Whew

I can’t stay… I’m sorry – this week will be bad.

I have lawyers tmrw … I have homework tonight – I feel sick

They were gonna have me be in the same room with him – but I couldn’t breathe, my heart just races and I wanted to throw up – I can’t – I just can’t

So instead tmrw we zoom

I don’t have to be on camera

We offered him a decent settlement … but being who he is… he turned it down… and rebutted with nothing

So I said bring it before a judge then.

All he ever says about me are all lies … and you should see how bad they are!! He makes me just want to always cry. He’s so awful 💔 thats why I call him Satan – he’s that bad …

Satan would be an angel – next to him.

He says every possible bad thing you could think to say about someone – he says that about me – to literally everyone and puts it in court papers too to try to taint their opinion of me… so ok – do your worst.

I do not trust and I am scared and terrified – but I DO finally have a peace knowing I have a lawyer who is fighting beside me ❤️ and he’s honest and caring … completely showed me all lawyers are not jerks looking to take your money – some actually care and truly want to help. ❤️ I finally have a good one ❤️ but he even uses that to say I am bad…

He says is because I am such a bad person they just won’t work with me… the first one filed nothing on my behalf and responded to nothing leaving me completely defenseless and homeless with nothing – took my money and didn’t help me – I am reporting them to the California State Bar.

And the second one defended me but did not fight for me because she was not paid – I had nothing to give her and he was ordered to pay legal bills so he would pay her $20 here, $10 there … not enough for her fees … she helped me until covid and she retired and left it all on my lap!! Moved to Boise Idaho … just said “I’m retiring and moving to Idaho, you are on your own” and within a short amount of time she was gone – remember? I had to keep asking for extensions and the courts allowed it – remember I fought for that? And he didn’t even show up? Covid had just started shut downs – do you remember ? I went and he didn’t – the courts gave me the first extension … and then I asked for another while I obtained legal counsel – I do not understand their paperwork in the slightest – and my case is GIANT!! GIANT!!! There is no way I could have defended myself against him

This is my last one and my last chance of anything so – we see … this one is actually helping me and fighting for me

Both this one – and the one I had prior … did cut my fees to them… she gave me a low rate … and my current lawyer never charges me…

He will spend 2 hours at a time with me and I don’t know if he forgets but he he never charges me ❤️ he has done this several times – I once tried to cancel on him because I knew I couldn’t pay or keep up with it…

So he tell me … you pay me even just $10 a month… and I will stand beside you… don’t cancel – so I did not cancel and I went to see him at his office. I was scared though because I was afraid that it was just over and I was done. But he didn’t let that happen ❤️

He hasn’t charged me since and I keep putting money in there

I still do have money in the retainer trust thing… but every month I pay him $50 at least, more if able, so that he stays with me and I continue to have money going in there.

I pay every month … they even say to me “you still have money in your trust account, you don’t need to pay” I always tell them – let me pay… if at the end you do not use, you can refund. (But they deserve it anyway, because they help me ❤️) I would rather have it that way then be at any mercy…

And do you remember me telling you about a guy in that office? Ugh 🤦‍♀️

Well one day my cell phone rang and because I always talk to him when I initially call – my stupid phone said “maybe it is this person” 🤨 so I answered “hello this person!!” All cheery

But it was not him… was some woman in that office, who then chuckles 🤨 and said oh I bet you wish it was him, it’s just me sorry 🤨 … no!!! Not like that at all!! It was my stupid phone!!

I am sure she told him about that!! 🤨 stupid phone!! Now I don’t trust that “maybe whoever” thing it does

Well anyway … today he answered and I sort of explained why I can’t see my ex directly, it causes me too much issues.

And he says… it’s ok, I am working tmrw – I will be here tmrw … I am not really sure what to think on that

And he’s really sweet to me and says really sweet things like … well he doesn’t work on my case – but he knows my case – they all do. And he always makes a point to say something about what I have been through and my strength.

He’s been through something but I don’t know what? But he always references it up against mine … and says things like his is nothing compared to mine 😮

I can’t imagine what he has been through – I am also very cautious and not overly trusting especially with men so I keep a distance – I am very quiet anyway – maybe he tries to pull me out? I just smile a lot – but I am quiet

😮 at the time I spoke to him I was scheduled to be in a small conference room with my ex so I was panicking – nope 👎 I can’t do that, but his words were very kind – when I panic I am breathless I go very slow to catch my breath and breathe correctly – you can tell in my words

But they changed that for me ❤️ I am safe now ❤️❤️❤️❤️ zoom only – I can handle that.

But I do have homework because I have to defend myself about his lies – that way my lawyer can catch him in all the lies and I don’t have to say or do anything

They will pause meeting to speak with me privately if needed so I do not have to speak ❤️ thank you for that ❤️

Alright so I am scared and nervous – he is still attempting to bully… so it will be fine. I have made it this far.

My coworker today has a similar story she shared with me – I had no idea 😮 and so in me – she sees it all over again.

The same way seeing someone go through cancer brings up all those rush of emotions … is the same here as she watches me go through this. Hers was also really abusive 😮 very similar to mine!! 😮😮

But anyway… we see

It is going to come down to literally good vs evil so showdown time.

I have tmrw and Friday of this week and then the 29th and 30th

Those will be my moments of sheer panic – but I am also almost done, I can handle it

My coworker said to me… one day he won’t have fear over you and you won’t be afraid of him anymore. I can’t really imagine that? But we see – I wish for that 🙏❤️

I have to go 😘✌️ Gnite

Ps also… you never know in life what another goes through – you might see their smile and their happiness … but do you know what they truly go through?

So good vs evil – ready? 😳

And pps… I am taking my name back ❤️❤️❤️ I am so thrilled to have “me” back ❤️❤️❤️