Rain, jumping, wanting

It literally POURED all night long!!! The power of the rain pounded down all night! Lol

It says it will rain again this afternoon – but it has somewhat-ish …paused for now.

Now I do not have to worry with power shut offs – they didn’t shut my power off once this year 🤨😄 I am both happy, but I was also totally prepared and ready to try out my survival skills lol – that didn’t happen lol … but that is a good thing

That was our first good rain!! It is still raining lol

Anyway…

So I am doing things and I have some hesitations?? I should not have any hesitation, but I do.

With looking for jobs… ok well… I’m going to have to stop hiding away. I dunno. I kinda like that alot lol 😘✌️ (peaceful) I will have to peel myself away from that. I like it way too much

I can look as hot as I want to … and not really have to worry. Unless I get out of the car somewhere – no one usually sees me lol ❤️ just coworkers and the occasional person … but I don’t have to have guards up there

But I guess I understand… cause I’m trying to think … if there is a good looking man all dapper dressed up and looking good … yeah ok fine … yes you would turn my head

But that’s only the attraction level area. That has nothing to do with who a person is.

And also… I do not throw myself at men… the way men do at women 🤨🙄

But whatever

That is a hesitation though – cause ok there is going to be that again …ok I can do it …maybe… let’s see (I prefer to avoid that as much as possible)

Oh god.. yeah makes me a little tense when I think about, but it will be fine!! It will all be fine. 🙌

So that’s the first hesitation … I just worry… I have become comfortable 😮

My second one is that… this job is essential – so I get to work still if there is a shut down.

I could still survive- what will happen anywhere else? … I don’t want to be around too many people – I am a wuss 😘✌️ I just want to stay away and have peace ✌️

I’m just nervous – little bit

So on one hand – I have that jump feeling … like when you close your eyes, hold your breath and jump? Just believe you gonna come out fine on the other side, hope for the best.

Sometimes that just works.

But then the other side is like – and you want to leave this isolation?? Get to work by myself sometimes – am hidden away… have awesome coworkers – why do I want to leave? Oh yeah – not enough money, too far, too much stress… ok

So… Ok I am little scared – shhhh 🤫 if not now… then when? Just do it, right ?

I do think so yes… but then I kinda feel panic with that too. It’s fine… it will be totally fine.

I have always loved all my jobs very much… this is first one that I am not loving like should be. It did have a purpose though, and I have loved it… it has been a godsend through everything… but it’s just the corporation – it’s not going to change – I have to. 😝 and something is sketchy but I can’t really figure out what is specifically?

www.youtube.com/watch

I just worry but whatever –

It will be fine. Everything will be fine

Reminds me of swimming…

I am a strong swimmer been swimming all my life ❤️

If the water is cold and you let me feel it – I will take forever 😄✌️ I have to brace myself for it – prepare – come to terms that ice cold is gonna be engulfing my body lol

If I just jump right in, I will have the initial instant cold shock 😳🥶 … but I still swim and then it becomes accustomed to me and body gets used to it ❤️ I just have to jump 🤨 lol – I am just on the cautious side that’s all

So it will be fine… I’m just saying my hesitations and concerns … doesn’t stop me – just makes me nervous, so you get to hear about it ✌️❤️

(And yes I and trying to convince myself it will all be fine lol 😘✌️.. which it will be – whatever is given will have to be fine) bleh

One moment while I jump lol kidding – checkin the water first lol

How do you do it? Do you just jump?? That is both thrilling and also terrifying

And then what’s that saying ?? Someone said it recently… I can’t remember who posted about it sorry… but it’s that saying about “what if I fail? Oh but what if you fly?”

So I have to risk the fail? Right? Ok / yes let me line my jump up and I will do that lol 😄😘✌️

See life has to push me along because I am that duckling that lags behind lol …

Life will sometimes push me to go faster 🤨🤨 also… will push me to face things I do not like 🤨 lol

Ok fine whatever

It will all be fine 😘✌️

I will make it amazing ✌️ but ughh getting it there is just little unnerving with stuff

And what do I want??? What do I want?? I am not sure? Ennie Meanie Miney Mo? I don’t even know what I want?? 😮

I sort of do? But not really. ??

All my jobs have been unique and versatile … none are like the others ✌️

I don’t know – whatever – what do I want now? 🤔

See I feel both excitement and fear!!! Ok whatever bring it on

www.youtube.com/watch

(I still feel nervous)

Work is asking me to work tmrw and Friday – hours have to be prerecorded this week 🤨

Ok I have to run ✌️