The Time of Life

I’m a little bit in a bummed mood.

I don’t really want to talk too much about it.. but I am just disappointed by some people.

I am trying not to take personally… but I am. And also… now I do not believe or trust what say…

So. Now I be different … now there gonna be distance and mistrust

It’s going to be handled … but it doesn’t make me feel any better.

So anyway, little bummed – kinda just took wind out of sails after everything. Like I said … it will be handled … but I’m just sad it went there cause now I can’t trust or believe. Good luck with that. I will never trust or believe now. I just see who some people are…

See doesn’t take long time before you see someone’s true colors – see how evil someone can be when they think they have power or control… or can gain it.

Let’s just put this song right here…

Most of that song – yes! BUT I do not ever ever ever ever wish anyone dead ever – that is bad … so just ignore that one part ✌️

So whatever – next subject…

My oldest came over this afternoon… we just talking about stuff and I feed him dinner ❤️

I telling him about everything and then…

I know something … a change that is coming… I’m not supposed to know… I only know because I talk and help everyone… so just as I am loyal to my boss… many are also loyal to me, because I have also had their backs.

Since I talk to everyone – people just tell me stuff so I know things ✌️

So I said “IF this change actually happens, then maybe I get pet” ❤️

And he say… oh mum why you wanna do that to yourself?

What?? Have a loving awesome companion ? Lol

He say “ no you pay a lot of money to be devastated and cry when they die – you got about 10 years depending on the breed”

Ugh!! What a horrible way to see it!

He listed off vet bills and food and medical issues… and then they die and you cry

Well yes… but then what about that saying? Is it better to have loved and lost? Or to have never loved at all?

So when I am ready … I’m ok for love even if I will lose… I am little hesitant with it, because I want to make sure I am ready …

But as far as loss goes, yes I will lose them in roughly decade. But anything you love – you will lose one way or another. You don’t know how fast or slow you could lose someone.

Do you just not touch love again?

Cause me of all people… if something causes pain or makes hurt? Then I want nothing to do with…

Death causes pain and hurt – but I don’t totally run away from it. I do not like when it stops and looks my way lol… but I know it hurts

But then that love to animal who maybe needs someone? ❤️

I would make it be a big decision – because I can’t just up and leave places, if I am caring for something . And I wanna make sure I would be able to care for really well

I do think about love and loss.

For those I currently love… I can not imagine life without having them in it… and because of some – I stand so – without I be nothing…

It would be greater loss to have never known.

But it does make me hesitate little. I don’t like the broken heart from a loss… is very hard.

But then I do think of those who are in my life … and I would not want to know life without knowing them… they are worth it. So yes I can love them … and yes I will be devastated to lose person or animal…

Love keeps life balanced even with loss.

If and when I feel ready for a animal, I be ok with it. I would give them happy life while I could. I know is temporary. I just get to have for moment.

What if I am meant to help an animal who has no one… I’m not gonna say no.

I won’t go look til I am ready and know I am ready

Same I guess for love in general

He’s just reeling from all the losses recently… we lost a dog and then things with my mom (his Nana)… and he worries with my medical things …

All the major events for him to see death. Never before so much death around for him to experience – so he did not like the heartbreak of death either

But this is the way life works … my heart will be broken hearted to actually lose my mom and I probably won’t function well at first. But it is because I will miss her love and never have her again… so that just chokes me up to say…

But does that mean no more love ? No.

It’s ok. It hurts badly but life continues.

And love can heal hurt

He still just reminds me they will die soon

He’s still mourning the loss of Chico. He lost his dog Chelsea in 2018… thanksgiving… and then Chico died right before all the stuff with my mom…

There is one more dog… she is 12. 😮

So his heart is little hurt with death

I wish was easy way to make it not hurt so bad.

Death lessons are good – you have to be able to handle.

When I go through things with my mom and I cry or sob… is good… it lets out the emotions so they not insane crazy .. it lets me come to terms with it

I think about all the people I have lost also. My family… so … it doesn’t matter if is person or animal – is still gonna hurt … he say useless self causing pain…

But is it though? Because is just as important to know love, even if it comes with loss

He has to find his own way through it… he has sensitive heart (he’s my son lol) he’s manly and he is the one who always wins the games – we can never beat him lol … he does not like you to see him upset or sad … (I am similar)

But he does not process his emotions the same – I’m pretty open with emotions always – very in touch mostly … he’s more private and have to be strong type.

But I’m also his mom, so I make sure he ok. He thinks he hides pressure from me but he doesn’t – I can see on his face

Loss will definitely effect you.

I just don’t want him afraid of love, because of experiencing loss.

Meh… even I hesitate for a minute thinking of that- is powerful heartbreak with loss, it can make love seem like bad thing

So I dunno. I gonna watch him with that

And it’s good for me to see how he sees … because it makes me also look at way I see it.

Death is a part of life that no one wants to see or speak of – then when experience – it’s hard to digest. The heartbreak is severe – it can mold the way you see death… and life

But you have to come to that yourself. Life will teach you, even if you don’t wanna speak about. ✌️

Yes… I would risk loss for love. Yup

Because I can’t imagine life without my people, and I have so much love because of them…

So while it’s heartbreaking and devastating … yes it’s 100% worth it. Absolutely!!! I do hesitate to think about … but it is completely worth it to still open heart to love

He will learn that one day, in his own time.

I joked and said “mine will be an emotional support animal” … that way they can come with me everywhere lol ❤️🙌 and I have emotional support love for 10 years lol ✌️

He is just sensitive heart … I also have sensitive heart – but I am comfortable showing and sharing emotions … lol … He is more private with emotions… he has same heart but always thinks he has to be strong

He had to take care of me after surgeries … he didn’t have to… and I told him no… but he said “mum you take care of me, my whole life… let me take care of you” … so how I say no to that? And I needed someone so… I let him.

He had to feed me and change bandages, help me get up or anything… he kept strict track of my meds …

He was the one I had to go over health care directive and funeral plans just incase … so ya know is my child so ../ he just always thinks he has to be so strong

He is a strong man ❤️ look what I raised ❤️

I feel for him. His emotions and heart

You have to just live life and let it be.

… trying to talk me out of an animal using death. Yeah I think about the loss – but then I also think of a cute little face to love and always happy to be with, maybe saving animal who need that emotional support also?… and then I remember nothing about death lol – once I think of all the amazing things … then yes I get lost in wanting that – I don’t care if later I feel loss – that is life. I am blessed to have the moments ❤️

So… yeah … I’ll go ahead and take those 10 years thank you very much lol ❤️✌️

… when I’m ready

Now he just has to come to what it is for him.

… yes they do love having a mother who watches their emotions 😄😄 – they won’t admit that though lol 😉

I know how to guide MOST emotions. And NOW … I am an elder …”officially” this year lol …

So… I am mom who read emotions AND an elder with all the life answers lol 😄 … I’m kidding – I may be elder this year but… I do still learn 😑… sometimes I don’t always have the answer – but in those cases, I am comforting 😘🙏

When they were little … I used to tell them all these magical stories about me lol … like about how the Fourth of July is to kick off my birthday (aka my independence from the womb) lol 😄😄

And then I also told them I had these magical powers that could instantly make you feel better… believe it or not – it worked lol … I told them that and when they would fall or get hurt – they would start to cry and I would go over and take gently and kiss the scrape or bruise … blow on it… if it was bad and bloody I just wave my hand over and doctor them up lol …

And then suddenly like magic – it was all better ❤️ every time – so yes I have magical healing powers lol ❤️😄 I can heal hurts pains and heartbreak lol … or I used to be able too when their life was simple.

Only recently have I allowed them to possibly suspect I might be Santa lol … but technically Santa is the spirit of Christmas … and a spirit can shine through anyone or anything – so who is really Santa? Lol

Yeah I know – they roll their eyes too lol ❤️✌️😘

24 thoughts on “The Time of Life

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  1. It is so nice to read what you write. Nice family and kids you have.

    Take time and think about it, pets can be lovely creatures to be around and take care of.

    God bless you and take care. 🙏🏽

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I had dogs in my life properly from my thirties, when Scrappy passed in January 2020 she was the last pack member next to me left to pass. The pack had been eight strong in 2007 and they gradually passed. Dora passed in 2014 then it was just Scrappy and me.

    It’s a huge responsibility taking on board a dog, and a huge financial as well, and yes they die. I vowed when Scrappy passed l would give myself a time for healing, that happened this year not long back. But l still miss her like crazy and my dogs and l all were so close. I was closer to my dogs and their companionship than l have ever been to humans – although Suze and l are very close as friends.

    Whilst l am ready for another dog in my life, l am not ready yet. I have so much l want to do first.

    Good luck with this nect chapter Trisha 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. My daughter try to talk me into a reptile tonight – nope 👎

      If it does not have fur and is not a chihuahua lol …not to be stereo type California lol

      I grew up with chihuahuas mostly and one beagle like snoopy ❤️

      I had said if the poops were human size no!!! Lol … no thank you!! I could not afford a large dog – I could not…

      A small one yes. ❤️

      But then she pick hairy things

      So I say no… she want a Pomeranian 🤨 fur fur and fur – no! I clean all the time as is… no way with massive fur!!

      I already know chihuahuas and how they are / how they do / if I can afford them …

      I do love German shepherds … but I can not afford one

      I can afford a chihuahua lol … and I won’t mind cleaning the tiny poop 💩

      What do you want to do first? Before get another?

      When all my things line up – it will happen ❤️

      When you say next chapter – I think of a Sesame Street book 📖 … Monster at the end of this book lol

      I’m sooo scared to always turn the page lol… too much page turning! .

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I want to get my business off the ground first – the cost of living has gone through the roof here in the UK, and l wouldn’t want to take on board a dog and not be able to afford it properly.

        I had dogs in my life for thirty plus years, it was surreal not having one when Scrappy passed, but l have also been able to do other things as well.

        Pets are a huge responsibility and one l have never taken lightly – so many people and you have probably seen this yourself Trisha in the States take on board animals not realising all the implications and then giving them back or abandoning them on the premise they can’t afford.

        I would never do that, but l do want to make sure l can properly afford. I hugely financially assisted Suze after cancer to get her back on her feet and help her out and whilst it’s not made me destitute – l have to be more mindful of expenditures now.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Same ✌️❤️

        Plus it has to be a fit… a click… there is always something…

        My oldest … we got his dog when he was 7… part whippet /part chihuahua … I only adopt pound puppies – ones who need love.

        Well anyway we went – found her … but 4 other families wanted her… so the pound told us to return next day … and all of us did lol … so they drew names out of a hat… and picked me… first time I ever win something like that ❤️… meant to be

        My second child … I was volunteering for police department when someone walk in with this sickly little thing… triangle area on back of zero hair … and had massive fleas and some infection… but she placed the little thing in my arms and how you not completely fall in love – he was so scared and sick and helpless … so I asked if we could foster… they tell me yes … so I fix him up – get him healthy … no one ever came forward for him despite many ads … he fit perfectly with us – he was hilarious and quirky- thought he ruled the world and could take on the world… unless you scared him lol … he used to be terrified of a gardeners tarp 😮 … but he was also meant to be ❤️ I did not care to even ask if be ok to my family – I just took him in ❤️ he needed – meant to be

        And then with daughter.. I was still with police and one of them had a dog they owned for 6 years… but she was show dog… she got fat and didn’t make money so… the family did not grow close to her I guess ? And were giving her away… she is purebred apple head chihuahua … we call her the chihuahua ambassador… because if you meet her you think chihuahuas are amazing – her temperament and way she carries self always and she gets along with literally all animals and humans … she is this teeny tiny chihuahua with such big heart and poise ❤️❤️

        I did not want her to go to pound – but they want to get rid of… so I take in… yes I am one of those lol ✌️ if an animal needs and I am able to help then yes I absolutely will …

        So I take her… and she becomes my daughters dog – and we love her very much ❤️ she was also meant to be ours

        … so the next … it will just come along when time is right … I believe in meant to be so… we see how life does ?? ❤️

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Yep l am the same, only take rescues which l guess is the same as pound pups. Like you say, The ones that need love and they are always so loving back 🙂

        Scrappy adopted me – she arrived one day where l worked and looked like a lost fox cub with enormous ears. Badly badly scarred face 😦 But l took her to the vets and fixed her up and she was fiercely loyal and loving – gawd l miss that dog so much at times 😦

        Liked by 1 person

    1. I see that thank you ❤️❤️ please tell Suze same ❤️❤️

      So she tell me yes… so I gotta line up a flight from Portland Maine to SMF… (Sacramento)

      I looking – it’s expensive – she might have to wait a minute.

      But she say yes – so I am excited to get her here and make her strong 💪 🙏🙏❤️

      So I will have my brother and my sister ❤️

      I am really excited to have my sister back… I am nervous I am getting in over my head or she could make me lose everything – so I am nervous

      But also excited – her life … about to go BOOM 💥

      My world just explodes all the time 😮 … if not one thing is another lol

      Thank you both ❤️❤️😘

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Yeah me too 🙏🙏

        I’m excited – this could be completely life changing ❤️🙌

        But ya know – let me not get ahead of myself – cause that can happen lol ✌️

        Liked by 1 person

    2. I did pass the info to her … she text me intermittently which is also frustrating 🤨

      But is what working with at this moment so … slow and steady wins the race lol 🙏✌️

      Liked by 1 person

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