Good morning .
I think I am strong – but not really – only little.
My mom had something called:
Transient ischemic attack
I guess that is somewhat normal with Alzheimer’s 💔
I think because I work for a funeral home and see death everyday that I will be ok… and I already have lost her anyway.
She doesn’t remember any of us now
On one hand, that’s my mom… and like a 5 year old – I don’t want her to leave me at school!! I want to run after her and just cling to her leg!! Don’t leave!! Please stay
But I know life does not work that way.
And she has already been taken from me – I can never have her back 😭💔 so whatever
Ok I can’t talk about that any more because it makes me cry – shhh … it makes my heart bleed from inside
(Luckily I work for a funeral home and crying is normal) – not unusual ✌️
Also yesterday, I had employee issue – a very difficult one. So that sucks!! I like this person – I don’t what is going on with them?
Is serious. So that stuff is not cool. It puts me in a position.
Not only with my own job but everything so … that sucked!! Dude why?
And then… ya know – my marriage was abusive… so he had issues with jealousy so … in order to deal with that…
I just removed the threat… didn’t really help but was better ish
I wasn’t thrown across the room and beaten all the time so that was a bonus … and peace ✌️ sorry if that’s hard to read – whatever
Anyway… so I had all the pressure of losing my dad and grandparents, as well as, losing my mom to Alzheimer’s… and then my cancer diagnosis and Satan …
So I initially isolated to just get the F away from everyone 😘✌️ just being honest ✌️
I just wanted peace.
And then at work I am able to kinda hide away ❤️🙌
And then Satan with his shit – I just want peace.
So … anyway… there is a point to that – I am showing you larger picture 😘✌️
So… that brings me to this..
I ran into the police officer friend on Sunday.
And then yesterday…
Well there is that foreigner guy who comes and helps me with repairs and things at the funeral home… he is playful
I always keep the convo professional though
Even though he is playful – I think he tries to see if I will react … I don’t – plus I am flirty and funny lol… that’s just my personality – that’s why I hide it, reason to be silent ✌️ because no!
It would just be off the rails! Trust me – you do not even know – let me continue …
So he’s really flirting yesterday … but ya know … I am a girl with sayings lol…
Never dip your pen in company ink lol … so there is that
I work here and I enjoy working here – so I won’t destroy that ✌️ just in case – I am always careful!
And then… on my way home I HAD to stop at the gas station I used to go to 😮
My face was puffy from crying yesterday… and my make up was gone. Full glory freckles lol 😑
Anyway… I went in to pay for gas and went to get a drink too – it’s hot 🥵
As I was looking at the drinks … he came over and he said to me “Hey lady, I miss you, please come back and see me more, I miss seeing your face”
I stay away and keep distance because I am American? I don’t want to hurt him or have him misunderstand me?
And I know the dude is all in 😮😮😮… if I ever said yes – he is signed, sealed, delivered 😮😳
He is kind soul … and he is sincere type…
But he doesn’t know me at all – just quickly when I run in and I am quiet – I only smile and be polite
Trust me I keep distance! For these reasons!
Ok so yeah he wants to know me
And as I left again he say “please come back. I miss your beautiful face!”
You see why I am cautious now?
Ok I have to run… I be back tonight hopefully 🙏
At DA’s office gotta go