Today we will open up a new subject… as if there was not already a million things…
First, let me tell you about my mom…
So… they think her arteries are clogged … they give us 2 options… we can do less evasive and clear with a heart stint… which is how my father did. 😳
Or open heart surgery – we don’t think she is strong enough for that… and we don’t want to see her in pain and suffering all confused … so what is that going to buy us? More suffering?
So we opt for less invasive. HOWEVER they can’t get her system to level out – is all over the place… kidney function, blood pressure etc… so they test her stool (sorry tmi but it’s medical and my mom so whatever) she had blood in her stool
And this damn hospital does not have a gastroenterologist and instead of having an able bodied doctor get his fuckin ass into his car and drive over to see her… they transport her to another hospital in her condition – not far from where she was to begin with.
Why? So they can charge us for another ambulance ride?? And rack up more charges? Yeah … welcome to the United States 🤨 the almighty dollar! Disgusting … oh just move the patient – yeah that’s smart and considerate of patient … I am being very sarcastic, because is none of that!
Maybe I am too Californian?? That’s ridiculous move the patient – yeah money money money
This is healthcare.
Where is they oath they take? Do they even know it?
Anyway, they transport her tonight – no one could be with her because they do it late – so she gonna be confused and upset and scared.
My brother call me to vent today because he couldn’t take the doctors anymore – they suck – they never call when they say – which we understand but then they are just too busy to explain anything or give clear info. Healthcare stretched thin also.
All systems down over here.
Well anyway, my brother and I are the only ones really left – we are only ones who know that pain together… so we extremely close. I am older sister – he is my little brother – but he’s not so little lol ✌️
He is bigger than me … taller and rounder – also bald lol 😘✌️ if you see our smiles together – you can see family resemblance … we both have a lot of freckles lol …
He upset too… we lost both our parents so fast – I am so thankful to have him. We kinda cling together with everything we been through. It’s hard. He’s taken the brunt.
So anyway… my mom will be seen by this Dr and see what causing the bloody stool – which they “think” is effecting her system to fluctuate.. if they can get her system stable – we can THEN revisit the cardiologist.
Ok. So that is what I am looking at with that. Alright. But that’s my mom, please be gentle and careful at least… please treat her good. 🙏 don’t scare her.
Ok well I don’t wanna cry all up on that… so moving on…
Now we gonna touch on another touchy subject… are you ready to air out some dirty laundry? Because if you have any experience with – please help me know how to do. 🙏🙏🙏 please share experience or advice – anything know!
Ok … well … we have a sister … she is 9 years younger than me. And 4 years younger from my brother … her and my brother do not get along at all and he is done with her currently.
I haven’t spoken to my sister in a long time. Maybe 2 years? We were REALLY close once… finish sentences – we look the same only different colorings – same parents, just different 🧬 genes.
My hair is more red, hers is a dirty blonde… I am white with freckles – do not tan at all normally. She tans and has only few freckles.
I am the shortest at 5’7”… my sister is 5’9”… and my brother is 6’2” lol … my sister and I are tall and thin – leggy… my brother is tall but puts on weight as he ages – he used to be thin like us – but not now lol
My eyes are blue/green… hers are brown.
I take after Irish more… she takes after Lithuanian more. I take after my mothers side more “ALL IRISH” , my brother is good mix, and my sister is my fathers side, which is Irish & Lithuanian
We look like sisters and mannerisms are same, laugh is same, smile is same. To see us side by side is a trip. I love her. She’s my baby sister. ❤️
I am the optimistic one… I was funny, beautiful, popular no matter which state we in… always had boys asking me out … my sister was little but she would be jealous and wish she was same – she was in my shadow.
Growing up we moved around alot … but I always make friends quick, really quick – I had to… I don’t have those life long friends you have through school – we weren’t anywhere long enough for me to do that.
But was first born so… I had my whole family all to myself for 5 years before my brother came. I was the only one to know my great grandmother
I had the normal Rockwell perfect type childhood… happy loved – big close family …
My brother had same as me for large portion of his life – but he is half and half … I had it all.
But we Irish 🤨 Irish hold grudges … so after my great grandmother died, they all lost their minds and fight and then not speak 🤨 … this was the adults 😳 so then no more of that big happy family
So by time my sister was growing up – times had changed and no one spoke … the family was different …
She was 3rd born and the baby… my parents more settled by then. And they didn’t move as much, plus my dad got sick.
My dad was diagnosed with non-Hodgkins lymphoma when he was 39… I was 16… my brother was 11, and my sister was 7.
I left home at 18 to get married and start life. So when I left … my sister was only 8, almost 9. We were close but I moved out and started life so I think she maybe sad with that ? And then instead of the happy childhood “I” had… she watched my father be sick… and always at hospital and that’s your life when you sick.
So my parents felt she was robbed of that happy childhood so they babied her – she was the baby and babied anyway …
She got away with anything and they would baby her … with me they like “you a big girl, figure it out” 🤨
Meanwhile, they give her cars and help her get a hairdressing license …
One day she 18 and she say… I’m getting married on Saturday … and next thing we knew she pregnant
My dad was furious and they turn to me… my brother and my sister listen to me… so I can sometimes be voice of reason?
So I try, and she stubborn and refused to listen to anyone… so we either let her make her own mistakes or we lose her anyway. So we accept
He’s an asshole… He’s bad to her – just like mine was … we didn’t know then… but he is a loser.
We have a codependency thing… is how raised – the man is supposed to take care of the woman and the family and the woman raises the children. We supposed to be able to trust and believe – but hello have you seen the world?? So that doesn’t go over so well in this era
Also I tell you I am Irish catholic because that what we just say… because I am Irish and catholic lol ✌️ but it’s actually same as Roman Catholic which is a more rule ridden catholic in my world. (Mexican catholic is not AS strict with rules and their masses are not in Latin like Roman Catholic)
Plus since we were sheltered too… sheltered from all the bad of the world – so they didn’t teach us what to be careful of.
It created the perfect storm …
We believe that when you marry – that is it… no divorce … you can NOT divorce without sin can beat you whatever – nope not grounds for divorce.
The only way to leave a marriage without sin is when there is adultry… when mine committed adultry and the woman showed up at my door… I literally heard my chains drop!! He freed me with that cause I didn’t care after that … he was nothing to me then – and that’s when I changed my life.
Anyway… with our upbringing and the catholic rules – it was perfect storm.
With something like that – in order to change your life – you have to want it, and realize it for own self… it requires effort and change.
You have to completely change your mind set. I had to back away from the catholic religion… I do still claim catholic because that’s what I am and what I know. But I back away – I find it heavy … and it is not healthy for me with any religious rules. Nope… I can do nice and easy, pray do my thing – but no rules. You can’t tell me how or who to be. Screw that / not doing that again… so no rules – boundary drawn.
I pray my own way, privately – in the simplest form of catholic so. That’s it
My brother remains heavy catholic. Whatever – that’s his thing. When I visit him, I have to be heavy catholic for a second 😝… but I respect his ways so whatever … I’m fine with it / I just hang in the back. I don’t participate in big group. I just hang back.
My sister has nothing to do with any of it. Not even on her radar
Anyway… her and her husband always struggled – he and his family were awful people…
My parents didn’t want to see their grandchildren suffer – I was lucky in that mine worked and had work ethic… hers did not. So they help her.
But then they bleeding my parents so my dad took my mom after he was in remission for few years, and they retired to a state far away – over by me. I got to see them more ❤️ not a lot – but more
Then she would turn to my brother for help or me even far away … also my parents – always asking for help or money… and they would make you feel bad. So you help always.
I have been in a position of mercy with people – I have had moments when I had to ask for help or money … omg it’s awful – you completely at mercy and feel so small…
Awful way to live …
But it does not bother her?? She doesn’t even flinch
Never has – just thinks we should all take care of them? We have our own families and struggles
And battling through cancer – she didn’t call to see how I was – I would only hear from her if she need money.
But you can’t because it is never enough and never ends … so we distance so she can learn for herself. You can’t force someone to do what they don’t wanna do??
So… anyway… I have not spoke to her in maybe 2 years? She will text me on birthdays or holidays yes and I will her… but she will always ask for money so we just distance
We have pulled strings and called in favors… we have massive connections between me and my sister in law…
They cut every string and burned every bridge. No one had the money to support them. Neither worked… able bodied. They just don’t wanna work?? I dunno??
So… we try getting her into a womens shelter – and we got her there, it was going good … but she is adult… and he comes back – says whatever to her and she leave with him not caring what we have helped her with.
So whatever – my brother is done with her – just done.
She breaks my heart and makes me worry… I worry one day I get a call to say my sister died. So ya know?
I was working and then had to run to one of the other funeral homes – when I came back – I set my phone down…
Ugh that thing just goes off all the time – with my funeral people – my own doctors – my brother – contractors and all kinds of things. It’s always going off. Ugh that phone
The minute I put it down it went off… ugh ok … so I turn it over and it says the state my sister is in… my eyes widened… and I answer and it’s her. 😮😮
She is crying and I can’t understand her. So I ask “are you crying because of mom?”
And she stops crying and says “what’s wrong with mom?”
She has hard time to believe mom has Alzheimer’s but she is not there and hasn’t been there – it has been my brother and me!! Just us… she did nothing and never asked only for money.
Money money money – the almighty dollar.
Anyway … I avoided question about mom for moment and then there it was – crying to get money… then asked if I would get her a hotel room … they are over $150 … it won’t stop there – if you do that then she will say she starving – hasn’t eaten…
So you will have to order her food too… and then what happens tmrw night ? And the next night? What is your plan to fix?
She can’t … she is too co-dependent on him…
I ask her … are you doing drugs? She got real quiet
I said her name … and repeated the question
She said yes.
I said what drugs? Which ones?
She wouldn’t answer and when I pressed she said she can’t speak about that right now. 🤨
Ok well – mom is having issues … I do not have extra money to save her ass… and she won’t save herself
I said “ you leave him, go no contact, you come out here with me… I get you help and help you stand up… I give you job, good job – I will improve your life and you be happy, come be my sister” ❤️🙏
She refuses to go no contact with him – “she loves him and he helps her” … fuckin helps you? Do what?? Get drugs?
Once dad died – the bank of mom and dad closed.
And if you so much as give them anything – they always gonna ask. And make you feel bad.
If she go no contact with him – I help her. That is my boundary. No contact or nothing … let me move you across the country away from him. Get away from him before he kills you!!
But she doesn’t listen … so I’m sorry. I love you, but I’m sorry.
And then I feel guilty – because my parents wouldn’t want this for her.
I can’t force her to come to me… she knows my boundary so …
If she come to me – her life will change. But she is too scared or chemically imbalanced to know that. I would love to have my sister back!!
But how far in is she?? And what drugs?? What am I looking at? Some would be over my head but I have connections so… I have people I can pull in.
So. You can’t force someone to do anything – they have to want it and be ready for it. So. When she ready I’m here. But she’s gotta take a step.
What I have to do is set clearer boundaries … if you want to call me to chat that is good yes that’s fine … maybe I make her laugh so she not depressed and want to come?
But if you gonna ask me for money – don’t. The answer is no. I have breast things that I have to take care of …and my mom… and my own survival and things.
I help you… but you know what my boundary is.
She refuses to cut ties and keeps saying “but he helps me”
I hate him – is also a satan … but I don’t know how to save her… she has to do that. I can’t do for her… she has to!!!
But she has to be at a point of wanting different or hitting bottom?
She gonna miss mom. I know my mom holds on for her… she gonna miss mom and regret…
When we would all be together / me her and mom were like 3 peas ❤️ we all have same mannerisms, smiles, laugh etc lol … just a bunch of carbon copies or clones lol ✌️😘 but we were extremely close!!
I am the level headed calm one, my brother is the hot head, and my sister was the princess one
If mom dies, she will never forgive self for missing our parents. 💔 and don’t you care? I know … it’s the drugs – I know. 💔
I feel stuck between my mom and my sister now.
I can’t give her money or I can’t be with mom … so my mom deserves to have her family with her in her hour of death. If my sister would wake up – she could be there too?
I don’t think she is strong enough to make any move. There is always excuse and obviously drugs so what I do??
What would you do? What experience you have?
Yes I know, tough love because she won’t learn … we love her so much but again if she doesn’t want to help herself – nothing I do will have any worth
We do this for 30 years so we tired and we distance – she grown woman… we all make our choices
But I feel guilty because that is my blood 🩸… my sister – I love her. But I don’t know how far gone she is? I do not know she will ever leave him. Ever – she will never cut him off so 🤷♀️ you can not force – she will have to realize and want.
💔 I did not see that one coming today while I at work!! Holy crap!
Come to me… I help you … I make your life better and teach you to be strong… I protect you… come to me.
But she’s gotta go no contact. I’m sorry – I’m not bringing that drama into my life without no contact. I’m sorry. I work very hard for my own peace — I am willing to help her … but it’s not gonna be for nothing like always – so no contact or nothing. I’m sorry
That is hard too
Boy! When it rains – it monsoons!!!
So. One of those homeless – is my sister 💔
What are my options?
Also… if one more thing happens I am going back to the middle of no where!!!! Omg do I miss the middle of no where!!
Ok life – stop ✋ no more!! Stop!
Well, you already know. It’s her life. Ya gotta let her make her choices and take the consequences that go with them. Only she can decide if/when she’s ready to make changes.
I don’t hear of people looking for handouts of oxy so I’d guess meth, crack, or heroin.
A couole years after graduation, my high school BFF got addicted to coke. She’s routinely call me to ask for a $400 “loan to buy tires”, not remembering shhe’d claimed the same thing a week or earlier. One time she wanted momey for rehab. I wanted her to go but instinct told me not to give her the $$, she needed to figure it out herself. She did… and later admitted that if she’d gotten the cash she probably would have bought more coke. I could have acidentally funded her overdose instead of rehab.
I know you eant to help your sister but she’s not ready. Esp if she still thinks the world owes her an easy life.
Take care of yourself first!
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Well it is probably those pills? The oxy- that area has problem with those.
I don’t know what she capable of doing though? I want to say she would never … but that is not the case, because I don’t know 🤷♀️
I do not know what her life is. Other than difficult and constant struggle?
Yes I know, I take care of self first.
I can’t help her until she seriously ready for help. Because she exhausts us and we help her and then he has contact and she leaves.
So. She has to be done and want it. If you don’t like your life, but keep doing same things – it never change … she has to be ready for that change for herself
But again I don’t know ? She’s so beaten down with him – I dealing with drugs and codependency there
She has never been strong like me, because she was always babied.
Life is tough – we all make choices. As they say “you make your own bed”
It’s hard though – we love her … she our baby sister.
But drugs and that man have quite the hold.
Thank you for the insight and discussion on this ❤️❤️… is hard also.
It is. I lost a friendship after finding out his cancer diagnosis was actually BS and a way to get attention and money/food/etc. I would have supported him after he rehabbed but he refused to “step 9” (make amends) for taking advantage of me and that was when I bailed out.
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And if you need more help, look into the NA version of Al-Anon, the support group for people with loved ones who are alcoholics. You don’t have to go to meetings, you can read/watch info fof support.
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❤️❤️ thank you- yes … I be back later tonight to respond and read (hit snooze too many times – I am rushing lol)
Nar Anon. https://www.nar-anon.org/
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Thank you – yes I’m already working with someone and just putting the boundaries down and letting her know we here if she want change but we not gonna do free hand outs.
If she wants us – she has a place.
He just has her so beaten down to him – I need her to go no contact from him – nope 👎 she can not have contact with him! Or it won’t work.
I definitely have that hard line.
Thank you ❤️😘
Remember that you can’t run someone else’s life. If she chooses to stay with him, all you can do is suppory her. Suppport/love after a bad decision might help her accept your help to make a good decision. I dunno… you’ve been in her position, I haven’t.
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I can be here if she need to talk. But I can’t give her money.
Is emotionally draining also and I go through breast things and trying to survive myself.
I can not hold her up
Yes I give her support and love – but that is not what she need…
I help her but I teach her not do for her.
You give a man a fish – he eats for a day
You teach a man to fish, he eats for a lifetime (if he likes fish but you know what mean)
We help her before… he swoops in and it’s all in vain
She has to want it… we can’t do for her
She absolutely can come – but my boundary is no contact. She needs respite and healing. Deprograming … control alt delete restart
So. I have to stay strong myself so if she doesn’t want to do for own self – I can’t make her
Decisions in life determine your fate.
To continue to baby her does not help her – I try to give her resources and tell her what she need to do to begin. She doesn’t listen only asks for money or hotels or things
I can’t – I don’t have that kind of money!! And I work my ass off.
I am only willing to accept such drama into my life if she will agree to no contact – then I know she serious and I would jump into action!! 100% – just say those words “yes no contact ok, I’m ready”
We have tried everything for her.
Life is hard for everyone … you can not control others – they have to want for self and also need boundaries
I can’t have him in her life if she gonna get better… he’s killing her.
She has to hit that rock bottom herself before is too late ⏰
We have issues letting go ✌️
But she will never succeed if he is in her life. Nope 👎
Bad bad bad – he says whatever and every time she goes right back
So. We tired.
But absolutely we there for her. If no boundaries she just expects you to take care of her.
If she not strong I can’t be strong for her – but I am always here.
I was a little stunned and sad while reading. You do such a wonderful job of taking care of yourself and your family responsibly. But your sister like that 💔 I couldn’t believe. It’s sad and I hope she realises that there is still time to get out and fix her own life.
I hope you and your brother help her if she agrees to fix herself. She would need help. But only do it if you think she is really ready for it. Else it won’t be worth it. But it’s sad 😢.
I chuckle whenever you say “almighty dollar”. Everything is about money in this world it seems. Very capitalist and cruel. They all want money. Money or nothing. Shameful.
I hope doctor will be gentle with your mother and she will regain her health. God bless you. 🙏
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I don’t know that she has that desire to fix her life? She need people to do things FOR her, instead of doing for herself? She wants to be taken care of, but to do that you have to take care of own self first.
She has to come to realize this is her life and will continue to be, if she doesn’t change. She has to hit that. She has to be ready.
We have exhausted ourselves trying to help her. But unless she’s ready nothing will change.
Absolutely we would help her when she ready!! I could make her life so good … I didn’t have someone to guide my way… I reach out my hand every time she call for money.
But if she serious… I do require no contact with the man she is with. He is bad news and brings her down and makes her this way…
So come to me – I help her stand… she has a place … I have so much resources for help for her … I could change her life instantly!! But she’s gotta come to me and leave him.
He has her so beaten down – I don’t know?
Haha yes … almighty dollar 💵 🙄
America is kinda capitalist? Everything is money here… it is expensive
Nothing in life is free – or death cause you still have to pay for that.
All of our holidays are commercialized… I bet even if the world made a holiday like I want … the week in March to commemorate Covid and being together to remember and the world gets a week off from all its crap? … but I bet they would find a way to commercialize it?!
They also say Money makes the world go around and cash is king lol 🙄
But money CAN also be the root of all evil. Is fine line.
Depends on how people view money? Cause you do need that to survive … and is nice to not worry if able? To be able to take care of self and family is good. To make sure they eat and have shelter.
But the world – it’s never enough money.
Even government is driven around money.
How would do without money though? Because everything IS money.
California is so massively expensive! It’s crazy!
They are being gentle and good with her ❤️ I am thankful
So far she still alert and ok 🙏🙏
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