sometimes she there with me and sometimes no.

See it all just makes me cry – so I just be little silent. A lot of emotion

I am absorbing everything from the visit – and also my family here.

Was good visit – happy I got to go and also have extra time with them – just alot of emotions I am overwhelmed with. 💔

When I am little bit better and don’t keep crying I will be back – sorry I just can’t yet. I am not good for writing or things yet. Even just this has made me cry to remember or write things

Things just currently break my heart 💔… so when I am better I will return.

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I’m sorry I will be back soon. I’m just not ok yet 😭💔 I will be. I just need little time, I’ll keep trying.

It’s just better that I am silent because I am way too sad. It makes me cry too much still

Everything just really hitting

So I will return soon – just trying to balance – need a minute to collect myself, still shaky ☹️💔

I am processing

I miss you all ❤️

My last day with my family 😭💔

😭😭😭💔💔💔

Just no words – I will cry

First of all… Happy Veteran’s Day ❤️ 🇺🇸 ❤️ Thank you for your service and giving me the opportunity to be free ❤️ Thank you for your protection ❤️🇺🇸❤️

https://youtu.be/-KoXt9pZLGM

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🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸

And also… there was this today…

I like that I started on 11/11 ❤️ and I can’t believe the changes in 2 years ❤️ 🙌

I love double numbers though!! I didn’t even realize that I had started on 11/11 until it gave me my anniversary last year

Soooo funny you get little awards for that, but I love the reminder ❤️

A lot is different in 2 years ❤️ 😮😮

I have good job, incredible amazing people, am still building 🙌 … got away from an abuser, make my own life, am little stronger

Always strong in spirit – but I just needed to find my people ❤️ … funny that I find them in death though lol

The blog actually helped me through all that.

I just thought was going to be for me? To just write ✍️… I never thought anyone would read – I didn’t know how any of it worked, I didn’t know it went online… and I usually just stay away from things. I also do not like social media things so I never thought of like that?

I was little taken back at first by the first few people who read… because I was just using blog to write out what was happening and my thoughts – I didn’t know it went worldwide in beginning.

But then I figured maybe would help someone else or maybe someone else could relate? So I continued

I don’t do for money… I still use same way I did from the start and I love the blog always ❤️ it is a love not a pressure ❤️

I have met some pretty awesome amazing people here too ❤️ all of you are!!! Is the most upbeat positive community ❤️

Everyone is so kind and you get to read about what other people are going through, thinking, cooking, interested in etc – kinda pulls the world together

Anyway… is crazy it’s been 2 years 😮😮

But it went through … the ending of 2019 and then came 2020… which lasted FOREVER when was happening lol (except when I had the highways to self – that went by way too fast!!)

And then 2021 which I blinked and it’s almost over 😮😮 warp speed 😮😮

What could the next 2 years hold? 😮 that is crazy to think of 😮😮

Well, one year at a time lol ✌️ the twenties, so far, are quite the force lol

https://youtu.be/YJM0tLDKLCk

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Ok so… I have risen lol

That constant headache and that stupid ass fever!!! Omg!

I had not eaten since LAST Wednesday 😮😮 I just started eating a little yesterday – I actually felt hungry! 😮

I have no taste or smell… even a perfume I have, that can wake the dead – I can not smell it at all 😮

I can not taste coffee 😩 or anything at all

I am exhausted even though I slept constantly!! Omg what day is it??? 😮

Also – work has issues going on so they would call me lol… I be like “hellloo?” But wasn’t really with it 😄😄 I remember the calls but I was out of it

Most of the time if I was up – I looked like the unibomber 😮 I have a black hoody that I would wear with hood up, because I was always FREEZING, plus mask…. because yes – mask mask mask!!!!!! I had it surgically attached lol just kidding ❤️😉 … but that doesn’t come off!!

You know I feel better when I joke around ❤️❤️

I would go hot and cold and wake in sweat but be freezing 🥶🤨 and that headache was awful!! Awful awful awful!!!! Brain crushing 🧠 🤒

No problems breathing but congested. My funeral people are so amazing ❤️ they sent me a beautiful basket of fruit ❤️❤️ which is what I would try to eat because was soft on belly… I just couldn’t eat.

They also checked in constantly and would ask for my oxygen level and my heartbeat lol ❤️😄🥰 every time they wanna know my stats lol … and they constantly tell me how much they love and miss me ❤️❤️❤️ I love my people

And I got stuck here in Texas for little longer – trapped with my family 😄😄❤️ even though I miss days by being sick- I was sick and miserable with them ❤️ we all took meds at same time and mostly sleep.

Was like the walking dead 😄😄❤️ together 🙌✌️

And … my mom ❤️ she did not catch it ❤️ I got to see her twice ❤️

When I test negative before we leave, maybe go see one more time – masked and distanced ❤️ 🙏

I go back to Sacramento hopefully on Monday the 15th – I test again soon 🙏🙏 … flight already rebooked just waiting on the ok.

Seeing as I am alive, lol… I have survived 🙌

I miss Sacramento little bit 🤫… but only because of my people – I want to just have them with me always ❤️

Texas is beautiful. But I can’t stay in a red state too long … I have a fire 🔥 😉 😘. Nice to visit, beautiful place to live – but then people 🙄😐

** am not a Trump’er ✌️- too disgusted by that for me – I can’t even 💋

We went to Jurassic park one day 😄😄❤️ we were sick… but to get out sick house and maybe feel life and not have a vacation of nothing lol – that was Tuesday

It was awesome ❤️ headache fever weakness and all – let me show you…

Fricken Jurassic bugs lol

I want a zebra 🖤🤍🖤🤍

Took maybe hour and then we went home and slept again… it was good to feel alive for a minute and still be isolating ❤️

I love Zebras 🦓 🖤🤍🖤🤍

Am still pumping meds… headache and fever are gone ❤️ finally ❤️ that broke yesterday ❤️

Today am little bit alive ❤️

I do think I got hit hard because I had cancer AND my last vaccination was in February/March of 2021

You either need vaccinations again sooner – fricken government too slow!!!

If I had no vaccination – this would have killed me for sure!!

I go through that whole Covid shit and being sooooooo careful!! I come to Texas and no one wears masks here – is ridiculous!! Ahhh the south

DO NOT EAT WEIRD THINGS WITH DISEASED ANIMALS!!!!!!

I miss my blue state with masks 😷 I miss my people

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It still feels like forever until I go back… and I still miss my mom ❤️

Definitely a vacation to remember lol

Feels amazing to be alive again ❤️✌️ I miss all of you also!!!! I feel like I died from all the world for a minute 😮

But today I have little energy at this moment and feel alive for first time in LOOONNNGGG time!!

I have risen 🙌❤️😄✌️

… so evil Satan can’t take me down, cancer can’t take me down, and Covid can’t take me down…

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❤️

Yay!! Lol

Ok so… still running fever, with headache that won’t go away!! My nose is all stuffy.

I am sleeping constantly… all the time!! I go hot/cold – no body temp regulation …

When I get up and do something – I only have little bit before I feel the need to lay down again.

I do not remember when I slept so much before!! I just keep sleeping!! I do get woken up with freezing or sweating or if I have to use bathroom.

My oxygen level is at 95, which is good … my heart rate is 72 (I am always with low heart rate) but that is good heart rate too.

I am taking Tylenol and Motrin … which help me for a moment … I can eat … i probably lost that Covid 20 because have not been eating at all… I had a little food today – but still not really feeling or wanting food. My pants are all falling down now. I am thin anyway so any weight loss is big.

I do drink… I drink a lot of 💦 water … I’ve been having tea 🍵… it’s a chamomile/vanilla/honey tea ❤️… I just like the hotness ❤️ … I tried to do vitamin water… but that is so gross so nope, not drinking that… I also do not like Gatorade – none of that. 😝 that will make me throw up!

So pretty much just water and tea.

My work people are amazing!! They just sent me a HUGE edible arrangement …

There was a card with it that reads :

Get better soon, we miss and love you! Love always, your Sacramento family ❤️

They always make me smile – see why I love there so much ❤️ because they ARE my Sacramento family ❤️

The fruit feels ok on my stomach – had a piece of pineapple 🍍 and a strawberry 🍓 – is soft on stomach so far ❤️

I love my people ❤️

I am going to take a bath 🛀 maybe I feel better after that? ✌️

All I can say is fricken California 🤨🤨 dang! Would you look at that!!

Having best time ever though!!! ❤️🙌 is hilarious ❤️

There are many pets and children lol … ❤️ and we going to Texas places …

I had THAT coffee 😮 yes please lol – was yummy ❤️ and $1 lol .. well yes – I will take 5 lol kidding … I still love you Dunkin … but yum!

And then we went to this truck stop place, that is not a truck stop … but you can literally get everything 😮😄

There is food and gifts – souvenirs … omg very bad store because you walk in and then want everything and don’t know where to look first and everything is all TEXAS lol

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I am with the messy hair and mask 😷 – no glasses – that is my sis in law ❤️

Also… my allergies here are bad!! Omg my eyes! So bad!

Is overcast and freezing today so we being slower lol ❤️🙌 I love my people ❤️❤️❤️ lol

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It is freezing today 🥶 – the high is only 58 😮😮

Omg brrr! 🥶 I watched from California before I came and brought warm clothes. I won’t freeze and I brought raincoat from Boston lol ❤️ so lined and warm lol ✌️

I did also bring a California bikini just in case but looks like won’t need lol (it had the state flag bear and says California across the bum lol)

I used to have an American flag 🇺🇸 one … but creepy neighbor guy had the shorts so nope!! 👎 I am never wearing that again lol … so got a California one instead lol ✌️

Ok well we gonna have girls day with my mom ❤️❤️❤️ I have my mom ❤️❤️❤️🙌

I am soooo happy to be with her ❤️❤️❤️ like euphoria ❤️🙌