He is sooo funny ❤️❤️ also very heavy now. On occasion he be an asshole lol – but whatever – he listens and loves 💕 ❤️ I love him ❤️❤️❤️
As far as our weather, we under area flood watch because yes we have flooding. Currently it has paused raining … we will have one break from rain on Friday and then 40 days and 40 nights lol – kidding but yes for many many days
I am rained out… bleh … I need sun!!! I am dying for sun!!! 🥀
And DO NOT even mention drought, come summer 😶 !!!! I do not want to hear that this summer!!!
Ugh winter … cmon … enough… I am ready for spring ugh please enough … I need sun and not be cold and wet all the time!!! I look like crap every single day …
At home look great … leave house and be drown rat 🐀
Things with military are going well.
But he wanna move really really fast and that is just not even a reality at this moment ??
I have a daughter I am raising… so … I’m gonna need understanding and no pressure with that
I enjoy seeing him yes … I like him and feel at ease … but work also kills me …
My life always just work and kids … so … is different to have someone suddenly in your life? I got used to not having that…. So is an adjustment – but would be that way probably for anyone while I am at this job.
And he’s like 40 min away… and storming
This week at work killing me!! But when is it not?
And I have daughter… so not gonna see him for awhile?? Not sure?
I like him and that’s fine with me… not that I don’t love being around… is ok to have life too? Happens
Meaning realistically – like tonight for example… I got so beat at work today!! Omg sooo busy and nuts and crazy… so I come home exhausted – it had rained all day
So ya know… I just wanna go home and get in my warm Jammie’s – and be all cozy comfy warm
… my job exhausts me and it’s winter and rainy!!! You lucky on a good day lol 😘✌️🤷♀️
And I work sooooo hard for years and years … to build and live HERE. So… my days of driving were over 🙌
But now I drive again – he’s worth it … but my job is so incredibly draining … so …. It’s just something to get used to??
I don’t wanna burn myself out completely – I would like to NOT become my own customer!! 😮
It’s just a very draining crazy job sometimes
We talk but this week with rain and then my week has been nuts – let me introduce my world
I don’t respond sometimes too … because omg I am in middle of crazy or something and sometimes I am only one there … so … is not because I don’t like… it’s just a crazy job and I respond first chance I get
So we learning
Well anyway – bedtime again 😩 I can barely keep eyes open they hurt
Since weekend storm maybe I get to hunker down and veg? 🙏🙏🙏 we see – I want to do nothing
We are totally already saturated 😮 and being pounded again at this moment … my yard … is a moat … I now officially have a castle compound lol … moat and all 😮 my backyard a complete lake 😮
That is how he is with me …then he just smiles when with me – except if we talk about emotional stuff – cause some of that is sad and hard.
I said to him … look I don’t want you to to have a fantasy of me or anything ? I don’t want you to believe I am something I am not? Thinking that I am certain ways … you may find me boring ? I do not like any kind of drama 🎭 I told him I am different because of what went through and then also I work in funerals – so I just like the peace
And he just said – I know who you are, I know you are different – and then he said… I want that… and he made a real quick comment about the pressure he has.
So I slowly see … he has very fast paced life… but with me he can be himself and say whatever, and then I just have a peace or whatever 🤷♀️
I make a point to always say that I need the peace because is how I keep balance and how I cope. He is aware of my trauma I tell him enough to know is a serious thing
When he is with me the world just melts away… we laugh and talk… so I think with me is lifting of pressure he normally has?
He keeps saying he wanna escape away with me lol
Yeah he needs little soul respite lol … but yeah society and media/ especially social media has severe effects on mental well being – I am not a doctor – just an observer with an opinion lol
I think is negative and causes depression – on TOP of life’s normal hits
If you only knew how freeing it is to not care 🙌❤️ not have that chatter – have freedom to be however wish to be without influence ❤️👏 mostly lol … I am influenced by those I love and admire ❤️
Anyway… so yeah
He wanted to do dinner last night so ok … but my GPS did not account for flooding??? 😮😮 omg why you not account for flooding???!!!! Ugh whatever – what kind of GPS does not account for road situations??!!
I do not go out usually – so ya know I don’t like night driving and stupid people with brights on and don’t turn off when you right there – Jeez! Learn some consideration
And he told me to take one way… but ya know … I’m gonna do my own thing lol … I will hear you, but I will think I know better lol 😄😄 🤷♀️
So I will do my way – which would have been totally fine if stupid GPS would account for flooding!! Omg everything is flooded soooooo badly!!! Like LAKES instead of roads 😮😮
I wanted to attempt so badly – but no … I know my luck when I push it lol ✌️😘 I do not want that lol
So anyway took me awhile to get there because of flooding
So I thought ok … let’s just see how he handles me?
Well … he was just happy to see me as I mumbled about that drive lol
Later we talk and he tell me … at first he was stressed cause I late but then he said he thought “this beautiful woman is coming out to dinner with me and making effort coming to see me” so he just went with it and let go cause he just happy to see me
I know he is not used to my ways at all… but he does good. I am very different than he is…
But I think he wanna be little slower and free’er? Not have heavy pressure
Also he lets me take my time telling him anything about me 🥰❤️ he will ask… I am little uncomfortable with just speaking of in general cause I cry so I can’t really speak too much – so he just is fine with that.
I tell him I am still somewhat healing or coping lol , from my own stuff so 🤷♀️ but he doesn’t care
Last night he said… you are just amazing and refreshing to be around, you are not like how other women are…
Well as soon as he said that… I say… well like what?? What are other women like??
He smiled and laughed and said nah I’m not gonna tell you lol … he does not want me to be like other women and have those ideas lol 🤷♀️ that’s funny
Anyway… I don’t have fear or panic with him, is very mellow and enjoyable to be around him
He is typically high energy but I think he likes my slow speed lol
I’m just kidding … but I think he’s very considerate and thoughtful of how I need to be so… I like that… he is very chill with me which I don’t think is generally how is? Lol
I think my peacefulness rubs off when he is with me … he seems less tense when with me?
So.
I like that he is different but also accepting and thoughtful … so I like that.
He can be whoever he wants as long as he allows me to also lol … I wasn’t sure if he would like how I am but he just is full in 😮
I also wanna make sure he heals for himself? But I can definitely teach him to slow the world down … I do always remind him if he needs time I am fine with that – but he doesn’t want time
I just tell him to be careful because I have history of cancer and my mom has and grandmother had Alzheimer’s … so ya know you just take life as it comes at that point but be aware cause could be thing and then that is why you just simply cherish moments … be happy with what blesses your life – know you have a blessing
We discuss things and I tell him/ he tells me and we understand so is nice … he listens and is trying to know what makes me tick … he does well – I like him 🥰 he is very romantic 💘
He not like other guys he is total gentleman always … he makes sure not to fuck it up lol … I like that … I have a rule in place that he is not allowed to buy me anything lol – I just prefer it that way – he listens but complains – whatever is a rule‼️ … not gonna listen on this one … several reasons for this rule!
You should see his smile when he sees me lol … like I said – his whole face lights up … every time! And he is just amazing to me 😮 always 😮
I do think he learns with me though lol … I like that we can be different but still get along and not have any effect … I like that a lot
He will have his ways – which I have no problem with … but just also know who I am lol ✌️😘 I will have my own ways – 2 different lives
Tonight on phone he told me he doesn’t think I am boring at all. He says I make him so happy
It’s not my personality that is boring … just how am is. I am not a “go-out’er” or a partier … I just live very peaceful quiet life balancing the death
I tell him be easy… because things make me tear up and am sensitive so easy with your heart touching things … and ya know is just sensitive
I am getting used to having someone around my life – I am still determining how that is lol … I like him and enjoy time with him but I do need down time – cause I like to just be home and be chill
It’s hard to always be driving places – but he’s amazing so I do lol … but ya know – am quirky … Am very used to shutting the world off not going out in it lol ✌️ but like I said he’s so amazing so I do.
So we see – I am taking it as it’s coming at me. Also observing and being quirky lol … I say stuff so he’s aware of things – I don’t want him having blinders on – I want to be able to heal and things and I’m gonna have to go VERY easy there
So … is an adventure. I like him alot 😊 he definitely sweeps me off my feet 👣 😮❤️
Ok so… ugh so much … I never know where to start?!
So military has been taking me to dinner and meeting people … which is fine…
I am seeing and getting to know who he is as person – I like him… he makes me laugh and he’s very proactive lol … but he is go go go all the time
And sometimes he says things that ?? I don’t know?
Ok first things first… I do enjoy being around him, he is awesome and still very romantic and heartfelt. Sorta
Yes he is romantic and full of life… he is heartfelt cause we will talk and he has emotions.
But I feel that if you love someone – you love them as they are… period.
I mention to him that I have been through alot… and my job is very heavy… I work hard and am proud of self. Is not easy… I pour all my energy into my kids and work.
I tell him I am probably boring and I am quiet and low key… just quiet
And when I said that to him – he said, well I’m hoping to fix that for you
Ok wait. Cause what if I like that? What if I need that. what if I want that?
I’m not too sure about too much life ?? I do not know how much I can handle? Or want to?
I have life – but I also have death … and with everything been through I am tired so … I want to love life peacefully ?
And I accept someone as is… who they are ? I don’t think about what I can fix or change ?
Also… he has not seen my world… I only see his to know who he is… but he has not seen my world.
My people are unique as well ❤️❤️ … all the women are very beautiful ❤️ and we all have really hilarious personalities lol ❤️ … some are bulldogs … some are quiet like me… some are spooky lol … they are all amazing … they all very different ❤️
Make me laugh and smile daily ❤️ … where I have fit … they have heart ❤️ … you have to for the job
Anyway – I am going to need to heal and be at my own pace with my own things.
I am not going to be able to handle pressure from personal life … I love to enjoy life moments in general and then once in awhile – usually in spring and summer – I like to do fun things lol
Not so much in winter, but I am doing things to see who he is- I’ve giving my time – I don’t mind hanging watching tv or talking over dinner and all that… I like that… but I am not a go out all the time person at all!! 😮 not in slightest!
I have brought up my peace and quietness several times … my personality is full of life wonder … but my world is peaceful
Also… I am quiet and listen to his stories and how his life is… I don’t speak of mine much – here and there about my family but very vaguely with bad stuff
Ya know… it’s gonna be too much. So why revisit? I have my life nice and peaceful and somewhat balanced.
I can not do if you think you can fix or change me ? I can not do if I think you will crush my spirit or not let me be me?
Yesterday… one of my people had a phone call from someone … who was upset about a car in the parking lot … because this vehicle had a bumper sticker that said “my body, my choice”
Ok well we all have freedom of speech and hello this is America 🇺🇸?? Are we not land of the free?
Well they were offended by the bumper sticker on the car … ok well is not a violation
But they said if they had seen that they would not have chosen us.
Ok but again they have freedom of speech and we are open to all… no matter beliefs or personal opinions
Anyway… in same terms I do not want to be told how I should be or what I can do.
So I am cautiously watching…
We see how he does with my people 😮
Ugh and that’s another thing … I am doing a lot of things … but I do miss the downtime peace for my soul.
My boss wanna come out tonight and might stay over … plus him… plus my kids.. plus 2 other couples – omg so many people and we flooding – I don’t know whats happening … shit show? 😮😮 lord help me lol
I kinda yearn for the peace and quiet in the living room with Doby and kids ❤️
I am not a go out person 🤷♀️
But I can for little while just not all the time.
So I don’t know if he thinks I am someone I am not… I don’t mind melting together but I can’t just not be who am and I am not sure what I can actually handle ??
I can’t be go go go… so that will never happen. I am not gonna kill myself … so no.
I do not like having to be “on” all the time. I like being boring and having peace
I will do stuff but just I need time to melt into someone and I can’t just melt into their world… I have a world too.
So if he is truly heartfelt and does like how he says he does … I am either going to be a love or a lesson 😮
There was this beautiful service dog at store yesterday!! …
Guess what he was??? Yes he was a Doberman ❤️ omg – he was so big and regal looking ❤️ I just love how they look – they are soooo handsome … like a spell cause if you know one – you love them so much!!
So I say to them – omg he is beautiful and so well behaved!! He stands so regal ❤️
Dobermans are so sleek and beautiful ❤️ and he had same face as Doby ❤️ that same look in his eye
The owner says, yes he is trained outside with people to be service animal and is awesome dog … but at home he is asshole!! Bounces off the walls, etc … ahhh must be a Doberman trait lol
I laughed and said “yeah I have one at home that is not a service dog but is a Doberman who is 5 months old… he is also asshole sometimes” lol
He’s only an asshole when he wants your attention and time – but that’s because he wants you attention and time – I have to figure out how to make him not be an asshole with that
And with me… he wants me ALL the time!! Dude can not handle himself with me lol… my daughter told me tonight that whenever someone opens the gate he hears it and thinks is me and gets all excited by the door lol 😄😄 ❤️ my baby ❤️
She said the mailman came and he thought was me 😄❤️ awww my baby ❤️ I love his little face – which is now not as little but still so handsome / he’s really handsome and sleek but also very muscular!! Dude is built lol ❤️
I bought him a sweatshirt to keep him warm for Christmas – it’s black of course and on the back it says “security” lol ❤️❤️❤️ lol … my baby
Every morning we get up … he goes outside then comes back in and goes and sits right next to heater while I make his breakfast lol …
Then he will come eat and go back over by heater lol
So… someone will be wearing that this weekend lol ❤️ my kids think he won’t like it and give me problem – I think he will like once it keeps him warm
Is nothing like the werewolf costume lol
Lol oh I giggle to see that ❤️❤️❤️❤️ he did not like at all lol
In regards to military… still think he’s really amazing … but I think maybe he struggles with the pain he has? I really think so?
I don’t think he has taken any time to absorb and process. Everyone is different and handles in their own way that THEY need to cope…
But maybe he just need some time to maybe take everything in… and I think he is not getting enough rest
So… you know how people cross your paths for reasons?
I think he doesn’t know how to handle?
Hmm 🤔 just with texts every so often – and sometimes in person?? He says things about the pain – just really quick and fast … and sometimes I do not know what to say?? So I be quiet
Sometimes I just do not know how to respond because is very random 🤷♀️
But that’s what makes me think maybe I am distraction from that? And he thinks he can just not dwell on and be happy – numb it and it will go away?
But then also – I don’t mind at all when he speaks of anything… I listen … I don’t judge because I am so used to seeing humanity at most vulnerable and there is no need for judgements (with the exception of Satan) ✌️ sorry but yes
But ya know … I feel comfortable a little because I have my own stuff and also I can feel where he is sometimes?
Which is why I do strongly believe we both need help lol just kidding but we do – if speaking honestly lol
I can totally be supportive of his things – I do not want to be added stress though – I tell him this
Look I like peace … so 🤷♀️
He needs to learn peace and balance – he does not know how to do that?? I don’t totally know his life? But I’d say he needs a minute to relax
I just don’t think he needs to be buying me anything at this moment … relax with that … just be a person only
There is no need I can take care of myself – let’s just relax and take life by moments, not pressure ..cause that is boarderline pressure to me ??
I just like to get to know easily – normally … not crazy
I’m not that type and also … if do actually want to give a gift … I would prefer that it had meaning and not just blindly give
Easy with that
So if he keeps doing … I dunno… I already like him just relax – that is not needed – I am ok as is
But I think he tries too much for everyone … and I understand … I am in my job because I lost my entire family and never processed – I can’t cause is tangled in cancer and Satan … so I just don’t look back
Is very easy to me to help another through loss … I can walk someone through death with my eyes closed … and I love to help someone be ok through it… for my job I can focus on others so I don’t have to focus on my own
So I understand him
He is not focusing on his pain – but then neither am I … nor do we want to
However … I am strong spirit and level headed… I do not have social media and outside influences … so my pain I handle on my terms … I know is there – I know what is… I know how I cope
But he doesn’t … he knows is there, wants to kinda ignore but then he feels guilty or has emotion for being without?
I think it’s really important to at least know your strength and know yourself …
He so concerned with outside influences and stresses… you forget life and who are? Also I think he has always worried about what others think of him?
But every single person in my life who is close – ALL of them … I can say with direct confidence only want to see me happy… that is it
Whatever I want … they support ❤️
I do not deal with drama … so if is drama won’t be close to me… you either wanna be there or you don’t
Anyone I love … I also only want them to be happy
And my people watch me go through cancer – so yeah they only want me happy
Relationships are being there for each other so of course I can do that…
He stresses over how people think of him … I find that weird … who cares? Why you care what anyone else thinks of who you are? People always gonna judge … who cares? That is too much stressful burden to have in life
You have to be who you are … live your life – don’t let others dictate what gives you life – it will crush you – be comfortable in own-self and own skin
Show respect, be smart and be kind and you will be fine
I do think is important he know who he is, what he wants and the issues that face him… he tries to put on brave face but is ok to not be brave
Don’t forget to take in life … I am calm but I have a spirit so I think that I melt away his issues cause I just enjoy spending time with him and we have good time and laugh and stuff – he’s very respectful totally
But even with me sometimes … I know he likes me a lot … and he just wants to spend all his time with me and forget the world – cause ya know – I do that lol ✌️
I am the type you get lost in… so while sometimes people judge or don’t understand … but whatever … I just want to feel life …not the world
And the group of people closest to me, love me as is – when I had cancer … I didn’t die … but I did get to see how much I meant to people without dying so … you never know how truly loved you are because people don’t know how to say that until they losing you
When they first diagnose me for sure, my Dr said … I don’t know what is stressing you out – but you need to relax and let go… I am gonna need you to keep your focus here!!
Well I was planning 3 funerals for my own family and I had satan just being brutal… and then my mom was diagnosed for sure with Alzheimer’s so all at same time
There was no way I could let go – and I am stubborn because I always think I am so strong … so when he tell me that … I say “no! I have too much happening so I can do it all – I be fine”
But he said “I needed to, there was no way I could handle all of it”
So ya know … I think “challenge” let me show you how strong I am… 💪
And then I wasn’t … so ok I gave up… I couldn’t it was too much … so my brother step up ❤️
But I give up completely and I let the chips fall as they may…
I am here … so is ok not to always be strong … sometimes you have to reset… take a minute to heal your own self – release your self?
Breathe life for minute – let go
Breathe in life
What do they say? Life is not measured by the breaths we take, but it’s the moments that take our breath away?
So I just wanna make sure he be ok and not be trying to be Superman
Also one other thing… life will throw crazy things at you… you are going to NEED to be flexible and handle it! Is ok… you can do it… if I can… so can you
Do not let life take you down.
Ok maybe little more?? …
And when you need help… you need to say so
No one is mind reader and not everyone has same heart as you… so you need to say
I think he has a lot of pressure ?
I am just aware of my own self and know who I am… but I do not have the pressure that he seems to have in his life ??
So no wonder he is trying to collapse into me?? And then I already know he likes me ALOT!! Like ready to be on a knee 😮
I want to step very easily on this
Life is just a series of events that occur and people you meet or cross paths with when you need them or they need you
So… 🤷♀️
I do not think is a good idea for me to meet his family on THIS day!! I think just out of respect I want to let them have the day for family … I am fine to meet gradually but lot of pressure to do TODAY!
Not that I don’t want to be supportive … but I think need to absorb this holiday as family. Is ok.
I think he wants me there so I am the subject and not the pain? So I don’t know 🤷♀️ I think he feels pressure with this holiday
Is ok – you are allowed to heal
So like I always tell you I watch
He is still romantic and sweet and amazing as a person… but he is flying so may miss Christmas but I don’t know that is a bad thing … maybe by self and self reflection be good?
Holiday overrated anyway… is should not be so commercialized and pressurized … meh … I like peaceful easy
Im just more in touch with emotions cause is my life lol ❤️ and I know death so 🤷♀️
But yes – there are some emotions I just can’t
It is important to know yourself though – at least see self for self ? Then issues won’t matter or be so heavy to handle if you know yourself and how you do?
I have crazy life at work… you would not think that with funerals but yes!! Omg one shot to get right
My life in work can be insane and stressful … and things we see or know … you can’t take that home with you … you leave it at work.
Sometimes that is hard and sometimes it is impossible cause it’s death… death does not take holidays or vacations … no days off or week in March … it’s death 💀
You kinda be numb to it cause you are always around it and then know it so well… imagine if was surrounded by death every day
And you do have a firm grip on life and death when it’s in your life? However with my mom I will cry like a baby and not hear anything around me for moment – I will not function for quick minute while I readjust … but I know I will do that… it’s my mom and I am allowed 💔
But ya know he doesn’t know how to heal ?? And you have to not only come to that yourself … but also allow self to heal
Like I said … life gonna throw bad things sometimes … you just have to live in way that you are happy and comfortable cause when it goes bad you have to handle it.
And .. I am careful… I know what I can and can not handle – I’m honest
So… I’m not sure if I am right or whatever – but those are things I think? Or feel?
I still really like who he is… and he still sweeps me off my feet but I am also observant
And then he call me and we talk – I say I don’t think is good idea to meet family on a holiday … I do not feel comfortable and this Christmas should be family for them.
He was quiet for a moment and then came to reason, understood and agreed… so that’s much better
I know he is excited about me but he needs to learn little balance – and we still new so no need to go warp speed – life will come as it will
I like that he listens to reason 😊 sometimes I have to say a few times but he hears lol – I think lol
I am so excited to be headed into spring now!!! I was so excited on the 21st cause that is the winter half way mark!! ❤️ ahhhhhh spring is coming!!!!! 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏 half way there – right over the hump!!
2022 was crazy sorta went fast? Cause here we are …
Last year at this time … I was trying to buy my house… I was still out in middle of no where 😮 it is coming up on ONE year!! 😮😮😮
My coworkers will talk about events or tell me things – sometimes I have to google cemeteries or other funeral homes and when I have to search sometimes there is news lol meh
But mostly I stay away… I am alive at work and with kids or friends. And especially in WINTER!!! I am not a person who wanna go out in cold at all lol
Anyway… I never think of that as being bad at all 🤷♀️ I like the balance and peace of it after work – we see things and stuff so ya know … I like my little compound full of peace and awesomeness ❤️
I think of it as wonderful ??? Also I do my own thing so I like that better. And I kinda appreciate the absence from all the tech or world chatter
I just can’t anymore – my work is hard enough / I don’t need to know how bad it is. So way better to build and love the life you want … and I just feel better in peace
I can not handle the politics on either side or any of the stupid shit Omg
And then of course all the bad stuff … so ya know I am also protective with own self …
Only music escapes my avoidance lol
So I dunno – I never even ever think of it as bad – Omg it’s incredible – you know life!!! I can’t even explain that ❤️
So… is that bad? Yeah I know little extreme – whatever … at work I am normal lol … for a funeral person lol 🤷♀️😘✌️ we are quirky lol ❤️
But I never thought to think someone wouldn’t want that?? Lol … cause it’s amazing to have life to own self ❤️👏 I don’t want the weight of world – I see weight of death – I’m good … I like my peace
It’s not bad right?
Well I dunno I have a lot of reasons I prefer that way
And then ya know military 😮
I don’t know what to say?? 😮
Well first of all … I was just simply enjoying his company nice and chill … and then he kept wanting to take me to dinner or something lol … ok … and we did go to dinner few times …
So ya know, I had guard with him for a lot of reasons… but he definitely knows how to keep my attention 😮 and not make me run 😮 oddly?? I don’t know how he does that but he does!?
He is tender and kind and sweet… gentleman… just amazing? 😮
He’s perfectly happy just being with me. Just simply
And we talk – we talk about my things – it is very hard to really speak my things – I don’t really like to say much. But I share a little
And then ya know … I know he has pain so we talk about that… and I want to make sure he heals and not take on so much …
We can do nice relax and chill
He is all in 😮 no if ands or buts … signed sealed and delivered 😮
Sometimes he makes me teary with things – I don’t say much but that he does not need to do things for me… but when I say that …he says he will go slow but he wants to do things for me
Sometimes that or sweet things he says make me cry ?? Oddly also… cause is wave of emotion?
But he is sweet kind and understanding. He just can’t ever help himself in this area!! But I understand
And he’s been through a lot recently too so ya know he has his quirks lol …
I am way way way more peaceful and calm than he is? Well sorta ??
I am comfortable with him so I am at ease – we laugh and talk and stuff … when he is with me he is relaxed and also comfortable so is nice
He has big family – I have my kids and my mom, brother and his family … but here only my kids
So ya know … I do not like attention or massive things … I like to move slowly … life gets fed up with me on that one often lol … it will end up forcing me
But I like to fly under your radar – not be noticed… I also am really bad at this too … but I PREFER to not draw attention – I am silent type lol … but I also go REALLY slow
He may know this??? Because he does not move slowly at all lol … he was kinda struggling because he is close to his big family and we were kinda keeping it very quiet because ya know – I am learning him is new … so on the downlow we had many dates
… he did several dates right away lol … lock that shit down! Get me to know him and like him – never being asshole – just gentleman ❤️
I keep telling him be careful – things are gonna make me cry – be easy
😮😮😮 so yeah I don’t know 🤷♀️
Anyway he is close to his family … and then kinda really happy with me and then so he keep talking about me!! And then they start noticing because of that and he just could not stop and still can’t lol
He wants me to meet them on Christmas Eve … I told him maybe that is not the day to be like “ oh hello” … cause ya know that’s kinda family time and I am just little uncomfortable – little bit … just because of the day … but he say no they want you to… and please so ok fine … ok
So whatever – I’ll make quick appearance and I have to get back – I’m gonna be real fast
Omg meeting his family on Christmas Eve
He is very serious – I want to make sure he is not covering pain with me but then he insists no, and we have fun and laugh and he’s just awesome
Today he text me and say hey can we go Christmas shopping tonight after work?
Umm ok? 🤷♀️
So he come get me and take me to the mall … he want to just buy me things omg
Ok so while I love the thought and appreciate … I am sensitive little bit there … I don’t want to be at mercy … I want to be able to stand beside 😘 not behind so … he steps carefully cause I tell him to
But he is very bad at that!!! Omg
He trying to buy me dresses and shoes and things
Ok this is not slow … but not just that … he just pours on every possible area of romance you could think of … and then we talk and connect and can at least understand each other … he makes me laugh all the time ❤️
He’s really incredible to me with his words and so far also actions … I like him a lot
I’m ok with it – I am comfortable with him … he may proceed lol
Also I do not feel any fear or panic at all so I’m ok
He just floors me though 😮 he came in slow and careful … then once I open door he quickly locked down some dinner dates lol
I just am uneasy with doing things for me or buying things for me … and then of course meeting family on Christmas Eve for like 30 minutes
I am just uneasy because I enjoy liking him and knowing him on an even level… but now since I do like him – he amps it up 😮
He is sweet and thoughtful and again very thankful – but ya know, go easy
I like who he is as person … and I find him amazing … I like that we kinda heal each other ? Cause we just enjoy the time – is nice
He is very full of life and always going lol … I am not this way typically – but I am enjoying time with him
He is going full throttle 😮😮 I tell him I am little boring and ya know kinda quiet – he does not care
I am way more quiet – I think he does like attention 😮
But he’s really amazing TO me and WITH me 😮
Ok well… here comes 2023 😮 it’s gonna blow my mind 🤯
Ps – I’m late ⏰ I just wake – I forgot to set alarm 😮😮😮 ok let’s see if can actually make it on time??
He can NOT control himself with trying to impress me Omg lol … I have never seen a man work so hard lol …he’s very sweet and funny
He is romantic 😮 and old school 😮
We make each other smile so is nice …‘he’s such a gentleman
I also just want him to make sure he is ok with me … but he is completely all on board 😮 he just already head over heals!! 😮
He thinks I am perfect – be careful with that… that has happened all my life … people think I am perfect but I am not … I am simple human who is not perfect 🤷♀️
He said I was rare like hope diamond 💎 😮
Like when you buy a house – at first it’s amazing – perfect and then you notice imperfections little by little lol
He thinks I am really beautiful and tells people about me? He has completely fallen – I just want him to take time
He is also bit of whirlwind 😮
I talk to him all the time now? Which is fine… it’s not crazy – and he’s a nice break – I like him – we laugh a lot and he makes me feel comfortable – I do not feel panic around him – I feel safe
There will be challenges though – is ok … when at that point we deal with it
Ok so… after daughters friends left on Saturday … he texting me…
He asked me if I would like to go to church with him on Sunday
Hmm 🤔… no lol … I just have hard feelings with church- that does not mean I don’t believe in certain things – I am just not church type and feel kinda strongly with that – I like my own religion to myself… I do not need church to pray or believe
I just have harsh feelings with church that I dunno if I want to really deal with. Whatever – what’s it matter? Happy as is.
So I just tell him I have feelings with church that I am not sure how to think about at this moment
Plus the church is not a Catholic Church 😮😮 you would have a better chance at getting me to church if was catholic even though I have hard feelings
I am very guarded with church things
But then he tell me why? And how he came to that… meh ok well fine maybe
But I am just not ready for anything churchy… that’s just not me – I’m very quiet and to self there
I can’t do church things at this time or ever ? I can promise nothing there – I am not ready and may not be. I’m just not there
I will try to be supportive of however he wanna be … but I just can’t do that at this moment
But he come here to take me to lunch after he went to church … he also bought take out for my daughter ❤️
He dressed up 😮 he looked all handsome
I am enjoying time with him – he is funny … he thinks of me all the time and tries to impress me always lol … he says the sweetest things
We just bring comfort with things to each other – he hates to not be around me… but I want him to watch that perfect thing – I don’t want to be perfect – I want eyes wide open
I have things he helps me heal from and same for him so it going well.
He just can not stop wanting to impress me or do things for me … which is fine but just go slow cause I cry in areas sometimes
I am feisty … I do not need him – but I like him so I want him
He likes that – but then wants to take care of me lol
So I dunno?
He takes any chance he can to see me ❤️😮 he wanna be there so bad 😮
Ok.. so first let’s start with Friday – December 16th was my daughters 16th birthday 🥳
(Did you know they called that a golden birthday? I didn’t either – but coworker say that… a golden birthday is when you turn the same age as your date of birth … 🫤 I would have been 7 😐 – did not know!! Lol )
I had house full of 15/16 year old girls who I had to remind we have neighbors cause their laughter is LOUD!! But she had amazing time ❤️
My vacuum will hate me with all the glitter everywhere 😮
They quieting down cause me and Doby went to bed.
We had pizza 🍕 – I made non alcoholic punch … and played games – listened to music 🎶 ❤️ ,.. was her and all her friends she had 4 of her closest come over – 3 are staying night – one has things happening tmrw … my 2 sons … and a coworker friend who help me with decorations ❤️ she made these incredible chocolate covered strawberries with my daughters name on them ❤️ looked amazing!!
We had great time!! Was awesome 👏 ❤️
I have this punch bowl – I only bring out on special occasions… when coworker see it she said “omg where did you get that?! I said was my moms – now is mine… my mom would bring out for holidays only. Think she got it at her wedding to my dad?
Coworker says they don’t sell them like that anymore?? 🤔 I’m pretty sure they do??
Well this is my punch bowl: is all glass with roses 🌹 ❤️ I don’t know if you can see the detail? But is really nice for special occasions
I googled and they have punch bowls still – but they all suck and none are as pretty … the bowl itself is ridged like a rose where you hang the cups from.
It’s all glass and beautiful.
They don’t make things like they used to?
So anyway ,.. that was my daughters birthday – she was excited and happy and had wonderful time ❤️
All weekend been crazy with teenage girls 🙄 – omg they so loud!!!
They stayed most of Saturday and then a new bunch of girls been here today – cause daughter in a dance recital so they choreographed a dance to this:
Learning Life 