Alright so… I am working on all my stuff today… it’s a really scorching hot day…
One of my neighbors… the one who lets me use the pool… says to me this morning… “you are more than welcome to come use the pool”
So instantly in my mind, I am thinking of sunshine and pool, refreshing and awesome! Right? …
I love that he lets me just use that pool with my daughter pretty much whenever we want and he doesn’t bother us or anything … we clean it for him before and after use. It’s really nice.
But then he says “oh it’s so nice right now, the solar is on, and it’s like bath water” 😳🤨😄
Ok suddenly did not sound refreshing lol … the pool is on solar power… and he heats up the pool… in winter that is awesome… totally awesome in winter – yes please…
But in summer… bath water is not exactly refreshing when your temps are hovering above 100!! 😮🤨😄 Turn off the heat at that point!!! The sun heats the water anyway…
Who wants to be hot to jump in a hot pool 😳😮😄 it’s just funny to me… he had me totally wanting to go use the pool during a break… until he mentioned the heat 😄😄
People trying to be cooking me lol 😄✌️ just funny… who heats their pool when temps are above 100??!! Lol
Bath water temp is awesome, but not so much when over 100.
I just said … thank you, we will see how the week goes. I do appreciate… very much and we might attempt to try lol … I just don’t know how hot water and hot temps gonna be lol
Not sure if we will do that or not.
Then worked called again… I get another day… every day they are more and more swamped and need my help 👏
Which is good and bad… good for me because is work. I get paid. I like the job.
But some might say this job being busy is a bad thing… I work at a funeral home with death. So … you really don’t want to hear that a funeral home is busy 😮✌️
On one hand, I am like “YES!” I get to work!!! But on the other hand… I am like 😮 it’s busy, many are dying (it seems to happen in cycles?)
So I get to work… but I also don’t want people dying! Is weird to think about it like that. I get work because others die. ☹️
But… even in death, you do need people to take care of you. And last wishes are important. You want to help a family through the pain, and then honor the person who has passed. So… the work is needed cause regardless, people will still die. You need people to handle that.
It’s just weird cause I think of that. I want to be thrilled and happy there is work!!! But then I also don’t want people dying – catch 22!!! I want, but I don’t want ✌️ is really weird
So… I now have many days of work! 😮 I also saved on my rent…
I been pouring into my case, and getting things situated and going over everything and the order of presentation and direction I want to take.
I do believe I am going to win this… I have done nothing… I have no crazy secrets or anything that would haunt me… nothing… I am squeaky clean.
My bad is that I married the devil …when I was young and dumb and blind. I woke up one day ✌️ took me a long time cause the devil is good with lies… and hiding the truth.
That’s why he has to tell lies because I have nothing. He figures he can tear me down with lies – and then make sure I am broken with nothing… go ahead try. My spirit is extremely strong… I don’t dance with the devil. I may fear him, but I don’t dance with him.
What will be, will be… even with him… I helped him through college, supported him so he could do his “dream”… I was a good wife, whatever he wanted… and I was there for him during any medical thing, I completely was there beside him always and strongly. Not my fault he destroyed that and didn’t appreciate. I was done with his shit. He took for granted.
And when I first started having medical… I needed him – he was not there. And when he was… that first time I went for my first surgery… he whispered horrific things into my ears while I was being put to sleep. Those were his last words I would have heard if I died.
Anyway… his lies are unsupported… he is a horrible person inside and out. So he wants to instead paint me that way.
I was sheltered as a kid, then I became a mom – wasn’t supposed to be able to be a mom so they are miracles to me – thank you god! I was sheltered during the marriage, got out… am too overwhelmed by attention, things he’s done or said and events that occurred – so isolated my own self… before corona hit.
I don’t drink or do drugs, I don’t date, I work… and when I can I help people around my life when they need (I have a lot of elderly friends – I used to advocate for ?? ..well they have healthcare and all that… but sometimes they only need company… so I just wanted them to have “visiting angels?” Volunteers free of charge who just go and talk help and listen to stories or keep company? Elderly are a treasure!! You have no idea!! Their words have weight and insight – they have knowledge)
It used to be me doing that… but then I got sick. And I had my school job with kids, which I loved!! And now my funeral home.
He just wants people to believe I am ?? A bad person? Or have “something” bad… Because he is all bad… and most of the time people DO have “something” bad??
That is why my nickname is “Pollyanna” … I can’t do anything that goes against who I am. And certain things would make me panic. And then, I also understand consequences of actions or how things effect others – so I am careful. Nothing can go against my “grain”? Or I can’t do it. I always do the right thing, watched or not.
I got all my wild out when I was 15. Lol (sorry mom and dad) ✌️
I was a dare devil… I liked the adrenaline rush of my life …which was always so safe… to feeling alive and possible danger.
I think back and cringe!! Oh my god! What was I thinking? What was wrong with me? Lol … but I wanted to feel life at that time. I was sooo protected. Too much… I was not allowed to “feel” otherwise. That was my first taste of life.
So just stupid stuff like jumping off of roofs or catching a train, or drag racing etc. I had a girl in my life that when we were together was nothing but trouble lol – loved her sense of life!! ❤️
Separated we were quiet – together we were TNT lol ✌️ she had the same excitement of life as I did… she was Filipino … her parents were also strict and sheltering… ahhh see!! Careful with your sheltering … when 2 who desire life come up against each other – you can get dynamite 🧨 – which is what happened.
But was only while I was 15… and then I had to respect my family, and grow up.
Since then – I still ride on my morals. I am very careful with anything I do. I am cautious and respect life.
He can say or tell people whatever he wants – people will believe whatever they want to believe.
I just stay quiet and true to myself, I have multiple letters from people who have crossed my life… saying who and how I am and what I did for them.
I was with my police for 4 years, I am hard working and have a strong ethic.
I just don’t have any hidden demons for him to use. So he just uses everything he did, and anything that will make people think I am bad. So whatever – I remain quiet and to myself. Believe what you want.
I don’t have to answer to anyone. I live my life the way I find peace for my own self – not because of what anyone thinks of me. I do my life for me. What I am ok and comfortable with.
When my judgement day comes, I am comfortable in myself.
He just wants to paint me bad, to be vengeful. So whatever – I have a lot of proof that is not true.
I don’t sleep with anyone and keep everyone away from me. I don’t do anyone harm, I have always helped or taken care of others … I also have proof of all of that… and my children can also back what I say. I just don’t want my children in the court case.
Those who know me, know he speaks lies and stay beside me – I have the support of many thank god.
But I remain quiet currently… Do you listen to the devil and take his word? Or do you learn for yourself?
So whatever. He has had to lie to win… I will not. I am very strong with not lying.
I find it easier to just not lie lol… I don’t want to remember any lies… cause I suck at that… I can barely remember things as it is… and I feel free without lie. I am comfortable not lying and I can sleep at night knowing I was truthful and honest. I don’t want anything haunting me. And also… I want my mind clear of bullshit.
I feel like the only way to have the correct people in my life – is to not lie… this is what you get – I am face value. Period.
I do rest on my morals. If you want to judge me on that, then do that. I am comfortable within my own self.
Again I stand strong – you want to be in my life – then do that… if that is a problem, there is the door… is always open. Well “to leave” lol … getting in is a whole other story lol 😄✌️
I just only want people who want to be there. And can enjoy life with me. ✌️
I am way more cautious letting people in, I just want to make sure I can handle them and they do not squash the spirit I have. I keep really incredible people around me!! That is how I have survived decently. ❤️
Without those around me, and if I had not been so good to others before… I don’t know that I would have survived without that. I severely needed people – and in my hour of need they were there without question or hesitation. So if I was a bad person – I wouldn’t have had that support. They literally saved my life at times. Not dramatizing or joking. They did. ❤️ they helped me survive ❤️
Having said all that, I also do not judge people who do have bad… like I said… I experienced life at 15, for one minute, in my childish ways… but I also have a huge heart for people in general… and I love stories… and I take each individual for the way they are with “me”… I watch your heart. I am a heart watcher lol 😘❤️✌️
Anyway… I should get back to work so I can take a break again later ✌️