It might be me?

Ok so Wednesday …

First at work, YESTERDAY I said something to someone about that… I was just looking at the notary information. Just reading so I had mentioned that YESTERDAY – just in conversation 😮

I didn’t think anything else of it.

And then today, my boss said “are you interested in becoming a notary?” 😮😮

Instantly I remembered yesterday lol – and the conversation! Did she mention to the boss? 😮

But yes!! I am interested ❤️❤️❤️ teach me more ❤️❤️❤️❤️

So they are going to pay for all of it – for me to become a notary ❤️ … so my value just went up lol ❤️❤️ yay! 🙌

What else can I do? Lol ❤️

I asked my coworker if she had said something and she swore she did not 😮😮😮

I put that out there – and then it happened 😮🙌

See … magical powers 😘✌️ .. “believe” in yourself 😘❤️✌️

And then… I am still not very sure with country boy because I just don’t know? I like him, and he’s hot and everything – but I don’t know??

I appreciate him, he has been an incredible friend, he does actually he treat me very delicately lol. Very gentle.

He is gentle and slow and kinda lets me just be me? He doesn’t pressure although he is persistent – he is persistent but… one problem I have – is that he sucks with communication and I am huge with communication lol … yeah so ?? That could bother me?

I am thinking through

Ok wait – he offers what I want. 🤔 hmm… I need to have a list of more items that scare men – there is no way someone getting past a ton of them lol ✌️ then maybe??

But um… I still need time – I know he offers what I want – but he isn’t in my life a lot. At all. Extremely rarely. He does not live near me. He lives maybe hour or so away.

So I need to know him more – I like him, I am attracted to him, and he offers what I want…

BUT… I don’t know him well. So ya know. I’m still cautious.

You can talk a good game but let’s see your follow through.

I don’t know. That right there makes me nervous. I don’t think he can – but I also didn’t think he would agree to what I want 😮😮

And just because you pass that, I still need to feel at ease. I don’t trust country boy in that way??

I trust him in the way that, he is not and has never been any kind of drama – he is peaceful and chill, sweet gentlemanly – nice guy 😊

But I don’t know if I trust him to have my soul at ease? There is something?? I am not at ease. 😮

Ok so I want the thing that I want… and I need to be at ease and I need to breathe?

He might be too different than me?? He is very country… I am not very country lol (I only live there because I love the peace)

I don’t want to just be blinded, I want to see the whole picture.

He is going to be a hard core man… I very girly and very womanly lol – that could also be a conflict – we are not gonna understand each other 😮

But I don’t know, because he does surprise me sometimes? Like he “half” gets it or somethin? But not a 100% lol

He can be amazing – but there is just something that ?? I don’t know … doesn’t sit right?

But he does offer me what I want 😮 and that is rare. So I dunno?

And anyway?? With him I don’t even know what that means??

Ok so anyone can tell me you gonna give me that… we see … I am making a larger list lol 😘✌️

I don’t live near him, I never see him – I have a busy life – so what exactly does he want? He really confuses me. Is that so he doesn’t have to do much? Cause I am busy? We each have our own busy lives so ?? What is the point of that?? So ya know whatever …I am not sure

I have never made it to this point before. Ugh 🤦‍♀️ and him of all people I just didn’t expect.

I don’t know.

And then a friend kinda lectured me because I keep to self, and he is offering what I want … yeah but I know it’s never going to be perfect – I get that.

But there is something about him that makes me feel heartbreak ?? It’s weird?? I don’t know??

So yeah??? I do not know “what happens now” 😮

Cause I still have a busy life and so does he… so when he supposed to know me? We busy… so wait … 😮 I have to think because hold on!!!

Omg I think I understand why the thing I asked for did NOT scare him 😮😮😮

Ok wait – wait just a minute…

Oh no …ok well how he is taking it – i will need to clarify

I will have to fix this 🤨

I am sure he enjoys the busy life and minimal socializing lol

I don’t know. I’m not really independent like that. That’s why I am careful for anyone to come in close – my heart is way too sensitive – so just easier and peaceful being protective

But someone told me, my ex just wants it like that.. because he still kinda has a slight power there – it is because of him

So now I just am too terrified… and I can’t have someone come in so closely like that… and what I ask for and want, needs supportive measures lol 😘✌️

What I want – I want to umm 🤔 well it’s just kinda personal and so I don’t know if I actually trust him? And then there is this heartbreak feeling when I talk to or text him?? I have no idea why?? That has never happened ever ever before? There is just a sense of …I don’t know ?? Heartbreak?

So I don’t know.

I need time.

~ sigh ~

I really like him, and he would be amazing… but there is something ?? Just something I can’t really figure it out ?? But I feel a heartbreak ?? …so I don’t know, I have no idea where that feeling is coming from – maybe he trying to come too close??

Maybe it’s me? I don’t know?

I am the one who wants to run 😮 sorta … with heavy feet because he offers what I want lol

But when I say what I want / I really mean it.

So I don’t know. I don’t know what any of it means? I do not know what happens now?

But I do know – he is gentle and kind – very sweet.. always makes sure I am comfortable and happy – so I need anything he always asks lol …

But I don’t know?? I feel a heartbreak somehow?? Something?

It’s really weird?? I never felt that with him before?? Is it because he’s trying to come close?? Cause now – I do not know??

But that feeling halts me completely 😮 so I am still unsure with him?

He’s amazing, all of it… he says what I want is fine with him (although I am going to clarify my meaning of what I want because I am not sure which terms he took that in 🤨) I want to make sure is the correct meaning and thing I want 😘✌️

Just to be clear ✌️

So anyway – I do not really know … Ok so it is me – yup – I am pretty sure it is me.

I just need time – and I don’t really feel at ease enough to really let my guard down with him.

I don’t want to remain guarded with someone close. So hmm – check that too

Yeah it’s me 😮

I need time.

So… not really sure of anything actually

4 thoughts on “It might be me?

Add yours

  1. You crack me up when you have these circular debates with yourself, never quite giving enough info for us to know the real issue.

    Absolutely not a complaint or criticism. I genuinely enjoy it.

    My take would be that that “something” you feel is a reason to stay back. I was just commenting with another blogger about soothing myself by figuring relationships that seemed good but never worked out were Life’s way of preventing me from dating a psycho killer. Or, for real figuring that it prevented me from being somewhere or doing something that leads to my death. #DontJudgeMyCrazy

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Lol – I do have circular debates with myself lol 😄

      Thank you ❤️ it helps me sort out my thoughts 💭

      Yeah well I am slow moving anyway.. but there is something that is making me hesitate?

      I am paying attention – I won’t just jump.



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