I will read and respond soon… I just got off work… waiting on kids – I have a bottle of Champagne to just celebrate with me and oldest for making though one more year lol… and also all the new changes coming up… we only have a small glass because eh… We just do for New Years and I have a bottle of Sparkling Apple Cider for the 20 yr old and 15yr old. (The Sparkling Apple Cider is really good though!)

Next year 20 yr old can have some champagne if he wants … but we see. He probably won’t want because alcohol is little gross tasting

Work was like fricken GRAND CENTRAL STATION!! Omg – it was only me! We have about 25 cases – it exploded on us right after Christmas

Everyone waiting until after Christmas to die 😮

Has been insane crazy!!

I had a few cry on me today – so I take extra time with them… we kinda also have to be therapists lol little bit… I can’t leave someone crying on New Year’s Eve ☹️💔

I do have incredible empathy… so I make sure they stable, not crying and know we gonna take care of them. Sometimes (not always) I can make them laugh with telling me something funny about their loved one – I tell them it’s those cute or funny stories that will help through once get past the grief.

But still is hard to know someone’s heart is breaking on New Year’s Eve 💔

Oh my house is such a mess – it’s driving me nuts!!! I am in middle of purging and packing so boxes and crap lol – it throws me off because I like organized and clean… I am not organized or clean yet – I keep clean all the time – but I wanna do deep clean, so when I leave is ready for someone else.

Ok well I have to finish getting ready for kids to come over 🙌

Oh yeah … so my oldest calls me today at work and tell me 20 yr olds dog – not doing well … it’s a chihuahua … and he has hip degeneration – he is losing his hind legs 😮😢💔 the vet gave him shots and he feels fine but he’s not supposed to be active and this chihuahua thinks he owns the world

Each child had their own dog… my oldest had Chelsea ❤️ part chihuahua/ part Whippet ❤️ best dog ever!! She looked and pranced like Bambi ❤️ she died at age 17 in 2019.

This is Chico… he belongs to the 20 year old… I got Chico from the police dept when I was there… he came in as a stray… tiny … but really sick!! We saved him and fostered him instead of letting him go to the pound … we placed flyers and ads and no one came for him – he is funny and quirky… like I said – thinks he owns the world lol (but he’s afraid of tarps lol) ❤️ he is part chihuahua and part pug … so all the quirkiness 🙌❤️ he is approx 9years old and a chihuahua … how they have hip problems? I thought that was only BIG dogs??? He’s gonna lose his hind legs ☹️💔

I named him… we only had Chelsea at the time and when I brought him home he always thought he could take on anything even when sick! He is my little Chico the man ❤️ he’s adorable! And a little shit! Lol

Then my daughter has Emmie… she is pure bred chihuahua … “Applehead Chihuahua” we call her the chihuahua Ambassador… she was a show dog and made money doing that, but got fat and her owner didn’t want her anymore … so I took her. If you meet her you think chihuahuas are amazing – because she is sweet loves all people and other animals … etc … at a dog park she will find the biggest baddest dog and make friends and then stay by their side for protection 😄😄 she is hilarious… she is still fat because she steals chicos food if he doesn’t eat fast enough and she inhaled her food and then chokes and has seizures 😮 so we are trying to handle that too 🙄😑 we try rationing hers but then she will steal Chico’s if we don’t watch her – it’s a thing

Emmie is about 10 yrs old …

When these dogs die… everyone will be devastated 😮

I am helping oldest with vet bills and things – their father pays for nothing at all. Satan is a piece of 🤬 – he doesn’t care.

But whatever – we know this. Greedy mother F’er – doesn’t even care about his children’s feelings!!

Not a surprise because he IS Satan – don’t expect much because he one giant M F’er!! Piece of 🤬

Anyway – I have to run and get ready … we not going anywhere … I am cooking and they staying … we watch fireworks on TV – Dick Clark’s New Years Rocking Eve ❤️❤️❤️ I miss Dick Clark

(That nickname kinda makes me giggle with fifth grade humor lol sorry ✌️)

Also… Betty White died 😮😮😮😮 💔💔💔 awww she was 99… career in television for over 80 years 😮😮 a lot of celebrity deaths before end of year – see everyone waited for after Christmas 😮😮😮

They say always comes in 3’s … but it’s been MORE than 3’s 😮😮 and at work, like I said, massive cases!!!

You don’t think of that when you experience a loss – you don’t think about all the others 😮 but there are!!

Ok I really have to go – I am procrastinating 😮 lol … you ready for ‘22??? 😮😮 omg please be a very good year!!! 🙏🙏🙏

And again just let me throw out that WCW thing – let’s do that!!! Those who don’t remember their past are condemned to repeat it 😮😮

Obviously we all repeated 1918 …so there – perfect argument 💋✌️

WCW!!! Ask for it 🙏🙏🙏😘

Ok seriously have to go 🥂

Happy New Year 2022… my we all have a incredible year!!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️

Please be safe 🙏🙏🙏

https://youtu.be/Aop6YF1Xqqg

Someone I think very highly of… really really highly… treated someone else I know, inhumanely 😮

I’m a little heartbroken with that because I believe them to be an amazing person. So I was surprised with that??

How do you be that horrible to anyone??

I hate Satan – but I stay away… I do nothing, I say nothing – I keep clear. I just don’t want anything to do with Satan – you be you, I be me. I want nothing to do with and stay far away!

And then … the people I work with – I love them… they are pretty awesome!! We work together daily! They are like family… I spend more time with them than I do my actual family – I work a lot.

So in that aspect, what do you want? A good environment or toxic?

This person I think highly of is extremely close to me… I am shocked that this person treated another soooo badly 😮😮

And then… look, I don’t want to be involved … I do not take sides… but this person sent me text saying careful who I befriend 😒

I am not befriending anyone. I am just doing my own thing and I am just kind to everyone – period. I have to keep my own peace and I still have to be with all these people.

And frankly, no one gonna tell me who I can or can not be friends with – think again. If you have a beef – that’s on you … don’t try to turn people against others – that’s not right.

You shouldn’t alienate another person – and that person did nothing to deserve that kind of treatment.

And after this person treated another really horribly!!! Really really bad … if I had been in that persons shoes – it woulda made me cry 😮 it was harsh!! I can’t even tell you how harsh and mean 😮😮

So that’s kind of a thing.

There is no need to treat another human being so badly. If they don’t get along – then fine – just do your own thing… you don’t have to be mean.

And I’m sorry… I am not like that… and I won’t alienate someone just because someone else has problem with them – no way. I’m not going to be a party to this child-like attitude.

So whatever. I am disappointed and heartbroken. But oh well. I did not know that this person had toxicity like that 😮 I guess that’s what breaks my heart?? 💔

It’s been handled – somewhat – we see

It’s a severe A type personality – which I love because is always on it. But A type personalities can have issues with free spirits – this other one is a free spirit.

I would consider myself hmm … I think I am a free spirit … I am pretty laid back? And do my own thing… CD But I am little perfectionist in certain areas – or ocd or whatever … I don’t bother anyone with it though, it works well at work… because I like it clean. I am hard worker

The one who is free spirit is young and a decent person. Maybe struggled little with the amount of work? As in, didn’t understand all responsibilities and is for largest.

But still – you don’t have to treat someone so badly for any reason. 💔 I don’t understand it?

So I dunno… I’m not going to exclude anyone. And I’m not befriending anyone… but I am being a decent person … if they got problem with that – not my issue. Don’t deal with me then.

I’m gonna tell you right now… if anyone – I don’t care who they are … is being treated badly – of course I am going to care for them, and stand up!! People don’t deserve that … I’m not going to make someone feel bad or crappy because someone else doesn’t like them. Yeah I don’t play that.

People are human beings ya know.

I’m just disappointed. Little surprised. 😮 it’s the meanness that’s takes me back a little?? I have not known this person to be so harsh and so mean. They have always been amazing ??

So I don’t know. I do know this person has many stressful things happening. Both work and personal… so maybe the stress? I dunno.

It’s just heartbreaking to know someone treated someone so meanly and so harsh. It was wrong and uncalled for. Extremely harsh

So whatever. Like I said, been handled.

And then country boy… well he texting … why keep coming around? What is it?

In 2022, I will have known country boy for 8 years 😮😮 whoa 😳… he knew me when I was married… and saw me go through literally everything.

I call him country boy because he’s really really country lol … not that there is anything wrong with that… I’m just really different – not country, although I love the country… but I am girly, not a bug or snake person… I don’t hunt – maybe fishing – but I don’t eat fish … I won’t put the worm on 😝 or take the fish off. So I will just hold the pole lol 🎣 and maybe catch something but ya know … “girly” … make up, lotions, perfumes, clothes

We are NOT from each other’s world. He is a baseball player. He travels alot – and then on his off time – does country things like hunting and fishing.

So… anyway… he has always been pretty kind… and would take my mind away when my dad died and my family was dying … and then also when I lost my mom to Alzheimer’s and myself with the cancer …

He was kind and had a heart through all that. Always was a gentleman and not an asshole – usually but that’s not to say we have not had it out lol ✌️ because don’t lump me in with judgement just because I am woman – yeah wrong thing to do lol –

So we have had few moments … he has his own quirks because a few women mistreated and hurt him… so he has that. Which I have never given any reason to think I am that way. I am not.

I am also not the type of woman usually in his world… and he is not a man that I typically would know 😮

I met him 8 years ago, he was out with his friends for someone’s birthday 🎂… I happened to be in same place … I was having dinner with my friends

He came up and approached me… normally I am tough with that, because it happens all the time… usually I just say no thank you. I didn’t know who he was.

But he was cute, and when he came up to talk to me, he was humble and very kind… not typical jock asshole – he was sweet and did not push anything on me. Just a nice quiet guy.

He has a peace about him?? Not sure if it’s the country thing or because he so different than what I am normally around? Dunno 🤷‍♀️

But he is a jock and also country lol … so he’s kind of a Trump’er so lol … we do clash there

And my world sooooo different than his. Really really different.

And while he’s always sweet and kind to me, I just never see him. And I really do not understand him. We aren’t on same page. So 🤷‍♀️

But then he stays around sorta – so what is that?

I think he likes to make sure I remember him?? I really have no idea.

I don’t see him at all… but he texts every so often to say hi and how doing?

He is way way way more of a serious person than I am… I am playful… I joke around alot, laugh alot- I like to lovingly tease lol – I tease nice – never to hurt. Just playful.

He is more serious. And doesn’t let his emotions come out ever lol 😄🙄 whatever, he is funny in a serious way lol

We can be friends. I’m ok with that. He’s a cool guy. But I just watch his motive… because he’s different.

I do not believe he is looking for anything serious or whatever… and we have talked about this – we are not on same page. So there is that.

I’m fine with him as a friend but not more. We are too different and want different things.

But he always keeps in touch. I don’t reach out, he does. I am just quiet – I work a lot… my focus is kids and work. Just easier that way, and I am rebuilding so… I just do that.

I don’t reach out because I just let him do his thing… I know we aren’t on same page.

So whatever – I really don’t know.

Anyway… it’s been a long day. I work a little tmrw… I have to – I am manager and I have reports that MUST be run on December 31st. Can not be run sooner and can not be run later… must be December 31st 🙄

And then all my end of year reports and things 🙄

I am tired 😴 … always … so much goes on always!!

Once I am done with all the new house things and end of year, and handling whatever else – then it should slow down. 🙏🙏

Just a little longer 🙏🙏🙏

Can we PLEASE do a one week shut down in March? For one week?? To commemorate Covid

The whole world should do that for one week – no nothing …

No killings no bad things – just shut down like 2020 for one week – so we always remember

Not to mention – reminder of what we went through and also little bit of a break lol

I miss when the world stopped for a moment – can we do that together again????????? 🙏

I’m always gonna ask for that! Lol – because I really want it!!

And I know you don’t always get what you want ☹️ …sometimes but not always…

But it is good to remember what happened and where that put us 😮

And if we all just take one week and isolate then maybe it will also help? 🙏

I really do not see a downside to this holiday I speak of … World Covid Week 🙌 WCW lol

For one week – just one week!!! 🙏

It sounds amazing to me!!! I miss that… I miss being shut down with the world ~sigh~

I could also use the break. 🙏

Who would have that authority to put that in place? The CDC maybe?? CDC for WCW ❤️

Ok I am so exhausted!!!

Gnite

So… it’s been just gray and rainy forever now… I feel like a flower wilting from being water logged with no sun lol … I soooo need sun!!

https://youtu.be/LQj–Kjn0z8

Yeah … this rain and gray is killing me!! Omg – if I hear them say this summer “oh we don’t have any water” I’m gonna be so mad lol

It’s been raining for I don’t even know how long… forever?! And it’s cold – freezing cold rain

If I wasn’t in California – I would rather have snow… but since I am in California and they can’t drive in bad weather …then no the rain is fine!!

Lake Tahoe got crushed with snow!! I heard a ski resort in the sierras had to close because of TOO MUCH snow lol … they were buried 😮

https://youtu.be/aioP8T6ISC0

Yeah I have memories of Maine and Massachusetts … brrr! 🥶

I always think of THIS commercial:

https://youtu.be/WB-bcDBXvDA

Half of Lake Tahoe is in California and half is in Nevada ❤️

There is a place in Arizona that you can step in 4 states at once – that is soooo awesome – I love that!! Arizona, New Mexico, Utah and Colorado!! ❤️ I love to step in all 4 and be in 4 places at once ❤️ because I’m dorky like that lol ✌️

So yeah the rain and dreary cold wet weather is killing me!! Please stop that… bring back the sun… I don’t mind summer rain – but we never get that… winter rain is the worst!! Ugh gross and yucky and cold!!

Summer rain I would puddle jump and love to be wet ❤️

https://youtu.be/-Irf7lQ0MhQ

Sun showers are my favorite ❤️❤️ yes please – I will have that!!

You take this winter rain 😝😝😝 yuck! Hate it!

It just gloomy and everyone is grouchy, and pissy!

So … whatever … sun please – I need that!! Oh please can it be spring?! 🙏🙏🙏 I need spring!! Over winter – all set – next

I like it hot!!

https://youtu.be/imaISU426JE

So that’s kinda killing my spirit little bit. Bleh

Whatever – it’s winter. 😝 not my season ✌️

Bears have the life getting to hibernate through winter – my dream winter lol 🙌 ⛄️

Anyway… everything is fine… but I dunno if it’s the gray cloudy raininess that is bleh?? Or if is me? Because I have that same feeling like you lose your best friend – but I haven’t … everything is fine… but just a lot of changes. A lot of things happening… and stress and stuff

See … there is no way I could handle my private life all crazy – when everything else is… so I keep that part REALLY peaceful ❤️

Ok so… house going well… I should get to move in soon… I did this myself. So that’s always quite an impact after what went through

My lawyer called me today and said my ex’s bank accounts were frozen – to bad for him – he hasn’t been paying correctly … no shit

I do by myself ☹️💔 so whatever – no one helps… so I do myself. But I have to call tmrw so I don’t feel good about that… it makes me feel sick 😝

I don’t like to deal with Satan. It brings up a lot of things and makes me panic still so – I just don’t like that.

https://youtu.be/Ra-Om7UMSJc

https://youtu.be/R7UrFYvl5TE

I just don’t wanna deal with him … it makes me feel sick- I don’t care anything about him – may he burn in hell.

Anyway… so I have to deal with that.

https://youtu.be/8SeRU_ZPDkE

I hate having to deal with Satan – get out of my life!!

https://youtu.be/xo1VInw-SKc

https://youtu.be/fHC05_9b0gw

Probably my favorite song for him right there!!

So whatever of course 2021 has to finish with that!

And then… the other job called me today … I spoke to them… they want me to come in for interview next week.

That makes me feel sad too… because I love my people so much – I got attached … and I know without me they will struggle so that hurts too because I love to support them ❤️

I don’t want to leave them.

But this other job is in my town… so no commute … and is more money… so what do I do? 😮 💔

Just the thought to lose my people kinda hurts 💔 I have loved them very much ❤️ all of them ❤️ all the adventures and craziness

https://youtu.be/Q4VK9_CfOLQ

I love them – how do I leave them?

https://youtu.be/MUFasKZcH_c

So I kinda feel sad to look at another job – I have really loved working with and being with them – that is so hard to find ❤️

So feel little heart broken with that – we went through hell together … these people have been amazing to me – I love them very much 🤫❤️

They actually know because I tell them all the time ❤️ but maybe is time? We see

I will cry if I leave… I am sensitive so I will cry. Because I love them ❤️ it was them who help me stand … so it would be very hard to leave them ❤️ I tear up at the thought – they mean a lot to me!!!

Without them – I would not be where I am.. so that is kinda big

And then today I sat there and I want to share my life with them – but I was silent … I want to share my moments and my excitement … but then I also don’t want to leave them.

Sometimes life wants you to grow? I guess? Nothing is forever … I can’t stay with them forever ☹️💔 I wish

And then ya know… you can’t live for others – 💔 so ya know that’s a little hard!!

We have built the most amazing team – they all have their quirks – but I love them quirks and all so it just hard … I don’t like to lose people I love.

Yeah you are not supposed to love the people you work with – but I fell in love with them so it hurts little to think of leaving them.

So we see … I will meet new job and see

Because even though I love everyone I work with… it’s hard because job is emotional so they get tangled in. And they helped me stand ❤️ so I am forever theirs ❤️ they mean the world to me!

But the work/life balance is awful… and I know how to be workaholic … but I do not know how to have a life 😮 because I am so submerged in death 😮😮

So maybe I need to live a little bit? Have time? Have life? We see

https://youtu.be/bxV-OOIamyk

If I could keep them forever – I would – in a heartbeat – because I love them ❤️ they are my people ❤️ and I will still keep them – but the thought of leaving them makes me cry 😮 how I be a person without them? They have been my everything for 2 years ❤️ and their grace and support and love and caring have been everything to me – I stood up because of them!! Was them who help me stand ❤️

https://youtu.be/RgKAFK5djSk

Is a field of work that you become really close. So the thought to leave is hard. 💔 they are my people – they have my heart 😮

The other job called and asked me questions and then said they wanna meet me – so ok … I will see

How deep is death’s grip?

https://youtu.be/EgT_us6AsDg

How do I let them go when they have been such a huge part of me and my life? 😮😮😮 I love them

I would not be where I am – without their support, kindness and strength

Death made an impact 😮

So I dunno? I don’t know how to do – we gonna find out 😮😮😮

Life lessons 😮😮

I’m way too old for this lol 😘✌️ …life should have taught me sooner 😘 or maybe I didn’t listen? 😮 lol ✌️💋

Isn’t that always people’s problem? No one listens

No wonder life is pissed and gave us Covid lol 😉😘✌️

Stay safe but remember life 😘✌️

https://youtu.be/EkMayomwSJM

So… the theme of this week is “pissy” because everyone is pissy!!! Holy crap did we not get what wanted for Christmas or something?

But seriously yes!! Everyone is pissy – whatever – handle your shit ✌️😘

… whatever … I hang back… you do you ✌️

But it’s like everyone … and it’s rainy cold and crappy 🤨 uhhhh how much longer til spring???? C’mon it’s taking forever!! Sunshine – need sunshine and warmth!! Yes … I am a winter wuss lol … keep me warm and sunny – I have rules like gremlins lol … kidding …

But… it’s yucky miserable weather – also boring – stupid … cold 🥶 … not a winter fan … I don’t like a chill in my bones 😮😮 oh I hate that feeling … I don’t like the redness on my face… I don’t like watery eyes or runny nose lol – oh winter please be done!! Ok so yeah … the theme is pissy so I am pissy lol ✌️

So whatever every single person is under stress currently so… everyone is pissy. We exploding 😮 holy moly 😮 here we go again – there was a calm before the storm 😮😮😮 it’s true – that happens!

But yeah … I have to talk to people – for info – to give info – to ask questions – tons of things … and they all fuckin pissy! Just ya know … umm you can sense the stress …because you have it too lol

Just is crappy weather – we exploding, changes are being made lol and boom lol 💥

Also… guess what? I get to help find new location!! 😮😮😮 I have to keep in area but check it 🙌❤️❤️❤️ boom 💥 ❤️

I question sometimes – maybe I should leave death – it’s alot… but then I dunno

Death always lures me to stay… I do love my people very much … funeral people are actually really funny!!! ❤️ is like this :

youtube.com/watch

They are all actually amazing because they are each individuals ❤️ characters 🙌 … ok maybe so am I lol … is just funny cause we all have quirkiness ❤️ yeah – I love my moments with them … are amazing moments in my life ❤️ but whatever – they pissy this week 😘✌️

I go quiet. I gonna give space always… whatever – you do you

There is many things going on!!! Fricken life!!!

The house … omg ❤️ … so yeah that’s lining up

Ok so there is that.

And then … ya know … I do not like to listen to things I don’t wanna hear lol ✌️I do not like when life tries to teach me something –

So guess who been texting me 😮

So yeah … country boy – see what is that?? No no and no … nope – not on same page and no. Pointless – nope 👎

But when life wants to throw things at me – it really does 🤨 c’mon. 🤦‍♀️ whatever

Just let me be… ya know … supposably when you go through traumatic events – is better that you give yourself time to heal…

And ya know – Rome wasn’t built in a day 😘 time – savor time…

And then ya know – I am learning my own self

So… I dunno … I am under construction and healing … so I’m taking time with my life

So just let me.

youtube.com/watch

So whatever

youtube.com/watch

💋

So whatever … I do enjoy my life, am not ready. So that’s it

Can life not throw it at me??? Stop!

I just wanna have time and still healing – all of it was traumatic so … I want my own balance Re-stabilized and I am not there … so I want time for my own self

Oh wait lol …am I supposed to choose? Lol D

Do I choose…

https://youtu.be/IKqV7DB8Iwg

https://youtu.be/p47fEXGabaY

Or ….

https://youtu.be/8HrJ8CQuGFQ

https://youtu.be/LHCob76kigA

Lol … what would you choose ?

But see … you give me time and then you don’t know the ride I take you on lol …

https://youtu.be/ZaI2IlHwmgQ

Prerequisite is patience. Done and done ✔️

But whatever – no one can handle that so whatever. ✌️

Like I said above – so am I 💋

I have something else to tell you … ok well … sooo … I just threw my info to a job offer – ya know people tell me so hard … so meh whatever – I am fishing lol 🎣 … I didn’t TRULY think 😮😮

Because guess what… they want to move forward – omg … what do I do

Ok life can stop making tons of changes omg 2022!!! One thing at a time – not everything all at once

What do I do? 😮 uh-oh … I never thought they would contact 😮😮 ya know

Uh oh

Omg life stop

See … one rollercoaster ride at a time please

https://youtu.be/9VH6yD8zobM

Oh boy – can I not make thousands of choices before the end of the year? Lol … life wants to squeeze everything into 2021 before it’s over and life is different 😮😮😮

Every time I look around 😮…

https://youtu.be/C2cMG33mWVY

Ok so I have to think 😮 whoa 😮

Omg what is happening to my life – … is like lifequake 😮😮😮 what do I do? Which way do I go …

It’s ok I’m scared little right? Lol … uh oh holy moly – breathe

Choices Ok – choices omg

What will 2022 look like? 😮😮 omg

https://youtu.be/ktvTqknDobU

So… today I tell someone who I have dinner with and immediately they ask if I sleep with him … when I said no… they said “Trisha that was your Christmas gift” 🙄 whatever

I am very happy and at peace with my decision totally. If man can’t deal – not my problem… move along then …

Adonis… ok well – too perfect … c’mon … don’t trust any of it… hot man, in town for few nights… of course he gonna impress and put in effort 🙄

A man can tell you anything he wants about himself … if don’t know him. I do not trust in general, and not just looking for sex – that would NOT be a problem to get if I wanted to 🤨🙄😑

As a matter of fact… here ya go… this is what is like to be woman…

Went to another location today outside of my funeral homes… these other funeral homes were having their Christmas party 🎉

Other corporate guys were there too

And I was in office with one of them when working… funny and flirty – the others were in other room and would come to check messages

When you catch me in my funeral homes – I am in my element and you can just see my personality – which is also why I like being hidden away – my personality draws people

Anyway… so another young cute one – but cute in different way lol … still no

Same thing… ask me what is to do? And this one asked me to dinner 🙄

So see 🙄👎 that is why you give time to know someone.

Also… for me sex actually means something and I do not want just anyone … no I am good… I handle my own self just fine and peacefully ❤️

Also I keep my balance because if we being honest… I am not emotionally ok with having sex with someone I don’t know. I already know I would not be good… so if the man can’t handle and isn’t interested then bye 👋

Mentally I know what I can and can not handle. So I would rather know someone and actually have it at ease – I can not do any kinda games or let go like that. Not the girl

And then that’s something … ok… so… I have curves – I am a woman and I like the curves – I know where to accent and what to wear tastefully (unless I’m at home lol then it’s whatever I want lol)

But I do like curves – always – have them and accentuate them lol ✌️ whether in dresses, skirts or pant suits – always curves lol ✌️

Then I look young and then the red hair is always a thing 🤨🙄

Also… I am afraid of leaving death because then I know I leave myself open to more of that… that is not what I am looking for and too much all at once overwhelms me.

Then… I always look nice or put together when going out … like to match and things

I do not look nice for other people… I do that because “I” feel good like that. If you feel good then you on it. But I do not do that for other people

I am not ok just letting go with JUST anyone. Nope. I’m not that type and ya know… I prefer peace and also if a man is worth it … it won’t be issue. if can’t have patience then don’t want.

I am fine taking my time for amazing…

Just because someone is good looking or does or says all the right things doesn’t mean they are worth it.

I have heard all of it… and unless I hide away, happens a lot !!! So I like hiding away and having my own peace

Patience and peace so…

Is not missed opportunity. Isn’t worth it to me unless patient then we see.

They just see what they can hit.

And also “communicable diseases” lol … yeah I’m not messing around with just anyone! Don’t care who is… could be President or a king – still no

People so quick to do… I am fine on own and way way way more peaceful – when someone is worth it – then yes, I would be ready.

Otherwise NO!

I tell you … don’t approach unless serious ✌️

I just don’t have the mental ability to sleep with anyone and not know them. So I will always not be ready – until someone can step up

Know my worth and then I add tax 🙌❤️✌️

Also is my body… who I share with is up to me. And after what have been through – it not gonna just be “some guy” … nope no thank you.

I’m not doing ANYTHING that’s gonna bother me or not let me be at ease. That goes for everything.

I just bought my own house… I already have children, I treat myself quite nicely … so I do not need a man… I would like the companionship – but eh… the peace is more to me…

If a man comes along – great – we see who he is

If not – oh well.

I only want meant to be and a good decent man

But I’m not settling for anyone!! Again don’t care who they are or think they are.

Sex will be emotional to me first time again so… I don’t want just some random person. I want to be ok and at ease – I won’t unless I know them

Is just my decision and what I know I’m ok with. I like to sleep at night not add to any stress

I only want what adds to my life – that does not add anything to my life without knowing ✌️

I wrote this last night but fell asleep and didn’t finish. But here is the explanation ✌️😘

So you will not believe what occurred 😮

So Adonis 😮

Ok well… where to begin 😳😮

So yesterday he was just Adonis and I not pay attention other than how good looking he was… whatever – that’s not deep so whatever – but damn

And he’s good looking so usually they are totally aware of that 🙄… and ya know “playboy” or whatever – so I just don’t pay attention to stuff like that. I just keep to self

Then today he talking … he’s a veteran, been to Middle East couple times 😮 and this guys got drive! Like insane 😮

He went silent too 😮 different but also same

So ok whatever – coincidence

And he’s a Yankee – I am Red Sox – that is a serious line drawn!!! No joke lol ✌️

But he’s cool and omg opened every door always, even if I got to door first and opened it… he would go behind me and hold for me to go first 😮😮

And would open car door, all of it 😮

Back at the office one of my coworkers kept asking me privately “Trisha do you feel a vibe?” … over and over she ask me lol

There was that electricity … there are some people you meet who are just electric 😮 I am careful with electricity 😮

But c’mon … he on other side of country. And got a HUGE job working for a huge bank in another country 😮😮 he travels constantly (that wouldn’t bother me though IF I trusted… but that trust is earned not given so whatever)

I am in California and I am old. He can not be interested.

So ok whatever… he is just being amazing lol … he noticed things I would say and ask about 😮 and noticed my reactions on things 😮

So we just work… I stay late. There were others there too… they upgrading our systems

We ALL left about 8:30pm 😮😮

He keep asking me what to do in area … so I say not a lot on a Tuesday night, do you want to get dinner or something? (My son was with daughter since I was working late)

So we went to dinner and talked 😮 he took me to fancy restaurant – never let me pay for anything! Not one thing 😮

He is very smart – he’s an engineer … and then we have same respect of life? Same morals, want same things 😮

Also not that it matters – but also same religion – I only mention because I said something about being Catholic and he looked like he was thrilled about that lol 😮 and also said he was too… that came up a couple times 😮 not weirdly, just how convo went

He also asked me some really personal questions you ask when you interested 😮 because earlier in day… we talked about stuff and I made comment that I don’t date or go out – I stay away mostly so I never let it get to those personal questions

It’s been a long time but I don’t mind because I find it peaceful like that, until I find what I want and yes … I do find some that are just electric – I do totally want that so… he has that… but I don’t know him.

The convo flowed, and we laughed and he was so kind. And his level of compassion and caring is amazing…

We have similar experiences

You know what’s funny? Why is always young man? Lol… not that age, race, color, religion mean anything, but still – I am over 10 yrs older than him!! Omg 😳

If I do not think of age – I am ok

But then I think of it – and that’s a hard one ?

And I sorta think I have double standard lol 😮 because I would not think much of older man with younger woman

But when on other foot is little more ?? I don’t know?? Noticeable ?? Or not as accepted ? Or it just is odd because is me??? It’s probably me lol

And he walked me to my car, opened the door for me – and gave me this hug 😮😮 …like you don’t want to let go 😮

So I’m never gonna see this guy again lol …

I just met him by accident lol … he just so happen to have job at my facility 😮 of course it was mine

He asked for my Facebook and Instagram so I had to explain little. He didn’t have any issue with that – I just can’t … I thought about for quick second and then thought of what would happen if I open … and then I think I just can’t ☹️ … not even a big deal but is to me.

But again he was ok with that… he has my number

I am not really sure what I think about whole entire thing 😮 that was a big giant whirlwind day?? 😮😮

It’s late – I got home really late and am exhausted – had a fun time though 😮😮 I did not see any of that coming 😮😮 but I need to sleep!

I did NOT sleep with him or kiss him… hug only… just in case you are wondering… I’m not there

Hug was fine and he seemed like wanted kiss, but … I just need time – I am not ready – not even for Adonis 😮😮😮

I just need time to know. I really can’t be at ease without that.

I enjoyed actually having dinner with him 😮

Ok on that note – goodnight 💤

Funny things from today…

So just now, a phone number rang through and it said “telemarketer” … I figure was that one trying to sell me car warranty lol … but was a different one…

The guy says is “Patrick” there? 🤨

Right away, I said …nope you have wrong number *click* before he could say another word lol 🙌

Yeah you don’t get my time, if you can’t even get name or sex right – eh- fail! Done with you

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But that was an easy out for me so that was humorous lol ✌️ … I wasn’t gonna wait around for him to figure out lol … if you can’t get it right the first time – forget it 😘

Assume was a man 🤨 … on forms and things in life “ALWAYS”… it cuts my name off at the “c” and leaves off the “ia” at end 🤨 … so that is not unusual for people to ASSume “Patrick” 😠 … but bonus for me, since that is not my name 🙌 therefor I don’t listen or deal with lol ✌️😘 … not my problem it cuts my name off … if can’t figure it out, then don’t bother me ✌️

And at work today 😮😳… ok so last Thursday I was informed corp would be sending out people who be redo’ing our phones and internet

So I book electrician to come and install outlet – FIRST THING this morning – boom they on it

But then corp comes early and then everyone is there and I have no internet or phones – I sent my staff to another location…

In meantime, I needed locksmith and I was accept stuff – so I taking out hearse and putting back hearse lol … all by myself

And I leave with a coworker to go grab lunch and come back and 😮😮 OMG

I come back and there is my other office manager talking to hmm … how do I say?? Possibly the hottest guy on the planet 😮😮😮

He is the engineer for the phones and internet – HE works for my corporation 😄😄😄 …

He’s a former New Yorker living in Miami but flown everywhere to rewire or whatever the locations.

Damn! Welcome to Miami lol ✌️😘

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His biceps were soooo rock hard and huge 😮 dang

I did not expect cause usually just normal every day person …not this Adonis lol

🤫 is just funny, he’s there again tmrw.

Didn’t really get my things done much – other than handle … electrician, locksmith (lol I had to get into a door that had no key 🤨) , and the corporation … had couple families

Tmrw is the appraisal 🙏❤️

Oh so much stuff 😮 and then Wednesday I am out of another location … not within my group…

I am covering 3 others in another county while they have a Christmas for little while.

Thursday is Xmas party and then it’s Christmas Eve 😮😮😮 omg 😳 😱

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I really love quiet peaceful Christmas ❤️ … is so nice when it slows down and relaxes ❤️

Almost over all the holidays – almost done …

And guess what tmrw is 🙌 … December 21st ❤️ the shortest day of year – and then it’s on towards spring 🙌❤️ woo hoo!!!

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Just wanted to add that because that makes me happy ❤️ we are over the winter hump, as of tmrw 🙌 spring is coming ❤️ (yes I’m reaching lol – just let me) 😘✌️

So… I signed the papers and bought the house 😮❤️❤️❤️

All by myself – I own a house ❤️ we just have to wait on appraisal and I can move in ❤️ probably between Christmas and New Years 😮😮 Omg!

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OH MY GOD ❤️ I kinda look back and see what I went through, and also, how hard I work for this… so ❤️ omg 😮

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❤️❤️❤️

And also this… but I found a house lol … not a man or woman … a house lol…is perfect – I am soo I love with that house at this moment – my cheeks hurt from smiling and I think my heart is going to just burst out my chest 😮❤️ it was perfect ❤️

So I found a love ❤️

youtube.com/watch

I will probably look like a dork for little while – because I can’t stop smiling… and I can’t get it to turn down lol … so I just have constant GIGANTIC smile 😮❤️ my cheeks hurt so much!

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☄️

So also… I would like to add… I have an angel.

I met her from the internet – my first and only time ever lol … so when I met her, my very first thoughts “going to” this meeting was… “please don’t let me be killed” 🙏 lol … cause you know “the internet” …sorry but whatever ✌️

But then I meet her.. and her personality is amazing… sweet, kind, funny… ok so then I relaxed a little and as we talked … her husband died the same year as my father … and she had breast cancer like me… so there was a comfort from her?? And I felt safe? She gave me a chance to stand up ❤️❤️

All through Covid she check on me.. are you ok? Are you doing ok? Do need anything? ❤️ Always does that… always always always ..

I am always fine and never ask for anything, but she still always checks and says that! ❤️

So anyway … I have an angel… without this woman and the kindness of others, I would not have been able to stand like this…

When I had my final surgery… and I was done… I won ❤️ was my first win – so that kinda makes me teary (still smiling though) …but that was a marker for me

Took one win, and then, meeting her … and also many others who’s kindness helped me to stand ❤️

If she didn’t come into my life at that moment … I don’t know if I could have stood so well. I certainly would not be where I am now 😮 … definitely standing because of her!!

I walked through hell and back! She helped me feel safe ❤️

And then after that… the light came back… and kept coming back ❤️ and amazing people helped me do this …

I have many angels who touched my life 👼❤️ and allowed me to climb ❤️

The impact of many people… I would not be here without that ❤️

Even the kids at the school I worked before Covid -they brought my spirit back to life ❤️ … here on WordPress I get to speak, or be silent, been wonderful for healing, and I sometimes recommend blogging to some of our families … (I never share mine or anything)

But without this woman… so kind and loyal and caring – I couldn’t have done it! She let me be able to grow my strength ❤️

Just also saying that ❤️✌️

I have to sleep exhausted 🥱 also cheeks hurt

Gnite ❤️

Ps oh yeah – I might have a situation??? 😮… I will save that story for tmrw 🤦‍♀️ ✌️ … let’s just do awesome stuff tonight 😘❤️💋