Just the way it is…

I forget why I hide sometimes. I forget why I chase peace so hard 😮 … and then sometimes I am reminded why I stay silent, because I forget…

I forget because everyone hides with me sorta, so I am all normal lol ❤️😘✌️ I am free to isolate normally ❤️😘 yes I am aware that is not right – it’s fine for right now. I am at peace like that so whatever for right now.

And I’ve been just staying away from everything – only work and home. Even my normal store trips – I order online day before and then go pick up my order which is ready for me and they just put in my trunk ❤️

That is the fricken balls right there ❤️ … I just stay in my car and they load everything for me 🙌 … they have spoiled me lol ❤️

But today… daughter wanted a few things for the week 🤨 ok fine… that means I have to go inside 😮😮😮

Ok – it won’t be bad right?? 😮😮 um holy moly … ok where do I begin??

Well from the minute I walked inside 😮 ok… so this is covid? And evidentially the supermarket is the new meat market 😮 … if you understand what I am saying 🤨 omg

Yes now I remember why I stay away from everything!!! That’s a huge reason!!

So first guy talking to me – ok well whatever – I am picking out vegetables and he’s all into having conversation lol

I am always polite – little shy and quiet, but I answer and I’m polite trying to keep distance

I am little uncomfortable when being hit on like that, I know it’s what they do but hmm… I don’t know – I am just uncomfortable

And then… let me say something… because this always happened to me anyway… but in general. Averagely … it’s gonna happen when you are a woman – that is just the way it is. But is just a lot or seems like more and more as I fricken age!!! ??? But then I have been hidden away too so?? I just forget. Now I remember – I have always had issues

And it’s not really a big deal because I guess that is a way to know people. And you never know when that timing be right? So I guess

But I am just weird and uncomfortable with it. First of all because… I just want to get in and get out!!

And then secondly – I never go out thinking these things happen to me and then they do and it’s weird – not bad – but weird and very weird lol

This was not the store I normally go to or order from… I went to a different store.

I never can fly under the radar without being noticed… even with a mask!! The mask did not shield off these things!! 😮

And ya know – before all this… I was just a mom… I was kinda isolated raising the kids but whatever – I loved being a mom

And then I was sick for a little while and all that… so ya know I really actually haven’t been out around people never mind ever dating lol

And then I am in line with probably the largest carriage … and one guy comes right over to me and says here come on over here – I will take you

So I immediately get helped … and he talking to me having full conversation lol and after me he was done lol so what?? 🤷‍♀️ there were still long lines… he only handled me

And then this one guy passes by me and does these eyes lol … do you know those eyes I am speaking of?

First of all… way way way too young!!! No sorry – I have an age limit 😘✌️ lol – you couldn’t handle me otherwise … must be over a certain age to ride on this ride lol 😄😘✌️ (it’s funny when you relate it to things lol)

But anyway… he passes by me and does these eyes like hmm… ok well I am just going to call them “F me eyes” because that is what is was 🤨… when you look like you want to devour someone yes … all up and down… yes … like that!!!

Ugh 🤦‍♀️

Ok whatever – this is why I order online and do pick up lol … covid is just added excuse for me lol 😘✌️

Ok well whatever – I make it out of the store as fast as possible.

And I have one last store that I wanted to stop at… because I wanted something …

🤨 but the entire staff was men 🤨 umm can I have some women for women things? Lol but whatever – if you gonna hire men then they gotta handle me lol ✌️😄

So whatever – at this point just whatever …

So I go up to him and I say “hello, I don’t know what I am looking for is called – but I would like a bra that is not like wearing a bra” lol 😄😄

It’s because I hurt … and I don’t always want to wear that bra… and I can’t go without one if I will be doing “anything” because my right side is really bad

So I want one of those sticky bras so I can have a sort of bra to help hold ❤️ but not really a bra and more free lol ✌️ I am tired of the hurty bra – I don’t want to wear one… but I will need something just to hold me

Hahaha his face lol – little red but whatever, he was sweet and then at the check out he gave me tons of discounts lol ❤️

So that was my adventurous outing today 😮😳

Now I remember why I hide, I had forgotten. Oh yeah. That was one of the reasons – not all of them, but a big one.

But then it’s a double edged sword…

When I hide away – no one sees me… and I just stay away and there is peace 🙌

But when I go out in public – I am new because I usually do not go out anywhere, and then I turn heads in general so then there is issues for me. That’s always going to be a thing. I thought it would slow with age but it only picks up even more!!!

Not bad thing. Just things I am uncomfortable or shy with. And then also it’s always going to be a thing so any man who gonna approach me better make sure he is secure – but if you know me – you would be …so would not be an issue

I’m just not ready. Emotionally I have some heavy hits coming so I really can’t have anything derailing me right now.

And anyway… I really don’t know. I really need to know someone first. That’s like a prerequisite…

But then I also have to give someone a chance to know me also lol – which I don’t do often

And if I do give someone a chance, I also lay all my stuff out – because do not touch if you can’t handle what I go through. I still go through things and I’m not looking for stupid little shit (sorry to be blunt – I am not just looking for sex …so you instantly lose my attention if you aim at that)

Unfortunately that is a very incorrect aim. That be absolute kiss of death to me. You done before you start. ✌️ do not lead in with sex!!! Bad bad bad

And also catches me off guard and I do not know how to actually handle so don’t do that!! It just makes me run away lol … nope

Be a gentleman… relax – chill… be kind. Take your time – also don’t be creepy lol 😄✌️

Do not act like you have not seen another woman in a thousand years lol

And I don’t need constant attention!! Oh my god, these boobs just draw so much attention! My other ones – the ones I was born with… were just normal and sat normal, was proportionate

These are definitely high 🤨 and then any thing you wear looks provocative 🤨

I definitely can not wear sweaters anymore 😮😳 omg… in a sweater is just so large looking so nope

But anyway… I remember why I hide.

Sometimes I forget and little things flash me back. Then I remember all of it. Bleh.

Well whatever

That’s just the way it is 💋

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I could NOT decide which song because I love them both ❤️ so I pick them both ❤️ each one reminds me of the other ❤️

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So alright then. So far I am still alive so that is going well for me. ✌️

I am also little stressed with things personally so… little on edge. And then this week I walk into tons of funerals all week long!! Every day!!

I was thinking earlier… ok I have week full of funerals

Could I possibly figure out how to be strong for losing my mom? If I watch them, let me see how goes. Maybe I can find some kind of way to grasp different? So I will just observe.

There has to be something to make it not so heart bleeding. I kinda have a little something – because when she goes – I will imagine her with my dad again ❤️ so for love I want that for her.

But it still doesn’t help my own heart ?? It’s like the heart does not listen at all and just does however it feels! 🤨

So anyway – I am learning stuff or trying to ✌️ but yes little sensitive with my personal things …

Alright well I do have things I need to handle – I will try to be back. ❤️

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😄😄 of course I am going to have fun with it too… because if I have to endure being uncomfortable and stuff – I might as well make it funny ❤️✌️ – see comedy ❤️ it will take the edge off ❤️ see it just made me smile ❤️✌️