I refused to do a Christmas party this year – not taking on another large job nope… we have event coordinator who can’t do her job and I am not doing it. So I say no…
Instead my location decided that we would adopt a family ❤️ … is better than a Christmas party ❤️ we gonna make their Christmas brighter – which they need right now 👏👏👏👏
Another funeral home hear what we doing and might be joining on board ❤️❤️❤️👏👏👏
Yesterday military ask me if I let him take me out Saturday evening … well ok – we needed to talk about stuff and I’m getting to know him – so ok… it’s winter I’ll give you some time – we see …
I live off a wine 🍷 trail… it’s a road with some incredible wineries that are just beautiful…. I don’t usually drink… so never visit but I know how beautiful they are…
Their wineries are over these incredible hills – it’s very beautiful ❤️ some have restaurants and are incredible foods – those ones I know.
On the ride there … we talking … he say something about golf ⛳️… and I mention who I was
Then he lights up and says “that’s where I know you from!! I remember you” 😮😮
I said …what? I was familiar to you?
He said that he felt like he knew me, but couldn’t place where he knew me from. But he said now that I said that – he absolutely remembered me 😮 and then smiled really big
Ahhh life before death lol ok … so he remembers me. I don’t remember him – I see so many people then. I could think maybe vaguely … but then I am not sure – I just see so many people all the time back then
That’s interesting
He knew me in life before death 😮
That makes me remember back then – it’s been so long … I forget that life.
Anyway … so ok … we get to this winery 🍷 and it’s beautiful but sooo different – it’s in a cave 😮 but really beautiful – with twinkle lights and everything… live entertainment – just one person singing and other playing guitar 🎸… it was beautiful. They were softly playing
We did a wine tasting and talked … I tell him what I thought and how I felt … he say let me just help you and we take slow
He also kept saying I so excited to be here with you.
He turning on a lot now
And then after that we went to dinner at this really beautiful Italian restaurant in town – dim lighting really romantic-ish
He was gentlemanly sweet respectful
Ugh and we have a lot in common
He say he knows I have guards and he does too, but let’s just take life as comes slowly
Ok well that does not feel slow at all
I tell him some of my story so he understands ?? He says he does
And then says he wants me to come over and he will cook me a dinner, and he lives in a beautiful place – he wants to have dinner by the fire and Christmas 🎄 tree and show me Christmas because I deserve that 😮
He say that 😮
Boy is good 😮 dang – sweep a woman 😮
He is military so I’m not overly surprised …
He just leaves me in awe
Then he say to me… just promise me one thing
Ok what?
And he say – promise me you will take care of yourself and stay around for me… I could not handle another loss. I want you around
Ahhh … so how I supposed to be hard? And then I gotta do things I am scared of 😮
So I dunno 🤷♀️
I don’t know if reading this you get the full picture?
He kinda blinds me with things he says and does?
I do have caution with his “slow fastness” but I do understand his reasoning why – I tell him how I feel with things … and so does he
He definitely tries to impress me or that is just who he is?? I don’t know? He is so happy when I am with him lol – he smiles all the time
Ok so there is that going on. 😮
He calls to say hello… and tells me he misses my soft voice
And texts good night every night and keeps saying how much he likes me …
I said I was thinking about him one time when he texted … and he replies that he has been thinking of me non stop that I am all encompassing
Omg
And in the morning he text me hello and say how much enjoyed and thank you for time 😮
I overthink sometimes or I am very overly cautious
Things make me nervous.
So ya know I like military guy… he’s sweet.
And he was coming at me fine – I am enjoying getting to know him – he’s funny
We see
But then ya know … with the car 🚙 🤷♀️ … I dunno that was little bold – I am thankful … but little bit bold to do so early on – but I get it – I wouldn’t want to see someone suffer and especially if I was able to help them. So I can see that side?
But ya know – I live in this world … so I also know motives and things so to see who someone is … is to know what you are dealing with.
He also came to see me and gave me something else 😮 he had mentioned giving to me – because he said he had and wouldn’t use… I just figured was all talk
So when he give that to me I say oh that’s too much and he said well I already told you I was going to give that to you 😐
And he still tries to impress me?? I can’t tell if that is his personality or if he has motive
He has a place somewhere I would need a passport for and he say hates going alone – he say that to me today
So ok wait…
What is happening here?
Cause ?? Hmm 🤔
He tells me we can and should go slow, always agrees …
I do think he reads my caution? Because he acts cautiously like not to make wrong move?
And we are friends – I’ve been supportive with something of his – before I started knowing him
And I think for him he needed a friend or someone at that moment? I still think he needs to heal.
And for me- well I need time to know who are once you stop trying to impress me? Time tells all
I don’t know if he is afraid of that?
He is very sweet and kind hearted if is are meant
I’m not sure what angle he has yet
Appreciate the help but I also don’t want that being?? His in??
I still want to be cautious and still want to see
I like it better when there is even and equal so I can just know simply. So we see here – I’m still guarded
All my people are all dreamy eyed when I tell them things 🫤🤨 and keep telling me to give him chance and that I am too hard on guys – no I am not
I won’t have to be hard if they are sincere and don’t play games
I’m also not sure about having a man ride in like he can save the world? Because once again let me remind you:
So today start like normal… but I driving black van and keep black hoodie up
I look like grim reaper 😮 ☠️ oh well – same business
And then I get message …
Telling me “don’t be mad” … but he called my automotive and made self point of contact and will cover my parts 😮😮
That’s why they not call me yet
I’m not mad – I cried though
The other night I talk to him about stuff and he started talking about Christmas stuff
So I said … let’s just NOT do Christmas presents … because I will have to pay for my car stuff, and then that way no pressure – we can just relax and enjoy getting to know without anything heavy
I also mentioned some things make me cry so best to go very slow – he said ok and agreed … I also told him don’t keep trying to impress me (cause he does constantly) I’m just different when comes to that – I wanna know who he is as person above all
He said he will try to not do that … but he still does lol 🤷♀️
And then he did that this morning or yesterday?? 😮
So I said thank you – but it made me cry and then it was very sweet and kind so 🤷♀️🤷♀️🤷♀️ I dunno what to think
I be back later still working
My people keep saying – give him a chance … see he really likes you
I know he does and I like him a lot – enjoying getting to know him slowly… he’s really funny and sweet
I just wanna be careful
I wanna like him for him and not feel obligated – I tell him that
And my girls keep saying good things happen to good people – give him a chance
I do – I’m still talking to him and learning who he is
But I am cautious 🤷♀️ just careful … but he seems like good hearted person – I just wanna be sure
Also since been awhile since someone in my life – and last time was abusive so I’m just gonna be slower – he’s accepting of that and very cool with it
Doesn’t pressure or anything
I was just little taken back with regards to my vehicle 🚙 – did not expect at all … so caught off guard little
Rain is coming – my breasts are ACHING!!!! All day long – my left side hurts so badly – alot of pressure feeling
You will not believe all the things that just happen to me!!! Omg … life … cmon!!!
Ok where to begin??? I don’t even know???
Ok let me see… well … I left work at 2:45pm and picked up daughter 1/2 hr early – for hair appt
She wanted to shower first – so we came home and she showered – I waited … her appt was at 4:30pm
So we get there 10 min early – I am a person that usually gets there early.
The she take her… and she say to me, want me to do little something for you? Umm sure , are you sure ? And she say yeah… well ok I guess
Ok so my daughter got purple highlights all over her hair lol … whatever … I tell her if you gonna do it – do it NOW!!! Before you adult and in business because then no – so go crazy now cause when enter life you will need level of professionalism in business – depending on the business
Ok well I’ve been taking my daughter to her for maybe a year now? First with first haircut… then her first streak … now several purple highlights and it looks amazing!!!!!! We don’t go too often- just when I can … and she turns 16 on the 16th
Damn – that my baby 😮 where did the time go? I blinked 😳
Anyway… so I let her do my hair too – but I didn’t really think straight 😮
My hair NORMALLY is … hmm how would I say? It is a light reddish Auburn ? 🤷♀️
She left my natural color on bottom – but made it way more red on top!! Omg 😱
Is like hombre? Down to my natural color … but is very red to me 😮
Ok well it will fade right? I will see what hairstyles I can do to blend it … Omg … a little too much color for me… I don’t do that ever … so this is new 😮
It’s just different – I am never different … so just need minute to get used to different 😮
It’s not totally bad or anything – I am just weird a little. Is just really red to me and then lightens into my normal hair – is just weird? I dunno? I’m sure I will be fine… I’m just weird cause is new and having little heart attack from just the difference and I like the way I looked…I’m just being weird
I’m not a person to ?? Change appearance ?? I never change appearance – I always look same… now I do not look same – I don’t know if I like this – but we see 😮
2020’s change right? 😮😳
I have been to her for awhile now – we like her a lot … we keep going back – I really like her so while we doing hair we chatting… and then she ask if I married or single
I say single – and she tell me of this restaurant place lol … is new restaurant here in town… I say “oh I have never been” …didn’t even know was there. I don’t go out so I dunno??
She say we should go out sometime 😮 hang out… she is my age-ish… I am 5 years older
So I say sure let me know – she say after first of year getting through holidays – ok
Is nothing unusual. We just have a lot in common and she single I am single – we are both into men – just different stories. So she’s not hitting on me or anything – just clarifying that – I don’t swing that way
She wants a friend – I am good friend … I just don’t go out but she lives right here in town… I could probably use a friend in town – so we see what happens
… and the story continues …
Well – since the appt was at 4:30p… we didn’t get out until 7:30? And then it was late so I stop to get dinner… but “to go” because I just wanted to get home…. She wanted to stop at store to get a purple eyeliner to match her hair 😑🤨 what???
No I’m not going out yet – wait til I am used to ✌️😘 I have not been in the light yet – only dark
So we got dinner and started to drive home… I’m like one mile away from my house … I had to stop at red light … when light turned green – I went to go… and nope 👎 car had just died 😮 oh no
Ok well – I was the first car with line behind me… most drivers were mad 😮😮😮 I didn’t know what to do – there was nothing I could do 🤷♀️ they mad at me
So I called the police to help me – cause what I do???
So while I waiting some had pulled into a parking lot – complete strangers … and they ran over to me and my daughter and ask if we need help and would we like them to push me? – yes please!!
And maybe about 6 people stop and push my car for me – through the intersection and into parking spot ❤️❤️❤️ I didn’t know any of them ❤️
Thank you strangers ❤️ you warm my heart – thank you ❤️ that was so touching … they don’t know me but help me
The police show up at time they pushing me – and since saw I had help / did not feel a reason to check to see if everything alright. Ahhhh what does this not surprise me? Whatever – thank god for complete strangers sometimes ❤️
And they all making sure we are ok, one even look and try to jump my engine ? Nope – it turns over
Sorta ?? It tries and all the lights on my dash light up!! 😮 but won’t start.
I had to line up a way for daughter to get to and from school … done ✔️
I had to call into work – done ✔️ (omg I am missing work 😮😮😮) omg life what are you doing???
And call AAA to come get car towed – at first they tell me 90 minutes 😑🤨… ok fine whatever … I pay for AAA and I have the one with many tow miles lol … “smart like that” 😘… ish ✌️ … I just always try to prepare … so fuck it – I will wait
But it was freezing and omg I so cold 🥶… I am buying blankets for my car!!!
It ended up being 2 & 1/2 hours 😮😮😮 omg
Omg
I had one of my coworkers come get my daughter and bring her home…
She called me every 15 minutes to make sure I was still alive and ok lol – yes I am fine – I handle things
She didn’t wanna leave me – but it was really cold … and Doby needed someone too… I be fine … I have to stay with the car
I be fine – I am mom – I’m fine – stop worrying
But was really cold and we didn’t expect
So anyway … while I was waiting … military guy call me …
A few days ago he say to me “thank you for giving me your time, I hope you give me a chance to show you how you should be treated” 😮
He also said “no pressure however degree I want him in my life – he will accept” 😮😮😮
Ok we see – ya know people say words so we see
And when all this happened last night – he wanna help
You just have to be careful with these things
He say I have extra car you can use, and I help you
I had my car towed to my house last night – and today I have to have towed to car shop to get fixed
I have AAA so towing is free with membership
Ok so I get to deal with cars again. Ugh 😑 ok
Anyway he is being very sweet but I want to be careful because I do not want to feel obligated or ??? Is still so new and he very “ let me take care of you type”
I don’t know him yet – I need it to go slow
Cause things will make me cry 🤫
So ok … today I am not working but 😮 now I deal with own shit omg – ok man up … I can do this
Ok so … fuckin here we go – fuck me
But if I stand back and look … so I had complete strangers literally stop and run to my aid 😮❤️ …did know me didn’t expect anything ❤️ my heart very warmed with that ❤️
And he is being really sweet – I’m just scared of stuff and I need time to know first…I’m gonna learn who he is really fast 😮 he’s totally respectful though when he initially call – he wanted to come right down and get me, and bring home, so we wouldn’t be cold.
I say no – you can’t do anything at this hour – I be fine
But everyone check on me and make sure I am fine
I just have to handle this now – ahhhhh holidays 🤨 I fricken hate winter
OMG bring summer NOW!!!!!!!!
Done with winter
Ok I have to go – sigh 😔
Interesting life adventure – fuckin life
Fuckin 2020’s!!!!
Ugh 😑 what is life doing? Can I just have summer?!
Plus is the spirit – also not that I have much – but that is because over here we completely take holidays and ruin them with commercialization and is more about what can get than what do for the world or goodwill towards men.
But I do always love a little bit of exciting Christmas magic ❤️👏
Anyway – we all ran outside and watched – was whole parade right by my house ❤️❤️❤️❤️👏👏👏 omg I never have to go to another parade ❤️❤️❤️👏👏👏 it comes to me!! right by my house!!! The perks of living in downtown of tiny town 👏
My oldest said “oh thank god we got here when we did …or we would be behind that” lol 😄😄
But that was cool ❤️ and great way to end crazy week. Ahhhhhh
Then YouTube put together this awesome mix of literally all my favorite songs from 2022 😮😮😮… it did not do that last year 😮😮❤️❤️❤️
Fricken all my favorites from whole year 😮❤️ did not fuck it up – it knew everything I loved 😮😮
Lol so YouTube knows me now lol ❤️ I listen to alot of music that way but it knew which ones I love the most 😮😮😮 but that also could be because if I like it – it will go on repeat couple times lol 😘 so not that shocking …
But I do love the list ❤️❤️❤️❤️
The list is currently on repeat lol 😘👏😄❤️
And then Doby … since Thanksgiving – I had been putting special meal enhancers lol … in his food … our left overs of turkey or gravy … well I ran out maybe 3 days ago…
So now he’s all picky and doesn’t like the regular wet dog food I add to the dry … he’s like “meh nah” 🤨
So today I try maybe little tuna … nope 👎
He make my kitchen a mess with food pebbles if he doesn’t like it 🤨😄 great … I made him picky 😮 whatever ❤️ he’s my baby
I made him some gravy tonight and it’s back on lol … if I add gravy …this man eats his food no problem, no mess, no complaints lol 🤷♀️😄
Whatever – I can do gravy for him ❤️ I am picky too lol 😘
I need to buy him a winter jacket and boots lol … winter jacket to keep warm and he needs boots … plus is always hilarious to watch them in shoes lol ❤️❤️ life’s little laughter moments ❤️❤️
But he does need them… he hates cold and rain too 😮❤️… if he has to go and I open door – he sees it’s cold and pouring and won’t wanna go lol … no dude you going lol … go potty!!! Not going in my house!!
So yeah he needs a coat and jacket ❤️ I will post him when we do that lol
He is also a little prissy when having to step in water or be rained on lol … ahhh my Doberman ❤️😄🙄 … it is the owners … kinda however you are they will be lol 😮😄🤟
With the exception that he has WAY more energy than I do!! Omg 😳
It was cold and rainy literally all day long – one of those days with nothing but nasty and chill in bones 😮😮 uggh winter – killing me!!!
Hell yes 👏 winter is killing me!! Hurry up!!! Ugh it’s the worst time of the year.
I would like Christmas 🎄 because of the warm spirit ❤️ … but due to commercialism you can’t really enjoy season for what is supposed to be. So it’s crappy cold rainy and commercialized
It feels more like Christmas than has for very long time – but I have hard time in winter and with those holidays – cause I remember really bad memories … and then I remember how terrified was and many things … also makes me think of those who struggle and are cold, needing others
Winter is cold and people be in need… so I teeter between wanting that Christmas spirit but then also feeling for others … cause are they ok? Is Christmas … are they ok?
With other things …
I watched a documentary what people eat at fast food places in other countries lol 😮
It said Italy will forgo McDonalds fries for a chunk of Parmesan cheese? Is that true? 😮
Japan supposably puts chocolate on their fries 😮 that has me little repulsed but also curious lol – very interesting … and pumpkin spice fries lol … very interesting Japan 🇯🇵… you make me curious
People here will dip their fries in the shakes 😝 but I am not a shake person and especially thinking of in winter … I do not even find that appealing …. The chocolate fries sound a little interesting though
Dunkin’ Donuts in China has a pork seaweed donut 😮😮 I’m not sure about that one ?
The Middle East had or still has Kit Kat pops ??😮😮 … why was that not shared with the world???? 😮😮😮 Pizza Hut – hello!!!
Anyway – funny to see or know others foods
I also see USA foods banned in other countries 😮
That freaks me out a little – but I shouldn’t be surprised 🙄🫤 I know the country I live in and how they run things
I dunno if true or not but interesting
Had a nice day Friday and Saturday ❤️ Saturday I spend with daughter and we stay up late watching “Wednesday” lol (it’s a tv show based on Addams family)
Today we just relax, and do chores before the week starts
As far as Mr Military – he’s still being very sweet and kind… I’m being observant … he is out of state hunting ? But he text me a lot.
Kinda like he wants me to be comfortable with him? There is that careful gentleness? I am highly alert with how you come at me. So. No pressure lol
Just be good person. Be decent human being and you be fine.
I don’t know him yet and he doesn’t know me. So we still see … is pretty much all text currently except for lunch last week … and he says he wanna see me when he comes back.
I’m not sure how I feel about it – but we see
I’ll feel better when I know who he is.
I also want to make sure I’m ok with things and can handle.
I think he is charming and sweet… but again I do not know him much other than texts and lunch that day. So just cautious. We see still ✌️
He is kinda a man man? I dunno we see ? Military/also testosterone so we will see ?? I have to know better before I really know who he is.
But I am definitely woman with emotions so 🤷♀️😄😄 we shall see – should be interesting
I laid it out this morning little bit – I just say who I am point blank and what you can expect so careful – I just lay it out cause if you gonna think you can just be in my life – this is how is – can’t handle then stay away.
But he is being very nice and also funny… we see
Slight little concern – he name drops a lot as if that is impressive ?? What I care? I not trying to know whoever else and why is that something to say? 🤷♀️ what I care? That makes me feel weird. Why you name drop? Am I supposed to be impressed that you know others?? 🤷♀️ is that special or something? Does that make difference? 🤷♀️ why you do that??
Makes me feel like you are purposely trying to win me over or catch my attention really fast and really shallow… who cares who you know 🤷♀️ it’s not a thing for me. It’s a little weird.
I’m gonna wanna know you… not other people ✌️
Impress me with your own self / so I can see you 😘✌️… do you got the balls for that? 😘
Ok I be right back – I have to order groceries 😘 I do not go into the store – just deliver to me. 👏🙌 I don’t have to deal with stores – I spoiled myself with that 😮 I just love too much!!
I don’t wanna be around huge crowds anyway. It’s winter!!! 😝😝 everyone sick
I just hurt myself and made direct eye contact with Doby now he is up on me and my hand 😮
I was in cabinet looking at what need – I dropped a glass bottle of oil and omg I try to catch it and slammed my area inside the hand right near the thumb … against the counter 😮 it did not break thank god!!
Instantly blue veins which normally you do not see – pop – the blue vein 😮 there were 2 that stem from one long one and I feel it up my wrist 😮
Shhh I’m fine – I put ice on it – now they mostly back to normal not as bad as initially 😮
So I might have those kinda issues
I also hurt my knee – and I could not remember how I could have done it??
Until I went to open door and it sticks – so I take my knee and push the door in – I am not strong enough in upper body – my lower body is my human strength power 😘
I realized when automatically …since one knee hurt, I used other knee and hurt that one too 😮
I go fast so 🤷♀️🫤
It’s winter – I want it to hurry
Come summer – I want to slow down and love every moment but it goes too fast and winter is back
Alright so… regarding to this guy… immediately I want to be like “maybe not good idea”? Just because I’m not sure ya know? But I am also weird with that and HIGHLY sensitive so ya know – I’m trying not to be too hard
And I dunno?? We see
But … he texts periodically and today graduated to phone calls 😮😮
Phone calls are kinda a big deal ? I did not expect that – he just called me 😮 which is fine … but that is a step… text messages there is still slight distance but phone calls you can hear emotions or read someone better
The only people I speak to on my phone are my people I love and work stuff
So is just little more on the personal side than text messages are. And we have had phone calls just not personal ones … I know … is overprotective
And then also … I do not know his world – is very different than mine so we see
But ok – we see
I am little quiet and stuff … just hang back a little
I like him – but I am just seeing who he is… I’m not sure who he is yet. I can’t really tell ?
Time will tell – we see
He is funny and makes me laugh … but then there is something that holds me back slightly – I am just seeing. I be smart ✌️
Lol you do have to fit into the beat within my heart lol … 😘✌️
But I am gonna need to feel comfortable and at ease. I’m not there yet 🤷♀️
I feel like he’s interested – yes totally … but I am cautious for both who he is because I don’t know him that well yet… and then also… possibly slightly to see if has motive? What is angle? Whatcha want – shall I play it again? It is one of my favorites ❤️ lol … so I’m gonna add it for my enjoyment anyway 😘✌️
Ok I’m just seeing … but what is angle – what want ? What after? What motive …So we see who he is.
Whatever – you would be just as hard as I am, after satan! ✌️😘
So we just see … I like him but I am not at ease yet?
This is very difficult – this is why I am not a dating type… it’s either just gotta fit or no 🤷♀️ much easier … but then at same time how you get that? You have to do this!!!
I am not comfortable in the whole initial stage thing …
He’s very sweet. And I know he likes me or something? Cause he shares things with me…
He also tries to always impress me. I am not sure how that is sitting with me?? But we see ?
Ok well I can’t anymore …I’m so exhausted
Tmrw and Friday will be insane which I already know! Ok
Please have mercy! 😮🙏 easy please
He asked me what my plans for weekend were lol … family night and nothing ✌️🙌👏❤️ .. hibernation ❤️
Learning Life 