Today I went to that other funeral home.

Oh wow, I was impressed – they got their shit together … granted we just obtained 3 and are trying to reorganize.

But I liked it a lot cause they seem thorough and ocd like me. They were way more on it! I’m surprised… but maybe that’s because we have 3 and it’s been crazy? And we have some who cause issues…

I adore my district manager – she’s really awesome!! I really like her. She is strong… but I would put my foot down more

But that is easy for me to say… there is hiring and firing freeze due to corona so that makes it tough… she is in a bad position.

They need to allow hiring and firing!! That essential. Without it – is all crazy!!

A man answered the door at this funeral home 😮 he let me in … and then I said I’m from … and rambled off all 3 funeral home names lol … he laughed and then introduced me to the woman I be training with… I liked her a lot… very very by the book and thorough!! I liked the way she explained and also did things – very clear.

So that went well ✌️

Then I came home and changed – cause I was dressed up … it was hot… I didn’t wanna wear tons of stuff lol ✌️😄 too hot for that!! I do want clothes – just not much lol

Then ugh I guess time to deal with the car… so I took it to that guy… I said look just look at it and say what you think – I don’t trust him. Not in the slightest… I don’t even know why I went. But if he wants to look at it – whatever

So he looked but not very well… he glanced and then drove it himself – and then says – it’s fine.

Alright then, that was a waste of time… but I don’t have time to deal with that… so I said thank you and left. Done and done.

Still not talking to my girlfriend. I am still mad. It takes a lot to make me mad and she hit that. So whatever … I am very umm chill … not a lot bothers me…

But that whole thing… that bothered me… going behind my back… and then disregarding how I felt – I would never have done that to her.

So whatever

I work at the new job tmrw … they are gonna test drive me 😄😄 see how I handle lol …

I got that… gonna blow them away. Watch me 😘✌️ I have this in the bag. I couldn’t be more positive! Lol … all sure of myself lol ✌️

I just have no doubt… so I got this ❤️ very confident

So… that’s tmrw. After that I am going to return the rental 😝

I was able to drive my own car ok today… so I’m just going to see how goes…

I figure… if I can just get it to last a little bit longer… I be golden…

When I do land this new job… I’ll be able to get a new car shortly anyway. I’ll just be careful until then. If it dies – I’ll deal with it then… if I have any problems, I’ll pull over and start to handle at that point

I’m gonna push it 😘✌️

www.youtube.com/watch

Let see how this goes 🙏 just a little longer … c’mon “pos” you can do that for me 🙏 don’t let me down!!!

Anyway… so I will do that tmrw.

I’m gonna miss that bad ass fast car Oh my god! How hot is that… summer, fast car Oh my god! Yeah I love summer and also fast cars lol

www.youtube.com/watch

I will aim… but for now I have to go back to this…

www.youtube.com/watch

Wahhh … I love the song… but I just like it fast! No take it easy!! Full throttle ❤️✌️

It was NOT quiet today!!! Oh my god! I was chained to my desk literally all day long!!

I didn’t even have lunch / I didn’t have time! Was insane

We have a slacker girl… she does nothing… and if she does do anything is less than half ass… I feel like this…

www.youtube.com/watch

Ughhh!! She’s totally like that!!!

She literally does nothing – because not only is there a “hiring freeze” due to corona … there is also a “firing freeze” too!! Same reason

I am doing MY job and hers!! I can not do both.

During dinner I was sharing stories with my daughter …

And suddenly she asks me … “is this girl “Karen’s” daughter?” LOL!! Oh my god! Out of the mouth of babes lol

Fricken 13 yrs old – better morals/better work ethic!!

For those who do not understand that reference…

A Karen is a pejorative term used in the United States for a woman perceived as entitled or demanding beyond the scope of what is appropriate or necessary. A common stereotype is that of a white woman who uses her privilege to demand her own way at the expense of others

This girl… TOTALLY Karen’s daughter!!! I almost choked when my daughter said that lol

I work on the crazy train…

www.youtube.com/watch

Anyway… my drive home was amazing ❤️ … kick ass AC… boomin bass and again the lead foot … I have a major issue lol … do not give me a fast car!! That is a very bad idea!!

www.youtube.com/watch

Are all women like this? Or just me? Cause Oh my god! Yes please!!

Anyway… that was a crazy day!!

I am home now… so stationary until tmrw ✌️😘

I must never buy a fast car!! I will have to remind myself that constantly!

Ugh I will enjoy while I can… my POS (POS stands for piece of shit lol) I will have that fixed soon. Then back to normal..

Dude that speed, that smoothness – don’t give that to me!! I want it!! That is bad!! I have a problem lol

Ok reading for little while

Gnite 😘❤️✌️

Ok … at work. All is well… no one died – bonus!!!

So let’s see it was 90 degrees at 7am!!! But it looks like it’s going to rain – my app says this area supposed to have a thunderstorm!! Oh my god! Yes please – bring that thunder and lightening strikes ❤️❤️❤️ real big and loud…

It won’t happen lol … it’s just the heat. I want it really bad so it will hold off and bring the heat instead … but ooohh a nice big thunder and lightening storm at a funeral home… how thrilling does that sound???

Hardly anyone is out today lol… so things that keep people at home are corona and heat lol Oh my god!

Also… this car… yeah I’m kinda in love… probably not a good thing… because I have a lead foot 🦶 lol

The car drives soooo smoothly – and I love speed … I always imagine what it must be like to drive in Germany… Germany has that Autobahn area – I’ve known about that all my life lol… we have speed limits here (or aka suggestions lol – kidding kidding)

But the car drives really smooth and it doesn’t seem like I am flying. I have to be careful cause I enjoy it WAY too much

The car has speed, it has bass Oh my god! Thump thump went my heart! ❤️ I just love that so much!!!

It needs to stop being so hot so I can fix my car!!!! I don’t want to do that at midnight!!!

I did have to watch my speed this morning 😮 cause is just like butter – so smooth ❤️ 😮

How do you fix a lead foot? Cause it also excites me which is bad!!!! Very very bad

Well whatever – I am stationary now at work lol… 😘✌️

I sort of dressed funeral home ISH today… knew was gonna be hot – have a really awesome black tank top on / the straps have gold buckles ❤️ it’s wicked cute!! And then a mini skirt cause I am not doing pants!!! And nothing that’s gonna hold heat in… I still have black jacket in case anyone should show up – but should be quiet 🤐 🤫

Bring on the heat… don’t take my power 😳🙏

Ok I be back later ✌️

🏎🏎🏎🏎🏎

I got into a disagreement with my girlfriend… I flat out asked her if she told that man behind my back.

And she admitted. I told I didn’t appreciate that cause now opens up a whole big thing.

She said you are so close to standing up … if he is willing to do things for you or help you get a car, you should do that. You can handle him. Just use him for that.

🤨🤨🤨 handle him???? Use him?? Wtf – I don’t want to “handle” or use people! I don’t do that.

She starts in on – I am praying about it and blah blah blah.

And then she says no one tells me what I can and can’t do.

I said … I’m not trying to tell you what you can or can’t do… but as a friend I would appreciate it that if it involves MY life – you check with me or discuss with me first. I have my reasons

And she said “declined”

So I said “ok then” and that’s it.

I am mad at her for that. She thinks she is in the right. I don’t

Dammit.

And he text me this morning cause he knows I work far from where I live.

And then also, this is his “in” 🤨 I feel uncomfortable with that.

I am in need. So my caution level is extremely high!! I don’t want to use him or have this big thing…

He text me again this morning and said he’s willing to look at the car, but he is out of town until tmrw night.

I didn’t know what to say so I just said…

Look I am furious with my girlfriend for saying anything to you. That was not her place. I try very hard to do things on my own. But I appreciate that.

If I buy the part are you willing to help?

I just don’t want any pressure, and I want to be upfront with where I stand. I worry will be a thing.

He said let me just look at it first. Do not buy any part until I look at it.

I don’t feel very comfortable in this arrangement at all. I don’t like this one bit.

I am still mad at her. I know I can’t trust her with things now. She should have spoken to me first and had a discussion – this involves MY life.

I am still mad, I feel what she did was wrong and not her place. I turn to HER with my things … and now she just takes it upon herself to put me in these positions.

I don’t ever try to tell her what to do… but don’t steer my life… it is MY life – I am handling

And with the pressure that is on my shoulders currently – she just added more.

So whatever.

I am at ugly walls today – I already had someone come in to pick up a death certificate. Just as I was opening too… I didn’t have my jacket on nothin lol

Oh well – it is already hot out!!! Gonna be 110 today!!

This place is very hard to open!! My place and haunted mansion are so simple!!!

They didn’t give me the alarm code so I had to ask others luckily someone had it – This is first time opening this place…

And then there is another code to another door – I didn’t know that one either – but after I shut off alarm I went in another way.

And then the phones 🤨 I have to go to a website change the stats – it’s this whole big ordeal. Oh my god!

At the other places I just press *73 and takes the phones off call forwarding. Easy!!

It took me until 830 to get this place up and running!! I was here at 7:50!! Took me that long!

But whatever – it’s done and open. I have to get back to work, I have a ton of stuff to do!!!

I be back at some point.

Hopefully I can close this place properly 😮😳🙏

That was a little rough at first.

I am a communicator… so I like to deal with issues and clear them out… some people just want to let it fly away or bottle.

If I don’t communicate it will fester and grow larger…

I have to communicate, deal with, then let go. Then is free and not issue.

But it was emotional – we all cried. We don’t see the same.

They see it as taking sides between their mother and father… they are in the middle.

I see different… I see it as one person hurting and doing wrong to another – no matter who the person is. If someone is being mistreated you don’t just let that happen.

But they are in a odd position, I’m not going to see their way, I understand their position, I just don’t view it like that because they wouldn’t have to hide anything in first place it wasn’t dirty …and they aren’t going to see my way. They are stuck between the two they say. So whatever

My oldest was upset I said I didn’t trust, and cried because I said it broke my heart – which it did, and they can’t see it… so whatever

So … we talked and cried… all of us… but we hugged and moved on cause it was at a impasse. I won’t put them in the middle then. Do your thing

It’s not that I want them to pick sides but I suppose in a way is like that, but this wouldn’t be the position if their father wasn’t so brutal in the first place so… like I said whatever

I still feel really hurt, and I also feel like… I can’t share things with them now…

So badly I wanted to tell them all about this new job – I am excited and they are my worlds. But I don’t want to tell them anything they feel they can’t speak freely about or feel they have to hide from anyone and I don’t want their father somehow come after me with this new job and destroy that or try to come after me for any reason – I definitely do not trust him.

So I didn’t tell them ☹️💔 that kinda hurts – I am so excited about it … but I can’t speak of it. 💔

And my oldest has been there for me when I have needed him … cause that came up… but it is not his place and that is hard for me cause I struggled so much. And ya know, I’m the mom… I take care of them… not them take care of me

Anyway… so I didn’t say anything about the job. That was hard. But if they feel they are in the middle then I don’t want that from my end. So I’ll just be silent. 💔

We dropped it, and then they wanted to play Dungeons and Dragons… I don’t really get it – I do… but eh. Is ok, I was too tired and hot and emotional from earlier

Then… my girlfriend… the one I’m always close with… I trust her cause she has been there for me. Through alot!!

I had called her and told her about my car while was happening… cause I wasn’t sure what to do. She is smart

She told me to call this man, I know have him fix it for me…

Nope not doing that. Cause he “likes me” and ya know I don’t want that… I don’t want to bother and then have it open a can of worms.

I told her no not doing that, I’ll figure out.

So while I’m with the kids, my phone is buzzing. It was him… talking about my broke down car and the only way he would know would be her.

I am very private – if I say no, I have reasons. She is aware of this.

So when I responded to him… I said how is probably master cylinder? Or something like that … then I asked, how did you know about that anyway?

And he went silent.

Maybe 15 minutes later she texts me and asks how went and how things go with kids.

She’s the only one of my friends that knows this guy.

I have had suspicions that she tells him things ? But I really didn’t think she would… cause she is MY friend. Why would you give my info like that when I already say not to and I didn’t want that – I was very adamant

But there is no other way he could have known. And then she text me so soon after his… and right after I asked, how he knew.

So she is feeling out if she’s in trouble or not. I didn’t not respond – was after 9pm – in bed already

Yeah she just lost my trust – not telling her anything else. ☹️ I will be careful now

There is no other way he could have known.

This is why I am protective and silent. I can trust, but don’t break that cause I go silent.

Some people are really awesome and amazing… some you have to be careful with.

And also… sometimes there are people I do have caution with… like the police officer I asked for the professional reference from…

He’s that one that would always try to take me out or want to date… I am careful – and he is a friend. I do enjoy his personality and out of all my police – he knows me the best… which is again why I use caution, I enjoy him and our humor matches perfectly …

But he has a playboy rep… I know this. And he’s flirty. Very very flirty lol … but he is a good friend and I think whatever he said to this job – landed it!

Their words have heavy weight in the positions I use them in. Like the school and this one with the politicians. Of course that’s gonna have weight. I know that and I chose that because I know can land it for me.

Anyway, he also knows what’s going on with things – cause he’s the one I ask what to do with.

So whatever … he was supportive through it all. Before the kids came – I thanked him

I just texted and said “I don’t have a lot of time and can’t really talk currently… but I wanted to tell you, thank you for being supportive and confidential… and thank you for being a good friend to me”

Right away he text back and say…

Anytime and anything for you. I miss your face – have a good weekend!

He is a really good friend, I do actually trust him to be a friend and be caring. He is actually.

It just that playboy rep that makes me have little bit of caution with him.

I do really like his friendship though – appreciate very much.

So whatever. I have to absorb these things – all of it is running through my mind. Not sure exactly how I feel.

Trust is a big thing to me… so it just is.

Anyway, the heat today, and then such really high emotions of excitement and thrill… and then crying with the kids, and not seeing eye to eye… I do understand… but I hate not sharing with them. I feel I can’t now. I don’t like that but if they feel in middle I don’t want that. I will be silent so they don’t hurt or have to chose or carry secrets.

And then the car stuff …

I am exhausted – my eyes can’t even stay open. I work at ugly walls tmrw. All by myself – hopefully a quiet day 🙏🙏🙏

Ok I have to close my eyes

I’ll be back tmrw

This entire week been so crazy! I am still thrilled about the job… I just have to show them how I do on phones – then I got that …

Death is leaving my life I guess 😮 this new job would be a good transition back to life? I won’t have to drive all over or so far away.

I’m not going to tell my girlfriend I got that new job sorta … I will keep silent with that too – I just don’t like my information out there when I say no. You don’t need to speak about me behind my back. That is a huge way of giving me caution with anyone.

Ok I have to sleep – my eyes hurt

Gnite 😘✌️

I am going to rent a car until Wednesday … then I’ll be able to handle what’s up with that…

I work all weekend… Saturday Sunday and Monday…

Tuesday I go into the new job at 10am and do some calls… see how that goes – which will go amazing because I am perfect on the phone like that. I have a lot of experience doing that…

So just through Wednesday and then I can figure out the car issue or work on it and check it out before the following weekend

So my problem will be solved – ahhhh ❤️❤️❤️

I am having a really amazing day – this smile will not wipe off my face… too bad I go out with a mask – or I could light up the world ❤️

I have a “permasmile” today ❤️

Best day ever ❤️

***********************

… just got back – rented a car until Wednesday. So that works now I have some time to figure out my own car 🤨

I rocked it today ❤️ I wish every day could be like today – minus the car shit lol ✌️

Always gotta be somethin.

Kids are on their way over 😐 I’m not sure how to react to them yet. I don’t trust them anymore. We will be talking tonight. They will be facing me.

So one more hurdle of the day!

Do you know it’s 106 right now!!!!!!!!!! Tmrw is supposed to be around 110 😳

I’m melting!!!

Oh and the car I rented is a Nissan Altima – Oh my god! I am in love ❤️❤️ that car is bad ass!!! I don’t wanna give it back lol … it’s gonna spoil me!!! I just have to remember “it is not mine” lol

Alright I will be back tonight ✌️

Ok… I have amazing and amazing news… and then I have one bad news …

I’m gonna start with the bad news and end on amazing and amazing ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

You gotta take the good with the bad…

Ok the bad… had car issues on my way home… someone called I pulled off to side – when I went to go again – car was resisting… and then decided wasn’t gonna accelerate

So I pulled over put on hazards … and then checked my oil, checked my coolant, checked everything I know to check… everything was good…

So I got back in the car and started to drive – I went really slow. As I approached a stop sign, I had already reached my country area so no traffic just a car or two…

So as I approached the stop sign, and stepped on the brakes – there was no brake resistance 😮😮😮 I smoked my tires 😮😮😮 damn

Then there was no resistance whatsoever on my brakes – the brakes should be fine they are fairly new / I have had my people working on car – brakes were from maybe a year ago

My brake fluid is absolutely full!!!

So I pulled over propped the hood and googled

Google says possible bad master cylinder 😮

But it said if I pumped the brake I may be able to bleed the line… so I did that and it sorta worked – but I don’t feel safe

My landlords sister met me and followed me home, I might have to borrow a car for the weekend or rent one. Fuck man!!! But ok I’ll deal with it… I’m pretty bad ass anyway – I got this. I can handle. It’s 2020, shit happens

Ok you ready for double amazing – which is why the car isn’t totally freaking me out lol… I’m so thrilled and excited…

Alright so… in regards to court – I got a win ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ I got my continuation – check me out ❤️ am I hot shit or what???? ❤️❤️ I’m so thrilled ❤️

Now I think I am all bad ass…

And as we were getting home with my landlords sister following me … the phone rang – I never answer driving and I was having issues – but I saw where was coming from and recognized the number- it was the job!!!

Oh my god! ❤️❤️❤️❤️ they called me and say they want to move forward with me… and have me come in and work the phones and see how I do!!

Dude!!!! I got that!!! And slam dunk ❤️❤️❤️

Oh my god! If wasn’t for the car I am having best DAY ever!!!!!!

I will solve the car shit… but Oh my god! All my pieces are coming together ❤️❤️❤️

Yes – I think I am pretty bad ass right now!!! Woo hoo!!!!

www.youtube.com/watch

Ok handling some stuff be back