When I lost my dad… June 4, 2017… I had no idea I was about to lose my grandfather also.

I was still grieving the loss of my father, and then July 29, 2017 … my grandfather died!! So was a double whammy…

It brought me to my knees.

I lost my grandmother 2 years later on June 17, 2019 – right before my surgery.

I still miss them… it hurts to not have them here still… I needed them still … but…

I have incredible memories ❤️ I try to sink into those and carry those…

It’s a little weird to look at photos and know most are gone. Like this one…

Only me and my mom are left from that photo. That’s a little weird. I always actually knew I would lose them and one day they would die… I just didn’t think was going to be sudden and a lot at once!! It’s like looking at ghosts.

But I do have amazing memories … since it is the death anniversary for my grandfather – this will be my memories of him

I was his angel… his princess ❤️ I was the first grandchild for him… oh did he love me ❤️

I get part of my spirit from him… the funny is from my mom… he was the prankster, he had a fun spirit – I was his right hand with those lol ❤️😄

When he would go to bed at night, he would read for awhile to fall asleep… I used to sneak in very quietly – never noticed … I would tickle his feet, giggle and run – he would jump outta bed and chase me lol ❤️

Every time I visited … he had a roll top desk in his bedroom … it would be FULL of 3 musketeers, milky ways, and peppermint patties ❤️ I would stuff my face – and he would let me … my grandmother used to get mad cause it spoiled my dinner … but he would allow it ❤️

We would also sit on the porch with the police scanner – and we would listen to the excitement, while having bowls of ice cream with jimmies ❤️ always with jimmies ❤️

That’s my big bird btw lol.. I still have it ❤️ … it hasn’t looked like big bird in a long time 😄 it came everywhere with me. They used to tease me that it looked like a magicians chicken 😄😄 but I still loved big bird ❤️ my grandfather gave me that.

They came on vacations with us at the beginning of summer… was always beach vacations – down to Sanibel, or once to Homosassa.

I once fell off a pier 😮 Oh my god! They all jumped in after me. Fully clothed and all, right away… I could see their fear and panic… I was maybe 4? I remember that.

My grandfather is holding me and going to put me in the frog raft… my uncle was playing shark and grabbing my legs lol … so I am watching him lol

One day, we were at the beach, and he was showing me how to feed the seagulls…

I tried it too ❤️ … then we went to have lunch and had hotdogs on the BBQ… one of those seagulls came down and took a whole hot dog 😄😄❤️ it was funny

He used to think he was hot shit cause he had a boat lol… that’s not his boat … he had more of a speed boat… he used to let me drive it even at 3!!

I used to floor it to top speed and then cut the wheel 😄❤️ the whole boat would go up on its side – and I would squeal with delight … I think he just liked my squeals and knew he gave them to me. ❤️

He got me to love frogs … and we would build them little habitats ❤️ … sometimes we would pop up at the kitchen window with a frog just to hear my mom and grandmother scream lol – we both loved that lol

He used to take me around his town and prance me around, this is my granddaughter he would tell everyone…

And one time a cute Italian boy in the neighborhood came around when I was visiting lol… he didn’t like that much and used to kinda usher me inside lol 😄😄

I loved going to their house, my dad couldn’t even put the car in park before I was jump out to run to them!

His parents were from Ireland 🇮🇪… they came here around 1925. He was very irish, extremely irish… sang irish songs, told me irish sayings – sang stuff to me all the time.

He would never call me Trisha … ever … to him I always be his little Patty 😘❤️

So may he Rest In Peace and he has left me with his words, his love and incredible memories ❤️ I love you Grandaddy – I’m lucky I had you ☘️

That’s my last photo of him ❤️

And because he was so irish… and it was always a thing…

So in his memory, let me also post this cause he was also very funny ❤️✌️🇮🇪❤️ makes me giggle to remember how funny and full of life he was

So … I’ve been thinking. I want something.

I think? I don’t know?? I’m still thinking.

Maybe I should come back to life?? Maybe it’s time?

I kinda did that whole shut down silence thing. Freaked everyone out 🤨 I just needed peace

The funeral homes… I feel peace with??

It’s kept me safe – and kinda makes me see life more. Helped kinda process through … I enjoy my girls. I like it there. I learn alot

It’s allowed me to um??

Well, I can hide away. Then I have no issues lol ✌️ it lets me stay hidden in the darkness lol 😘✌️

It also lets me just be calm. It’s calm, sad – and emotional sometimes – but you are just calm for those things.

I like it calm. I lost a lot of the energy I had suddenly after that surgery. So I like calm.

I saw something I think I want … and then my home – hmmm there are things I do not like now. Maybe I need new?

I need to find this house…

I actually did find it lol… it is located on a island near Iceland lol … I’m thinking winters are cold. Possibly brutal 😳

I might keep looking lol

But I think maybe… I come back to life …maybe?

While I do love the job I have, and how it has helped me…

I am calm because my spirit was exhausted for a minute …

I needed that silence and peace. I needed to get away. I was done with all of it.

I needed to breathe.

All those blows knocked the wind out of me. So anyway…

Hopefully you can understand cause it’s really hard to explain. That’s how it felt.

Death allowed me to be hidden and collapse even more into silence.

I really scare my people lol… first, I abnormally went completely silent – which freaked them all out 🤨 I just needed peace! But they worry

And then … suddenly I take a job at a funeral home. They all worry – it’s very outside who I was – except with the empathy – I’ve always had that

I just needed peace.

I got that.

What if I went back into life though? 😮

I want that for my spirit… cause I don’t want to lose a brightness I still have. Death is hard to face all the time.

And maybe it’s just time? I think it’s lining up again!! 😮 I don’t know… we see

Ok what could go bad if I came back to life?

It might be time. I don’t know. Thinking

This is the first job I’ve ever had that I wasn’t laughing and smiling all the time. Or cheering people up with laughter

You can’t do that here.

So I don’t know.

It’s just dark… I’m kinda light

I might want to come back to life?

I got to escape and recharge

I am thinking. We see

I got nominated for the Sunshine Blogger Award by

— Read on sheenarchy.wordpress.com

I kinda like reading these award posts for a couple reasons. I actually like to get to know what people think and what their answers would be… I can learn who they are a little bit. I find it interesting 😊

I am also honored that someone was interested in what I have to say or how I would answer their questions. I appreciate that very much

The questions can be fun to answer…

I don’t really set these up very good, with banners or pinging?… but I do try… I am used to just simply writing. Hope I sent this up correctly 🙏

Thank you Sheena Manocha for nominating me… you can find the blog Sheenarchy here:

The other aspect

— Read on sheenarchy.wordpress.com

https://sheenarchy.wordpress.com

The blog is new but I enjoy reading the posts. Can’t wait to see more!

RULES:

• Thank the person who nominated you and link back to their blog.

• Answer the 11 questions asked by the one who nominated you.

• Nominate 11 bloggers and ask them 11 new questions.

• Notify the nominees.

• List the rules and display the Sunshine Blogger Award image in your post.

⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️

1.) What are some words or phrases you use the most?

I say “oh my god” a lot… I also say “are you serious?” – sometimes even together Lol … more of a statement of disbelief, than a question (when writing I say “lol” probably the most, as in all the time)

2.) What do you like most blogging or fun chat with friends?

Hmm well blogging is at my fingertips whenever I want it … but I do enjoy fun chats with friends ❤️ I have a few I speak on phone with…is good to release – and I have one girlfriend who I consider family… she is smart and confident and has strength – she is supportive through my seemingly huge issues. I am at ease with her. She does not judge ❤️ So she can walk me through stuff, sensibly… and then make me laugh.

3.) Which language do you want to learn?

Oh that’s tough, because the language I want is not widely used… that would be Gaelic (Irish) because I am Irish… but who am I gonna talk to?? I don’t know anyone who speaks Gaelic AT ALL lol … and I think it’s going extinct?

So aside from that, 🤔 … Spanish would be the easiest for me because Spanish is the second language of the United States. I can already understand bits and pieces… It’s everywhere, just like English. It would be highly beneficial.

I could pick Japanese or Korean because my kids are all into that…

Arabic would be cool because I like that it’s a old and classic language… but I hear it is hard for English speakers to learn this? I don’t know how good I would be with it? I already feel like I would be bad at it, because it is not Latin based and to read it goes against my grain “right to left” … but that would also be beneficial to learn because we have a growing population of Arabic, and I would like to communicate. I am interested

If we are going on just wants… Italian would probably be my pick? I would love to visit Italy 🇮🇹 someday – it seems very romantic ❤️✌️

4.) Name a movie you can relate to, and why?

This one is easy… I pick “Big Fish” … the movie is about a man who during his life would tell his son these tall tales and experiences … to the son they were these big tall tales with colorful characters that couldn’t possibly be true… as the father laid dying in the hospital… one by one, each character came to pay their final respects ❤️ the son was astonished that all the tales were true

I am a story teller … I have colorful characters … all my stories are true and some are astounding. So I relate to that… I believe that’s what life is… and you leave a mark on others with your own character ❤️✌️

www.youtube.com/watch

https://youtu.be/M3YVTgTl-F0

Is a beautiful story about one man’s life ❤️🥰❤️

5.) Favorite cuisine?

Umm… while I like the exciting flavors of Spanish … Italian has Pizza and Lasagna… Italian I am most comfortable with regarding food. So I’m gonna go with Italian 🇮🇹✌️ yum!!!

6.) Which post do I like the most from my requester?

Definitely “Owlish” 🦉… that one I can totally relate to!! It sounds very similar to who I am… Wisdom in that post ❤️✌️

7.) What can totally impress you?

Ohhh good one… hmm 🤔 I am impressed by people with morals, honesty and compassion. Stand behind who you are, and mean what you say. I find those things impressive. Be strong and positive and I gravitate towards that.

8.) If you could be teleported anywhere, then which place would that be?

If I could teleport – I would go directly to my mother ❤️ because I miss her so intensely… I want her … so immediately – that’s where I would be. ✌️ I don’t even have to think about that one

9.) If you could have a superpower, then what would you be?

I think maybe invisibility? Sometimes I just want to not be noticed and blend in. I could be anywhere unnoticed ✌️

10.) Who is your go to person? How are you related to them?

Well within family… it’s my sister-in-law… my brother picked well. ✌️ I enjoy her

But day-to-day… would be my best friend… I am not related to her by blood… but she is family to me ❤️ she is different than I am and I get another perspective or view. She is very smart on certain details of life.

11.) Your residing place? Any finest place you like to visit?

I reside in Northern California – United States 🇺🇸… I am not from here though… I am a East Coast transplant. I consider “New England” area my heart (but I am spoiled by California weather✌️😘) California has so much to offer – anything you want … but you pay for that too! It is expensive

I like to visit Lake Tahoe … is close to me… and it takes my breath away every time!! It never gets old … such beauty there… I find peace there ❤️✌️

Let’s see … my 11 questions for others…

1.) What is the biggest lesson you have learned in life?

2.) What is your best quality?

3.) What is invisible, but you wish people could see?

4.) What is one possession that you treasure most and why? What is it’s meaning to you?

5.) How do you want to be remembered?

6.) What is your most favorite memory or moment of all?

7.) Name a song that you connect with, why do you connect to that song?

8.) In a perfect world, what would you like to get from life? And why?

9.) How do you think the world will change in 5 years?

10.) What is something you truly want?

11.) Where are you from? And what is it like there?

Ok so those would be my questions…

And as far as picking people – I would have more than 11, I want to know about. I also know many are busy or can’t or don’t like to…

But I’d really love to learn you… I enjoy all your blogs ✌️ so I hope maybe one of you do – can I just nominate everyone? Cause you all are awesome!

Oh wow! I just walked around …

First I went into the chapel room… the minute I entered – all you smell is flowers 💐

And I see these…

Ok so they just had a viewing – I see that up on the board

I didn’t notice earlier when I was in the office … I was making coffee, opening blinds, signing into computer etc…

But on one of the girls desks… there is a coffin ⚰️… it is baby sized ☹️💔 really small… fits right on a desk.

There is no baby or anything in it currently… but I know we have a few babies 😢 aww

The coffin kinda took me back a minute.

Sometimes things kinda???… not really surprise me… but kinda freeze me? Just for a minute.

We had twins awhile back… they were still in utero… so those coffins were maybe the size of a shoe box? All fancy like a normal coffin- but almost like a small toy? A replica?

This one is larger… like for a infant that had been actually born… or a toddler.

Is fancy… and all white.

It is probably the rental coffin for the viewing … is scheduled for cremation. So I’m sure the care center has the baby currently.

Awww ☹️ certain things I don’t like, but I guess that’s life.

Sometimes I don’t expect when I walk in. So kinda freezes me for a minute. But again is life.

I am going to have to remember things for when my mom dies.

Just ya know that this is how life works… everyone has losses.

I think I can handle her loss – but then I also think I can’t – cause that’s my mom…

I kinda hope this job helps me through that later 🙏😘

You do kinda see … life (or death) is just going to happen whether you want it to or not.

I am trying to absorb these things to aid me later – 🤞 I hope

Ok back to work. ✌️