Morning…

Good morning .

I think I am strong – but not really – only little.

My mom had something called:

Transient ischemic attack

I guess that is somewhat normal with Alzheimer’s 💔

I think because I work for a funeral home and see death everyday that I will be ok… and I already have lost her anyway.

She doesn’t remember any of us now

On one hand, that’s my mom… and like a 5 year old – I don’t want her to leave me at school!! I want to run after her and just cling to her leg!! Don’t leave!! Please stay

But I know life does not work that way.

And she has already been taken from me – I can never have her back 😭💔 so whatever

Ok I can’t talk about that any more because it makes me cry – shhh … it makes my heart bleed from inside

(Luckily I work for a funeral home and crying is normal) – not unusual ✌️

Also yesterday, I had employee issue – a very difficult one. So that sucks!! I like this person – I don’t what is going on with them?

Is serious. So that stuff is not cool. It puts me in a position.

Not only with my own job but everything so … that sucked!! Dude why?

Whatever …

And then… ya know – my marriage was abusive… so he had issues with jealousy so … in order to deal with that…

I just removed the threat… didn’t really help but was better ish

I wasn’t thrown across the room and beaten all the time so that was a bonus … and peace ✌️ sorry if that’s hard to read – whatever

Anyway… so I had all the pressure of losing my dad and grandparents, as well as, losing my mom to Alzheimer’s… and then my cancer diagnosis and Satan …

So I initially isolated to just get the F away from everyone 😘✌️ just being honest ✌️

I just wanted peace.

And then at work I am able to kinda hide away ❤️🙌

And then Satan with his shit – I just want peace.

So … anyway… there is a point to that – I am showing you larger picture 😘✌️

So… that brings me to this..

I ran into the police officer friend on Sunday.

And then yesterday…

Well there is that foreigner guy who comes and helps me with repairs and things at the funeral home… he is playful

I always keep the convo professional though

Even though he is playful – I think he tries to see if I will react … I don’t – plus I am flirty and funny lol… that’s just my personality – that’s why I hide it, reason to be silent ✌️ because no!

It would just be off the rails! Trust me – you do not even know – let me continue …

So he’s really flirting yesterday … but ya know … I am a girl with sayings lol…

Never dip your pen in company ink lol … so there is that

I work here and I enjoy working here – so I won’t destroy that ✌️ just in case – I am always careful!

And then… on my way home I HAD to stop at the gas station I used to go to 😮

My face was puffy from crying yesterday… and my make up was gone. Full glory freckles lol 😑

Anyway… I went in to pay for gas and went to get a drink too – it’s hot 🥵

As I was looking at the drinks … he came over and he said to me “Hey lady, I miss you, please come back and see me more, I miss seeing your face”

😳😮😮😮

I stay away and keep distance because I am American? I don’t want to hurt him or have him misunderstand me?

And I know the dude is all in 😮😮😮… if I ever said yes – he is signed, sealed, delivered 😮😳

Whew.

He is kind soul … and he is sincere type…

But he doesn’t know me at all – just quickly when I run in and I am quiet – I only smile and be polite

Trust me I keep distance! For these reasons!

Ok so yeah he wants to know me

And as I left again he say “please come back. I miss your beautiful face!”

You see why I am cautious now?

Ok I have to run… I be back tonight hopefully 🙏

At DA’s office gotta go

12 thoughts on “Morning…

Add yours

    1. Hahaha … well yeah … cause the post is meant to reach you 😘✌️ so people understand what others go through. Maybe understand or relate? So ya know …

      Plus is for me, because is release and just later, maybe someday – I will read again and remember those moments? ❤️😘✌️

      Lol… I was at the DA’s office because I have a homicide case 😮😉 … was handling something

      We see things you don’t think of – we handle all kinds of people and all kinds of things ✌️

      Stay well always! 🙌 💪❤️

      Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you ❤️

      It will … but I do have to lose her. ☹️ I just love her very much ❤️ all my life ✌️

      It just hurts to lose her 💔

      Always strong 💪 thank you ❤️ you too!! Stay safe also!!

      Liked by 1 person

  1. First of all, I send you hugs, tight hugs, Trisha. Secondly, I love freckles, the more the better, lol. Thirdly, maybe, just maybe let your guard down a little. From what I gather from you, you have got a playful and lively personality, so please allow yourself to be loved. Again, lots of hugs my girl!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you ❤️ … you are funny with the freckles lol you make me laugh with that – my kids used to call me Cheetah because … I have a fast pace lol … and then also I am spotted lol – like a cheetah 🐆 fast and has spots lol 😄😄 – but thank you ❤️

      Ohhhh see… the third point I am hesitant with

      So ya know?? I can be loved sure … but with the right one – I can’t just let go

      That be huge so ya know… I have to trust on that… if not then no go. I find peace on my own

      I don’t want drama – I also want honesty and to be at ease … I’m not gonna settle because I know I’m worth it AND I rebuilt my own life … so I be even extra careful

      I just want something in particular.

      I create my life to love it ❤️ and I do love who I am, and what I have. I cherish my life completely … so…

      I don’t want just whoever coming close to me. I am fine by myself – happy with the peace … it’s very peaceful ❤️ I can breathe ❤️ I don’t walk on eggshells and I don’t fear.

      It would be nice to have company yes of course. I just want the right one – not just anyone, so I can wait. I am fine waiting … and if never then ok. I have peace right? ❤️

      After going through everything – I am fine to have the peace, if I do not find that love.

      I would love love… but I do also love peace

      So anyway … I’m open-ish-sorta lol …

      But I will say … people say things to me all the time that make me think…

      Today, as matter of fact – someone said to me… don’t keep putting your life off…

      Which I know!! Yes.

      But I just feel strongly about making sure is ok and someone who I can trust and depend on … I want a good life, love or not.

      I have few close people to me that fill my life with love and support ❤️❤️❤️ so ya know we see.

      Thank you for the hugs 🤗❤️🥰

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Your point of peace, freedom, and independence is VERY valid. These are vital if we are to thrive, and of course love of family and friends. The thing is, you will know when you meet the right person, I think. You are right to be hesitatant, — till the right person comes along. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Well right doesn’t mean “perfect” … but yeah – I will know. Pretty sure lol ✌️😘

        I just wanna be happy and at ease… however that happens – I am just very cautious

        There is someone who flirts with me constantly… no matter how straight and narrow I keep convo – he brings it “full flirt” 😮

        So I fricken said… if you are looking to know someone ,
        You don’t do that at work!

        And then he said … well I had to start somewhere 😮

        But actually you could say that to anyone… because of course you do have to start somewhere lol

        But I am usually very secured and locked down ✌️

        I do not have the heart bleed left to handle umm?? Crap? So…

        I do not quite trust my?? Views? Yet?

        I am the kind of person who mostly sees good in things or people 🤨 so I just be quiet and observe – see who they are first.

        I also know what I am or am not, ok with.

        But I am not saving or anything on purpose … only because I feel more comfortable that way.

        So ya know … is not gonna be easy getting to me lol

        But yeah – I suppose ya have to start somewhere lol ✌️

        I’m not worried. When you experience things – you just learn to appreciate life itself

        I am emotions and with my mom … my heart already breaks …

        So – I just hold back because … you know… my heart will break and those things are personal … I will be inconsolable at first – happens every time. I just have to cry it out

        I just need to know who they are and people can put on show for awhile… so you just see.

        I don’t want to be in any bad situations

        I am just careful – I know I would not be able to handle the emotions of relationships – I just can’t

        So I take my time. I have peace …which I didn’t have for a long time – most of the marriage. And then with all those hard hitting events … yeah peace ✌️… it is something I cherish very much ❤️

        Peace is dangerous in that way… because when you don’t have it – you long for it… and when you have it… you really love it.

        Plus the cancer made me really cherish just things. Not that I didn’t before, I always did.

        Just a little more – with smaller things – details 😘✌️ do not take for granted

        But …I do know love ❤️ … I had the most incredible childhood so I am very lucky – I was very loved ❤️❤️❤️

        Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

        I was sheltered from bad stuff lol … I believed the world, and everything in it, was sooo good for everyone… but we all know that’s not the case … I’m just saying – when children are sheltered they are not aware of the ways of the world? And then when they stand alone… it’s just difficult. So easier and more peaceful to just go slow … and then certain things are also going to be emotional so ya know 🤷‍♀️

        I have never dated as adult – only teenager lol – a million years ago and it is WAY faster now 😮😮 and that’s a huge no!!!

        Yeah I can’t have that😳 way over my head!!!. I would not do good with that.

        But the good things is – I know myself ❤️✌️ and I do know what I can handle. I am careful.

        You just never know so. Totally not my world either

        So ya know I am ok with taking slow … I am still loving and cherishing life (mostly lol ✌️ – I have a few complaints) kidding lol

        But I still love life so – someone would have to enhance that, and of I would have to be at ease with it. We see

        It is vital I know who is beside me 😮😮😮 lol

        ❤️✌️

        If anyone gonna stand beside me in the second half of my life – oh boy they better be amazing lol ✌️😘

        Where is the love 😘

        Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply to Bon Repos Gites Cancel reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑

%d bloggers like this: