A Block

I’m leaving in a minute to do post office and trash… is 8:30pm. 😮 … it’s dusk

But I have a question… you know how to every beginning there is an ending?

So… how do you feel comfortable knowing that amazing will come to an end eventually? Maybe that’s what kinda holds me? I don’t know??

And then I also think… to every end there is a new beginning …

However that is the unknown … are you afraid of that? Is there reason to be afraid of that?

Do I want to fall in love with something or someone to lose it? Ugh 😩 that is a horrible thought, but I feel that one. Maybe that’s my block?

I love things – but I have a hesitation?? I am afraid to let come too close? Cause if I really love it… what if I lose it?

I don’t know if that’s my fear or not? But I have a block.

I just get a sense of fear with things really coming in my life… ?? I kinda just roll myself? I didn’t really know who I was besides a mom and wife. That’s all I knew.

I loved the police, lost them because of my ex… I have them – but I am not with them anymore, I loved being with them – I felt so safe and also respected by them ❤️

… then I had the golf course… I loved it there so entirely!!! The beauty of the area and the sport and the people… I loved all of it!! … cancer took that away from me…

After cancer I got the school… oh I needed those kids at that moment … they helped me shine with life again!! ❤️… I loved being there and I enjoyed the time with them, corona made me lose them.

And I am not going to even get into all the family members I’ve lost… I have kind of accepted that part? It is life. But life does go on, don’t waste it. Ok to grieve, but also remember to live.

With actual love, with a person lol… I am extremely slow and hesitant. I just want to make sure I am at ease and comfortable. Then I can relax.

But at the same time I give NO ONE a chance lol … so ya know whatever … I fear to put down guard – you get too close to my heart and I don’t want it bleeding. Sometimes it’s worth it though? Right?

But with the job … what if I love it and lose it again? I fell in love with all those other jobs and lost them… 💔

I am falling in love with this job so I can feel that fear 😮

I dunno … I had to deal with stupid stuff today, so this is what you get with that lol 😘✌️