I can’t stay long… I have to go to bed… my body aches!! And I have to be up early 😶… Friday was awesome though… I was late because of work, but I got to keep them all ❤️🥰❤️ – so bonus for me

I never did go to store yesterday … ugh 😩… yeah I don’t want to. So I ordered them last night and picked them up after work… no contact ❤️ “perfect” … so delegated that too

Came home and they had dinner for me ❤️❤️❤️ that was really amazing ❤️❤️❤️

We were going to watch a movie… but no one can agree 🤨 … Picking movies is like trying to deal with 4 different types of world leaders lol … each one has their own ideas they think are brilliant, but the others also argue their cases for their own brilliant ideas lol… so we ended up with no movie lol 🤨✌️

Today was really busy… tmrw I work half day at one funeral home – and then the last half of my day back at my own funeral home.

Anyway… I might have downtime tmrw?? We see??

Oh… they are setting me up to take on office manager 😮 I would like that!! ❤️ I think 🙏

I love the girls!! They are awesome .. I fit in immediately!! Like was always there?

All the time they tell me I am awesome lol 😄❤️

That’s because… I don’t wait for anyone to tell me to do something – they never have to ask me – I just do… I am always doing… I make sure when they come in on Monday… that everything is clear and ready for the week.

I am working on files and just learning it all now! 😮

Also… obviously I can be chatty … so in a work environment – I am communicative…

After my shifts – I give a run down of the happenings and what was done, how that was solved. Details lol ✌️

I just feel they would know what was going on with what, and there would be no confusion with anything. Good for them , good for families, good for business – all around…

I like it smooth… so I make it smooth ✌️

I give them info with a time line. And also report things that are needed.

The other girl at the other place is really young. Still at home with parents and she doesn’t do anything

So everyone at the other funeral home … moans and complains about how is over there …

And my people smile from ear to ear saying how lucky they are and wonderful I am … is kinda hilarious – the way they talk about it ❤️ nice to be appreciated ✌️ I love my girls

Also!!!!! The manager who hired me… 😮😮😮 we share the same exact birthday 😮

The very same day!!!

So many connections lol 😮 crazy! See I am where I am supposed to be at this exact moment! 😮❤️

Anyway, sorry I will have downtime eventually … I am going to be way behind… sorry… I have to sleep… and then I have to work, and then do ranch… and sons here so am excited woo hoo!! ❤️

And then the court and the studying … doing good though

Gnite ✌️

I try to be back tmrw 😘❤️

I am too busy!! Ahhh!! So much work!! Lol … is good… but I am really busy. Just ate really quick and I don’t have time to take full break 🤫

We had a baby 😮 oh wow… was 20 weeks gestation

Can I just tell you… 20 weeks in utero is already a perfect little human being!! 😮 the features! Is just so tiny 😮

Just looked like a perfect little human being sound asleep… like a small doll.

I had never seen that before. 😶

Ok I have to go ✌️

My landlord texted me and said… “hey, I’m coming to fix your window, don’t shoot” 😄

I would never shoot lol… I don’t even own a gun. But I might have gotten nervous? Lol … so thank you for the warning lol ✌️

So she did that and gave me some thing for the windows.

Then she said… “hey you are going to want to move your car in the shade – it will explode out in the sun like that” 😮😱😳…

I asked “😮 is that true?!”

And she tells me this story that it happened to a friend of hers 😱😮 I did not know this!

I did not know a car sitting out in the sun could just explode from heat 😳😮🤨 what?? Let me google that 🤨

Hmm… I don’t really see anything other than if I leave hand sanitizer in my car maybe? But I don’t leave it in the car, hmm.

What about cars parked all day in sun at work? I have not known of car fires from inside heat of sun … maybe if has a flammable thing inside? But in our temps it could be believable

Whatever it is hot, I will move to shade anyway. So I did that and cracked the windows a bit …

I am not afraid of anyone stealing my car… but I am afraid something will get in my car and say hello while I am driving 🤨 I would not like that lol – that would not go well!

When I moved my car in shade … and cracked those windows – it dropped that inside temp like 20 degrees! 😮

You could bake in a car – you could do cookies … or biscuits lol ✌️ you could also do eggs 🍳 … this is your brain 🥚… this is your brain in heat 🍳

She is also getting me a carport … hmm… careful, gonna make me never want to leave – I already love it here.

That makes me think of never ever leaving… I already love it here completely – in every sense… there is just peace out here, away from stuff. It’s so gentle and beautiful yet with an element of danger… you have to respect the fire danger and be careful.

Otherwise it’s amazing!!

And then she’s constantly making it more and more amazing ❤️

Some people have horrific landlords… I have this one… that just makes me never want to leave. She always checks on me and makes sure I am ok. She cares and she’s funny.

She is really awesome to me ❤️ I couldn’t have stood up without her either!! I found her on Craigslist 😮 the first time I ever tried it 😮 … I was nervous I would be killed lol … but whatever – I took that chance 😮 I needed to see all options.

She was not a murderer or a scammer… I was VERY lucky… but I did know was a woman… I was more at ease with that… I clicked instantly with her… her husband died the same exact year as my father…

And she has also experienced breast cancer and beat that just like me… only she did not need the full mastectomy and reconstruction… only I did. She still has her originals. ✌️

But anyway… we clicked… and then she’s been good to me ever since ❤️ … kinda like the way family is? She shares vegetables or fruits anything actually.

Life brought me here.

So anyway…

My daughter has the most annoying yet hilarious wake up alarm 😄😄 it doesn’t wake her up… it goes off and she shuts it off lol

But it’s hilarious… it’s this woman singing really annoyingly to wake up really loudly- with annoying type, fast paced music lol – I would not like to wake to that ever! Thank god I wake hours before her lol

Is hilarious to hear go off… and then also hilarious the way she auto pilot shuts it off lol she does eventually wake up.

And regarding Word Press… I would like to have a bookmark… for where I leave off… every time I come back I forget how far back I am!! Can I please have a bookmark!! To mark where I leave off!!

If I do figure that out and go back to where I was – it takes me forever to get there… and then word press will update the feed and up top I go 🤨 I do not like it on the computer. Mobile only… the computer I dunno ? I just don’t like it.

So yes bookmark please!

Ok I suppose I need to drag myself to the store 🤨😝 I just don’t like it!! At all!!! I really don’t want to go!

But whatever – suiting up 🤨 to fry out there … if heat kills corona there is definitely none in my car lol ✌️

Oh wait 😮 I do leave the hand sanitizer in the car 😮 when I go in the store … I do 😱😮 crap 😑… how to work that

Bigger purse 👜 will work… I just have to lug everything everywhere 🤨

Ok ugh fine whatever … go to store ugh – sooooo dragging my feet!!!

My girlfriend just sent me this…

www.youtube.com/watch

And I totally just found my April 1st thing for 2021!!

Oh my god! Now I am all excited for next year!! April Fools… doing that!!

Can you imagine their faces when I eat a sponge 🧽 cake like that Oh my god!

Yup!!! This!! ❤️❤️❤️ I am so delighted and excited for that day!

That will top the year I told them we could have desert before dinner lol …

The cake? That was meatloaf… lol … I frosted it with mashed potatoes and decorated with ketchup lol ✌️😄 maybe a touch of mustard for a quick spot of color

The drink? Well I do punch sometimes… but that year I used jello 😄😄 you should have seen them sucking that straw 😄😄 and then their faces lol ❤️

And then coconut salad lol

Their desert was getting actual dinner lol ✌️❤️

Ahhh fun times lol ✌️

So yeah – I shall do this too 😄❤️ I am sooo thrilled – I should practice that, when able to, so I can have it down and to a science – perfection on that!

I want that reaction again!! Do it again lol ✌️❤️😄

So yeah sooo delighted!!

By next April fools … I will rule the world lol ❤️😄✌️ my life will be different – but I’m still gonna rule that!!

I am so completely delighted by this ❤️

So… lol… I am Tetris’ing everything … really awesomely!! I think I am hitting it out of the park, but I don’t want to get too excited!!

In terms of taking care of the Ranch… I have my son coming to stay with me – my oldest…

He will come stay the weekend with me… I will get up for work, wake him up… he will handle the ranch for me in the mornings. Woo hoo!

And he gets to hang with me all weekend when I get home from work at 6pm until I go to sleep at 9/10pm lol 😄✌️

But yay!! I was going to try to do all by myself… but ya know – delegation is a thing!! So I worked it ❤️

Yes I am delighted by my brilliant self lol ✌️

So ranch handled – more work handled… online stuff handled… court stuff – handling and going well. Studying I will get to.

Yeah… I’m kickin it ✌️❤️

I have to go to the store though to make sure I have things for him… he is doing that Keto diet lol… so he wants meat, cheese sticks and Gatorade zero? Lol

I need other things too… but those were his requests when I asked if I could get him anything.

It’s a scorcher out there today so store is not going to be fun. I am going to be red. I need more lotion! ☀️

I will be back later ❤️✌️

This morning, I had made dinner… cause there is no way I was going to be cooking with the stove and oven when it’s 100 degrees!! Way better to do in the morning!! Trust me!!!

So I did that… and I cleaned up the whole house – spotless… (don’t be impressed, I keep it really clean and organized anyway so takes me like maybe half hour but usually less?)

And then I just sat there and went over the files. I have key pages I am zoning in on.

And then… I am just thinking. My mind goes a mile a minute currently. In different directions, with everything!

Is fine though – this is how I work. I have to think of how to handle things, so that I can sort them, like Tetris, into my life? Lol ✌️

Anyway… I was in the living room with all the files, this morning after cooking and cleaning… My zombie daughter wonders out of her room lol…

And she says “well look at you looking all beautiful” 😮🤨😄

I thought she was being funny… but then she asked me why I was all dressed up and looking so beautiful lol 😮😄🥰

Neither were true lol… I had my hair thrown up on my head… but I don’t ever do that – it’s always always always down. I just needed it out of my face this morning…

And what she considers “dressed up” is extremely questionable lol

This top has no shoulders – but looks really pretty and really girly… is white with ruffles and lace – kinda old fashioned looking … on most women it would be a dress – but on me no. My legs are too long 🤨 so I wear shorts under it

She thought I was in this beautiful dress and all done up lol

Nope sorry, just sitting here dealing with crap lol ✌️ but thank you lol 🥰 … it was funny though – she was totally half asleep lol

Then she always makes me listen to this song 🤨😄…

www.youtube.com/watch

🤨🤨

Ok first of all… trust me – I do not need an ego boost. Lol ✌️

I definitely do not have low self esteem… I do not lol … I AM shy with men, yes, and she does watch me avoid men lol … they will try to flirt with me right in front of her… so I just get weird – I get real quiet, shy and get away, as fast as possible, – it makes me squirm. She kinda finds that funny 🤨 I do not!

She thinks because I avoid – I have low self esteem 🤨 that’s not it – my self esteem is very healthy… it’s just I am cautious and she absolutely watches me squirm uncomfortably in front of her. I just want to get away.

I don’t tell her what goes on with things, I don’t mention one word.

So she thinks maybe I need ego boost 🤨 … I do not!

And then secondly… when she plays that 🤨… she dances around and points at me 🤨

So… I hate that song being in the playlists!! She makes it be there 🤨

She knows I do not need a ego boost lol – I joke around all the time!

One time we went to a park with swings in the area… and the swings had graffiti on them… bad ones lol

I went to sit and saw the dirty picture and said “there is no way I am sitting on that!” Lol … we died laughing

And then most of them were bad dirty pictures…

But… I found “one” that was not bad and I immediately sat on it lol … yes I like to swing. ✌️

She came over and says “I thought you weren’t gonna sit on that?”

I didn’t lol

Well what is on that swing?

So I stopped and then stood up… the swing read “this is person is hot” 😄😄 and I died laughing lol

She rolled her eyes and laughed too cause it was funny lol – I found my swing lol

It was literally the only swing that did not have a drawing of something dirty lol.

So I dunno… literally all day, she was with the beautiful thing.

I will be working quite a lot they keep asking me for more and more 😮 that’s crazy! I’m not turning down work though … and right through the 4th!

On the 4th I only have to work for 4 hours – but holiday pay, I think?

We did NOT go use the hot pool … I spent all day doing those files and some other things pertaining.

Anyway… not an overly exciting day. Did get a few things situated and off my shoulders – I love when that happens ❤️

So that’s about it for today. The earth did not crumble lol … fricken thank god!

I feel quiet tonight.

I usually don’t have to focus on him at all, so ya know, now that I do… it just makes me feel quiet?

I don’t really want to give him any thought, just currently I have to. That’s little hard. I want to avoid. It makes me feel sick. But whatever doing it

Those files are hard

But anyway … oh yeah work asked for even more days… I said yes… I will need money to survive.

I will have to juggle work, Ranch, preparing case and studying for exam. 😳 plus be a mom and stuff

Ok… no problem. I can do this

I am thinking – trying to figure out best way to make sure handled really well.

Ok well I can do it I think 😳🙏 mornings are my concern … watering plants and being at work

I can do it all. Let me pull this off 🙏 I might be absent for a little while mostly lol ✌️

Suddenly I seem to need clones.

Which is good. I am making money, saving money, making decent progress on things…

Studying I have been slacking on. I do not have that set and equaled into the equation because a lot has been going on. Bleh so much things I have to know! And other things I have to do.

I have to get better at juggling.

Anyway … I just feel quiet? Like not much to say? My mind is in a million directions. Trying to sort things and then also juggle. So whatever

It’s late anyway… what day is it? Ok still Tuesday whew! Tmrw is Wednesday. Ok

Well I am off, I am lost in thought.

Good night 🌙💤✌️

Alright so… I am working on all my stuff today… it’s a really scorching hot day…

One of my neighbors… the one who lets me use the pool… says to me this morning… “you are more than welcome to come use the pool”

So instantly in my mind, I am thinking of sunshine and pool, refreshing and awesome! Right? …

I love that he lets me just use that pool with my daughter pretty much whenever we want and he doesn’t bother us or anything … we clean it for him before and after use. It’s really nice.

But then he says “oh it’s so nice right now, the solar is on, and it’s like bath water” 😳🤨😄

Ok suddenly did not sound refreshing lol … the pool is on solar power… and he heats up the pool… in winter that is awesome… totally awesome in winter – yes please…

But in summer… bath water is not exactly refreshing when your temps are hovering above 100!! 😮🤨😄 Turn off the heat at that point!!! The sun heats the water anyway…

Who wants to be hot to jump in a hot pool 😳😮😄 it’s just funny to me… he had me totally wanting to go use the pool during a break… until he mentioned the heat 😄😄

People trying to be cooking me lol 😄✌️ just funny… who heats their pool when temps are above 100??!! Lol

Bath water temp is awesome, but not so much when over 100.

I just said … thank you, we will see how the week goes. I do appreciate… very much and we might attempt to try lol … I just don’t know how hot water and hot temps gonna be lol

Not sure if we will do that or not.

Then worked called again… I get another day… every day they are more and more swamped and need my help 👏

Which is good and bad… good for me because is work. I get paid. I like the job.

But some might say this job being busy is a bad thing… I work at a funeral home with death. So … you really don’t want to hear that a funeral home is busy 😮✌️

On one hand, I am like “YES!” I get to work!!! But on the other hand… I am like 😮 it’s busy, many are dying (it seems to happen in cycles?)

So I get to work… but I also don’t want people dying! Is weird to think about it like that. I get work because others die. ☹️

But… even in death, you do need people to take care of you. And last wishes are important. You want to help a family through the pain, and then honor the person who has passed. So… the work is needed cause regardless, people will still die. You need people to handle that.

It’s just weird cause I think of that. I want to be thrilled and happy there is work!!! But then I also don’t want people dying – catch 22!!! I want, but I don’t want ✌️ is really weird

So… I now have many days of work! 😮 I also saved on my rent…

I been pouring into my case, and getting things situated and going over everything and the order of presentation and direction I want to take.

I do believe I am going to win this… I have done nothing… I have no crazy secrets or anything that would haunt me… nothing… I am squeaky clean.

My bad is that I married the devil …when I was young and dumb and blind. I woke up one day ✌️ took me a long time cause the devil is good with lies… and hiding the truth.

That’s why he has to tell lies because I have nothing. He figures he can tear me down with lies – and then make sure I am broken with nothing… go ahead try. My spirit is extremely strong… I don’t dance with the devil. I may fear him, but I don’t dance with him.

What will be, will be… even with him… I helped him through college, supported him so he could do his “dream”… I was a good wife, whatever he wanted… and I was there for him during any medical thing, I completely was there beside him always and strongly. Not my fault he destroyed that and didn’t appreciate. I was done with his shit. He took for granted.

And when I first started having medical… I needed him – he was not there. And when he was… that first time I went for my first surgery… he whispered horrific things into my ears while I was being put to sleep. Those were his last words I would have heard if I died.

Anyway… his lies are unsupported… he is a horrible person inside and out. So he wants to instead paint me that way.

I was sheltered as a kid, then I became a mom – wasn’t supposed to be able to be a mom so they are miracles to me – thank you god! I was sheltered during the marriage, got out… am too overwhelmed by attention, things he’s done or said and events that occurred – so isolated my own self… before corona hit.

I don’t drink or do drugs, I don’t date, I work… and when I can I help people around my life when they need (I have a lot of elderly friends – I used to advocate for ?? ..well they have healthcare and all that… but sometimes they only need company… so I just wanted them to have “visiting angels?” Volunteers free of charge who just go and talk help and listen to stories or keep company? Elderly are a treasure!! You have no idea!! Their words have weight and insight – they have knowledge)

It used to be me doing that… but then I got sick. And I had my school job with kids, which I loved!! And now my funeral home.

He just wants people to believe I am ?? A bad person? Or have “something” bad… Because he is all bad… and most of the time people DO have “something” bad??

That is why my nickname is “Pollyanna” … I can’t do anything that goes against who I am. And certain things would make me panic. And then, I also understand consequences of actions or how things effect others – so I am careful. Nothing can go against my “grain”? Or I can’t do it. I always do the right thing, watched or not.

I got all my wild out when I was 15. Lol (sorry mom and dad) ✌️

I was a dare devil… I liked the adrenaline rush of my life …which was always so safe… to feeling alive and possible danger.

I think back and cringe!! Oh my god! What was I thinking? What was wrong with me? Lol … but I wanted to feel life at that time. I was sooo protected. Too much… I was not allowed to “feel” otherwise. That was my first taste of life.

So just stupid stuff like jumping off of roofs or catching a train, or drag racing etc. I had a girl in my life that when we were together was nothing but trouble lol – loved her sense of life!! ❤️

Separated we were quiet – together we were TNT lol ✌️ she had the same excitement of life as I did… she was Filipino … her parents were also strict and sheltering… ahhh see!! Careful with your sheltering … when 2 who desire life come up against each other – you can get dynamite 🧨 – which is what happened.

But was only while I was 15… and then I had to respect my family, and grow up.

Since then – I still ride on my morals. I am very careful with anything I do. I am cautious and respect life.

He can say or tell people whatever he wants – people will believe whatever they want to believe.

I just stay quiet and true to myself, I have multiple letters from people who have crossed my life… saying who and how I am and what I did for them.

I was with my police for 4 years, I am hard working and have a strong ethic.

I just don’t have any hidden demons for him to use. So he just uses everything he did, and anything that will make people think I am bad. So whatever – I remain quiet and to myself. Believe what you want.

I don’t have to answer to anyone. I live my life the way I find peace for my own self – not because of what anyone thinks of me. I do my life for me. What I am ok and comfortable with.

When my judgement day comes, I am comfortable in myself.

He just wants to paint me bad, to be vengeful. So whatever – I have a lot of proof that is not true.

I don’t sleep with anyone and keep everyone away from me. I don’t do anyone harm, I have always helped or taken care of others … I also have proof of all of that… and my children can also back what I say. I just don’t want my children in the court case.

Those who know me, know he speaks lies and stay beside me – I have the support of many thank god.

But I remain quiet currently… Do you listen to the devil and take his word? Or do you learn for yourself?

So whatever. He has had to lie to win… I will not. I am very strong with not lying.

I find it easier to just not lie lol… I don’t want to remember any lies… cause I suck at that… I can barely remember things as it is… and I feel free without lie. I am comfortable not lying and I can sleep at night knowing I was truthful and honest. I don’t want anything haunting me. And also… I want my mind clear of bullshit.

I feel like the only way to have the correct people in my life – is to not lie… this is what you get – I am face value. Period.

I do rest on my morals. If you want to judge me on that, then do that. I am comfortable within my own self.

Again I stand strong – you want to be in my life – then do that… if that is a problem, there is the door… is always open. Well “to leave” lol … getting in is a whole other story lol 😄✌️

I just only want people who want to be there. And can enjoy life with me. ✌️

I am way more cautious letting people in, I just want to make sure I can handle them and they do not squash the spirit I have. I keep really incredible people around me!! That is how I have survived decently. ❤️

Without those around me, and if I had not been so good to others before… I don’t know that I would have survived without that. I severely needed people – and in my hour of need they were there without question or hesitation. So if I was a bad person – I wouldn’t have had that support. They literally saved my life at times. Not dramatizing or joking. They did. ❤️ they helped me survive ❤️

Having said all that, I also do not judge people who do have bad… like I said… I experienced life at 15, for one minute, in my childish ways… but I also have a huge heart for people in general… and I love stories… and I take each individual for the way they are with “me”… I watch your heart. I am a heart watcher lol 😘❤️✌️

Anyway… I should get back to work so I can take a break again later ✌️