So I dunno

Ok I have a weird story?? 😮 well … when do I not? 🙄😑

Alright so – a week or 2 ago… someone came to my work to write their funeral plans … well I happen to know them… they supposably didn’t know I work there now, and I don’t know them very well at all.

Is an ex of a girlfriend I hold very dearly. And I met this person one time when she came over to help me move in some furniture – he help us. They are just friends – but still.

So… he came in and see me… I see him, it didn’t click – but he looked familiar … so I said “do I know you?” And he said yes and mention her name and then my light bulb 💡 went off – ok now I remember.

Then one of my girls take him in a room to do all that… and she had to ask him if he single and he said right now, unless Trisha is avail 🫤 (I didn’t know that part was said until tonight – which I will get to)

So she called me to the room and they teased me with that… saying he want to take me out or whatever

But I say no … I always say no… usually always unless I listen to people – then I end up in Colorado because I am afraid life is gonna end tmrw lol … but also… this guy is one of my girlfriends ex’s … so right off the bat – I got woman code… we don’t do that to each other ✌️ so you got a massive battle right there – that’s a hard no.

I’m not doing that to another woman – even if they are not together – no! Have you met me?

Well anyway, that was weird and then I thought it was over… and then today happened

I get into work and there he is… I was already there getting chapel and everything opened and beautiful … I was walking around funeral home doing things

And I hear one of my girls walking in and say she is usually in her office … but I wasn’t there … but I hear them …

So I say as I’m coming down hallway – are you looking for me?

And then there he is…

He stopped in to ask me if I would like him to mow my lawn?

Ummm well – the person I had doing my lawn got in trouble so hasn’t been to do lawn in at least a month.

I can’t do it myself because of my surgeries – I can’t yank or pull on a lawn mower and my yard too much for stupid electric mowers … and I can’t push well – I do not have good chest muscle strength – they took everything – so I don’t have that ability…

I have limitations that stop me with things because of that …

Well anyway… I was going to hire another person, but I figured halloween would be coming and I could put some gravestones in my front yard and it would look creepy …all over grown with graves lol ❤️😘✌️ … I would not have to do much decorating with that lol ✌️😘

But whatever – I think the neighbors are starting to wonder about me lol … I let my lawn go and they never see me – I never go out once I go in lol

I really just like to keep to self – if I don’t there is problems always. So just easier and more peaceful 😊✌️ less complications and drama 🎭 … nice and peaceful

I been busy – I always working – that hasn’t changed.

But anyway… he stop in first thing this morning after a 3 day weekend – and word got out that is new management so now cases coming in like they should… but we busy… I was up to eye balls in things to do… so he ask me… and I was caught off guard …

Um ok sure can I pay you for that? And he say no, but I insist – but he doesn’t know how to accept payment on phone? I say well how I pay you then? Lol … and he say cash lol … gotcha – forget about that – I never carry cash!

So ok … I was going to pay him another time and he was gonna do for me today.

Well he did…

So I worked and then got off work… came home and changed – ok it is hot – I am usually tucked away all privately by myself – because I like the peace ❤️✌️

So … omg … I wear tiny shorts – because cool and comfy… and then … I take off everything like bra or whatever that constricts and hurts – and had a old tank top which is see through – but who see me??

I keep to self – no one comes to see me… generally I just stay pretty quiet. I prefer to just work. I have my kids and I work – is how I no longer at mercy and got me where I am now… so I just stay quiet 🤫 ✌️😉 … mostly … once in awhile I get brave and then remember why I silent ✌️😘

So no one ever sees me at home – I could be naked for all anyone knows .. I chose to wear clothes but it was 1fuckin15 so yeah you lucky I wearing clothes …

So yeah little shorts and see through top. I had just ordered light bulbs because I had a burnt out light and I’m not going to store after my hours – no! I am quiet remember? And exhausted … so no.

So I’m waiting on light bulbs and my doorbell goes off ??

Ok well usually they leave the package – is this some jerk trying to sell me solar panels – cause I can handle them. I have much practice – they come all the time… I never give time of day – nope not interested – thanks byeeee

So I was expecting that… but instead was him… ok so then what I do?? 😮😳 I do not know??

I never have someone just come to my house just like that… without any warning ⚠️ – you have to give me warning … so I make sure appropriate and presentable – who just shows up?? Omg – I’m not that type. When you know me – you can do that … I would not mind any of my actual people or my kids with that …

My kids changed my bandages after surgery – and cared for me – so there was this love – cause I fought them with that… and they finally say to me – you take care of us – our whole life … let us care for you!! And then I let go … and they took care of me … so they have seen and know… so I not bothered

And “my people” love me as is no matter what so… they also know what I have walked through and do not judge or have issues – they all have their crazy things plus they are respectful, mindful, and thoughtful and check to see if I ok with company or is ok to pop over. They know who am. ❤️

So I don’t usually have issues because people who do not know me do not usually come over 😮 I’m very quiet. Totally keep to self – prefer no issues.

Anyway… I open door slightly and see that is him … oh wonderful – what I supposed to do? 😮😳

He says “I just wanted to see what you thought of lawn, does look good?”

😳😮 umm yup is does

He mowed and also edged and also blew it for me…

It looks REALLY good ❤️ and he actually knows this house – which is a really long story 😶

Well anyway so… I didn’t wanna take him inside because no!! So I step outside in my little shit 😮 omg ok well fuck it – I am not body self conscience – whatever …

What else am I supposed to do? Totally did not expect and then he wanna talk and check sprinklers 🤨 ok so then I get sprayed and wet – this is going great 🤨 – completely being sarcastic!! You just have to hear the tone in which I say things ✌️

Ugh ok here we go. Here we go again

Ok … see why I keep to self… alright so now I live and work here – and people have access to me – plus I am so close to funeral home.

Ok so this is gonna be experience and difficult

Ok … my worlds have never crashed into each other before 😮😳 I keep work and home separate and then … I just keep to self so when working the city – I do that – and then I was hour away … so I leave that there

Now everything literally right here! Omg I have no escape

Ok so. Awesome (sarcasm again – that’s a thing)

Ok. So then he talking to me and telling me about himself … ok ?? I am always polite – so I be polite

Anyway we speaking and he’s very down to earth – went through a lot and has admirable things ? He also walked through some tough shit

Ok good to know… and then he tell me about people in town and things… a lot of stuff 😳 he keep talking to me and I thinking omg a lot of socialization lol – I just work all day – is work day and I am tired – I do death ☠️ I like down time from crazy things – is a work night. Why he wanna talk to me so much

But oh yeah – ok I see … ok … I don’t think about that… I am little desensitized with breasts cause whatever – they in my face constantly because of everything and then also – mine are different – they scarred so 🤷‍♀️ … I also am not atomically correct in the breast area lol – they had to remove everything because I had cancer of the milk ducts and milk and cancer can have touched those areas ? So they infected and they removed ALOT

Anyway… one side is worse than other with scars. I look like one big bad ass because I have a huge scar across my chest 😘 oh that knife fight? Lol ✌️

But ya know whatever … I never had them fix – why? I can wear white T-shirt’s and see through things with no problem ✌️🙌 obviously NOT in public … but in supposed privacy of own home? So whatever

Why I gotta fix that to look like everyone else which I won’t anyway because I have scars so no… leave it. I have the scars they good enough

And I also wanted away from doctors and hospitals as fast as possible – I was tired. So ya know… yeah yeah – I’m good ✌️ enough / no more touching me.

So anyway – alright so I tell him alright well I gotta get going – early day always … he says he came over Sunday – someone rang the bell but no… sorry … 3 day weekend which was not a 3 day weekend because I have to help people so… it doesn’t always go that way.

I tell him I was sleeping – which I sort of was / laying in bed trying to Rest In Peace lol ✌️😘

So he hug me as he leaving and really tight 😮🤨 ok dude don’t pop me lol …

And then he try to kiss me out front but I turn my head because no – hello who you? Back that shit up! Watch yo self

Dude let me tell you… I have no body issues – I also have no self esteem issues … so not the one

I like peace so … I feel like – ugh here we go again

This is huge reason I just like the peace.

And also – probably text me first to tell me you coming over so I can be dressed appropriately

Cause ya know 🤷‍♀️ that’s a possibly a thing in privacy of own home? You should just text to check… don’t just show up… who does that ?

That is like shock and awe … deer in headlights

That’s really not very gentlemanly and then also – I didn’t appreciate the hug and attempt of kiss – excuse me … who you? and I back that away.

Funny thing is – I had just gotten home from work and just changed!! I was totally about to call my girlfriend about this? And he knock on door?

Ugh ok

I got it – I am used to it – whatever – it be handled

Ok and then let me also add – way too close 🚨

Also… am firey woman so careful / who you think you are? Who you think I am?

So here – let me correct this… ‘cause that is a no… I don’t care who you think you are!!

What the hell is that – being totally man, stop! Can you be human being? If you can’t be human being – then no

Do you think I just gonna be this damsel in distress – well let me tell you!!! I am not at anyones mercy so not about to be either so – not the woman sorry

Be respectful! Omg simple ABC’s!!! Did your mother not teach you this – damn

Watch your step – you better be really sure if you think you know me – I am polite and I am nice but I gonna have a fire so 🤷‍♀️ Fuckin careful!

Do not mistake my umm?! Niceness? Politeness? Kindness? Smile? What the fuck ever – I don’t know 🤷‍♀️

But listen – I have fire – careful – I don’t deal with bullshit and I have nice crazy life anyway ✌️ nice and crazy 🙄 … I try to make it peaceful …

But life says f you 🙄🤨 mostly I keep private life extremely peaceful – I just like to have a place of my own without anyone…’so I like the peace… is just nice – safe – I have my people ❤️✌️

Lol … you need to separate me somehow from the herd lol 😄😄 that’s a little humorous ✌️

Anyway – great – more issues for me. Wonderful. Ok

Please text or call first – just saying – probably best you do that

I am not a umm 🤔… spur of moment person unless I know you REALLY well …otherwise no… not unless I listen to people … which is rare but happens … I work in death so there is always that – I always know how precious life is

Ya know really quick before I go … something I always think of is that what if I fell in love with someone …Ok well then they gonna die

I always think of my sons convo about having a pet … “mum you pay so much money for something you gonna lose and cry about in 10 years”

Horrible way to see – but since he say that – I can’t stop thinking of that… so then that makes me even more protective… cause you better be worth it – if you gonna break my heart 💔

So just ya know maybe pay attention and not be ?? I dunno?? I dunno how to say?

Back your shit up… and listen … if you the one … I will NOT be shy. You will not question what I think because I will flat out be very forward so … is that better? I know what want so if I want you … you will know… I wait and take my time to know but when I do … don’t worry – you will totally know

But ya know what … I am the one who say… so check yo self – you can’t just come in all strong – holy crap!!

Ok well not like am not used to so whatever – will handle – this is a no – straight up


Ugh ok whatever

I’m not really this woman that needs a man… meh – I like being happy and that didn’t go so well last time. So you aren’t gonna just be able to think you can just waltz right in

No you can not… because no one can handle and just relax … and I am where am and have what have because I work really hard, I put in many hours of overtime always – I do my best in my job

So just let me –

Careful what kinda woman you think I am.

Also I am not really a dating type – I just like my peace… dating is too much – is too fast for me – I can’t nope … I try every so often to see if be any better and I start listening to my people to live life … and then ya know is just not me so …

I just simply like peace ☮️ for right now. I am comfortable and happy with that.

I have peace – I am not bothered by Satan – no one owns me, or puts me down … I can do what I want and not have to listen to anyone but my own self

So correct yourself if I appear to be ordinary woman

You do not get to go fast / use that fricken brake peddle!

If you wanna turn my head then be amazing – do you know how to make someone want you? Do not pressure them!!!!!!! Omg whatever so check yourself

Probably if someone be human being and take time to know – still be human being … can accept my job and things and then we good 🙌

Ok. And also… I have fire so you have to light that or I don’t pay attention … light the fire and let it burn

Just let me know you and then also know me … let me relax – can be human being? Or no?

I have a hard job – I work long hours


Just let me.

If you can handle and I have extra time – I can give you … but I lose my mom too … and I have kids

If you meet my kids you are golden – but no one meets them – you must have solid footing for that and that has never occurred lol ✌️

But my time from work – I save because of my mom – I want to be with her. Yes my mom coddled and doted on us – we knew always we deeply loved by her – without doubt or question – no hesitation

So I’m sorry but my time is hers, and I only have moments left with my kids before they have own lives … and then I work very hard at my job taking care of you and your family – the way I would treat my own

I am where I am – because I take care of you. I wouldn’t be where am if wasn’t for families we care for… so is very important to me …

So… I just say – be a human being first. Show me you can understand that. If can’t then probably don’t bother with me – could not handle anyway- it is the quiet ones 😉😘 lol – I tease ✌️ I like air of mystery – you not sure lol ✌️

Well anyway / be a fricken gentleman

Ok sorry I not respond yet – I will in morning

Fricken popped off today !! Ugh 3 day weekends!! Also… they trusting me and the team ❤️ am surprised but also happy 😊❤️ …is honor

I am probably more city than I am small country ? Even though I love the peace of the country – I do so much ❤️ it let’s you breathe 🧘‍♀️

The city is accepting – hard … but if you survive it’s accepting. You have to be pretty strong to survive and also be careful for self

Be smart and have integrity

The small country has no idea the things I have seen … omg they have no clue…

Devastating things! Like things you just never unsee

So petty judgments and things are nothing to me, go ahead whatever – judge me for how I care for you – that you can do.

Otherwise whatever.

Alright so I need sleep. Omg are we almost at Friday? Can I just have Friday?

Ugh why my life?

On a brighter note… I got huge compliment from corporate … They said “I could probably teach my job” and not have to do the training everyone else does

But given situation I want to learn other side so I try just for now but is not what I want – only to help. We gonna need it… so I should.

He say yes / also the really big wigs were impressed by us ❤️

See what you up against?

And tmrw I am training others ❤️✌️

So my mind is not on when I find relationship …

If is meant to be – will be

I am not on some time crunch?

10 thoughts on “So I dunno

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    1. Yeah no kidding – is literally always a thing ☹️


      I get frustrated with it – and – I am tired of it.

      … is gf ex so I will just call her. Then should be handled

      I’m just saying – this is reasons I don’t even have desire to date… because this can’t stop happening.

      I’m really tired with that.

      I just wanna go in work and not have any issues. Ugh

      But I am used to – just seems like is all the time so it feels like a lot. And it’s not my area at all. I keep to self …so I prefer to just not have anything because then I have peace

      But is almost like this curse? I dunno?

      My people think is funny, but I don’t.

      When I was married was same but I had a wedding ring so I didn’t have to say anything I would just be like “sorry” and hold up my hand 💍

      If my old wedding ring was not satans – I would wear just to not have this …

      But it’s satans so I never wanna wear that again

      But then I get frustrated dealing with this?

      It just feels like bad omen to wear bad wedding ring again even though would stop a lot of this… it’s satans ring so I just can’t – I never want that on my finger again

      I should just get a fake one and then problem solved

      I might actually do that. Just annoying that have to do that

      But yes – it is like that. ☹️

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Yes- people do not always think about what others go through 😉

        Also people do not like to go slow evidentially! Or take time to know who someone is.

        Is ok – I used to handling

        Not a problem – not my focus.

        Liked by 1 person

  1. It’s a tough world out there! As you said people do not understand the other side of the story and it’s true. Staying away from them would be right option. I hope you have a great week ahead.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yeah, is very tough world 🌎 ☹️

      And no people, usually, do not stop and think what anyone else might be going through

      Is ok though – because … didn’t respect my time, my space, my privacy – etc … and what else?

      Right away he not respect boundaries so that’s a no.

      Thank you 😊… I hope you having awesome week too! I know you are much cooler than me!! Lol maybe have rain … Is like talking about food when you are starving lol

      We need rain so bad!!

      A town not too far away was under mandatory fire evacuation today 😮 this morning it got Smokey where burns eyes and throat and smoke settles in and over… but by afternoon was fine. So they must have contained or put out 🙏

      I don’t even wanna turn on the news 😮

      I have heard is all of United States with weather conditions of different types 😮

      Saturday we be in 90’s and have relief 😌 .. still hot.. but not kill you hot!

      Having decent week though. Minus these things ✌️😊

      Liked by 1 person

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