Ok let’s see… my favorite day!! Friday – woo hoo! ❤️
Let me see if I can remember everything cause my days are just nuts!!
Ok work… I worked today … guess who I got to work with for a minute lol – yup my favorite guy!! Dude he is just so funny!! Just adore him!
I light up to see him, and he lights up to see me… we totally click and enjoy each other sooo much!!! He is awesome!! He should give lessons to guys on how to be lol … I’m kinda kidding but not really – he is just awesome!!
We are business when we need to be – but I love chatting with him. We so excited to chat lol
He does always brings up the hot thing – which is funny but now starting to kill me lol … I don’t always think of it until he mentions it lol… is nice though especially when not feeling hot lol ✌️ I forget – but he keeps bringing it up so then I remember 🤨😄
He was talking about some guy he likes … so I was listening and then he says you should date 😄😄 yeah no!
He say don’t you miss having someone? – yeah shut up lol 😄
It is way easier for guys!! And he is just ?? He makes it look easy cause he is not as umm??
I am just slow, want to take my time. I want like a best friend but with a fire? I wanna laugh all the time and enjoy everything
He however just wants to have fun lol
Yeah I’ll have fun after I see someone is worth it. End of story… he thinks it’s easy… I do not lol
He just wants fun with someone he likes – he’s more carefree …
I am a little more ?? Guarded ⚔️ lol ✌️ … careful, cautious…
So whatever – I’ll listen to his stories – they are always interesting and hilarious anyway.
Anyway besides that… had a flower delivery first thing this morning… the flower guy says to me… are you new?
Umm not really? Been here awhile but I work 3 homes so I kinda bounce. Plus they kinda hide me away lol – I was joking – (I hide myself away lol)
And he says “well they shouldn’t” and then walked off 😳 I was not expecting that response “at all”
There was a burial… went well… she was highly loved ❤️ she knew many all over the country – I know this because we were supposed to Live Stream the burial … but there was an issue so it had to be posted later… people called from all over regarding how to connect?? And on her page everyone spoke about how loving she was ❤️ her whole entire family and friends were the sweetest people!
Before I move onto next topic…
Um … so you know how I had that interview for that position? Ok well went good and everything and would be good possibly…
I feel hesitation though? I am happy went well – and really love the people there – they are just amazing … they really are ❤️
But here is where my head is… lately in all homes and all areas – including one I interviewed with… there is MASS exodus!!! People just up and leaving all at same time!!! Even my girls 😮😮 omg!!
This is a corporation … they obviously do not know how to keep people…
And here’s the thing with funeral business currently… right now, because of Covid… is ALOT of direct cremations … many with no services – nothing… just direct cremations – unless are Jewish or Muslim.
But that’s a hard hit for funeral business … they are not pulling in money as much now… but busier than ever!! Omg sooo busy… everyone is dying – what the hell???!!!
I am so tired of Covid!!
But anyway… it’s been hard for everyone… and without the staff it makes it even harder
I am watching how they step… so that kinda concerns me with staying in this business. I do not want to be a customer any time soon!! And the stress level is insane
Tmrw I have to go to one funeral home in morning… but forward another one to my cell phone – so I will be working 2 at same time
Then I close the first one at noon, and take the van to 2nd home and work that too 5pm – then drive back to the 1st one drop the van off and get my car
That’s because we don’t have the staff!!
And then I was also thinking… here I really am tucked away… I do hide myself – cause I find peace in that… who’s gonna hit on someone in a funeral home lol … so is like safety? And is peaceful… I don’t have to deal with that… but I get comfortable with that – ALOT
How long do I want to hide away for? I kinda … hmm … how do I say this? Lol … ok I like the peace and I don’t have to deal with stuff but … I kinda miss life and being all peppy…
I like my guy friend so much cause I get to be peppy around him!! I smile and laugh all the time … he makes me miss that… he isn’t threatening to me so I can be at ease…
So you know how I take jobs that give me growth? Ok well… this one literally saved me through covid ❤️ it really did… death actually pulled me through …
But now is heavy… and I miss the people who leaving and it’s getting harder and harder and way more stress and I do love my girls – and people … it has allowed me to be compassionate and relate to others very simply – through the pain of loss
That helped me process my own… I have truly loved this job
But I do wonder if it holds me back and just lets me be comfortable? Cause I’m hidden away?
And I just want… I want that excitement of life? I love death for what it has helped me with… it took away my family, but it also helped me heal through helping others – and seeing from a different perspective
So see I am torn… I am hesitant because I want something amazing and I want to ??? Breathe life again?? I don’t know how to say that. Hopefully you understand?
Anyway… if I am torn and hesitant – I am thinking it is time for me to move forward? I dunno – bleh!!!
See my gut is telling me time to move on… but I am attached in ways??
So whatever – I always figure out eventually – I move slow lol – I just want to make sure my decisions are correct
Ok… what else… boys came over ❤️
My oldest 😄😄 he helped someone with moving things for 2 days 😄😄 he thought would be easy … I just learned this tonight
He came in… and went to sit… and sat down like an old man 😄😄 really slow, and weirdly 😄
What’s up with you? Lol and then he tells me the story…
He say he started in real good, packed the moving van real fast all by himself while they packing everything…
Second day, they unload together … but second day he hurt 😄 so he was slow lol
He still hurting awww … tiny bit humorous only because the way he told the story and then him acting like he was 100 lol
Covid got you not working out dude… c’mon 26 lol 😄✌️ I can’t really speak cause I am same with my arm – way slower than I used to be 😔 hate that… it’s annoying
They showed me some video that was this guy making fun of umm… videos from the 1950’s lol … ok it was kind of humorous in areas lol… cause the 1950’s were just different. People were different – was a different time
And then that video brought on convos about how… I am Generation X… 26 is a Millennial 😄😄🙄… 18 is sort of on the cusp of being a Millennial but I believe he is actually Gen Z… daughter is also Gen Z…
Gen Z has the really warped sense of humor 🤨🙄
This new generation of kids from 2013 until 2025… they call them Generation Alpha 🤨 let’s see how Alpha plays out – oh goodness
Anyway… at one point … 18 and daughter we talking away… both me and oldest spoke to them – but no one heard us… we spoke directly to them… but they did not hear our words 🤨
Later we mention that to them and they say was not true… I say it was and me and 26 both stand by that… they said “you have to say our names” uhhh we did lol… their logic is definitely generation Z 🙄
But we laughed alot… was a funny night ❤️
Ok well I have busy day tmrw 😳 whew this weekend 😳😮 gonna be nuts / please let me survive lol 🙏
Gonna respond really quick (hopefully quick) and then off to bed –
Oh yeah one more thing… my landlord gave me some clothes – for me 😳😄😄 she is very sweet… she is like family to me ❤️ I do love her and her sister like that ❤️ that are amazing
Anyway she was all excited to give me these clothes … one is a turtle neck shirt… which is good… I love the color… and will be good in winter … just one thing… with these new boobs … umm turtle necks make me look umm??? Like my boobs are enormous omg … so that was a little shocking … before I just looked normal… now things are a little off sometimes… I have to watch the clothes now… I’ve never had to have caution with clothes before until all this stuff – so that was interesting
And then the other was a dress … ok cool I like dresses 👗
It was really cute… wicked cute… again love the color!! … but um… it has a choker around the neck… but huge cut out right on the boobs … the right side – nothin but scars … whew those are still intense … you will not be looking at my face at all!!!! Or anything else for that matter … if the boobs do not grab the attention – the scars will – still bright purple… how long til the purple goes away??? Why is it purple!? But whatever am alive… just that will draw massive attention omg
And then the other thing with the dress … I am 5’7” and thin except for the boobs… I have a long torso… and long legs … so what is supposed to be a dress for a normal woman… is massively short on me!! I bend over and it’s on full display so I will get leggings or something and that will be a long shirt
But that’s also “IF” I have the balls to put my boobs out there… I just don’t want people staring at only my boobs, trust me it’s like that with this dress – and that’s all you will see with this dress – you probably would not even notice the shortness!!! Omg 😮😮😮
Maybe I will sew some lace there or something … I would be too self conscience … eyes up here buddy lol ✌️… like I need attention or something… I do not!!
But that was very sweet of her ❤️ just a little funny – both things she gave me make my boobs look ginormous – they aren’t … but these things make them pop out!!! They are bigger than what I had but I kinda hide away and keep covered – I am comfortable that way ✌️
Lol… I’m trying not to… subtly is fine – but not bah-boom 😳😮
Everything trying to break me out of my comfort zone!!!
Alright that’s it. I have to respond and get to bed ✌️
Tank top under the dress?
One thing I’ve been thinking about is that I can’t tell whether I’m currently introvert or extrovert because there are no options to find out. And even if there were, I wouldn’t go due to C19 fears. Maybe that’s where you are too… feeling hidden by your job when it’s also due to C19 fears and restrictions.
With your friend…that’s why I was a major “faghag” in the late 80s through 90s. They should me that men are able to treat women well!! I had unbelievably gorgeous men treating me like a goddess. I gave up the straight world for a long time, living 90% of the time in the world of gay men. Coming back to the straight world and finding straight guys are still predatory jerks was really sucky!! I’m glad you have a fun non-threatening man in your world!
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Ooohhh I did not even think of tank top or camisole – good idea ❤️ thank you!
Yeah covid is a worry also… is nice that I can kinda hide away and severe precautions are taken here. That is also partly it. I do feel pretty safe with this job and I like safety with things.
I have other gay friends – I had a few guys in my 20’s at work that were also hilarious and just amazing. They live back East … still adore them… I keep them in my Facebook that I never go on lol – one was living in San Diego for a little while… but went home (Massachusetts) when his father had cancer – he helps take care of his mom now.
Regular guys are a little bit predatory – that’s a good word for it… always on the hunt 🤨 chill out, get to know me, treat me well, make me laugh, have manners and we see
Yeah my friend is really awesome and really funny… enjoy the time with him
Is really nice when you can relax and just have a nice time when someone is around like that… I love when I get to work with him!! He makes my smile from ear to ear – he has me constantly laughing … but is a gentleman – knows how to be suave, has a confidence – just so awesome – feels no need to impress me
He can be goofy and hilarious, but also be on point and all business. Looks amazing in a suit – he is really hot – why is that?? Lol
But yeah… I see what you mean! I’m glad I have him around also. He is fun!! We just simply enjoy the friendship – that is soooo nice without being “predatory” – I can totally be at ease ❤️
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