Tense

😮 uh oh

Life needs to stop throwing things at me!!

Today… I had to do some work… my office manager work. So I didn’t want to drive all the way into the city…

So I called the funeral home in my town and asked if I could use their location. I did that yesterday. I already knew I would need to do that.

So I went in this morning … 😮

First of all, that funeral home is beautiful. Is literally right here for me – driving in was nothing. No highways nothin!!! Plus this is my town – but is also the town I am quiet in.

It was peaceful, I wasn’t bothered… I got work done ❤️

But then she talking to me about “her” office manager job 😮

Uh oh

And it sounds so good, and she willing to share me 😮 it could work post covid – because I be in my town and it be easier – I be right here ❤️ no more Sacramento

But then … my boss – I was given a chance, and I was put here – did that for me!

Ok and then … my girls ❤️ I love working with them… and I am learning etc.

But the problem is… if I were to take the closer position… I would have to do the direct cremations? So she could do the services contacts.

So I would be required to meet with families – and because is small town… small tiny little western town… they are meeting with families in person, and doing outreach things 😮 putting on events and stuff

And we have strict restrictions in Sacramento … this is a different county… they are not as hard hit as Sacramento … but do I even want that exposure – however …I will have the second shot this week – so I would be fine? But still it makes me nervous?

We are on high alert still in Sacramento … we handle strictly because we do care about our families and staying safe …

This one, is not as restricted 😮 am I ok with that? I don’t know.

And then that also means I will be out in public and coming back… because they know me here.

And this manager is high energy she tell me… I am not really sure what exactly that means??

But not only is she doing everything all by herself … she is the Vice President of this club and the president of that club 😮 … tons and tons of clubs…

And my daughter knows her daughter from elementary – 3rd grade 😮

She is single mom like me.

But I don’t know.

She tempts me with how close… but I am leery about meeting with families? But I guess for direct cremation maybe? Cause I don’t think I have to upsell that one – is quick easy done – so they say 🤨

She tempts me… but I love my boss and adore my girls ❤️

So wait – ok… I know that it is business and not friendship… I get that… and the closer location would be just amazing!! And they are not as crazy insane as mine is… but then it might be with doing office manager and direct cremation!

And I still learn a lot – my girls help me along and Vice versa … so I love it there ❤️ I would miss them. But I also know I have to do what would be best.

I so want to work right here in town, I would be home right away after work ❤️

But I have weights on both sides 😮

I told her I would want to talk to my boss and also my girls first. And I am not sure about meeting with families ? I am nervous of that like that for some reason? And I really am still completely learning this office manager position and my location is such a mess …

She said hers is not a mess, nice and organized – ready to jump in 😮

Oh temptations – but I am still organizing and learning office manager and I can do that with just that so I can learn first?

But is very tempting

Anyway.. that happened. I wrote that earlier

And then … I came home – took a nap cause I was exhausted… and then my neighbors asked me to come over so I went and helped with something and they give me alcohol 😮 only one drink but I don’t ever drink.

I do not drink usually – so I am an extreme lightweight – I turn red and get giggly lol – you would know immediately lol

Anyway I am home now. I walked home, they are right next door – I walked over to begin with.

I am tired again lol … also not used to alcohol either so feel weird but whatever

I don’t like the way alcohol makes my tummy feel.

I guess once in a blue moon is fine – but I feel off.

I am very lightheaded 😮 and I don’t like how it feels.

Now I remember why I do not drink. Sometimes I forget why I stay away from things and then I get reminded

That actually happens a lot – and lately more than usual

So anyway. I should probably go to bed. I’m a little stressed with everything at work, and then my mom, court, the kids. “Things”

So just tense and stressed – still love life so you never have to worry there … I am usually really strong there. Pretty solid with loving life.

But just tense with things because I feel like I have the world on my shoulders for one moment through things

I’m fine. I find my balances. I have been through much worse so this be nothing. I am strong.

But I am also just tense.

Life just likes to see how much it can pile on. Whew ok. Bring it 💋✌️

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7 thoughts on “Tense

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    1. Thank you 🙏 it will be fine. I think court makes me really nervous because I am tired and they have been brutal. So once court is over tons of weight will be over ❤️

      End of March… I’m almost done 🙏❤️ I hope goes well 🙏🙏🙏

      The rest I can handle. But court I don’t trust or believe in.

      Thank you 😘✌️

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Well yes to be done. I will finally be free ❤️ sorta ..mostly.

        I can’t wait to fully be away from him… it’s been 4 years now!! It partially took so long because I had cancer for a big portion of that.

        So we coming up on trial – and then I can be somewhat done with him.

        When daughter is 18 – I can be done with him! Until then I am only partially done.

        But the divorce will finally be done ❤️ that is a relief

        Liked by 1 person

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