The day my dad died …

Today is the day I lost my father 😢💔 it’s ok though… that is life … we didn’t expect it. We got too comfortable thinking they could always save him.

June 4th is a day I feel shockwaves every year

My dad with my boys, when they were little – before my little girl was born.

He had battled cancer since he was 39, went into remission in his late 50’s… there were so many times that ambulance was at our home, and we spent countless hours in and out of the hosp… many times we almost lost him…

But they always saved him.. we got comfortable thinking they would always save him.

He retired at about 62 or 63… and they picked up and moved from Maine to Arizona. The air was better for him in Arizona – was a dryer climate – Maine was too wet, humid, and winters were brutal.

But in Arizona the air was perfect – he could breath.

He still had issues because during all his cancer stuff, he had SEVERAL major surgeries… and that left scar tissue and other medical issues.

He had a heart stint put in at age 64… that was because the radiation and chemo that was used to treat his cancer … it weakened his organs – especially his heart … it’s poison… you put poison in your body to fight cancer – which is the worse evil… it was supposed to save him!!! Not kill him!!!

I suppose it did buy us time, that we wouldn’t normally have had without it. But that is what killed him – what we used to save his life, killed him in the end 😢💔

They had just gotten back from my dads bucket list trip… they had just taken an Alaskan cruise.

He always wanted that trip… my mother likes heat like I do … so her face was always hilarious when he mentioned Alaska 😄😄

But they took that trip and had just gotten home… had not even unpacked yet.

❤️ My parents ❤️

They always were really early risers – up before the sun…

That June 4th was no different… they woke up… and my mom went about her routine with coffee and making breakfast…

My dad knew … he knew he was going to die that day… he was having trouble breathing and he always had issues with fluid in his lungs… that morning they were really filling up and he could feel it…

He called his mother… he told his mother “Mom I’m gonna die today” 😭💔 … he explained why he believed that, told her he just wanted to say goodbye and that he loved her… they said their goodbyes…

Then he came out to the kitchen where my mother was, he told her she needed to call 911…

She did, and they dispatched an ambulance 🚑…

Thinking they would save him, she just sat with him until they got there…

They went over assessed my dad’s condition … and turned to my mother and said – “he’s not going to make it. He’s under full cardiac arrest, we suggest you say your goodbyes” , and then they stepped back …

My mother was at his side, they said “I love you” and kissed – and he closed his eyes and died… he died in his chair holding my mothers hand. 😭💔

One small comfort is – how many people get to have that closure of saying goodbye like that? And we did actually get borrowed time to have him so long… considering what he went through

We were just all in shock though… how did they not save him this time?? You get comfortable thinking they can always save him, especially when you watched how close he came other times… it eventually catches you… eventually your luck runs out.

It still makes my heart bleed 🩸… we accept because we have to … that’s just life… I still cry because that was my dad – I’m always gonna tear up and my heart will always bleed… I miss him.

But he no longer has any medical issues, he can breath and run or whatever he wants up there in heaven… (whatever I am Catholic- we believe in heaven) he is no longer in pain and is free?

My mom always would say… when you die – everyone you ever loved or all your ancestors, pets whatever … would be there to hold your hand and take you to heaven… they are waiting for you, waiting to see you again. So I just imagine that…

That will help “some” when I lose my mother … because I will imagine them back together again.

All losses are devastating when you love that person.

Life does not guarantee you anything, and you are not entitled to decided when to die.

And then you have to accept death, because that’s just how it works – and there is a reason for timing and death itself. I do believe there are reasons for things.

You learn how to survive after loss. But it does rock your world.

Anyway… I just wanted to remember my father for a moment ❤️ I miss you dad!!!

Remember to always say “I love you!” And cherish every second you can – even when life is hard or boring – don’t take time or people for granted 😘✌️

I have my panic or hard moments – but I always do cherish life ✌️

I have a bunch to do today… I will have to read posts later… I will be back later as well. 😘✌️ (sorry this was sad – I miss him)

My dad was 67 when he died.

14 thoughts on “The day my dad died …

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    1. Thank you ❤️ … it’s ok… I just miss him … I’ve come to terms with it. Always gonna miss him… death is never easy.

      But all good things must come to an end at some point.. and to every beginning there is always an ending.

      He no longer suffers from any medical issues – he finally has peace ✌️ ❤️

      We are the ones left behind so there is a devastation that comes with loss.. you have to let them go. It hurts but that’s life.

      Life dies and life renews.

      He died in 2017. Time goes by… I miss him everyday, but every June 4th, I remember how we lost him☹️💔

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you ❤️😘

      It’s been awhile, so I have processed a little bit now… and this is how life works.

      Always gonna miss him, he suffered through a lot, he has peace now. I have to let him go… is my heart strings that hold onto him.

      Count your blessings and say your “I love you’s” while you can. ❤️

      Thank you for your sympathy on the loss ❤️😘

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks, is ok – how life works – I just don’t like this particular day… it feels tainted? ✌️ makes me remember… I always miss, but I try not to remember… too painful- this day makes me remember all the events and how devastating it was and what we lost and how much I miss him 😢💔

      So yeah I don’t like this day

      Liked by 2 people

  1. What a sweet post! We get to know a bit about you. If I get to live longer, I will one day say good bye to all those I love…though hopefully not all at once. It is too painful to think about. Sorry it is a depressing thought. We hold onto the joyful moments.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you 🥰… I love reading posts cause you do actually get a sense of who someone is. Even through poetry or their stories – it’s awesome!

      Yeah it is painful to lose people you love but it is life. Life begins and life ends… when it ends it renews again. ✌️

      I love all joyful moments ❤️✌️ I definitely agree hold on to the amazing memories and always remember to make those – don’t just dwell on the past ones

      Liked by 2 people

  2. Am so sorry, I wish I could give you a hug to take away the pain…. 😭😭 It hurts dearly to lose our love ones but Life is too ironic. It takes sadness to know what happiness is, noise to appreciate silence, and absence to value presence. Just hold onto the joyful moments. Remain bless 😘❤️✌️

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you 🥰 … it’s ok, I am lucky we got to have him for as long as we did, so I feel very blessed with that. And he got to have the trip he always wanted before he died – so that’s kinda a comfort too. Besides his cancer and all that medical stuff – we all had a really good life…

      Absolutely ❤️ I cherish every moment as much as I can, and everyone that I love and in my life. Always!

      Thank you 🥰❤️✌️

      Liked by 2 people

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