Many thoughts

There is not much going on… other than being with my mom… tomorrow is my brother and sister-in-law’s wedding anniversary – maybe we do movie ?

I ask if since I am here they want to go have date night? But they are an old married couple …so no they don’t lol

They say maybe we all go… and be together – ok so whatever is their anniversary. They totally old married couple – is like my parents … my brother is like my father …

My sister-in-law is similar to my mom… but toughened by life and not from yesteryear, she is modern and extremely independent.

They perfect together though – even with their old married couple banter lol

https://youtu.be/DqsRnCH9_9c

We all kinda ?? Somber?

My nephew is adorable he shows off whenever I come lol… he is a mini version of my brother lol… he does things that instantly remind me of my brother growing up – like deja vu

He even looks like my brother back in the day lol – he is 11.

Not much change with my mom at this moment.

She maybe have colonoscopy tmrw. Maybe we can see the problem?? 😳 and then what is problem?

Her arm so purple and awful looking but does look to be in healing mode.

It made me think about my own medical…

In small town – the doctors and hospitals “eh”

Understaffed, overworked and don’t have the things needed

In big city, they have everything and amazing doctors… so maybe I should switch to Sacramento? Maybe be better? – but is hour away from where I live, and I am emotional with it so?? The distance might be issue?

But big cities have everything compared to small towns

We are happy with staff and hospital – this one is really caring for her ❤️

My hospital texting me about taking my tests. I will message them tmrw.

I forgot to eat for awhile? I forgot to eat the day I took flight – because before flight I was just bundle of nerves…

I had snacks for on flight… but I didn’t want to take my mask down, enclosed with people like that. so I waited

I was gonna get something to eat when they almost stick me in San Diego … when they say flight delayed… I thought about it – but decided no because was massive busy! I just wanted to stay at gate, and luckily I did – because delay was only for moment and then they like nevermind – Dallas lifted the delay. So thank goodness I not go get food… but I was hungry at that moment … then I forgot and we fly again.

Same thing – I don’t wanna take mask down.

And then by time I get into Texas was so late … and all that drama… plus by time we finally get home it like 1:30am Texas time – immediately they asking if I hungry…

But by then I was just wiped and wanted a bed. So we just go to bed.

This morning I have coffee… but between my mom and work… I forget food.

Then at hospital and I keep not thinking at all about food. 😮😮

Then we leave hospital and they say you hungry?

Ummm 🤔 yes yes I am! I forgot all about food for moment 😮😮😮

So that sorta happened – I didn’t even notice for most part? Not even think of? 😮 I couldn’t remember when last ate and was Saturday night 😮

I eat today. Both lunch and dinner.

I will try not to forget.

I am just worried and I am also always in thought – so normally we excited and always talking… but I am silent thinking all the thoughts of things

I just lose self in thought

I think about my mom and what she feels, or knows? I think about times with her and moments I have now… I just drift away into memories

https://youtu.be/zU3472bvdHI

I feel happy and excited being here with my mom and family. But then also… I am scared. Very terrified. I stay positive and I try not to cry around people (it still happens but I try) … I not cry at all when with my mom ❤️

I be ok when I with her ❤️ and I just want her to have peace and happiness so… I don’t want her to see me cry… she will cry if I cry… we are mirrors of each other. She will feel my heart if I cry… so I just do funny and we laugh ❤️ I don’t want her feeling my broken heart… so no crying with her.

Is easy not to cry around her… is my mom ❤️ I am happy to be with her and the way she always lights up for me ❤️

That I can do…

It’s just when I think of all the millions of thoughts – or just the one of losing her… that makes me cry pretty much instantly. 💔

I am scared for me and I am scared for her

Ok let’s not talk about anymore because is making me cry…

So… what is happening in the world? Same shit diff day? Or anything new?

Everyone behaving? … or are leaders being buttheads still? I’m pretty sure I know that answer but whatever.

Omg gas is soooo cheap here in Texas!! I can’t get over it … barely $5.00 compared to my $6.69 in California!

I see the gas stations and is like I went back in time to when gas was cheaper lol

California is expensive with everything

Houses are cheaper here in Texas too

Many Californians moving to Texas lol

My company I work for is based out of Texas…

…my brothers company he works for is based in California lol… how funny is that?

Alright well… is 12:30 Texas time… I should probably sleep… I gonna try to work little tmrw – I have 9am meeting California time so would be 11am Texas time.

This heat they have though omg … 100’s all week and this weekend over 100… 102,103 & 104!! Omg in WET heat!!

It’s too hot to even be outside and the sun here just fries my skin in seconds 😮😳 and certain areas I don’t feel… my whole chest area I do not feel sunburn 😮 but it will burn and while I don’t feel it like normal sunburn… I still feel a burnt ness, but is different.

I wear spaghetti strap tank top today… my chest and breasts burnt really quick today and I was hardly outside!! Just being out and going to car.

So yup this sun fries me – and then the humidity makes me just red anyway – I am red everywhere! It is lightening my hair and eyes. It makes my eyes look haunting the way they lighten… It does normally back in California too… but takes all summer… and I do slow easy sun exposure… because sun ☀️ is too much for me mostly.

But this sun burns or lightens everything immediately… it does not do slow 😮 – also making more freckles pop!! Stop ✋ no more freckles – enough!! Stop ✋

So I have redness … and darker freckles and new ones … the sun is very strong out in the open here in Texas.

I have never been here during hot months… I stay away during summer – i know they have massive heat like California does. I was not aware of the humidity though! That takes little getting use to. – the air is heavy with hot moisture 😝

My California air is dry… I am used to dry like desert 🌵

It’s very flat here … but they building and have construction everywhere!! Everywhere everywhere everywhere!! 😮

There so much space for miles to build – and tons of highway overpasses and such! There this one area that is like maze of overpasses 😮 is crazy!

Anyway, I should probably sleep since I have to be up early tmrw – I gonna work remote for moment – I still have bills and things to pay so. Have to.

I am here so I am very lucky to have availability to work and also be here. 🙏❤️ so thankful

I would not be able to be here if they don’t let me still do. So very thankful they let me.

My life all off balance currently