Live a life to remember 😮

Ok … I’m gonna have a lot of problems

I work – and that is my focus for survival … I build my life after Satan’s reign … so …

And I work hard at that, and I love what I do and helping people ❤️ I love very much – there is a purpose greater than your own

Ok but… when I have to draw attention to us and I’m out there and being social because I have to!!

I don’t have a problem with that when it is professionally a thing… I know how to bring business – I’m very confident and ok with that

I just keep my mind very work focused – and since I am work focused when socializing I am blind to many other things – I have objective when socializing – I have purpose

But when it is on my own time I am much more reclusive ✌️ I fit with funerals lol 😘✌️ … or maybe it just fit me? I like peace and I have to recharge from all that

Soooooo … someone asked about me … I was just informed

I said what you mean they asking about me? And I was told “asked if you were single”

And … I know this person has a heart and compassion for others … I am impressed by the compassion and care they have towards another – very good kind loving heart

Plus – they have done the thing that is what I look for, why I fight so hard for… that one thing I always ask for and say no without… this person has already done that – that makes my heart bleed to think of and much respect 🙌

So I already know are capable and then that kinda drops a few guards cause I find that so utterly the most beautiful form of love and compassion

And they have had sadness and things like me so I can feel the heart

Anyway – they ask about me, and wanted my friend to give me their number 😮

Then even stopped by the funeral home to see me after I left for my daughter 😮

I do feel little overwhelmed because recently omg – both death and men are flooding in my life what is happening?? It totally feels like that

Look … I don’t really date – I work and I heal … my mind is only there only when you approach me in that way otherwise I don’t see well

If can be chill and not force shit on me I’m ok… and then also I am cautious because I wanna be sure with what I want.

I have never really dated as an adult – was together since 17 to Satan, and married at 20 … also mom at 20…

Lost my entire family to death… lost both parents pretty much simultaneously 😭💔

Went through violence and abuse with satan

And then I had cancer so … (oh yeah let’s go ahead and throw Covid on there because I survived that shit too) …

So I don’t know – I don’t know what I want. Because I depend on me… I don’t trust you to do that… I will never be at that mercy ever again – well I probably will someday… because “with love” you would have to trust so 🤷‍♀️ we see

But then every time I turn around someone asking about me or directly asking to take me out

I really don’t know that I am ready 😩

I like that I can be who ever I want – or however I am ❤️ I do not have to answer to anyone but myself… I am not owned 🙌👏❤️

I know this one asking about me is not that way… I know he is good heart – very kind soul

Plus … I’m weird – I don’t care if you think that… I have that silent thing

Ugh so recently I will give time to see who someone is – “slowly” or I shut down… you come in too hard – you are done

I will always respect another – so I watch to see if you give off that too …

But ok this is just getting way the hell over my head

When I used to work the golf course – it was feeling very similar just different job – one was happy / one is sadder lol ✌️ I am versatile lol 😘 they are 360 of each other job wise … but I feel same sort of thing happening

I am back in town and now I am visible and I’ve been drawing attention for work.

I have that urge to be in middle of nowhere ❤️ I loved it there ❤️❤️❤️ my respite ❤️❤️❤️

I was isolating BEFORE Covid … Covid just made everyone else join my bandwagon lol 😘✌️ I was isolating since my final surgery – I went into seclusion on July 9, 2019

Made it all normal – but it was comfortable and I work around it … was nice without pressure

I’m ok if you want to know me, I am fine with that… but I need no pressure and I need slow – plus I’m weird and I’m boring or I try to be – like to say I am lol 😘✌️ want to believe I am 🙏 I just smile a lot and I am full of life which I try to tone down – I think that’s the infectious ness? Plus I’m funny – and also pretty upfront and honest

I have a life spark/spirit – why I am still here and … I do love life … good and bad – I like the good better obviously lol – but I also know life ✌️ I fight for my life many times … I already alive – but certain areas I keep very guarded

So I am not in a position to really date but you can come know me and give me time – move in as a kind person and good friend – easy … not all crazy fast!!

No matter if I have anyone – I love life and I cherish my healing ❤️‍🩹


Come meet me but be very aware – please don’t invade me. Let me breathe 🧘‍♂️

I survive always with laughter and good people

I have wonderful supportive and loving people in my life currently ❤️ so just because I’m cautious don’t go thinking I don’t have anyone and I need anyone – just because I isolate does not mean I don’t have people …

My other problem is I am like this:

But then I feel I live a crazy life inside death too…


Fricken life trying to force me to live it – listen – I need time!! Yes I know time is precious but I need time …


49 thoughts on “Live a life to remember 😮

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  1. I can not imagine all that you have been through, and have had to deal with; yet, I can tell that you have been through more than what most people would have been able to endure. I wish you well. Thanks for being my friend.

    Liked by 2 people

      1. Hahaha that’s funny

        I’m glad – maybe makes you smile lol 👏 cause you supposed to enjoy people in life lol 😉

        I always say jackpot 🎰 but I tease with that – because there are many 7’s in my bday lol 😄😄😄

        When I was a child, I lived in Florida – for school we had a field trip to St. Augustine … they have a fountain of youth there – and we went there – I drank from it – so I use that story all the time to explain why I look so young when I am not lol 😄😄

        I have many stories lol

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Yes my mother is/was beautiful too ❤️

        She is most beautiful woman in world to me anyway ❤️ in looks and heart ❤️ she is my mom

        But yup also very pretty when young lol

        Liked by 1 person

      3. I am very happy for you. My mother became blind in her early 20s, so I began being the man of the house as my father was a merchant seaman, and was gone much of the time.

        Liked by 1 person

      4. Awww … but you don’t need eyes for love – I’m sorry she was dealt that card – that had to be hard ☹️💔

        That is quite noble of you, I know you had no choice – I’m sorry if I could give you half my childhood I would

        That is interesting profession!! But I am sorry you had to grow up so fast.

        My sister and I had 2 different upbringings … for me… my life was Norman Rockwell growing up. ❤️

        I had a huge family … I was on a pedestal… little Irish princess – first born child and daughter to the golden son lol … and first grandchild of all

        I come from privilege … my dad was an electrical engineer and the golden one

        Was always kind and observant – quiet til high school

        I was sheltered growing up… raised Irish catholic little loved princess

        They call me something different than everyone else – but only they are allowed to call me that – I only allow it from them – otherwise I don’t like it lol

        I had fun times, many amazing happy experiences and much love ❤️ I was protected from the awful things of the world – I had wonderful and bright childhood ❤️ very loved and cherished – loved my family wholeheartedly

        I did not know that was not the norm and didn’t know any different – I just knew love ❤️

        Then my great-grandmother died – she was the glue

        Anyway – many changes … family got smaller and smaller

        By time my sister was being raised … 9 years later … my dad had been diagnosed with non Hodgkin’s lymphoma … and her childhood was drs and hospitals and since we had money – my parents felt bad that they could not provide her the same childhood my brother and I knew … they bought her things to make up for that.

        They always felt bad about that.

        The family was now little and my dad was sick – that was her upbringing

        So she has much pain to have lived with that – she did not have the happiness I did – she did not have same experiences as me… she got the short straw

        She was still very loved – she was the adorable baby – she had a little raspy voice lol

        She was cutie when little.

        My demeanor is funny and outgoing even though I prefer not to be outgoing lol … I don’t like attention cause I get embarrassed with it. Unless I command it then I’m ok with it lol ✌️😘 I am optimist lol

        My sister is pessimist… can not handle people and is not at all social. Also beautiful – but doesn’t believe in her own strength ✌️

        That was a lot for a child to see and grow up with – drs and hospitals 🏥 to watch your dad almost die several times … That was her childhood

        My childhood was light … hers was dark

        Same household / same family – 2 different upbringings, experiences, views and outcomes

        So … you are also strong one then? You have strong spirit.

        We all have different experiences … builds who you are and leads you to where you are supposed to be

        I’m sorry your childhood was taken so early. ☹️

        Hopefully that has not scarred you … but instead built you! 🙏

        Liked by 1 person

      5. Thanks for sharing so much about your, your family, and your upbringing. It sounds very much like me, my family, and my upbringing. My father was a marine engineer; he powered the ship. We never wanted for anything, but my parents never flaunted the things that we had. I was the senior child, and always was the senior child. My brother was introverted, and my sister was like me. We grew up in LA and GA. I never left that area until I grew up.

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      6. Lol I grew up in the following:
        Ohio – Youngstown & Cincinnati

        Maine – Augusta & Portland

        North Carolina – Fletcher (suburb of Asheville)

        Florida – Winter Springs

        California – Visalia

        Massachusetts – Marlborough, Worcester, Fitchburg, Leominster, Concord

        And then here I am back in Cali lol


        My family is from Massachusetts ❤️ that’s my roots

        People say I have accent but I don’t cause is many areas rolled into one lol

        My dad was high up exec and we had to move to different areas to open plants … he would get them running and off to next state

        We never wanted for anything either – also didn’t flaunt with the exception of the homes we lived in.

        I am also senior child lol – the responsible one lol

        My brother is responsible too but he is very introverted like yours – and anti social lol 🤷‍♀️

        My dad and us… we were only ones to leave state of Massachusetts and move all over – when we visit was special ❤️

        I like Cali for the sheer beauty and things to do… I love ghost towns ✌️ or old cemeteries

        I also love mountains – I have the Sierra Nevadas ❤️ … and beaches if I want them …

        But for beaches my favorites are anything along the Gulf of Mexico ❤️ for the warmth of the water – our water here on Pacific is freezing lol … same with Atlantic lol

        Every year we took a vacation when school let out – and my family was like National Lampoons lol … instead of going to Wally World – it was Disney and many National Parks throughout the United States – but it was like that lol – also in a psychedelic colored Ford van that was all decked out … it was only psychedelic because the dealership messed up and my father threatened lawsuit so they discounted massive – they were not hippies – but it was funny 😄😄

        My grandparents once bought me a phone book sized joke book for one of our trips – omg I was in love!! At beginning of that vacation … page 1 joke 1 … knock knock lol … I sat between them and read each joke and would laugh and laugh

        After a few days driving cross country like that – my book went missing?? Lol 🤷‍♀️😄😄

        Then before school would start we would go for a week to Sanibel Island, Florida … that was my moms favorite place ❤️

        I have only passed through your states … other states I am not familiar with are the Pacific Northwest – and some northern middle of the United States – no Iowa or Idaho or any of those

        I also do not know Alaska lol ✌️

        It is fun to reminisce and remember – I’m glad we did all that before my dad got sick- I miss them

        I don’t really have an area I am grounded to, Massachusetts has my heart – but otherwise whatever

        So you are oldest – then your sister? And brother was the baby?

        I am oldest… then my brother by 5 years… and then my sister by 9 years


      7. Thanks for your story; I love every bit of it. You must have passed through Savannah, which is my home town, place of my birth. My brother, now deceased, was four years younger than me; my sister five years younger than me. She still is in Savannah; I am in Statesboro. I am going to paste a link to an article that I posted 6 years ago; I hope that it will bless you.

        Liked by 1 person

      8. I love your passion for the subject you love ❤️ you can tell you are deeply entwined

        Appreciate the article – thank you 😊

        I appreciate your passion and your views.

        I keep my own religious things to myself and private between me and my maker ✌️

        I am Catholic

        I also march to beat of my own drum with pretty much everything lol

        With religion I am uncomfortable – I don’t mind reading and knowing what you believe – but I don’t want religion pushed on me – been there done that ✔️

        I support you with your beliefs and how you want to live😊❤️

        But I don’t do much like this- I stay far away and have my own Catholic beliefs and how I operate with it – I find it private and quiet – peaceful – between me and my maker 😊❤️✌️

        I do love your passion for it and appreciate sharing that with me 😊❤️✌️ enjoy our convos and such too

        I’m glad you have found peace with the way you believe 😊✌️❤️

        Peace to you

        Liked by 1 person

      9. Please know that I was not trying to force anything on you. You said that you are Catholic. I know that Catholics love Jesus. The videos were about Jesus. I am sorry if I offended you in any way. I appreciate having you as a friend.

        Liked by 1 person

      10. Not offended at all 😊❤️ I appreciate that you share with me – is important to you and something you are passionate with

        But I also want you to know my angle lol … I just be upfront with who am and what can handle 😊 I hope that does not offend or cause pain to you

        Yes, I do not do church ⛪️… because I feel I can pray and have my privacy in that way – I do not need church to pray 🙏

        I learned that through things I went through and also some of the catholic beliefs hurt my life … so I had to change those to be ok.

        But I still pray and I’m still thankful – and I practice catholic my own way – silent and privately ❤️ I have peace with god on that

        My life was saved many times from many things 1 so I am meant to be here still 😊❤️ I am very thankful and appreciative of that

        I do admire your passion and love for what you believe ❤️✌️

        I do have same passion and love ❤️ 😊✌️

        You don’t need to worry about offending me lol … I will say if so lol

        Im pretty blunt and upfront lol 😊❤️ I can only operate that way – I feel safer that way 😊✌️

        I can be little firey lol … so if I offend you – you are also free to say – I am never afraid of discussion 😊✌️ is how one learns

        Liked by 1 person

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