Thinking

I just have so much to say… and so many thoughts about so many things … I start to write a post and then get pulled away, when I come back – I don’t want to say anymore.

Usually I just write and post immediately or that happens.

Just many things on my mind… Friday is coming and I kinda don’t want it to?? I just don’t wanna do hospitals again… I really really don’t 😩 … it be ok… but I just don’t want to – is very hard to force self

So I know that is approaching.

It’s end of school year so… I got all that going on currently!! 😳 whoa … middle of the year already 😮

So far we are making it through 2022… sorta

I put news on this morning and it was about baby formula and monkey pox?! Seriously … a new virus thing?

So my people think this is a “plan” … they think is way to control … hit with viruses … weaken economy – we be at mercy?

🙄

When they speak you think “oh that could be believable?” It makes total sense as they explain lol

But they always thinking something up ? None of us trust lol … ahhh my people lol

I do not know… I am tired of any virus so whatever. Let the chips fall where they may. I am exhausted from caring about so much stuff! So eh whatever – I am checked out… do not make me get more vaccines – I do believe I am good? I will take the risk. Whatever

Every year they push push push the flu shot… I never ever get it… never… I am alive and don’t have flu issues so … I do not want the flu shot, so I never get it – oh well whatever

With Covid… ok fine I will vaccinate because they make be so insane! They got the whole world to comply

They so dramatic and handle Covid completely wrong as they do everything… now they pushing even more for vaccines

And then who the hell caught monkey flu? really?? Wth?? Are you serious? Well then I am done.

Whatever – I had chicken pox when I was little… I know I have to watch out for shingles … and then who the hell knows what this monkey thing is.

Are we their monkeys? Cause so much push for vaccines …everywhere always for everything.

So I’m just little tired of all the drama and bs from the world. Whatever – go ahead and do your vaccines or whatever. I’m good

I miss the middle of no where alot. I miss that peace away from society!! So much!!! It’s just way too much heavy drama constantly and all the time

I like to get away from that if possible.

Well anyway… my people think is some “grand plan”

Would you put that past leadership? Or governments? Think honestly? Does anything shock you at this point – so anyway my people do not trust stuff either lol

See how I fit in there? Lol ✌️ (plus they just hilarious ❤️)

So there was this contractor I was dealing with… I don’t notice anything, because I don’t look for anything … but … I guess while I am with him and talking to him and going over things ?? He just smiles at me? Well I didn’t really notice at first?

But then all of them do… and then any time this man comes to deal with me – he just smiles and never takes his eyes off me – and he doesn’t wanna deal with anyone else … only me lol 🤷‍♀️

I was at another location and he want to swing by… I say “oh I am not there but I can have you speak to someone else” and he say, oh no that’s ok, I will wait for you 😳

Now they tease me about it… little – not in bad way… just saying “he likes you” 🙄 while they smile really huge because they think it is funny – it’s just not the first time. Is almost all the time!!

I dunno.

And then today one say… what is your type?

Well I dunno ? I do not have a type? I just wanna enjoy life and things? It’s just really gonna be how someone is with me? Towards me. So we see … not really a type?

Oh well wait… yes I have type… any type that is NOT satan or Asshole so ya know that shallows the pool a bit lol ✌️😘😄

But ya know… I just want peace ✌️… I want my final years to just be amazing – so I either do that myself or find someone who would fit right? I don’t need someone for that so if happens great, if not oh well .. I don’t look

I focus on work. Because it builds my life…

Country boy always stays in my life no matter how much I wanna push him away…

I dunno … I wanna push him away because I do not trust him… but I also think we do not understand each other? We from 2 different worlds … completely!

We not on same page because we can’t understand each other

Yet he still tries to stay in my life. And this weekend he ask me about the test because he thought I have it already … no it’s THIS week…

And then we text and he is all sweet and flirty

So that’s what I don’t get … he want to keep me in his life… but then we don’t have time for each other and I do not trust he be ok with what I want.

I watch him with his kids – one is severely disabled … he’s really good with him – caring and loving

But ya know, is exhausting and very hard to watch someone you love suffer.

But I dunno. I am comfortable with country boy and he always takes my mind away when too overwhelmed … he’s very thoughtful and has compassion for others

But we just so different and do not understand each other. He can do him … and I do me.

I can be friends and things but bothers me little but when he try to be like he want more… but he doesn’t so what is purpose? I don’t understand

He doesn’t need more friends and he has no problem with women… so what is purpose? Why keep me in mind?

I am most comfortable with him because he is gentle with me – he’s very gentlemanly and kind. He’s funny and when I lost my dad/family… and also when I had cancer … he was there ready to take me places to take my mind off things, he also did very kind things to help me get over things that mad me sad or afraid.

So ya know, he has humanity… and integrity. He’s a good man.

I most comfortable with him, because I am at ease around him. I can just “be”.

So I guess I am ok with him in my life but I definitely want what I want if a man gonna come in my life. So. Whatever

But my people say we probably be amazing together but we both cautious and not understanding each other … maybe? But whatever who knows.

I’m a little quiet with so many things and I’m in deep thought with something work related.

I have some very deep things I kinda thinking of lately … so I guess that makes me kinda quiet?

I know Friday is coming – I don’t get to have our normal Friday because of the tests. We have to do our Friday on Saturday. Which is fine. But you know… I love Friday ❤️ … just not this Friday!

I don’t know how I really feel about this Friday – the closer it gets – the more I wanna run away .

It will be better – it will be fine … it’s a different hospital. So we see

I won’t run away – but I wish I could run to the middle of no where!!

https://youtu.be/yfGm8QPSO9Q

Whatever

And I just thinking about many many things!!

I’m just in thought 💭

Anyway… is crazy week… like I said end of school year is coming up… I going going going with with too… and then all these other things

So yeah I am in thought … not bad… just ALOT of thoughts

https://youtu.be/vNfgVjZF8_4