Interesting things

Well that was a day. It did feel like being home at my actual funeral home lol. I am learning a lot … and meeting all kinds of funeral people… I am morphing into a funeral person 😮

I never would have imagined myself at a funeral home… and on top of that melt right into that world 😳😮 what??? No … not me… that doesn’t fit me at all…

But I was looking from the outside… what I knew was pain.

Now I see the inside… there is heart ❤️ … I really love it!

I can take the pain to get to the heart – totally!!! A heart like that yup!

And it’s funny… every time I meet a new funeral person, I always ask them… what make you decide on this? And every single one says something that I do not usually hear…

Every single one of them says… they do this… “🤔 I’m gonna have to say because I just love people” 😮

I don’t hear that normally at all… so I wasn’t sure if they be funny or serious at first. They are serious. They do believe that.

I have a heart for people too… I just fit well here ❤️

All of them make me smile and laugh… except that one … I didn’t totally like the ugly office walls one … it was ok… I just like harmony and peace and stuff …

I do not like power plays or fake or behind back… I do not like to have stressful things …

I wanna love life always… being with these funeral people – you just love life ❤️

They know death… they respect death … and then they appreciate life and people … they laugh and live life really awesomely!

How is this not made public? How is this the first time I am learning about how awesome funeral people are?? Or is it just mine? I have an amazing group ❤️

They just kinda all just fell in my lap 😮 and now this is me 😳😮✌️ I am becoming a funeral person 😮 ❤️ … it just morphs you… well probably have to have the right people?

I wonder if they are all like that? Fricken awesome hilarious and thoughtful … I think they must be!! Because you need those for this job. 😮 (sorry, having a few revolutions as I write)

You have to be awesome because you are handling the care of someone’s loved one… and you have to help the family totally through that…

And then you have to be hilarious and have a good sense of humor – just because … wouldn’t you want to smile and laugh when death was not around?

And you must be thoughtful because these matters are delicate for families … you put thought into how to help them.

Hmm interesting.

If someone ever asked me… what made you go funeral? lol… umm … well I had a lot of death, felt a lot of pain, been through it enough – I think I can relate… also really needed another job lol ✌️😘

“I love people” would not typically be the first thing that comes to my mind.

But I don’t like people to hurt or suffer… at all… either physically or emotionally… I hate that. So ya know, I want to make it better …

The worst pain to me is loss. That heart bleed reminds me of something…

When I had one of my surgeries… I needed they had to take lymph nodes to check for cancer (luckily it had not spread) ❤️ …

They told me that when they clip the small section of lymph nodes or whatever … they can’t cauterize or anything – it just has to bleed out until it finishes 😳😮 mine took forever to stop bleeding!! Oh my god!

But that kinda reminds me of the heart bleed with loss … you just bleed out 😮

I don’t want someone feeling that… and I know how heavy it is… I hate to see such heart ache… so I wanna make that better for you … so yeah I do fit here… I am meant to be here. ❤️ I found my people lol ✌️

Actually I also had other reasons – I also wanted to kind of absorb and process all my own losses and I though being around others like that … I could relate and use the experience… at the same time get over my own losses.

Using that pain, to overcome it?

My grand finale hit will be losing my mom… thats my last big one. Whew … I wanna say because I work it … I will be fine.

I go back in forth in my mind.. on one hand – I want to be selfish and keep for ever… I want my mom!!! I want her!!!

I ache to keep her. And to think of the loss – I can feel it already make my heart bleed. I need her to be here with me.

That is my heart wanting to cling to her. Like when I was really little and would hold her leg, when around strangers lol … I want her.

And then my head goes into… you can’t have her forever, this is life… here are your cards … play them. You are going to have to just let her go… you have no choice. This is how it goes. To every beginning, there is an ending .

I really hate the head part 🤨… I am WAY more heart lol 😄✌️

Anyway… on my way home from work today… my car was reading 105 🔥♨️♨️♨️

Omfg! Scorching!!! 🤨

I have this elderly man that I check up with by phone every so often… he’s just a family friend … I think I have talked about him before ?

He’s the hoarder one … every time I walked in there were new amazon boxes lol

I helped him for 3 years because his family was desperate … he needs help, he won’t accept the help, and then he fires the help lol Oh my god!

The only person he allows is me, other than his own family but he doesn’t want to listen to their lectures lol

The funny thing is… they will say something or tell him something and coming from them… he is mad and doesn’t wanna listen …

But I go over there … he’s all smiles and chatty … and I can say the exact same thing his family said… but coming from “me” …he will “kinda listen”

He called tonight to tell me he is firing the new person 🤨🙄😄

So here is what happens every single time…

He gets a new one… at first it’s perfect…

And then somehow they do things that bother him … he leads them to that though

He will say you can leave early or just let them come late… and then tells them but go ahead and put the hours 🤨 then they take advantage and he gets mad 🤨 every time!!! Lol

I told him look, they are hired to work for you… stop that… set a time – tell them this is when you be here… and this is when you be done.

Ugh 😑 he is the type that… will be nice for you to accept that… he wants you to like him, he wants friends.

But then it’s a job to them, and he lets them slack… then gets mad they slackin… you the boss dude, pull that in.

And every single time he stresses lol

He’s adorable though … he Catholic … I only mention that cause sometimes he likes to talk Catholic … I don’t mind. When he does it, is comforting and not a bother. I am extremely private with my catholic, but for him I will just listen.

He’s a good guy, he is soft though. He just wants people to like him. He is misunderstood.

And his father died umm I wanna say 7 years ago?? Maybe longer ?? I can’t exactly remember – it’s been a long time.

They used one of my funeral homes !!! 😮 I just learned this tonight. It’s that one with the yucky office walls!!

I asked how they were … he said amazing – they use them for all their deaths. Not that they have a plethora of death, but when they do … they only use that funeral home.

You should come to me lol, just kidding 😄✌️ .. that is me too lol 😘

Anyway… I am exhausted and I have talked a lot and read a lot and I need sleep … I am not sooo not caught up at all

It is past midnight Oh my god! … but I can sleep in … til like 7 🤨 … fricken oldness 🤨😝

Gnite 😘✌️ I’m out

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