Stone

I feel like crying for no reason? It’s not that I’m sad? Cause I don’t think I am? Overwhelmed? Yes totally.

I am trying to snap out of it – but not even my music is working. I just feel impending doom… I dunno?? I’m scared for next Friday – I’m really traumatized by that completely!

Yes I will share soon. Before then. I think?

So I just need to straighten myself up… have backbone – this is probably the most traumatizing thing to me. So I need to not cry.

I need to be Stone – I can not have any emotions whatsoever – so I don’t know how to do that. And that adds to the terror. I am not allow or supposed to show any emotion at all.

This is going to be hard. And I’m scared…

It’s nothing I have done, but what has been done to me… so I’m just nervous. And scared and don’t believe in a few things that I used to…

And then that right there makes me feel that lump in my throat.

Anyway… from now until next Friday – I’m gonna be all over the place… bleh!! I really hate these heavy emotions. Very much!!! 😝

Ok be like stone!! I don’t know if I can do stone – that is not who I am … I have to stifle who I am – I don’t do well with that.