Ripple in my timeline

Well… I got to see my mom today – on FaceTime ❤️

Her New England accent is back and very noticeable – we moved around a lot – it was mixed in many dialects of the areas we lived in.

She was very swollen… one whole side of her head is black and blue from her fall… and she had tubes 💔😭

It is hard for see my mom like that. I want her, I ache for her – but she suffer. 💔😭

And then … with my dad… when he was really sick we almost lost him many times… her trauma

But every time paramedics saved him .. so we got another day… then we just believe they save always. Until one day they couldn’t.

So I worry about me to have hope she be ok – and then lose her. If I brace for her loss I be stronger. If I have hope and she doesn’t make it – I would be crushed. Puddle on floor. Not functioning at all.

I pray. 🙏 … I dunno about hope? Life is hard to trust. Nothing is promised.

I do need to brace – this is my mother… this death will be my biggest impact – it’s my mom 😭💔 she is my biggest impact 😭💔💔 I have an amazing mother 💔 I am very lucky 🍀

Anyway… she also has massive massive bruising on her arm – which they tell us… they “think” is because was hard to get her veins for IV? And things? I dunno – is massive and black and blue deeply

We ask her who I am… she called me 5 different names – of my people – but not me…

We asked her who she was… she said “I’m Trisha”

I said … “No mom, I’m Trisha” and again we ask who are you… and then she said her name ❤️

I said “I love you mom” and she said “I love you too Trisha” … there was this way she would say things with empathy and she said that with empathy… like she knew I be so sad without her?

Oh my goodness … yeah she’s my huge impact. My mom 😭💔 I miss her. I miss her in there!! I love her with all my heart … it is sooo hard

Never in a million years did I think we would lose our parents the way we did. Didn’t see that coming.

But never in a million years did I think many things… and here we are.

Oh goodness

Ok so… I will know more this week. I will find out if I need to be in Texas 😭💔

Please pray I can function too… this is someone I love with all my heart!! So this one is very hard – I love them all with all my heart … but this is my mother and she just was an incredible mother…

Very loving and gentle. Funny … kinda dorky sometimes lol but she made us laugh – she still has that personality spark ? ❤️ I still see her

The worst movie of all time… I’m sorry … but it is:

https://youtu.be/zZNC5emNyEQ

I loved Adam Sandler until that movie – the trailer makes it look like be funny… and he was normally funny then…

So I went into that movie thinking be funny… omg I do not know how many times it made me cry!

Because of time – and what you should cherish because of time.

I wish there was a remote to rewind time. I need a rewind ⏪

I just wanna wish for so much … and for things I know I can’t have. No money in the world can give me what I want, which is NOT to lose her.

I have to accept life, but I am totally not wanting to!!!

So anyway… currently they do not know what is going on… her blood pressure up and down… her kidneys up and down with functioning… and heart operating at 35% – she is in ICU … they tell me not yet… but tmrw we speak to doctors

Whew.

Ok so … you will have to bare with me through this because – I really do not know how my functioning will be? I don’t know how to process this one yet. I don’t know yet. But I am afraid.

I will bounce back but I am afraid to lose her.

I can’t imagine life without my mom. And how fast everything happened when I turn around and look back.

So I don’t know.

What you gonna do? 💔😭

My mom always loved this song…

https://youtu.be/icfq_foa5Mo

But I feel like this…

https://youtu.be/E0H3Bk3rG0U

Ugh 😩 💔 it hurt a lot 😭💔

My mom ☹️💔

Yes … I am sort of eating … not sleeping well. But I can’t help that. everything happen at same time. I can’t do all at once – one at a time

Is life – whether I want to or not… I gonna be forced to accept. Bleh!! I want to NOT be ready – but I don’t have that say.

A huge ripple in my timeline ❤️

https://youtu.be/qsIeC_bYNCY

😭😭😭😭💔💔💔💔

I don’t want to say goodbye!!! 💔😭 how I say goodbye to her??????????