I got off at 5!!! And didn’t get home til 7!!! 🤨 it’s now almost 8:30! … ugh the highways were parking lots 😝😑 I hate that!!!!!

Funny thing though… my driving song came on the radio during that… that kinda made me laugh… this is my driving song…

www.youtube.com/watch

Lol… I hadn’t heard that in a long time and was just funny as I was sitting there – that came on!!! Yes!!! Totally play my driving song 😄✌️

It was once in a lifetime during corona – I had all highways to myself ❤️❤️❤️ was incredible … I heard angels sing when I drove those highways – I had them all to myself… totally once in a lifetime type thing!!

Now it’s back to normal, crashes, people weaving, being crazy drivers, using the carpool lane with only one driver… slow people in the fast lanes … Oh my god!

It was a complete parking lot… and I have to take 4 highways home from this place!! Capitol City Freeway, Business 80… to 80… and then my mountain highway … Ugh!! During rush hour on a weekday that sucks!!!!

Yeah, play my driving song!!! …put that on repeat please lol

I have a lot of hours this week… 👏👏👏… I have that call tmrw – but I’m pretty situated thankfully. So I think will be fine. 🙏 Tmrw 10am.

Today I was only supposed to work until maybe after lunch, but she was stressing and asked me to stay… I said if manager say ok… and I think she just assumed since my manager say they can “share” me… that she is under the impression she can have me anytime she wants…

Which is fine with me… but again clear that. She didn’t so the lady is having a umm?? Zoom meeting? And is video…

I was not aware lol… my district manager text me and say… have you been there all day?

I said yeah, I am still here

And she says I know, I can see you 😳😮😮 Lol Oh my god! I don’t wanna be on camera lol … I don’t care who with. I left the room after that cause nope! Lol

But anyway she was ok, but the lady did not tell her she was keeping me all day. Ugh these people and their communication!

This woman just lost her staff 😮 one went to a cemetery… and I’m not sure about the others?

I listen to things … you don’t think I listen but I do…

Remember the first time I went to pick up the keys and the alarm code from this place and I knew that one guy?

Well while I was waiting for her – he was talking to me… telling me she doesn’t like him and plays favorites blah blah blah (she seemed totally fine to me today?)

And then he tell me he was late and she get mad. I just listen – I don’t say anything, just listen.

Whatever … you know, people bitch, you take with a grain of salt. I don’t know anything about these people yet lol…

But then today I hear her talking to ?? Someone ??… and she was complaining about him… always being late, like really late when she counts on him… when you have services you CAN NOT be late!!

And then I heard her say she told him something and he claims he didn’t hear her… and that his hearing is going lol

But then she tells the person … he has no money, and can’t go down to the clinic to have his ears checked and corrected – but yet is all excited cause he got Botox 😮

Oh my god! She was sitting right next to me while I was working, was hard not to listen!! I didn’t on purpose

And I guess you learn about people that way? I am getting quite the education lol

He is animated, not that it matters but he is gay… not flamboyant or anything… he carries well. Has a good presence in this business. He is personable and funny. (But they all are)

The woman I worked with today… she was personable and friendly… not too funny but she was stressed so that can weigh on you.

She is the only one handling like 10 different funerals back to back 😮 and more keep coming in!!

Anyway… it was me, another girl, and the woman … the other girl was younger than my son lol … she was only 23

When I told them I had a 26 year old they both said… Oh my god! I thought you were in your 20’s lol … yeah no… been there done that lol

Looks are deceiving … I only look young. Don’t judge a book, by the cover – ya know? Lol

It is also hot today … only 95 🤨 … I hate using the word “only” in front of temperatures I know are still hot!!! But at least is not over 100!

So anyway… she is going to have to talk to my district manager because she completely wants to share me at will 😮… Saturday’s have been approved … and the district manager asked me to do today … so was approved but she didn’t know this woman was going to keep me all day.

And I think she wants to pull me in to help during the week on occasion. ?? So they need to discuss that.

But I am happy about all the extra hours and learning so much about so many different places…

I can not wait to see the big one 😮😮😮 the way they ALL talk about it 😮😮😮 they say it will blow my mind 😮😮 show me, show me!!! I wanna see!!!

They say it’s spectacular … I hope this isn’t a case where it gets built up in my mind because of how they speak about it … and then I get there and am not impressed lol 😄✌️ we shall see … I may not be impressed like they are?

I like character … I’m not looking at grandeur really ??

I didn’t look at any photos but I did look up the year it started and was 1966 which is fairly new 🤨 … California people think that’s old … sometimes I will ask someone about their house and they will tell me is old and is not.. if it was built after 1920 – it is not old!!!

Come back to me when you have something from the turn of the century or before…

In Massachusetts we had houses still standing and still beautiful from the 1700’s 😮… so yeah 1966 – not old at all… that’s shiny and new-ish … knowing that and hearing how they speak of it… hmm 🤔… not too sure I will be impressed

But I’m still dying to see

I searched what funeral home is oldest … and I found a privately operated one that began in 1869!!! Privately owned and operated (is not within my “connections”)

I would like to see THAT one!! I bet that one is incredible ??

But whatever. 1966 is nothin! Lol that’s a baby still… even mine is older!!

Mine is 1942… and the ugly office walls one is 1932… and the haunted mansion is 1903…

Haunted mansion – 1903 impresses me. So show me what you got lol

So I’m not sure if 1966 can impress me? We’ll see ✌️

I know some of you are in countries that would blow my mind with the structures and the ages… I know this. I would be in awe!! Completely … jaw on the floor. I have no doubt with that.

But this is America – compared to you, we are still new. Maybe date back to 1600’s in New England but I haven’t seen older than that here, unless Native American.

Oh yeah and the young girl I worked with today… we were talking about burials and she tell me she is Indian … ok … but then she starts talking about tribal stuff lol … and I said ohhhh American Indian lol 😄😄 alright gotcha now… she was half American Indian and Mexican.

I was thinking Indian from India 🇮🇳 … not American Indian – ie Native American … normally to be politically correct we never call Native Americans “Indians” … not since I was a kid!!

And in school when you sit on the floor and cross your legs – as a kid, I knew that as “indian style” (after native Americans) … that evidentially is not allowed anymore … cause I said to my daughter one day just really quick not thinking what else to call it – just sit indian style…

She told me… “Mum!!! your not allowed to say that anymore” 😮😳

Ok .. what do I call it then? And she says “cross cross applesauce” 🤨 that is horrible and too many weird words!! Just sit your butt down then lol

Just kinda took me back… I hadn’t heard someone refer to native Americans as “Indians” in YEARS.

Anyway… I’m off to go eat and read a little before it gets too late.

Gnite 😘✌️

I’m leaving in a minute to do post office and trash… is 8:30pm. 😮 … it’s dusk

But I have a question… you know how to every beginning there is an ending?

So… how do you feel comfortable knowing that amazing will come to an end eventually? Maybe that’s what kinda holds me? I don’t know??

And then I also think… to every end there is a new beginning …

However that is the unknown … are you afraid of that? Is there reason to be afraid of that?

Do I want to fall in love with something or someone to lose it? Ugh 😩 that is a horrible thought, but I feel that one. Maybe that’s my block?

I love things – but I have a hesitation?? I am afraid to let come too close? Cause if I really love it… what if I lose it?

I don’t know if that’s my fear or not? But I have a block.

I just get a sense of fear with things really coming in my life… ?? I kinda just roll myself? I didn’t really know who I was besides a mom and wife. That’s all I knew.

I loved the police, lost them because of my ex… I have them – but I am not with them anymore, I loved being with them – I felt so safe and also respected by them ❤️

… then I had the golf course… I loved it there so entirely!!! The beauty of the area and the sport and the people… I loved all of it!! … cancer took that away from me…

After cancer I got the school… oh I needed those kids at that moment … they helped me shine with life again!! ❤️… I loved being there and I enjoyed the time with them, corona made me lose them.

And I am not going to even get into all the family members I’ve lost… I have kind of accepted that part? It is life. But life does go on, don’t waste it. Ok to grieve, but also remember to live.

With actual love, with a person lol… I am extremely slow and hesitant. I just want to make sure I am at ease and comfortable. Then I can relax.

But at the same time I give NO ONE a chance lol … so ya know whatever … I fear to put down guard – you get too close to my heart and I don’t want it bleeding. Sometimes it’s worth it though? Right?

But with the job … what if I love it and lose it again? I fell in love with all those other jobs and lost them… 💔

I am falling in love with this job so I can feel that fear 😮

I dunno … I had to deal with stupid stuff today, so this is what you get with that lol 😘✌️

Ok I have my questions, I’m still organizing things though … it’s going ok…

It kinda makes me feel sick… cause I look back on everything and he has been so brutal… I am afraid to make moves, because I am afraid he will be brutal again and I have no protection. So I’m a little scared.

But ya know, we see what happens.

When I look at those files … I have to give the courts text messages and things he was harassing me with… I have to see all that… and then I remember … and then I feel the panic… and then it overwhelms me and then I cry.

But is ok… is just a moment in time and I can handle it.

I don’t think I can do anymore tonight. I need to step away from it. I have the questions. I just kinda look through to see if anything else.

I have to go to the post office… I have a PO Box… I have mail come to my address too… but the PO Box is so that I always have a place to get my mail, even if I move around. I just keep it.

I could have gone earlier, but I didn’t. I just didn’t wanna deal with the heat and people. I will go shortly… the post office will be closed and no one will be there. You can still get in to mailbox areas… and I have a key. I have keys to everything lol ✌️

And here is something else… guess who wants me for tmrw… that’s right … the Haunted Mansion!!! They want me in for 9am… I am covering for the manager. They be back after lunch… so just a couple hours. I love the Haunted Mansion ❤️

I only call it that, cause that’s what it reminds me of ❤️… I don’t know if is haunted? Lol maybe left over energy? But it never bothers me ❤️🥰❤️ …

And it’s not a Mansion … but is huge and fun!!! I love that it has secret rooms and corridors and fun places!! I love its character ❤️

So I get to do that tmrw and make some more money. They are totally seeping into my life!!! 😮

At first… was just regular… just a side job, next to the one I had at the school. I don’t have school anymore… and now they are totally engulfing my life.

I do love it, so I am ok with that.

It’s just weird… I am very protective… but here I just feel at ease ❤️ … like I don’t have to be on guard all the time.

The people are awesome, the job is pretty cool, I like learning everything, find everything exciting… so it’s good.

I like being with them ❤️ I also feel safe with them.

Plus death is an essential business… so I can still work through shut downs or whatever. It’s a must. You need that. Someone has to handle it.

So it doesn’t make me panic. And I get to be locked away most of the time. I like that too.

Anyway so yeah… working the haunted mansion again tmrw ❤️✌️

I think I just question if I am ok being around so much death? The people I work with blind me with their awesomeness lol ✌️ so it deflects from all the death.

I think I am ok with it. It’s life. And it does help me with my own things kinda?

I also take time to feel comfortable with people – but these people I feel comfortable right away!! 😮 it makes me feel like I found my spot.

And it’s perfect for me… I get my safety and security… and it’s ok I move slow or can’t do things with my chest and arm – none of that is even an issue and only noticed when something needs to be lifted – which I can’t do. But they are ok with that ❤️ we work around it ❤️ is

So far seems pretty perfect… but I probably shouldn’t say that… I want it to stay amazing ✌️😘

Anyway … I should probably throw on some actual clothes to go outside in public lol… I gotta get to the post office and thrown my trash away, which I will just drive up to on my way to post office … is far to walk and I can’t carry something like that that far by myself. Lol … so I’ll drive lol

It will take me awhile, but I plan on reading to take my mind away a little before bed

I’ll be back – I am being slow. ✌️

So for the next 2/3 days … I need to supremely focus. I need everything set up, ready and together – with my questions … cause then Wednesday I have that phone appointment with the court self help.

I am going to be working on all that for next few days – I probably will take breaks but it’s important to me.

I want to be very prepared.

I really need to focus… so probably not going to be around as much for today, tmrw and Wednesday…

My appointment is Wednesday morning at 10am … I think I get 20 minutes … so I have to be spot on with my things… but I will be back after that to share what happened. And then also relax for a minute and read.

I will probably read at night … it just helps me get away from all this stuff… which I hate!! Lol

We are cooler today… only 97 🤨 whatever lol … like that’s even cool!!

And check this … 😳😮…

https://www.kcra.com/article/coronavirus-map-graphs-cases-deaths-curve-california-july13/33297112

Yikes 😳😱😮 … bracing for that. I am in one of the counties listed and rising.

Ok I have to go do my stuff and focus. Ugh 😑

Back at some point ✌️

Stay safe and isolate 😘✌️

Well that was a day. It did feel like being home at my actual funeral home lol. I am learning a lot … and meeting all kinds of funeral people… I am morphing into a funeral person 😮

I never would have imagined myself at a funeral home… and on top of that melt right into that world 😳😮 what??? No … not me… that doesn’t fit me at all…

But I was looking from the outside… what I knew was pain.

Now I see the inside… there is heart ❤️ … I really love it!

I can take the pain to get to the heart – totally!!! A heart like that yup!

And it’s funny… every time I meet a new funeral person, I always ask them… what make you decide on this? And every single one says something that I do not usually hear…

Every single one of them says… they do this… “🤔 I’m gonna have to say because I just love people” 😮

I don’t hear that normally at all… so I wasn’t sure if they be funny or serious at first. They are serious. They do believe that.

I have a heart for people too… I just fit well here ❤️

All of them make me smile and laugh… except that one … I didn’t totally like the ugly office walls one … it was ok… I just like harmony and peace and stuff …

I do not like power plays or fake or behind back… I do not like to have stressful things …

I wanna love life always… being with these funeral people – you just love life ❤️

They know death… they respect death … and then they appreciate life and people … they laugh and live life really awesomely!

How is this not made public? How is this the first time I am learning about how awesome funeral people are?? Or is it just mine? I have an amazing group ❤️

They just kinda all just fell in my lap 😮 and now this is me 😳😮✌️ I am becoming a funeral person 😮 ❤️ … it just morphs you… well probably have to have the right people?

I wonder if they are all like that? Fricken awesome hilarious and thoughtful … I think they must be!! Because you need those for this job. 😮 (sorry, having a few revolutions as I write)

You have to be awesome because you are handling the care of someone’s loved one… and you have to help the family totally through that…

And then you have to be hilarious and have a good sense of humor – just because … wouldn’t you want to smile and laugh when death was not around?

And you must be thoughtful because these matters are delicate for families … you put thought into how to help them.

Hmm interesting.

If someone ever asked me… what made you go funeral? lol… umm … well I had a lot of death, felt a lot of pain, been through it enough – I think I can relate… also really needed another job lol ✌️😘

“I love people” would not typically be the first thing that comes to my mind.

But I don’t like people to hurt or suffer… at all… either physically or emotionally… I hate that. So ya know, I want to make it better …

The worst pain to me is loss. That heart bleed reminds me of something…

When I had one of my surgeries… I needed they had to take lymph nodes to check for cancer (luckily it had not spread) ❤️ …

They told me that when they clip the small section of lymph nodes or whatever … they can’t cauterize or anything – it just has to bleed out until it finishes 😳😮 mine took forever to stop bleeding!! Oh my god!

But that kinda reminds me of the heart bleed with loss … you just bleed out 😮

I don’t want someone feeling that… and I know how heavy it is… I hate to see such heart ache… so I wanna make that better for you … so yeah I do fit here… I am meant to be here. ❤️ I found my people lol ✌️

Actually I also had other reasons – I also wanted to kind of absorb and process all my own losses and I though being around others like that … I could relate and use the experience… at the same time get over my own losses.

Using that pain, to overcome it?

My grand finale hit will be losing my mom… thats my last big one. Whew … I wanna say because I work it … I will be fine.

I go back in forth in my mind.. on one hand – I want to be selfish and keep for ever… I want my mom!!! I want her!!!

I ache to keep her. And to think of the loss – I can feel it already make my heart bleed. I need her to be here with me.

That is my heart wanting to cling to her. Like when I was really little and would hold her leg, when around strangers lol … I want her.

And then my head goes into… you can’t have her forever, this is life… here are your cards … play them. You are going to have to just let her go… you have no choice. This is how it goes. To every beginning, there is an ending .

I really hate the head part 🤨… I am WAY more heart lol 😄✌️

Anyway… on my way home from work today… my car was reading 105 🔥♨️♨️♨️

Omfg! Scorching!!! 🤨

I have this elderly man that I check up with by phone every so often… he’s just a family friend … I think I have talked about him before ?

He’s the hoarder one … every time I walked in there were new amazon boxes lol

I helped him for 3 years because his family was desperate … he needs help, he won’t accept the help, and then he fires the help lol Oh my god!

The only person he allows is me, other than his own family but he doesn’t want to listen to their lectures lol

The funny thing is… they will say something or tell him something and coming from them… he is mad and doesn’t wanna listen …

But I go over there … he’s all smiles and chatty … and I can say the exact same thing his family said… but coming from “me” …he will “kinda listen”

He called tonight to tell me he is firing the new person 🤨🙄😄

So here is what happens every single time…

He gets a new one… at first it’s perfect…

And then somehow they do things that bother him … he leads them to that though

He will say you can leave early or just let them come late… and then tells them but go ahead and put the hours 🤨 then they take advantage and he gets mad 🤨 every time!!! Lol

I told him look, they are hired to work for you… stop that… set a time – tell them this is when you be here… and this is when you be done.

Ugh 😑 he is the type that… will be nice for you to accept that… he wants you to like him, he wants friends.

But then it’s a job to them, and he lets them slack… then gets mad they slackin… you the boss dude, pull that in.

And every single time he stresses lol

He’s adorable though … he Catholic … I only mention that cause sometimes he likes to talk Catholic … I don’t mind. When he does it, is comforting and not a bother. I am extremely private with my catholic, but for him I will just listen.

He’s a good guy, he is soft though. He just wants people to like him. He is misunderstood.

And his father died umm I wanna say 7 years ago?? Maybe longer ?? I can’t exactly remember – it’s been a long time.

They used one of my funeral homes !!! 😮 I just learned this tonight. It’s that one with the yucky office walls!!

I asked how they were … he said amazing – they use them for all their deaths. Not that they have a plethora of death, but when they do … they only use that funeral home.

You should come to me lol, just kidding 😄✌️ .. that is me too lol 😘

Anyway… I am exhausted and I have talked a lot and read a lot and I need sleep … I am not sooo not caught up at all

It is past midnight Oh my god! … but I can sleep in … til like 7 🤨 … fricken oldness 🤨😝

Gnite 😘✌️ I’m out

I just had a family upset with the COVID-19 restrictions… I get it…

I let them go off on me… you do that cause families are grieving… they are suffering through a loss during all this COVID crap… is hard.

They are upset with the loss, and frustrated by COVID – it’s awful…

But like I said, I let them vent on me… apologized for inconvenience of time period… and also offered condolences.

Then I connected with them, I totally understand the position they are in… it sucks!! I share a thing or 2 what we went through when I lost all my people. Granted, was NOT during Covid – thank god! But we had things too. Couple issues when my grandmother died.

They calmed down with me and by the end I had them laughing and happy ❤️ – well sort of … they are still mad with COVID …

It’s hard with the limits and things set down.

She told me I am very diplomatic lol … I hope that is meant as a good thing lol … she said it was, cause I asked how she meant it lol ✌️

Venting… it’s a thing… and it’s ok to do. 😘✌️

Still working and that took me awhile to calm and situate 😮 I am now little behind – 2hours left

I forgot lunch but I’m not hungry and I have to finish

Bye for now 👋

No one has ever lived at my funeral home… there is no home area. Mine has only been here since 1942… not like 1903 😮

We have 1 conference room… 2 bathrooms… a prep room (we use strictly for Jewish and Muslim, everything else is handled at care center), a holding room, service room (Chapel I guess … but after seeing theirs mine is not impressive lol ours doubles as reception area by switching out to tables) we have a small quaint lobby type sitting area … and then the office.

Mines all small now lol

Now I am dying to see the massive one 😮 we have one funeral home which is the most incredible of all… it has a cemetery connected to it … most of us don’t

You know you can shop around right? It’s hard when you lose someone and you are stunned. That is why preplanning is best if you can… but if not, just like car shopping 🤨… you can shop around with prices and what you want.

Not everyone knows that, and also at the moment of a loss – that’s really hard. You are already in mourning… the last thing you want to do is add more stress – you want it handled, and handled right.

Just be aware – your end wishes can be anything you want. Know you have options ✌️

Anyway… is fricken hot here… yesterday my car was reading 106 on my drive home … Oh my god! C’mon!!

Today I dressed funeral summery lol … it will still be hot 🥵

Oh yeah and when I got home from work yesterday it was like 6/6:30pm… and the neighbor guy wonders over 😳

Hey ya Trisha, just getting home from work? 😳

Umm yup.

What do you do? 😳

I do funerals lol (do you have any idea how weird that is to say? And then their faces when I say that) you just don’t expect walking into that 😄✌️

And then I don’t think they really know what to say 😄 they are curious but also kinda taken back 😄😄

I was dressed kinda like “Men in Black”, but for women lol

He’s a nice guy, he and his wife own that crazy dog lol

He was all lounging around on his Saturday and I was just getting home … I just wanted to get in door and get in the shower!! I was hot and yuck!

I chatted for quick moment as I gathered my things from the car … but I was just getting in and my thoughts were zoned in on a shower lol ✌️

When I was with police … and someone ask me what I do, I would tell them and they they would tell me every police interaction or question 🤨😄 …

But if you say… I do funerals … on rare occasions, I will get one that will ask me about pricing of caskets or urns lol, burials or cremations. But usually they are just not expecting that answer I guess? And then what do you say? Lol …oh that’s nice? Lol

Anyway… have a lot going on… back later 😘✌️

Awww ❤️ they are both hilarious, touching and thoughtful… oh my god! Trifecta!!!

The card is hilarious … so on someone else’s birthday – I am still new… so I learn ✌️… well she has a cup on her desk she uses all the time – is her favorite coffee cup… it has a unicorn on it lol … so I bought her a unicorn thing 😄😄

So 😄… my card is funny because is animated is a unicorn 🦄 farting rainbows 🌈 and it lights up lol ❤️ no music though – just sounds of a fart 🙄😄 I tell you… funeral people are hilarious – you don’t think that be true …but totally is…

And then all of them wrote and signed it… my district manager even… she even said “Happy to have you as part of our team, you complete us” 😮❤️😄✌️

They all wrote amazing things – see how you make someone love something??? You make it awesome!!! Lol ✌️

They don’t have to do those things – but they do ❤️ they are amazing! Did I find my spot? 😮 I don’t know? But I do love it here ❤️🥰❤️

Inside they got me chocolates ❤️❤️❤️… both a big package and my favorite chocolate balls ❤️❤️❤️ Oh my god! Guess what I am eating today??? Lol

They also got me unicorn poop 🙄😄😄😄 it looks like colored marshmallows in poop form lol

Oh these girls ❤️🥰❤️

Mmmm chocolate … now I forgot about everything else 😄

Ok I have to get myself together I am side tracked!!!

That was a cool day – I like it there – is pretty cool. Very beautiful.

I gave up on that other vacuum … and found a Bissell in the garage lol… way better!

Their alarm … I kinda figured it out … pretty sure? Hopefully. I found the off and on buttons … but it scares the crap out of me to alarm it 🤨 it BEEPS REALLY loud!!! I was just like ok I’m out lol ✌️

I forgot my charger 🔌 and my black jacket there but whatever – I go back next Saturday …

They are actually keeping me for awhile. I have 2 funeral homes now… a small quaint down to earth, every person funeral home… and a fancy beautiful high class one … I like this – pretty cool!

Alright well… I am still far behind… I’ll get there eventually ✌️

I am exhausted from today… and tmrw I am at my funeral home … have to be there early

My eyes need to close – they sting!!

I’ll be back tmrw – gnite 😘✌️