Anyway, I have a lanyard… it used to be Sailor Moon, but it broke… and then I could not find same. I liked that one … but last Halloween? I bought a Halloween lanyard – and since I in funeral homes – I just keep the Halloween lanyard – I like it ✌️😘 kinda fit well all year for me lol ✌️
So I making the keys 🔑 and the guy helping me says “check you all already decked out with your Halloween lanyard”
Ha! I do not do holidays this early – we literally DO have Halloween things out NOW!! Come on!! It’s August 1st… see commercialism – ugh it’s bad. Disgusting actually… but whatever – welcome to America 🙄
Anyway… so when he say that to me… my mouth just spoke before my brain had a chance to stop it lol… and I say “oh that’s from last year, but I work for funeral homes so it still fits” lol – it has skulls and stuff lol
He laugh – but did not expect me to be from funeral home and that sometimes takes people back for minute. You don’t really expect it – usually I don’t say anything … but it just flew out my mouth lol
It was kinda funny – I forget totally about the lanyard holding my keys.
I also went in a store after work 🤨😝😝 😷
Yuck!!! Anyway… that sucked, but I needed milk and stuff so I had to. I didn’t plan ahead and order this week. I haven’t gone into grocery store for at least a year lol – it’s been awesome ❤️ I can be lugging things. Is just easier for me… it’s very hard otherwise because of chest… but whatever – I handled it.
It was Monday… Tuesday be crazy too… relax – no Covid or Monkey stuff yet? Or anything else they can throw a us. I will say if anything becomes issue. Currently no.
So… my transfer – I might lose my boss and have another, in which case be careful…
I am fiercely loyal so just be careful ✌️my boss has my level of trust so… not sure another could handle like my boss does so… I will not be very happy – I want only my boss and my people.
Although I already fall in love with the staff have now! They amazing and are GREAT teammates ❤️
Wonderful click and also teamwork!! So I already enjoy them, I want this one… but it could make me lose my boss ☹️
Because it’s not in my area, is in another area and county. I am a check approver – I am not allowed to be a check approver for multiple areas… I can either have city, or country.
I would lose all my solid people for new people 😮😱 gasp!!!
Can 2022 cut the shit with making so much change?! Enough already!!! Ugh can we just be boring for little while?? Ya know where nothing happens ? Can we maybe try that and see how goes? 🙏 I am tired of constant constant constant change omg stop ✋
Ok. So life is making me live my entire life this year 🤨 ugh – seriously?
Ugh … it’s gonna make me be all back to life… I kinda like the quiet and peace. But ok … I suppose I can try more life for minute? Ugh ok I DO love life, but slowly … no pushing … life pushes!!
In middle of nowhere was just so away from everything … now I have one foot in peace and the other in life.
I dunno. I do not know if I ready for life to come back? I do not know? I like my little life where keep to self and focus on work and family. That is also life.
But lately since I in the thick of it at work? Many say to me… go live life for minute
I know I know – I will – I know they right little bit.
So… I’m not too sure with life ? I do not trust it at all!!!
Anyway.. I’ll figure it out… life will make me 🤨
Also… so one thing 😄😄… this guy – totally click with him – his personality is just very awesome 👏 we laugh a lot … however lol …
So I use emojis obviously lol ✌️… I feel it helps you “feel me” lol 😘
Anyway… I always use the usual ones lol
He uses the one that he made look like him 😄😄 so that makes me laugh – I am not too sure about those always in text lol – I never use those
Ugh … but .04 miles helps tremendously lol ❤️ my smile is soooooo huge from that ❤️🙌✌️ did I tell you .04 miles ❤️❤️❤️❤️ yeah – that helps ALOT
Is still crazy and insane and I doing several at once – but this week – I am .04 miles ❤️ I am in transition 🙌❤️ woo hoo! Yay!!!!!!
And is soooo much more ?? Peaceful than Sac?
I have to handle craziness in Sac…
But here is different – not large homeless problem or crime … so I don’t have to deal with that at this place.
If that incident had been here… the police would have been there.
That’s a little sad.
But whatever – is peaceful crazy lol … is funerals – we still crazy lol ✌️… you just don’t see that because we make seem so effortless lol … but is crazy lol omg
I’m sorry but that song just fits it… unless you are in the funeral industry – you will not understand lol
Welcome to the Wild Wild West lol
Anyway… blah blah blah – work – and done ugh
Ok … so I been thinking. Sorta – it’s not going well…
Alright how I say??
Picnic… so I did click with him and I did have a great time, and he very sweet and texts me hello’s, good nights and good mornings
Just really quick no other convo – I am busy – I can not be having convos lol …from minute I get to work I am in it! Unless you are my children or a funeral person – during day I won’t answer – I too busy
But even when is time – is just quick… and then tonight I ask about a building code question 😩 … and I was saying about all the really amazing antiques and things
And I dunno 🤷♀️ he answer and chat about for minute and that was it – even when I say really cool stuff lol … I was all excited about a couple things, but meh whatever
But one thing I question – I dunno… I am very protective
So alright – he say to me I should “live while able” … if anyone knows that statement it’s a funeral worker, and I am one who had cancer and knew satan. We all know this VERY well!! We are reminded daily. Literally daily.
So if you say that too me – that throws me lol
Cause I know those words – and yes you should live while able. Yes. Absolutely!
So he tempt me with life, because he has money to do so. Saying wanna go places and enjoy with someone… want to just have fun
When I tell my people – they say just do it – have some fun 🤨 they are no help lol
I tell them he older and they like – so ? I said a lot … remember – I am already old… they are all mostly young… I only look young – they are actually young
I do alot for work and my family so they know I don’t just go have fun lol … I haven’t had a chance
So that is their reasoning – they say take weekend and go have fun why not – they say I would have amazing and awesome life experiences all over place – yes yes I know
I dunno… because he is older man and then he just wanna enjoy what life he has left with someone who would enjoy with him… which I would… I did enjoy his company – he is fun person.
But… there is one thing I really want. So. I dunno
I am not sure if is ok. I am not sure if age is what bother me? Or that one thing I want? I dunno 🤷♀️
I am extremely cautious so is it just me?
What would you do? Is fast. That also bothers me
I feel like with fast – makes it so you do not have time to think through what is right and meant to be? And then you have bad somehow – that’s why I don’t like to be pushed
They all think I nuts to question and SAY they would do in heartbeat
But I dunno? 🤷♀️
On one hand I wanna have fun and life lol ✌️🙌❤️
But on the other hand I am cautious because Satan so 🤷♀️ and I dunno I look at something and then also I want something so.
And I’m kinda a moral person so if I can’t sleep with it – then I can not do it. So I don’t know 🤷♀️
So he come to my house and we load up the cooler with the food… I made sandwiches 🥪, cut up fruit, potato salad, Tortilla chips with these guacamole cups ❤️, and then a small cheesecake for desert 🧺
So we get that loaded – he have big truck and on top was a red and blue Kayak.
So we start going – and I proudly announce “I will be the navigator” lol (you should probably not let me do that lol)
Once we get into mountains – GPS was shit!! We shoulda went OLD SCHOOL and used PAPER MAP!! Lol 🗺 …
But I look at map on technology so finally we find it, no thanks to technology lol … we had put driving directions into each one of our phones and he was gonna arrive 2 minutes before me ?? 😄😄 … that should have been a clue lol
And then your phone would tell you 7 more miles – but then when you drive route – suddenly is 53 miles lol what???
Yeah that was no good – but we finally find the place but it is packed… everyone from the valley heads up to mountains when heat is crazy… is much more comfortable and nice in mountains ❤️ … just everyone escapes there and was BEAUTIFUL weekend omg
But they tell us – parking is full, and we would not be able to launch the kayaks there…
But then the security guard tell us a place that we would love and should be good… so we evidentially like punishment so… we GPS again lol
Finally we find it ❤️ it was beautiful and serene… you can take FULL breaths here ❤️
It is quite a workout lol … I thought perhaps I be in wheelchair today lol – cause it works your legs AND core lol 👏 … but totally fine… no aches lol ❤️ I think it’s magic up there … cause you breathe so deep from such beauty and the air so fresh
Is about 4,000ft above sea level – so your ears pop, lol … like airplane does when you go up. Air is thinner there – but crisp ❤️ the weather was perfect.
We have music 🎶, had picnic 🧺, exercise, lots of laughter – we have so much fun! 🙌
I was NOT murdered lol ✌️ my friends make me share location 🙄 ❤️ … happens when your friends all work in funerals lol 🙄
Yeah bitches – I am here : (maybe turn sound down – there will be rustling lol )
❤️ sorry about the rustling – I had a waterproof case on and also tied around me – I am NOT taking chances – but wanna remember the beauty and moment lol ✌️❤️
I just know who I am lol ✌️😘 😉
So anyway, how your soul not want that? Omg so beautiful!!! When you there – the world melts away completely ❤️
I wish John Denver had done a song about the Sierra Nevadas before he died. I love the way he saw through music 🎶 ❤️ West Virginia has a song and so does Colorado lol … I wish for one about the Sierras ( better be good lol)
Where my love for the Sierra Nevada Mountain range?? There is nothing – how is there nothing ?
Who would I want to sing that, if I don’t have John Denver to chose from? 🤔 hmm…
Otherwise there is nothing good 👎 … I give anyone challenge for that – but again you have to have been there and know that beauty and can put into words … otherwise do not attempt lol – I am harsh musical critic with certain things lol ✌️😘
So that is closest currently ❤️ … so that song for Sierra Nevadas for now… until someone can be brilliant 💋✌️
We find a little secluded beach 🏝 and we have snacks and 💧 water – I slathered in lotion all day long ❤️ I am more freckly, but not screaming red lol – woo hoo!!
Ugh freckles 😝 I don’t know why they bother me, only on me they bother ??
When I would complain about all the freckles … my grandmother would say those are angel kisses 💋😳
Every time she say that, I think of freckles elsewhere lol … ummm angels do not have to kiss me so much!! I am good!!
I am just dotted so 🤷♀️ and I also don’t like they can be dangerous – I have way too many!! (my kids used to call me cheetah mom because I was always making them go fast and I am dotted 🙄😄😄) – in my defense – they were very slow little people lol ❤️✌️
I swear the sun makes them darker and give me more!! 🤨
The beach was sooo peaceful and serene and just incredible ❤️
There was NO ONE… you can have such deep breath there! Look at how incredible beautiful that is!
How the Sierras NOT have a GOOD song??? OMG!! Totally kills me!!
So we get back to truck – have more food for dinner. And begin to head home… it late and we so tired and full lol… so we gonna get hotel and I would have own room… I want to do cheap place because I pay for my own… but there were no hotels 🏨 and we had more than hour to drive to my house and even longer for his… he was many hours away!
We pull over and he find a Marriott but I didn’t wanna be so expensive but he say he get both so alright whatever. It was nice room, and then this morning I meet him for breakfast in lobby and we load and head home…
On way home, we go right by Folsom State Prison … and check it…
Is beautiful area, you would never know was a prison there – is rich affluential area… there is also The Folsom Dam
There are fisheries and really cool things – there are shopping outlets if you like that.
We didn’t stop – we tired of driving lol we spend most of time in car lol – that is one way to know a person lol
He was always gentleman, never made it about sex… very chill funny laid back… wants to share life experience like that with someone 😮
Ok so… he is very older than me lol… 🤫 he was telling me story about how he start out as adult and I was not even born yet 😮 he is 20 years older than me 😮
No … I do not have daddy issues… he does not seem 20 years older in looks, but in life he has a maturity so I kinda like that. Just appreciates life, enjoys moment
I dunno … we have fun and he very happy to be with me lol … I enjoyed the time
And he is builder from the coast so… he have time to do whatever – he can do whatever he wants
I however, have to continue to survive also lol ✌️ for ownself
He say “can’t wait to find what we can do next time”
He ready to just take me all over the place 😮 he talking about flying to Vegas for weekend sometime lol
Ok wait !! Do not blind me… easy lol
He want to actually share life adventure when able
He live very far from me – 3 hours lol … but he speak about going everywhere lol
He likes Blues music 🎶 … I like it – but I am more of the classical blues ✌️
He says he has many toys – such as these kayaks and I guess buggies and many things lol
He has a lot of energy to be older than me lol … but he has a laid backness too
He’s like ready to be all in lol … umm … I say I work a lot … he say “ take some time for life” lol dang it
Why do I feel nervous to have someone back in my life? I don’t know. It give me weird feeling, because I don’t know?? And he is very much living life lol
So … I am not sure how to see? He is going to blind me.. I need to watch that… but he is fun and take me away to heaven so – how I not like that? How I not get blinded?
I had peace so … I dunno – yeah this one understands life – but he also has the money to do so.
He wants to do things with me… and make time to do.
Ok. So … 😳🤷♀️ ok let me just see
I like him, we have wonderful time and enjoy company 🙌 he very respectful
So I feel like I am asking myself – do I want life? 😮
I am just not so fast… but he is on different time line than me… he wants to take in as much life as possible 😮
My friends are all “ let him”
lol … ok We see lol
They do not like when I say that lol… but I’m sorry – we will see ✌️ don’t make me go all fast!
So my life likes to be all crazy always ??? Doesn’t it seem that way?
I try to keep it pretty chill… life makes it all crazy
Ok so 🤷♀️ he older, wealthy and ya know – I just gonna be careful. Although I enjoyed the moments he show me, and he want to do with … he enjoy me also – we laugh a lot … our laughs sorta match
He excited to take me places
I just wanna make sure he not be blinding me.
And then also … I build my life so please do not ask me to give up – I don’t want to be at mercy again… he doesn’t seem like that type, but I just careful person.
He will remind me of being young so I want him to go slow lol
So I go to pass by Dunkin Donuts 🍩 ☕️ … and thought ok – if I am getting signs of a bad day right from start … I’m getting a fricken coffee ❤️ – I’ll give myself a not totally bad day lol ✌️
But it continued… not only was I behind every slow person on earth, but I got stuck behind every train and light rail lol …
Ok does life not want me to go to work?? Lol
Whatever
Then it went good… I meet with a contractor who I thought was gonna be this big huge deal – but he make it very easy for me ❤️ thank you sir – pleasure doing business ✌️
I got something bad – handled and working perfectly ❤️ I pulled that rabbit out of my hat 🎩
So then, ok well… my locations are in the Capitol of California – really big city … we have massive homeless
Today one was strung out probably on PCP by his actions ?? But he was yelling and swearing at no one … but then he began banging on our windows which all glass.
He was gonna break in… we call police – and put in several 911 calls
And they too busy… they never show up… they drove by and I try to flag them, even some stranger tried to help me flag them down – but they couldn’t be bothered and too busy.
Ahh haaa…. So you see, they want respect but where is the protection? And if police are not going to be there for you – this is why you can not take away guns!! See … then provide protection!!
We totally thought he either going to break window or doors – I was ready to even grab a chair 🪑
Technically is not totally police fault – is city’s fault for not having enough per/capita – and state for not funding that.
Also this why people get mad too… so yeah … also broken – on many levels ✌️
So… this is why we keep our doors locked 🔒 ✌️ appt ONLY!
So there was that – I was gonna sign a trespassing document preventing him from coming near funeral home – next time he be arrested – but they never showed up 🤨
Lovely protection here 🤨😠
See forces people to carry guns because of this society.
It was crime in progress and they didn’t even ever come. Thanks for nothing – handled ourselves
We video taped everything, and we stay out of his sight but trapped 🤨😠 … after couple hours he leave 🤨 that was not cool… imagine if someone was alone?!!! Which we are sometimes 😮
They are from India 🇮🇳… so of course I asking a ton of questions lol …
I was not sure how he fit… but he fit amazing!! it takes a special type – he has it!
I’m so excited – he’s gonna do great!!
He has wonderful personality and sense of humor that you do not expect lol 🙌❤️ he has a calming and peace to him
Anyway like I said – I’m grilling him about India lol … because I am curious 🧐
I want to know what is differences and I learn 😮
So of course I live in America… we have huge portions of food… tons of food… check out our top killers in America – is heart disease right up there – obesity … unhealthy foods and things
He tell me your healthy foods in India are cheaper… well here in America it is opposite … the healthy stuff is the most expensive … the healthier it is, the more expensive it is. (The almighty dollar always!)
But if you want fatty processed foods – those are cheap cheap cheap
And we talk about Indian food …which he say you can do without any spice? Yes? I don’t know if my tummy be ok? So he say he make and we see lol
Oh and he tell me this funny thing… when he got to America and went to Indian restaurant – he was like “what is this?” Lol because it was creamy when isn’t normally creamy … he says the Indian food is Americanized lol … yes I am sure it is…
Yes as Americans we take your food and Americanize it lol … ✌️ we do that to everyone lol
But don’t areas of the world take American things and cater them to that society… I have seen documentaries about things we don’t have offered at McDonald’s… but is offered only in other countries lol ✌️
Don’t you change our foods to your tastes?
And then on another subject… if you have a person who dies and has no money or no family or anything…
He said India takes care of each other – everyone pitch in little bit money to help, he say you just do. ❤️ he also say funerals are not as expensive as they are here in America
Here in America of course, it is an industry. You could do a GoFundMe … but generally is left to next of kin
It costs a lot of money for you to come IN TO the world…
And it costs a lot of money for you to leave the world. Sadly … that should not be the case but it is
You are looking at thousands of almighty dollars 💸 cremation cheapest…but still some don’t even have that, is sad 💔
If people are homeless – how the hell they afford a funeral? So yeah… you would become ward of the state and be in hands of coroner and public administrator.
Is much nicer to take care of your people. 🙏❤️ that is heartwarming
You don’t see that here… why? Because is the almighty dollar always.
Also everything here is commercialized – everything – because yup – you guessed it… the almighty dollar ✌️💸
He said India does not have same issues we do
I so curious about everything!
But yeah he fits right in!! He found his peeps lol ✌️
His sense of humor and timing with it is perfect lol … well mostly lol …
Because Sunday morning bright and early he send group text of just “good morning” lol.
Funeral people are always on alert lol – so maybe morning greetings little later on Sunday mornings and we don’t normally do that lol …
We just put out overnight activity
He will learn – he already is!!
We do sometimes do memes lol 😄❤️✌️
Lol… so my business – is one where I just say “you gonna be thrown in the fire” …
It is right of passage lol ✌️😄
So on his first day – we were not too sure … he wore too much cologne and it’s overwhelming at first to be at funeral home and we sometimes forget that cause we running all around ✌️
Well so …day one – we were like – will he survive? Lol
But we politely explained that we have sensitive families so maybe tone down the cologne… you can wear it… just don’t swim in it lol 😘✌️
So day 2, he actually comes back lol … and then his test begins lol…
The director had to leave for service, so he had to man the funeral home all by himself lol
The director was gone for about an hour and a half …
In that time, there was flower deliveries, package deliveries, families showing up, phones ringing and he did something to the alarm system and set that off lol .. all at the same time
😄😄😄
But ya know – sometimes is crazy like that- he handled it like a pro… but he was funny … because when the director came back, he immediately goes over to him and says “you would not believe the day I have had” 😄😄😄
We say to him… hey!! you on day 2, you can’t say that yet lol … it was just funny – he has wonderful temperament and sense of humor
He will fit in perfect!! Also.. since he speak Indian he huge asset! He already help with language barrier for us ❤️
So let’s see if he survives lol … welcome to death 🤗
I’m excited – he very funny – and he picks it up quick… very smart.
See – just keep me smiling and never make me cry lol ✌️😘❤️
We each bringing things and I have to say… what do you not eat? Lol
He say he eat whatever – hmm 🤔
If you ask me that – do not bring sushi or fish – nothing from the sea! No! 😝😝 ugh and even the smell yeah no
I will make potato salad and bring sandwiches 🥪- he can bring dessert 🧁 and drinks 🥤 … and some fruits and veggies for snacking
And then we deciding where to go? 🤷♀️ well I dunno lol … if you ask me that – I am more fluent and familiar with Lake Tahoe … I always just think North … I never think of south
I do love the southern area below me… also very beautiful – I just don’t know that area well. Not my territory lol ✌️
So… where to go. We just have to decide that now lol
My mother obviously had early onset Alzheimer’s/Dementia … her mother also had.
So that is issue for the mind… I am leading somewhere with this…
Alright… and then I used to do the family genealogy … and when you do that – you sometimes uncover things that back in the day they wanted kept quiet and thought that not speaking of and time would erase? Obviously it does not erase lol – they only thought it did… you do not even know how many stupid secrets I find 🙄
They did not share because was bad light – so they bury and hope no one ever knows … but sometimes that information is important and needed.
Luckily for technology & internet – I can dig up (sorry about the pun lol) everything! lol (my mom and I used to laugh about this because I have one section of my family who always think are holier than thou … but they have all the secrets lol)
We used to see how and why they hide bad things so it was just funny when all these secrets came out … my ancestors probably really mad lol
I brought back family that had been disowned since 1939… and I uncovered important medical information!!! … as well as what could be Hollywood movie drama 🎭
I uncovered a lot… should totally be detective lol ✌️
Anyway… one of those secrets they bury… was about a brother my grandfather had…
When they would tell of someone who passed – they would make up stuff if they don’t want you asking questions…
My grandfather had 2 brothers – he was the middle child… I only knew him and his youngest brother…
They grew up in Boston area … Irish … kinda street kids ?
My grandfather was a little hoodlum lol … punk if you will 😄✌️…
My grandmother was upper class … he married up… she would go to bus stop for school and he would yell to her “hey blondie” lol (obviously she was blonde)
At first she not like it … but then he kinda grew on her …
They were good together ❤️ very in love – they had good life – but sad death. That’s another story 😉
Anyway… his little brother was kinda loose cannon… crazy one … always trying to make fast buck… he had a daughter … I always wanted to meet her, but I never did… he was not around for her. She is just little older than me. I have never met her.
My grandfather treated him like a little brother – I think he was like my sister? Always asking for money? But not really being adult?
They always welcomed him, but he would annoy my grandfather 😄😄
I always knew there was another brother… but I never knew anything about him… I was “told” he was my grandfathers twin and had died at birth.
Well I had no reason to not believe that, so ok… nothing to know then. 🤷♀️
Ok whatever and then one day I was up in my parents attic, and there was a box of pictures – so I looked through a couple …
And there was my father as a baby and this man who looked JUST LIKE my grandfather – but was NOT him?? Who is this??
Ok the back was the name James
Ok so I had a name… and then I find the name with my family in the United States census…
We are Irish… and catholic … so when you have 2 children back to back – really close in age – under a year… they are referred to as Irish twins … because we do not believe in birth control other than rhythm method lol ✌️ or at least that was way used to be.
But they call those children “Irish twins” … so … I guess they were Irish twins but not technically twins…
The oldest brother was one year older than my grandfather … I am going to assume they were really close… grew up so close together my family is close… or was.
I show him up into his 20’s and then I couldn’t find him… so ya know… you chat people up for info lol
I was lucky some were still alive … so since they aged if you ask questions they just say if they remember…
I find out little details – like he had moved to New York and was like the family big shot… he worked for some hotel in New York ?
Well that’s where the details get blurry? Because then I was told he committed suicide 😮
I don’t know why? I don’t know what happened? it was different time and era?? I have no idea – but I would like to know the story someday maybe? I am curious, why?
But if that is the case… then that would be another issue in the family with the mind? Right?
I am always warning my children… listen your mom has had breast cancer AND Alzheimer’s/dementia runs in family – so you have 50/50 chance – please be proactive and aware … I just always remind – I worry those be passed to them. (Men also have breasts and can get breast cancer – is not only a woman thing)
Well anyway… I just questioning because – if there is history of suicide and depression – that would be on fathers side … my mothers side is the Alzheimer’s/dementia…
And then… sister?? She is young… and if is using drugs then I’m sure that’s probably killed brain cells?
I dunno – just cause she only hears what she wanna hear… and then plays this victim card? Like she’s this wounded bird everyone should care for.
I was 9 when she was born…
She was maybe 6months old and my mom dropped us off at church daycare while she went grocery shopping. I was 9…
Well me, my brother and my sister were shy quiet kids… we were usually only with family – so we quiet and shy around strangers even children.
While all the other kids went on playground to play … the 3 of us sat on a bench in front of a window that overlooked the playground and we watched all the other kids playing – we were fine just sitting there waiting for my mom – none of us wanted to go outside. So we just sat there.
The church ladies tried several times to see if we would like to play … we kept saying “no thank you, we will stay here” lol
And then my baby sister pooped her pants … so they were going to take her from me and change her… the church lady went to remove her from my arms and she screamed bloody murder omg!! Ear piercing!!!! 😮😮
I asked “do you want me to help? She will let me”
But they say …no thank you, you be a kid lol
But she screaming entire time and they couldn’t even get diaper off… my sister was throwing FULL fit… so I went over and said “let me see, maybe I can calm her”
So they move aside and as soon as it was me, she was fine. So I changed her diaper and we went back to sitting in front of the window watching the kids lol
When my mom came to pick us up … she went to pay them… they told her “we didn’t do anything, your oldest daughter did everything so we not gonna charge you” 😮
After that, I was allowed to be the babysitter 🙌❤️ at home all nice and comfortable lol ✌️
We were close siblings … played together – fought lol … ya know siblings … I was more like a second mother to her when my mom was not around.
I was the cool one… I always had alot of friends even though we moved a lot… I had to learn to be social from very young because of all the moves…
I do not have any fear of socializing – just sometimes I want peace lol ✌️😄
But I always had a lot of friends – and boys started coming around at age 11… so I was this super cool teenager to her… I was cool and also their protector
I did not let ANYONE pick on my brother or sister.
Well… I left home at 18… she was 8… I think that was hard for her. The separation and also my dad got sick.
So all the bad things began when I left ☹️
My mom was too busy being there for my dad – she still try to be there … and was… but you know how life can get if someone is sick
My parents gave her all kinds of money for anything she wanted – she was princess and baby of family – they always feel bad for her because of things … so they try to make up for it… try another way to make her have happy life since my dad was sick
So she began her own life … not smartly – but she refused to listen to anyone… ugh 😑
Well we warned her… but she didn’t listen
I am a believer in being happy… so if I tell you something and you don’t listen – if I feel is something you are strong with, then ok… maybe you see something I don’t? So go ahead make your life decision.
We stood behind her and let her make her choices.
Well they young and they struggle – so my whole family help them..
We paid for their things many times – they had my niece and nephew. My sister and her husband were always just immature kids who struggled and never caught on with life ??
My grandparents gave them their Cadillac… my parents, me and my brother, were always helping them to stand but they never did… there was a point I could not help anymore … I’m sorry – I have my own family and things – time to be adult…
But she didn’t … then my brother got married and she plays on my sister-in-law’s heart… you always wonder if maybe this time 🙏 but no never
A few years before my dad passed they took my sister and kids to Hawaii – my brother and I were like umm hello? 👋 remember us? Lol
But for her they felt she didn’t have anything and struggled so she deserved a vacation.
Ok whatever
She would cry to mom and mom would always slip her money. My dad was more lecture type, and harder… so she would go to mom lol – my mom had big heart especially for her children. ❤️
She could never turn her back from my sister
My sister and her husband were bleeding them dry… so they retired to Arizona
Then my brother also left … and everyone else died
Over the years, we pull many strings and call in many favors to state of Maine or who ever we knew who could help her…
We were so close one time… we had her in a place – she stayed and had a place to live and food and counseling – her asshole husband comes in says crap to her and she leave with him. ☹️💔 we were devastated by that.
In the beginning my father had pulled strings for them and they blew those off also. Never again did my father pull strings for them.
They babied her always … when she born… she was biggest chubbiest baby… wicked cute and blonde … from birth she had this raspy voice… it was so cute on such a little child.
She was baby of family … my mother was a coddler … so all 3 of us as children were wrapped around her leg or really shy. My sister was the worst.
They didn’t move around as much when my sister was going up… she didn’t learn to be social
I am the outgoing one (surfacely at least) … I am the positive and optimistic one…
She is more doom and gloom, definitely not out going – more of shut in, expects everyone to care for her ?
Sweetheart – let me tell you about the world. ✌️
She doesn’t listen ever… if it isn’t what she want or what she want to hear… then she turns off
I have that ability too ✌️ but I only won’t listen if not also listened to. I listen to her… I try to help her. I don’t know what to do, if anything can do?
I try to be soft and coddling like my mother… but she plays on that … and then I have tried to be very hard military style and say look this is how is, this is how be, this is how you handle and this is what you do.
She still does not listen. Ugh 😑
Do you understand the words that are coming out of my mouth?
I wish was only a difference in language – then I could translate at least!!
She just ??? I do not even know what to say??
If I move her in, here in state of California – I’m stuck with her… she would have legal rights to live in my house – good or bad … so am I ok with that?
It can not be all me, I’m sorry I do love her very much – is my baby sister … but I need her to wake up! She not giving any effort – only to things she wants ☹️💔
So I don’t know. I don’t want to lose everything I work so hard for, and I myself, am not in best health with breasts so… I dunno.
She be alot to take on… I don’t think I can unless she can wake up and realize the world does not revolve around her. We are not here to just provide for her… no… you are grown woman so figure out … she lucky she have so much help and love
Wake the F up
So … I dunno. 🤷♀️
I feel these things are important to discuss because it deals with mental stability ? And family you love but can not reach? Also… drugs and things people don’t like to speak of if they have issues with
Suicide hotline: I guess now you just dial 988 – it’s new for just those digits … but if you feel you need to speak to someone – please do… there are people who love you even if you don’t think so! … if you are in the United States – it’s 988
I’m just trying to see the big picture and figure out. I am just trying to survive myself
He morphed into my father… even clears his throat the same…
We laughed about that recently – he morphed into dad with all the mannerisms and things … and I morphed into mom lol
I do want my sister back – I just want her ok… I see other sisters and it makes me miss her and wish I had mine 💔☹️
Well anyway – what would you do? Is it possible to help someone like this? … we no longer help with money – I only did something recently because I thought she serious … and I preparing to get her to California.
But we let her figure out … if she wants help we want to be there … but she doesn’t want it – she just want you to take care of her.
I think is her own decisions – I do wonder about mental health because something is not right… is that the drugs or actual mind? She entitled – as if world owes her … sweetie lemme tell you that is not the case!! So take your pretty little self and suck it up
So half of me is sweet tender kind loving…but then I also be all stern because she not listening and I’m trying to help her…
Is very difficult and exhausting… so yeah. Anyway how would you look at this? What would you do?
* here is one of my secrets lol … I am not supposed to have stress since I have cancer – they tell me no stress … HA! When I am my own customer then I not have stress 😉✌️ … I am not supposed to have the amount of stress from work, or other things – I am supposed to focus on no stress lol … I do not
How I supposed to do that??? While I am alive? lol … that is like impossible … no stress ha! That is easy to say. Much harder to do.
Lol … when Madonna song came out I ask them what that was – what is a virgin? Lol 😄😄🤷♀️ I did not know… and they did not know how to respond lol
And they didn’t 🙄 … totally sensed the uncomfortableness lol … my parents DID NOT like Madonna lol
I was 1st ☝️ child of 3… they did not like the exposure to the world on a child that was their 1st, and they had hard time letting me grow up lol
I broke them in lol
It is hard to let your children out into the world… you just have to trust your parenting and love your child. Open communication
And then when I discover they uncomfortable – it draws my attention even more lol … instead of making uncomfortable… they could have just honestly explained 🙄
Yeah lol… was little provocative lol 😄😄 but ya know… it was before my generation too … and if technology gonna be in their lives just be careful
When I was little and we go cross country… in the van we had an 8-track lol … I had Donna Summer, Elvis Presley, John Denver & Sesame Street fever ?
I loved to blare these songs : (disclaimer – I was like 5 lol)
That’s until I discover music other than theirs lol
Yeah – my poor parents lol ❤️
So… this builder guy… interesting. Hmm 🤔
Things he is currently doing correctly …
1.) he does not overwhelm me with texts or immediately be weird lol…
2.) he texts just enough for me to remember him – and let me know is thinking of me 😮 … and he be sweet and kind and kinda funny when I don’t expect it lol … but is gentleman being very nice – very kind – sweet
… I really do not expect anything… just because I know how world is… we see.
And then also… would I have time for someone? I don’t know 🤷♀️ I don’t really know what I am doing lol ✌️… learning lol
I have a lot going on already so I do not know if I even wanna open this can of worms yet? Omg
But we see … ☝️ chance
So far so good. So far he doing well.
We see
And then sister … I tell her – one way ticket to Sacramento only… but she still insisting on way to see mom…
She will not be able to handle, she has no way to get there… talking to me about hitchhiking or ride share 🤨
Then she say she too depressed and has anxiety so working is not something she can do. 🤨 ha!
Ok look… I have no problem giving respite for awhile until strengthen soul … but she gonna have to work. I can’t unless she gonna eventually work… and she will be expensive because she does not understand money or care because she expects to be taken care of.
Listen – you gonna have to change mind frame…So you want the help to get better and see mom?
Or
Fuck it? Cause I’m not going to lose everything again… so which is it?
I’m not gonna baby her ass – so decide your life. Been here done this. You think would change but does not. ☹️
Sorry she does not have the luxury of calling ANY shots… do you want help or do you not?
I do not want to play these games.
I lay it out and explain everything to her… but she still takes it in her own direction.
So I dunno how that gonna be. Currently it’s exhausting.
People were there for me, when I needed people and is best if is family – but she does not care… she does not care about spending anyones money – has zero comprehension of cost of living … she does not care about anyone else – she pretends to, only to ask for money… and then makes it about herself.
She gonna have to suck it up, cut the shit. Do you want a better life or not?
It is time to grow up and learn life … but if you don’t want to… that’s fine with me- don’t ask me for anything.
I will make sure she see mom, but she is in no shape to see her currently, and she hasn’t seen in years … umm ?? Maybe 10 years?
She is not prepared to see mom yet. It be all bad.
This woman has some serious grown up decisions to make.
I’m a little offended … I don’t have a ton… I am offering her help. But is not good enough – will always be more. Won’t ever appreciate.
It’s her best offer currently… my brother wants nothing to do with her the way she is.
You can lead a horse to water – but you can not make him drink.
I can not save her… I saving myself … but she my sister so I want her to be ok…
I can give respite and help build soul, and even get a job … but if don’t want to even attempt to help self – then I can not.
I have my own medical things and what if something goes bad? And I responsible for everyone – yeah I can’t
I love her – but I can not take her on if she does not wanna help herself. I am not in a financial position for her to not do anything or contribute and then my offer not good enough for her…
So she try to make me feel bad and say she hitchhike and stay in shelters … ya know I don’t like her playing on the heart
Learning Life 