Changes

I have been so busy! Between work and fires going on there ☹️…

And Friday I told all my kids about house and show to them. ❤️ is emotional.

I’m excited to surfacely think of it. Look what went through and look what I did ❤️ so I’m excited. And I don’t have to be at anyones mercy ever again ❤️ so there is that lol 😘

But at same time – when I actually stop and think of what is happening 😮 and all the change…

I won’t be in country anymore – I will have this house with a HUGE yard 😮 … sooo much grass to mow 😮 … and it looks all thick and wet 😮

And then… other thing I realized is – I am soooo not very umm handy… well I am going to have to learn fixing things skills and things 😮

There are couple sockets I will have to fix lol – maybe I call electrician for now lol ✌️

Ok.

There are YouTube videos for things lol … so I will research things

I’m excited and thrilled… but then also nervous… because ok I can learn things 😮 sometimes lol … but is just me. 😮

So the house will be huge change 😮 so makes my heart little nervous.

And then … I also looking at other changes like job… because things happening that are not good and some may leave 😮😮

So another explosion – yeah I can’t go through that again and again.

Is management so I do not really have a say. I voice opinion but falls on deaf ears. So ok.

I look around but I want to sort of wait til the house is all squared away and I am in. Then I will take small breath lol

Then I can choose a headhunter. I want that – not a recruiter.

So omg 😳 … just change change change

I ignore everything outside because the news is way too much!! I do not want to hear the word Covid. Omg they sensationalize everything.

Look it’s here – it’s not leaving… vaccinate or not – if don’t you have higher chance of it going badly.

When your time is up – it’s up. I was fully vaccinated and caught – also got pretty sick… but I did not die. 👏 … what’s going to happen is going to happen

I’m still sorta slow and little off from before. ?? Probably just because so much change 😮

Also I am scared of not being as hidden away 😮

Because I am not protected on someone’s gated ranch 😮… I be out in the world 😮 … it’s like I was under her wing ❤️

Now I be all by myself 😮 which is fine – I am a grown up lol…

But then also… if I leave death and do something else 😮😮 then I probably won’t be hidden away anymore there either – so this is all a little terrifying 😮😳 it be fine – I’m just saying – massive change 😮😮

It sends a fear dagger 🗡 through me 😮 🤫

I like my life in death … I love the job itself. Just ya know “corporation and also California”

And hello fuckin gas prices out here! Damn! So that hour commute is getting difficult.

So. “Change” omg – that dagger 🗡

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The dagger 🗡 is because I already know so much change and I’m little scared of…

I be on own – not under wing 😮 and then if I change jobs I won’t be hidden 😮🗡

This is a lot of change!!! And huge impact of what went through to lead here! And leaving people who be like family to me and helped me stand ❤️☹️

Omg the 2020’s 😮😮 see!!! I knew this was gonna be a whole decade thing!! 🙄 the decade of forcing change lol

Ok well I am packing and cleaning 🧹 😮

It is super exciting and will be fine. Whew 😥

This will be all good change and life is change … is just all the previous things make me fear severe change because was painful… but that was at hand of others and circumstance 😮😮

This time … you know how I tell you about meant to be? Was like that. So is either going to be my blessing or a massive lesson 😮 … is in my own hands 😮

It all just happened, like the most amazing things in my life, and is also experience

I do love the house very much ❤️

Just all the change makes me feel panic 😮

Will be totally fine – I’m just weird lol ✌️ and is also a huge overwhelming difference – ok so now I protect my own self 😮 oooohhh is going to be fine 😮😮

I stepping out from the shadows kinda so I’m not very excited there – that is where the huge change panic comes from – I still want peace ✌️

I am not sure I am ready for the world again.

We gonna find out huh? Whew!

Spin that wheel 😮😮

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The closest thing I can relate it to is … when pregnant 🤰… I learn as much as possible, fall completely in love, and then I would get to that 9th month and panic because omg I have to do what? Lol … wait a minute 😮 😄… but it doesn’t wait lol – it happens 😮

Is amazing afterwards ❤️ because you have a human… you made a person. 😮 ❤️

Is same – I making life 😳😮

Ok.

I am both excited and terrified 😮 …breathe 😮 … my heart races

Ok well – changes 😮🙏

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🎲 🎲 🎲

😳😮

Ready… set … go 😮😮 oh that’s makes me gasp 😱

Is nothing to really worry about… totally all good… I just have to keep repeating until I believe is ok lol 😘✌️

Also… the last time I was really really happy and made a comment about how happy I was …

The day after I said that… my father died and brought my world to my knees so… also little nervous with being too happy… I also brace for life …because life sucks like that lol ✌️😘

Maybe that’s where the fear dagger is? Because I do feel the happy excitement … but I remember what happened when was On top of the world last time 😮

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Don’t let life know you are too happy lol … it will smack that smile right off your face 🤨😘✌️

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I put the fear in my own heart 😮

I just hold my breath and jump 😮

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Ok I just freak my own self out lol … it should be ok … I am not too sure to really trust life 😮😮 … you just sorta have to 😮

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🙏🙏🙏

Ok 2022 😳😮 here we go

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I be around to respond and still later this week… maybe tmrw? 🙏 I am trying to balance everything 😮😮😮 ahhhh 😱

I sign so much paperwork 😮 and then work stuff and packing and cleaning current house so I leave and it’s all clean ❤️

Preparing 😮

Whoa 😮 so yeah – I be back soon 🔜

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