What day is it?? Tuesday?? Ok so 3 more days ✌️

Today was little annoying – corporate want me to find them a restaurant …

Ok no worries … I got it!! Marked off all the criteria they wanted …

The only problem is … it’s a family style buffet type… instead of them serving you they bring large dishes to the table and you take what you want like “family” dinner lol

So they moaned … ok fine … I will look again…

The next one I pick is also Italian but does everything they want and cheaply!! And was eager … and corporate immediately said yuck they didn’t like that place … ok fine…

I will try again …

Then I did some Asian grill … nope not good enough…

Ok fine …

I literally tried everything … maybe 10 different restaurants … I am doing this while I have work backing up on me 🤨

So finally I called MY boss and I said ok they crazy they don’t accept anything and there is nothing else unless they would like Chuckie Cheeses … there ya go…

My boss was mad at them too because it took me away from my job today!!

And what did they pick ?? THE VERY FIRST ONE I SAID!!!

So I wasted all that time while they couldn’t decide on a restaurant

That is not using your resources wisely!! But whatever – they got their restaurant 🤨

So yes … today was little bit annoying with that.

If they so picky – find your own stuff!!!

Whatever ✌️ annoying – I literally have work to do – not look for restaurants!!

And then… someone who is a higher up came to me and said “Trisha listen, here is what I want…”

They gave me instructions incase anything happens to them 😮

They are leaving to take a trip.

Lol … I was both honored they came to me with that and then also… nothing is going to happen – don’t even put that out there … they be fine.

But yes – I have the instructions lol … of course I will take care of them… “Funeral people” they are funny ❤️ we think of death things ✌️ we see it every day.

Also … at my work there are 4 other people WITH MY birthday 😱😱😱

I have never met another with MY birthday … and isn’t it funny all of us are at funeral homes lol

But I am the oldest so I actually own it lol ✌️😘 🤫

I have a birthday story that is pretty funny (to me… it is hilarious ❤️❤️❤️) …

So… when my kids were growing up, I told them all the same story lol ❤️😄 … I swear by it lol ❤️ … eh it’s how I like to look at it ✌️

The Fourth of July 🇺🇸 … starts off my birthday celebration lol … I was supposed to be born on the 4th … but was the only time, ever in my life, I was ever late lol – too late to change the celebration

The boys bought that hook line and sinker and never questioned 🙌 …they just let me have it lol ❤️❤️❤️

But the girl questions lol … she would say “ no mom… that is the celebration of independence”

And I would say “why yes dear, the celebration of my independence from my mother’s womb” 😄😄😄❤️

It makes me laugh every time lol ❤️❤️❤️ it was brilliant 🙌❤️

She would roll her eyes and insist was not my celebration lol … eh I still went with it anyway ❤️ still do lol ✌️

So the celebration starts on the 4th and then I just own the rest of the month lol ❤️❤️❤️ 👑

🙌🇺🇸❤️

It’s awesome ❤️❤️❤️ see why I love summer??? ❤️❤️ that and comfortable clothing, bikinis and warm sun (although ours is really hot 🤨😑)

I have always loved summer the most ❤️❤️ …but the fires are a bit much when they come … and the older I am …the more that extreme heat is a lot 😮

My favorite guy called me tonight and it’s just nice not to worry or anything and it’s just easy… and he has a really sweet heart … and then he makes me laugh soooo much lol ❤️❤️❤️

He is very funny – extremely full of life – makes me laugh constantly. He is like a little kid… he is really sweet, wears his heart on his sleeve and is extremely trusting – he just dives right it… and then he gets hurt every time … I try to tell him go slow – but he can’t help himself that is just how he is.

He is learning lessons … well maybe?? Lol 😄🤷‍♀️

He does not always have a filter lol … but he is hilarious … I am not offended … only when he says things like “forgiveness over permission” 🤨😠

Lol … but he is still a good guy and still funny ❤️ he can be little dramatic … but his dramatics don’t phase me at all? But usually I have to talk him down from something lol … he is very passionate lol – he is very high energy lol ❤️

He just wants to fit in… he is struggling to find where he fits in.

We chatted for little while 😊❤️

Then my girlfriend called and want to know if I can get her a job?

Yes I can do that… so tmrw I will mention I have someone who needs a job … they are looking for attendants. She would do well if she works hard and I think she would. 😊

I’m pretty sure if I mention – they will trust my word. So we see – I will check that tmrw

She won’t directly work with me – but they will send her to my location for services

It’s easy – you just do as the director tells you to do… you usher the family in and help seat them or anything they need. Be there to assist the director and the family.

You are a silent funeral worker who helps the family and director with the services.

You will help load and unload caskets ⚰️ , flowers etc. and help set up.

But it’s pretty easy and you do 4/5 hour chunks of time for a service

You would probably work the viewing the day before …

And then the next day… the funeral service which can be a funeral mass, mercy meal or reception and then the burial itself. It’s all orchestrated and timed. ✌️

An attendant just comes to help the director put that service on. Or whatever else we ask of them. Clean the funeral home, handle the trash – whatever

They always joke they wanna do this: 🙄😄😄

Yeah we would be having a heart attack if you did that lol omg … they always say something about that everytime!!’ 🙄😄😄✌️ do you see why funeral people are hilarious ❤️

So anyway … I will see if they will give her a chance.

She wanted me to come over for my birthday but I don’t want to … I just want my birthday myself ✌️❤️ I will have my kids ❤️

We have a mess at work btw…

So my boss just went on vacation… gone til 15th and I’m in charge of executive decisions 😮✌️

Then the boss above that is going on vacation … one funeral home has the directors going on vacation and when they come back the office manager will be gone – she quit 😮

And then I round out the week by going on vacation myself (I only took 3 days but will be 5 cause a weekend right there)

But I don’t know if I can take that vacation … because omg do you realize how difficult that be ???

Plus is month end 😮😮😮

And that’s about it. I have to go to bed. I leave really early now because too many people … the earlier I go … the better it is 🙌❤️

Otherwise if I go on time – traffic is horrific!! So I go early lol ✌️ … smooth sailing

❤️ yeah I leave early ❤️

Gnite 😘

Ok so Monday! Whew! Whatever. It’s was just really constant busy. That’s hard!

Nothing new, half full board… but I have several imminent’s

Sometimes, the family will call us PRIOR to a death… if they know it is coming.. and they know they want to use us, or they have a preneed with us, they will sometimes call ahead of time, so that we can expect it.

That way …I can alert my team and the oncall to possibly expect that call. just incase overnight. ✌️

Plus we can take information prior to the death, so that when the death occurs – we can be right on it. ✌️

And when you suffering a loss and grieving … the last thing you want to do it think of information. So sometimes they call ahead of time, so we ready to go when it does happen.

So I have a few of those.

Anyway… work was busy busy busy and I have services services services … and end of month and people going on vaca… just so much

Oh and then they have someone in mind for the office manager job at the other location. 😳

It’s my part timer… ok…

They tell me… show her the position and then tell us your recommendation.

I will show her but I can not give my recommendation 😮

I am all for being supportive – but I will be honest also.

First of all… she is not driven enough… the job would swallow her… not to mention the funeral home she would be at… and the director she would work with 😮 he would eat her alive!! 😮

He expects you to be on it always … she will know nothing and then that will fall on my shoulders – and I don’t mind helping but I am still wobbly myself!!!

And then if that be my recommendation that be on my head …

I honestly do not think that is the funeral home job for her.

If it was the smaller one maybe … but this is the biggest and most beautiful and serves the Land Park area

She has to actually work… because that’s another thing… it is not easy and corporate is tough – she’s not gonna know anything and I’m still learning myself!!

I can’t depend on her either – I can’t trust that she won’t call out 😷 or come in and then be sick or have something where she has to leave. It makes me nervous if she going to work or not… I have to be ready to find coverage or deal.

You can not do that!! She can NOT be calling out with that position!! I don’t trust it. And I don’t need to be doing someone else’s work.

So. Like I said, I will show her – but it is not easy and she will have to be on it with that location – I think it would eat her alive

If you want a position like that then you MUST be dependable! I can not trust she is.

I do not want it to crash and burn… it could be massive problems and I don’t want it dumped on my shoulders or my name.

She hasn’t proven to me that she could do the job or that she would be a strong team player.

So whatever – if they gonna ask my opinion – I’m gonna tell em

It sucks because I want to be supportive of another woman who is in same position I was… but again I can’t trust she will not be sick or have some problem…

And then she doesn’t do some of the things I ask her to. Which I have to speak to her about.

I shouldn’t have to keep saying and I should be able to count on my staff/team … I can’t hand that over to a top notch funeral home 😮 …he would have my head! Oh that would be awful

So whatever. I don’t think she could handle.

I like her as a person – but as a part timer – she has not been on it … how am I gonna recommend her for this massive position 😮 oh boy!!

Yeah no

I want to know …how much you want it… show me what I’m workin with ✌️

I wanna see how hungry you are … when I say jump you say how high – I did it. We all do…

And you HAVE to be devoted and strong with the team!! I don’t know that she is – she won’t survive at that location if she is not.

I just don’t believe it is a good move.

I can’t need to count on her and have her calling out!! Or not trust if things be done.

You need those things!!

I do not want a huge mess on my shoulders! I say no. I think that be problems.

So they can either listen to me or not… whatever …

They know I say honestly and they know my work ethic.

That location needs a strong dependable manager. I can not say that is her. 😔

Anyway whatever

And then what else … oh I have not heard from CB… but that’s alright … I figure… it took me some time to think it over …

Because I thought … am I ok if he leaves my life? Am I ok with that?

Well he’s not really in my life to begin with?? He is or was … on text mostly… because I am busy and he is busy.

But I felt like… without emotions – then what is the point of having in life?

And I am definitely not allowing someone without emotions to come close…

I do believe that is a dealbreaker

So… if he wants that – I am not the one.

And even as a friend now, I feel weird and guarded – silent ✌️

I used to text funny things – but I haven’t …

I will go to do that… but then I stop, then just don’t. I have been silent … until yesterday

I had to think if it be ok, if he were gone…

Since he is not a huge part of my life… and he does not want emotions … and I handle my own life…

Then what’s he there for?

I am fine with it… I am not willing to do no emotions ✌️😘

I am emotions… and I work in emotions so… yeah… that’s a dealbreaker ✌️

If he retracts … well I haven’t thought that far lol ✌️… I only thought about loss 😮😮😮

But whatever – we see.

I think he will walk away – that’s what I think anyway? But I think he will.

I have a girlfriend that dates ALOT… and then tells me all about it – whether I want to hear or not lol

I usually do not lol … but I listen – whatever

Anyway… she said she broke up with one and started dating another immediately after 😮

And the one she broke up with got mad at her … but HER reply to him was “well I’m not gonna be alone” 😮😮😮

Omg

Well whatever

But I tell you that because – I am not afraid to be alone (mostly – don’t ask me when I hear wild animals outside or if there is a big giant spider!)

I don’t need a man to complete me… and if he doesn’t care or doesn’t want to be there – then don’t ✌️

I’m not going to just accept whatever so … whoop there it is…

I just can’t so… That’s a bottom line. I’m very easy going but I can’t do that one thing. Or actually … I am not willing

So he can take some time and think about what he would like his decision to be.

I just don’t want that close to me, in my life – I just can’t. If he chooses that… I can’t keep him.

I don’t want to be guarded and that makes me guarded. ✌️

So… yeah. He can take his time

Or not worry about it at all – whatever

I would rather be done than carry forward like that – I just can’t. That would not be healthy for me.

Definitely dealbreaker.

So… that is my thinking on that ✌️

Ugh 😑 Monday

Ok. Well then…

I messaged CB… yeah only text.

I am not a phone person and I never see him.

I am clarifying.

I told him it bothered me… And that I already experienced a man without emotions in my life and I don’t want to do that again- so I directly asked is that what you want?

So we see.

I just can’t – not even as a friend – we have been friends

The past week, there were many times when I would have sent something funny… but I stopped because “why do that?” It has halted me!! 😮

I just can’t

I think that’s a deal breaker for me… I can’t function like that.

So whatever. I want to handle now. Because my birthday is coming and I don’t want anything

✌️

Anyway… we see what happens … I feel better ❤️✌️ relief …cause one way or the other – I have peace ❤️ much better 🙌

I have said my peace ❤️

Anyway … it was really hot today!! Oh boy was it hot!! Omg

I went and ran my errands… I like my new little Sunday schedule

When I got home the neighbor is out … the man one lol … he is just sitting on a chair in front of his house just watching me bring in a million things – every so often he would comment on the weather or whatever… and then he says…

“So … I here your moving”

😮😮 only my landlord and you know … I have not told anyone else.

I don’t want to Jinx anything and I don’t want to say until signed and final.

My landlord probably mentioned … my god they don’t miss a beat! 🤨

See I like privacy 🙌 don’t be all up in my business

First of all … I am very boring – you will get no juicy exciting information lol ✌️

Secondly… no need to know my business… why am I being talked about? – I want my things very private.

But whatever … so he asking me about that. Well I don’t want to really say anything … so I just said “hope so, we see”

I was scurrying back and forth with groceries – I can only do little at a time because of that one arm and it was really hot 🥵

But whatever

I was soaked when I got in!! Drenched in sweat!! Ewww!!

I don’t even want to look at the forecast.

Ok – crazy week coming 😳😮 bracing – I never went in – I just couldn’t

So whatever ready? Here comes Monday

It’s gonna be insane. Is month end things that going to be crazy! And then we have the 4th here 😮😮😮❤️❤️❤️ 🇺🇸 🇺🇸 🇺🇸

Yikes crazy week 😮😮😮

I feel silent … I have an odd calm right before Monday’s storm 😮😮 lol ✌️

Yay!!! The 4th is coming ❤️❤️❤️ that is my favorite holiday ❤️

🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸

Or used to be … it’s not like was before covid. We not allowed fire works anymore because of fires (but that I agree with – took them long enough)

But it used to be this amazing all day BBQ and fair – with families and friends ❤️🇺🇸❤️

You celebrate all day and then at night you watch amazing fireworks against the national anthem and sometimes cool pop songs lol ✌️🙌❤️😘

Some displays were incredible

The city is going to have 4th celebration and fireworks

I probably won’t go. It will be packed! I do not like 4th of July traffic!! 😝😝😝

Anyway that’s it just preparing for Monday 😳😮 lol 🙏

I am hot and tired 😴

I might read a little – I feel silent ??

Alright good night 😴🌙💤😘

Good morning ☀️ Happy Weekend 🙌❤️

Although I might have to go into work… either today or tmrw … I am not very motivated to go in today – but we see. I have to do some things around the house… so I wanna do my things first. Then we see. I don’t want to. I might have to? We see

I just have a lot of work… is month end and tons of people going on vacation and I will have a second location shortly

Only for a moment until they can hire another office manager.

So just lots of work… my boss going on vaca too – so I have to run all those reports and things

I don’t think I’m going to go into work today? I need a day. ✌️

I had a very exhausting day yesterday…

Yesterday I talked with a family about grief counseling – they have a very tragic death. They are having a hard time – their hearts are completely broken! 💔

We offer a compassion helpline that has grief counselors to help you process and come to terms with your loss

We offer many things

While I can be gentle comforting and compassionate … I do not have professional training as a counselor … of course I will listen and be there… but the counselors are highly trained in severe cases.

Is ok if you struggle with a loss … it hurts. You are human (hopefully ✌️) death is final… and if the death itself was tragic, that makes it even worse

My heart sincerely breaks for this family 💔 I am so sincerely sorry for their loss

So that was hard. 💔

That’s kinda hard to have the pressure of work itself … and then in this particular case the whole thing sincerely breaks my heart and then to see the family so devastated.

It’s a job …but then you get invested and of course you care for people. It’s not just paperwork and numbers

Well anyway – that was sad and hard. I’m so sincerely sorry for their loss!! 💔😢 🩸

I have a new girl in another department – that has work I do not even deal with… every 2 minutes she is calling, texting or emailing… (that is only SLIGHT exaggeration… it might be every 5 min)

Ok I am doing month end and working with families and losses … I do not mind new questions or helping someone new …

But do not constantly do that… I have to do stuff and I have high pressure!!!

She is too much, relax, it will be fine … she is very very very overzealous – which is GREAT!

But every thought that pops in her head she is calling me with. Ok now … maybe she does not have same pressure I do?

It’s just to the point of when I see her name coming up on the phone… I cringe a little 😮 but only because is so much and I have deadlines.

Gather all your thoughts and questions through the day and then call me with all of them… one call, email or text …many birds 🐦🐦🐦

Yesterday she was constant.

It’s not her… well sorta … because it’s a lot… but the corporation hires new people with no experience in funerals and really suck at training!! Omg!! Across the board

She wants to hit it out of the park – I get it.

I love to help but when you on me constantly to where is effecting “me doing my job” that is hard! If she could save up a few questions and thoughts… and ask me all at once… that is better than constantly every 5 minutes 😮 I do have a job to do … I don’t just sit there

I have deadlines and pressure. I am pulled away by other things also…

I just can’t do every few minutes! That is too much!!

I know she’s learning… so I am trying to keep that in mind and the corporation does not care – but they also want the work done by deadlines so that is my dilemma there.

Yesterday she was just constant all day long – ALL DAY LONG!

So that’s hard too… yesterday was exhausting … mentally and emotionally hard day.

Then I drive an hour to get home…

I had given a family my cell phone number for after hours in case they need me…

And I had to pull over because they were messaging – I want to make sure they are taken care of. ✌️ So I helped them

and I have the kids ONE night “Fridays” is my family night. ❤️ I love Fridays ❤️❤️❤️ I cherish those moments

But I walked in the door last night and the minute I put my stuff down and sighed to be home from that day…

The neighbor began texting my phone 😟… ugh ok …

The neighbor wife seems to always have drama things? Everything is always bad

So my kids are all excited to be with me and play things – spend time as family…

But … she said her sister was diagnosed with breast cancer. How I not help? They don’t know how bad or anything yet, she was really in hysterics… just found out

I can’t drop everything and run over – but I did tell my kids – “I’m sorry I have to help someone… let me just help her”

But I am all calm and I work with death … I am facing losing my own mom…

Also I have to keep my own self very calm. So I am calm.

Plus… I am a realist… I am a dreamer and also very heart ridden and have emotions… but I am a realist

So … I let her vent …

But you have to be strong… you can not let life take you down with things.

If you get too overwhelmed – take one thing at a time – breathe… I can’t say it will be ok- because it might not be.

She has to be strong for sister because “think how scared SHE is” – you face your own mortality …

You need all that energy to fight cancer… be strong. It’s not an easy road!! It’s very emotional!! I still have issues remembering

But it is life. Life still goes on and the world still turns.

There are times in life that it feels so heavy… breathe…

I told her – this is on your plate, it is a moment, be strong – you can do it … make sure understand what is about to come at you…

What I can say is take things one at a time… and also journal… journaling helps … she can get her thoughts and pain out and it’s a release of pressure ✌️

She show me pictures of sister from biopsy … ok let me tell you… when they do those biopsies- expect really awful looking bruising!! It looks horrible – you are black and purple and green and yellow!! The whole breast or areas that biopsied

And you bandaged – so it looks really bad … I have same photos … that is normal. Is trauma to that area.

I showed her the photo of my own biopsies and also I show her the photos from before and after the mastectomy 😢💔 (see that is hard!!)

I had tubes and drains …all that… and my chest was gone and I was all black and purple – those photos are very shockingly emotional.

But it’s ok. I am alive to share those photos … so … it’s gonna be rough… they are going to have to remain strong – you don’t have a choice.

But she is more dramatic because then she tell me all her own problems – which is everything …

She tell me she have money problems … so I said … do you want a job? I can pull strings and with reopening we need people!! I can get her a job in a second if she can work! They trust my recommendations and work. They trust my words so absolutely I can get her a job in a second!!

I know for me… this job working with death really helped me process my own losses somewhat?

It removed the fear and unknown of death? It also helped me grow…

But then she say – she can’t work …too many health problems

And her and her husband are having issues … they didn’t know each other very long and met off Tinder 😮

They have a lot of problems 😮

Before him she bounced around from boyfriend to boyfriend / he had money.. now he has no money. But you create and view your own life… so I don’t know what to say to those things ??

All her problems are nothing if she about to watch her sister have breast cancer.

It is her sister who will need strong support… so she needs to breathe and be stable.

Also I do kinda struggle to handle massive dramatics. Yesterday was so emotionally draining …that the dramatics and hysteria she was trying to have, was too much for me …

It was at end of day and I am so already drained myself

I instantly try to calm and get her to focus.

When I first got diagnosed… i had just lost my father, grandfather. I sort of also just lost my mother to Alzheimer’s at that time.

I remember being by myself… I wasn’t allowed to tell my mom, because they said it could loop her in a terror memory – I couldn’t do that to her… so I stayed silent and went by myself.

I remember sitting with the doctors and surgeons … and they were explaining everything to me and using medical terms – as if they didn’t really speak “English”… only “Doctor”

They were just going to rush me into surgery and all these things

My head spun… and the whole time I just sobbed in front of them while they spoke… they would stop and ask if I was ok… yes I am … I can’t control the crying so just speak – I hear what you say

That is how my first meeting on that went

And I went to the car… sobbing still and called my aunt who calmed me down… and she was a nurse so I told her all the words and she calmly walked me through that…

That calmness helped ❤️ so I remember that

I just have to watch my own emotions too. ✌️

It is ok to release the pain and cry or get upset … let yourself do that… it’s ok to be a puddle.

That is a pressure release / and you human … that’s ok.

Take a breathe

When you calm,.. Take one issue at a time… if you take them all at once – you will overwhelm yourself and you won’t be able to function or handle.

You handle one issue at a time … you know what you are facing. Get ready!! It’s not gonna be easy and you are going to need strength and fight!!

I used to fight the doctors when they would tell me to give up my life to fight this… they used to tell me will take everything I have… and it did – I thought I could do it all and handle it… I could not… I had to put my life on hold… my life was only doctors and hospitals for a couple years.

And you also have to remember – life is going to happen… you are going to have REALLY amazing moments and REALLY sucky moments

There are going to be joyous births and amazing things 🙌… but is also going to be death and sucky things

That is how life does… life is a balance

And always cherish what you have – never forget that!!!!!!

You have ONE life (cause you don’t know what happens after that- could be nothing at all) …

How do you want your life?

Cherish cherish cherish!!

So anyway … I couldn’t run over – I had my kids – and I needed to have them. Fridays mean a lot to me!! I also need to keep my own self stable ✌️

The day was not mine yesterday at all!!

I didn’t have a lot of time devoted to kids yesterday.

My oldest went out to dinner this week with all his old friends … the ones he’s been friends with since elementary ❤️

Awwwww … I see them all as little boys still lol … even though some have kids 😮 they were good boys lol ❤️

I was asking about how they all are !!! Awww 🥰 crazy to me that they all are grown men lol (but not really because I still see little boys lol) 🤷‍♀️

So that was funny. We played a few games.

I have not decided what to do with CB yet… but I don’t understand him very well… sorta …

He says one thing and does another? It confuses me?

Tells me he want no emotions – ok well … welcome to life ✌️😘

And I’m probably NOT the person for you, if that is what YOU want.

But then ACTS like he has emotions. Texting me about hoping my day is amazing and things like that…

Ok so what are you doing? What do you want?

I’m gonna need you to speak honestly so I know what I am looking at or what will come at me. I don’t want these little games

I don’t want complicated or confusing… either you want or you don’t – which is it?

Make a decision or I will make it for you ✌️ he is walking a dangerous line.

I have my own issues and things … but I will put them aside and see if it might be worth it… he’s always been amazing with me so I just see

But the no emotion thing makes me want to just not have in my life. If no emotions then he can easily hurt, and nope 👎 sorry no… makes me want to instantly step away.

But then he does those sweet things, so what are you doing???

Which way is it??? That is who I am. I don’t ride without emotions. He knows this so… 🤷‍♀️

I have my own issues that go right up against his… his Satan’s are female … he has 2 that really devastated him

I only have one – but I get it.

But he is not dealing with them… he is dealing with me…

So I don’t know. I don’t like complicated or confusing.

He is going to have to be honest and direct here and if he can’t then “there it is” … I’m gonna need that!! He can’t be scared of me or emotions.

I just want peaceful – no emotions to me is not peaceful… because then I don’t trust won’t hurt and also he won’t be able to give me what I want then.

But if that’s too much for him, I understand. That also means, I have to back away.

I am just confused because he says one thing, but does another

We just have to talk – I will have to find some time. I am not in a rush because I never see him …so we see

I know I have my own issues… I am nervous too… but whatever I will take a risk if is worth it?

If he can’t or doesn’t want to take that risk – then ok. Got it. understood.

So what do you want? You better know 💋✌️

Here … my 2 favorite old songs lol ❤️✌️:

Careful not to sabotage something you want, or could be amazing so …

You just be careful – know someone …

He has known me forever so …

And let me also say this…

I have amazing people surrounding me ❤️❤️❤️

Currently my life is pretty amazing … but shhh 🤫 … don’t let life know – I don’t want it to not be amazing lol ✌️

I enjoy my life even though I work work work… I enjoy every moment (maybe not so much “the meetings” ✌️😘)

But I love my moments ❤️

I am not going to be some woman at his mercy … in any aspect… I am a strong woman

It is my humanity, gentleness and softness – where people misjudge my strength 😘✌️

So… do you know how to handle that??

I don’t care to go with any other boys or whatever … but you better remember – you don’t own me. Don’t try to control or manipulate – that will go very badly.

But then also this song … lol…

I am not in love, because I do not feel at ease with him there. … and even to remain in my life as a “friend” … I need direct and honest at least!! I need very clear!

The people who I pull close in my life are extremely special to me – otherwise they aren’t close. I’m just very careful …

Obviously I think he is a good person and is special …because if I didn’t …he would not even be so close!! But if that is not what he wants then ok – let me step back.

I am not sure if ..I don’t understand him because he is country? ..Or because he is a man? ..Or could it be because he is a Trump fan? (lol sorry sorry sorry!!!!) But maybe? Could be combo of all of that lol

I want peace… so if is going to be too hard for either one… it’s not good.

So whatever.

Ahhhh see why I always say that 🙌❤️ whatever 💋 such a beautiful word ❤️ ✌️

Just like “we see”

I have words that I love ❤️✌️

I’m gonna end on that note – I be reading shortly – almost done (just having lunch lol) ✌️

Just a little reminder ✌️

On my way to work this morning…

I was about 10 minutes away from work…

I was coming up to a red light – I was the only one coming up to the intersection (normally is busy but was so early) the other direction, crossing me – was busy.

As I slowed to stop for the red light … I was still pretty far back…

But at the intersection … I see a little car completely FLY around the corner to take the turn 😮😮😮

She hit the median and tried to correct herself – but her rate of speed was insane and she bounced off the median – turned the wheel sharply… and went flying into someone’s fence 😮😮😮

So I pulled over and made sure she was ok… she was really shaken and upset… we called police and I gave them and her my info because I saw the accident

Whoa 😳😮

It was like watching a movie in slow mo… but again her rate of speed for that turn was not ok or proper 😮😮 she was flying, literally 😮 she is soooo lucky!!!

I have never watched an accident happen right in front of me 😮😮😮

The whole front end of her vehicle is smashed 😮😮

She is very lucky!!! Thank god she was not hurt!!! I don’t want to see that!!

So …. Friday 😳😳

Alright then – so it begins – hopefully everyone makes it through Friday!! 🙏🙏🙏

Oh and one more thing…

I love speed yes … but … you can’t just speed around like a race car driver like that 😮 trust me … I would love too… one day I gonna go to Germany lol ❤️ ✌️ ~dreams~ lol

SLOW YOUR ROLL!!

Don’t go dying on Friday 😮

Ok I was early but I have to get to work, we open soon

So I have been thinking about CB… I have some thoughts on that…

Ok … so … I don’t think he is right … and sure … if he wants the label “friend” sure.

And he will always be someone special to me… always.

But I am having a really hard time with that statement “no feelings” – that’s not me at all.

And I do feel for and care for my friends… I will feel. So …

He IS amazing… and he treats me really sweet …

I am hung up on his “no feelings” … so.

I can’t have that in my life.

So that is hard for me. He is special to me, and I still like him… but I don’t want him in my life? 😮

Sure I can be friend … but he lives far away… we never see each other… we are both busy … so ??? What?? Just be like “heeeeyyy, s’up?” 🙄

See, that would require “feelings and caring” so?? 🤷‍♀️

What would be the point?

I see no point to life without feelings and caring. 😮 cause then ok … I don’t have to care about it then and I will avoid – it puts him in that category 😮 … so how be friends?

I just can’t get past those words.

So whatever – he liked Trump anyway ✌️😘

He wants to stay in my life – but I don’t know if I can do that??

I feel like I can’t – I feel like I just wanna walk away 😮😮 I really do!

It’s sooooo weird… I really like him… but then at that very same time – I don’t want him in my life now? Just that flipped a switch 😮😮

NEVER EVER tell me that lol

I want away from him with that … so whatever – he can be friend – but for what reason? He is not a part of my life really…

Stop saying wanna see me

I don’t understand

I just don’t want anyone close in my life who can’t feel …

But that’s his choice so ok. I will try not to completely ice out but I do that. I just go silent – because I know I don’t want it in my life. 😮

He doesn’t want me to do that but then how do I not? It just does …especially with that ✌️

He’s been trying to stop me from going silent on him since my surgery. I like him. He sweet and kind and gentle but again no feelings – so that just shut it all right down. 😮 I can’t process… so it can’t be close to me and I do not actually want that in my life at all.

I have too much in my life for something with no feelings … I just don’t have time for that

And I don’t understand it either – so whatever – I like silence anyway 😘✌️

Without feelings – I don’t even want him to be my friend 😮😮

That is like total repel lol

Lol … so yeah don’t come around me with that no feelings crap ✌️ … I’m sorry … I just can’t

And if he can’t get past his “whatever it is” – then ok.

Anyway. My meetings both went well …

With yesterday’s meeting – quick synopsis – I am no longer the phantom that people have not met lol …

I really really enjoyed that!! ❤️ I loved being unknown ❤️ …

,.. but now they all know me lol 🙄 … the fun is over 🤨 … they only knew or heard my name – but not many meet me until yesterday lol

They were like: 😱 she does exist lol 😄

I got a lot of info and perspective

Also… 😳 I am taking on another location. 😮 … one just lost office manager …So I will help until they find new – that better be quick!!

Today’s meeting also went well.

I was nervous but went really good!! My people are still happy and safe … we are going to try something 🙌

So… it was good day. Also very beautiful!!

By weekend we will be back in the 100’s 😩

Ugh 🤦‍♀️

Ok … more heat 🥵

I can’t stay… I have to do some paper work on house before bed

Tmrw is Thursday so almost Friday ❤️ week is almost over 🙌

I will be back soon 🔜

Good night 😘💤🌙😴❤️

Ps… I’m sooo tired!! My sleep is lacking this week!! 😮

Killed me! 😵😵‍💫🤕

Whoa! Lol

Actually … wasn’t terrible but just one of those “crappy start to finish” days 😝

That would be called “Murphy’s Law” Day ✌️ … anything that CAN go wrong, WILL 🤨

But add to that – I did not feel put together or on top of my game 😮😝 … I did not like today lol ✌️

Today beat me up!! Hard! Ugh

So … no power + no water = no shower 😱… no coffee 😮 🧟‍♀️

Omg … lol

I had to ask my boss if I could bring daughter – that was a yes thank god!! (But she’s 14 – she had her computer and phone)

Ok fine whatever – so I went to work in my pajamas and brought my clothes and got there early to get ready for work.

Well I couldn’t see in the dark when grabbing my clothes and I grab wrong dress so whatever – I grabbed one with a stupid button that kept undo’ing itself 🤨

Ok then – it was GRAND CENTRAL all day long!! Omg – and people showing up to get things without calling – we had no idea they coming for things so they have to wait for us to prepare what they want and then also the forms! It’s not usually a big deal …but today it was because was so busy. We juggled for a moment 😮

And we had families coming in for appts… plus Preneeds and lots of activity!

I meet brand new manager for Preneeds for very first time – really like her!! She’s gonna do really good!! (The world of women – see I tell you – we will take it from here boys lol … I only tease – little bit 💋✌️)

Then I had to go over the things for this HUGE meeting tmrw with my boss and another office manager – strategizing lol ✌️

Then I had to approve some things that were not correct, so I couldn’t approve – they need to fix it and then I can approve it. I am out of office tmrw – I will be at the mother ship location for HUGE meeting 😮 so that approval will have to wait for Wednesday – omg and Wednesday I have another meeting and I am afraid of that!!

Because I know it’s gonna explode … not with me… just something that could make my staff walk 😮😮😮

Things from corporate

I don’t want that to happen – please dear lord!! 🙏🙏🙏

Cause what I have is tight!! Really tight!! So you try to take one and I’m afraid others will follow suit in comradely !! 😮 cause it’s right there to that point 😮

So… welcome to the week 😮😮

Thursday is massive service

And Friday I don’t even know? I know is busy, but I can’t remember… cause too much and too far! … and I have to remember too much stuff!!

We also had more deaths and things

But here is something really amazing ❤️

One of our families is just so happy with us – they wrote reviews everywhere and to our boss… and then today in mail we got a letter from the family saying thank you to entire staff for making what was very traumatic, and instead making it comforting and peaceful ❤️ they said they so thankful and grateful they were with “us” ❤️

They said REALLY kind words about the staff and how we made them feel ❤️❤️ we were so thrilled with that … we were happy because we made someone’s loss… “a peaceful comforting one”, for them, and their family… and they took the time to say that to us ❤️

You don’t realize what goes on behind the scenes …

There are just so many things we have to slide in together at same time 😮 – we work very hard to do that for you, and we also “hold your hand” through that… if needed

Anyway was really awesome that someone went out of their way to recognize that and write reviews, write to our boss and write us a letter ❤️ … that thank you …is why we do this ❤️❤️❤️ … one gesture like that makes it all worth it ❤️

And today – one of the Preneeds could decide to use us, or 2 others … we were going to price out all 3 for them … but then they suddenly say “no we sure we want YOU, no need to price” ❤️❤️❤️

Because we have that rep ❤️ we are very well known in our area and ARE the most compassionate caring and catering. You could tell that instantly, if you called us vs ANY other funeral home ❤️ because we take our time and we help always – we are kind and gentle and peaceful.. no matter who you are or how much time you need 🙌

But no one ever thinks of the people at the funeral home or the crematory or those places – who wants to think of or remember that?

You grieve and then you wanna forget or try to process your own loss – so we are always forgotten. That’s just how it is. We were touched by that thoughtfulness and kindness ❤️

And then – people keep telling me all kinds of secrets and then tell me “but don’t say anything” … so I don’t …

But now I know literally everything – and I don’t wanna know!! Because what happens is people talk about things and then I have all the info but I can’t say a word so I am quiet and act like I know nothing 😳

Ok so let me explain something…

So the reason I don’t lie, well first – I don’t like lies -… Then if you lie you have to remember things! I don’t like that… so I prefer just say as is and deal with it. Much easier, better and free’er ❤️🙌❤️ ahhh peace ✌️ always ❤️ love that … no thinking required – you just don’t lie ❤️❤️❤️

But in those same terms – I do not like to know things either.

Because is very hard for me!!! I have to remember not to slip anywhere in any convo!!

Omg!! I do not like that. Much easier if you just don’t tell me until everyone knows

I like being in the loop to know things so that is nice

But again… I have to remember that… and not accidentally slip and say something by accident so I always have to be thinking of that… I don’t like that.

I am very careful not to slip… but I fricken know things!!!! Ugh 😑 it’s good… I just don’t like having to remember and think about.

I have so much actual work stuff to remember so I am packed with information 🤨

And some of the information is about people we work with so that’s hard too.

I like knowing and I’m quiet … you can tell me not to say something and I won’t – they all know that 🤨

It’s not bad stuff, necessarily… just LOTS of stuff

But I’m just saying … I have to remember 🤨 more and more stuff!!

🤦‍♀️

Anyway … then on my way home …

Just to top off my day…

This person on my way home… the ENTIRE way home, I am stuck behind them, going WAY UNDER speed limit – they were blocking literally everyone!!

I go to pass and suddenly he’s a fricken race car driver

As if …I’m NOT staying behind that crap – he can eat my dust and he did… I had a few choice words for that guy ✌️ that was a total ahole move!!

I just wanted to pass the guy – cause obviously, has no idea how to drive!!

You don’t go under the speed limit THE ENTIRE TIME and then speed way the F up when someone passing!! But whatever

And then rest of way home behind me – the guy go fast 🤨 WTF? He couldn’t have done that in the first place??!!

So yeah … that was Monday 😳

Is it fricken Friday yet??

That was a horrible start to week!! Handled well – but boy that was a MONDAY 🤨

Oh it’s gonna be a day 😮😮

I woke up to no electricity and no water … when my electricity is shut off – so is water (the pump is run by electricity)

Ok so… I had to bring daughter to work 😮😮 she has her computer so I have her set up… I told her I will buy her lunch.

I had to text my boss at 5:30 this morning to make sure that is ok!! 😮

If PG&E gonna shut power off – some notice would be fricken nice

It’s fricken windy dammit

And then every slow person was out on Highway!! Omg – even in the fast lanes

I had to wash my hair at work!! And get ready AT work lol

So I went to work all scary – and now I am only slightly scary lol 😄✌️ whew!! Omg

And then it’s gonna be busy days and tmrw I have off site meeting – imperative 😮

We may be in hotel tonight 😮

Omg Monday – why??? Why Monday!! Don’t do that on Monday!!

I have to go – time to start 😳😮

Omg Monday!!! 😮😮

I am NOT put together 😮

So … I really don’t like that “no feelings” thing, I don’t want that.

I am all or nothing with that… so… that is hard for me… my initial instinct is to walk away from him completely – and he is trying to stop that lol ??? What do you care then?

I don’t know – that’s hard because I see “things” … I have compassion.

I keep my circle kinda small and tight?? Only my most trusted people ✌️

So alright. He can be my friend I guess? But that’s hard because I’m gonna back up 😮😮

So alright we see how goes – but I’m still backing up …so that is going to be difficult -at moment ✌️

I am gonna protect myself, so if he doesn’t want feelings – he needs to not come near me 😘✌️

And how you keep a friend that way? How do you not have feelings and care for your friends ???

Many loop holes in his theory there lol ✌️

So… I’ll back up… and he can stay there – “for now”… I’m not sure how comfortable I am with that

We see.

Because he is a decent person, and he has been an incredible friend through some rough things – so I’ll allow it. But we see. ✌️

I know he has pain so I will be sensitive to that. I won’t do hurtful moves but… just that “with out feelings” thing gets me – I definitely don’t want that near me??

I can not really function that way so 🤷‍♀️ … we see.

See why my daughter does not like when I say that lol … “we see” … she always says “that just means no” lol … eh we see lol ✌️

I will try. It’s really hard though.

Because I want to be considerate of him, but then I also feel like without feelings he can not know me and I will pull back? It’s gonna happen.

So whatever – we will just see

It was REALLY HOT today 🥵 again – always lol

Lol … Paris Hilton ❤️ she always makes me smile lol … I remember her making me laugh with …

They were so bad lol … but really funny lol ❤️ … whatever – just remember her lol … and her little dog too lol ❤️

And then also…

Carl’s Jr. lol … that’s a hamburger ad 😮😄😄 whatever

Anyway… this is going to be crazy week at work 😮

Services, arrangements, I have massive meeting on Tuesday off site 😮😮 🤦‍♀️ just a crazy week coming

Am I ready? Lol 😮😳 ok … bring it lol 🙌✌️