Oh wow! I just walked around …
First I went into the chapel room… the minute I entered – all you smell is flowers š
And I see these…
Ok so they just had a viewing – I see that up on the board
I didnāt notice earlier when I was in the office … I was making coffee, opening blinds, signing into computer etc…
But on one of the girls desks… there is a coffin ā°ļø… it is baby sized ā¹ļøš really small… fits right on a desk.
There is no baby or anything in it currently… but I know we have a few babies š¢ aww
The coffin kinda took me back a minute.
Sometimes things kinda???… not really surprise me… but kinda freeze me? Just for a minute.
We had twins awhile back… they were still in utero… so those coffins were maybe the size of a shoe box? All fancy like a normal coffin- but almost like a small toy? A replica?
This one is larger… like for a infant that had been actually born… or a toddler.
Is fancy… and all white.
It is probably the rental coffin for the viewing … is scheduled for cremation. So Iām sure the care center has the baby currently.
Awww ā¹ļø certain things I donāt like, but I guess thatās life.
Sometimes I donāt expect when I walk in. So kinda freezes me for a minute. But again is life.
I am going to have to remember things for when my mom dies.
Just ya know that this is how life works… everyone has losses.
I think I can handle her loss – but then I also think I canāt – cause thatās my mom…
I kinda hope this job helps me through that later šš
You do kinda see … life (or death) is just going to happen whether you want it to or not.
I am trying to absorb these things to aid me later – š¤ I hope
Ok back to work. āļø
Learning Life 
Yeah, death is a very sad fact of life unfortunately.
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Yeah, Iāve had a lot of losses… one right after the other… the one I am afraid of is my mothers death. She has Alzheimerās… so I kinda lose her little by little anyway – but I want her and I miss her … so that one is going to shake me a little… or a lot – she is the core of my heart ā¤ļø
I still have her, so I cherish she is still here every moment.
I just look ahead because I feel for āmeā… I have to brace? That will be a shockwave loss to me… the kind that brings you to your knees? I hate losing her as it is.
Just being selfish. I will let her go… I am just scared of that loss.
I am just trying to brace myself.
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Hey, I have for the last 10 minutes been looking for a quote from one of my favorite authors to share with you bout death, but not found it yet. I will send it once i do and hopefully it brings you some comfort in losing a mum. and you still have your mum, and I wish her a long life, but I also would like to share it with you. Stay tuned.
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ā¤ļøš„°ā¤ļø thank you very much… I will watch for it š
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OK, here is the quote from Maya Angelou to her mother who was in a coma and dying:
“I’ ve been told some people need to be given permission to leave. I don’t know if you are waiting, but I can say you may have done all you came here to do. You ‘ve been a hard worker … You have been a ship-fitter, a nurse, a real estate broker, and a barber. Many men and — if memory serves me right — a few women risked their lives to love you. You were a terrible mother of small children, but there has never been anyone greater than you as a mother of a young adult.”
I don’t know about you, but this brings me so many emotions, hopefully you can relate.
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I absolutely LOVE Maya Angelou!!! She had a BRILLIANT mind!! And heart to match ā¤ļø
That is very beautiful!!!
Itās funny you say that because I had a woman yesterday who had to tell her father it was ok to go.
It was a case where the father had always taken care of everything for all of them?? Especially his wife … so he needed to hear that. He was fighting off death. (Itās amazing the body can hold on like that, just goes to show you āmind over matterā sometimes)
He passed shortly after she said that. I can understand the holding on feeling… holding on to life.
When I had cancer… the doctors told me ālet go of your life, you need all your fight for this, let your life goā oh boy lol
I had a hard time with that, I fought it… how do you let go of life???? …but the cancer fight was exhausting – I couldnāt do both… and finally I let go… and I am cancer free now and rebuilding life again. So I can understand how hard it is to let go from both ways.
I wonāt need to give my mom permission. She misses my dad. She feels like when she dies, she gets to be with him again ā¤ļø and they both be free together forever
So I wonāt need to tell her she can go… sheās excited to be beside him again one day
Alzheimerās is a really mean disease … makes you watch them go š And essentially it teaches you to let them go… their mind slowly leaves and you are left just with the body. So it teaches to let go, itās just hard to watch them go. I want to cling to her, but I canāt.
My heart is just soft and my mom is the core of my heart. So I hate watching her go, and knowing I am losing her. Bleh
I only feel like that because Iām watching a HUGE part of my heart walk away. I have to let it go…
So maybe Alzheimerās is my mercy? I have time to say goodbye and let go? That was and is going to be a hard loss. But she walks away slowly, so I am not completely crushed?
When she dies – Iāve lost all my upper family – she is the last one of the ones who raised us. In the past 3 years, I lost all of them. Shockingly
So the hardest and the final one is her. But I get to have that slow. So I can absorb it? I have time to process before the loss, the others I didnāt have that.
So is almost mercy ??
Thank you so much for your comfort ā¤ļøā¤ļøā¤ļø … you have a very beautiful and caring heart š„°
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You post broke my heart especially that you lost all your Immediate family. You are definitely a strong girl. Lots of hugs your way.
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Yeah itās been a rough couple years. Heart was broken quite a bit.
But I also love life… and thatās how life goes. You can love, but you have to be ok to let go.
Which is why so important that when you love someone or they are special/important to you.. cherish every moment cause you never know when you have to let go.
I am also a mother myself. So I am allowed to grieve, but I still have to be a mom myself. I donāt want to waste my time with sadness, instead of cherishing moments with them. I have to be strong.
So itās ok… I am strong šŖ i have my own kids ā¤ļø
Death does happen, and life does go on.
My spirit is very strong – my heart not so much lol āļøš
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I can tell you are a strong girl with a very positive attitude to life.
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Thank you š„°ā¤ļø
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You are very welcome.
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