The struggle

So I’m thinking… I already have stable, and safe… and I built this… and I do love the coworkers and the job…

I stay and I only grow from there?? Plus right now I really love the people there ❤️ so I’m excited being with them

I have patience and then I also have that loyalty thing… so I am not sure if I am blinded or not?

I feel is a good thing for me to stay and acquire these office manager skills then I can go higher.

If I have the skills to back up my work or to fall back on… I will have strength

The other one is instant big money, federal job, better work life balance (because currently, I have none – even on my days off they texting me lol) which is fine cause I do not have a life so whatever lol 😄✌️

There is a pension for a federal job…

But I could always just learn my skills – stay put – learn… then go higher

I want to have a base… so as I build my tower of life… it is strong… so I want it strong and stable

But then… closer, more money, federal, better work life balance 🤨🤨🤨 what is my fricken problem

So how am I supposed to decide that? I feel like the other one is risky because is unknown 😮😳

I might not totally trust that it would be good?? It is the government (sorry but yeah)

I am hesitant to throw away what I build – for unknown??

But then hate to turn down the benefits of the unknown

I am thinking I will stay with what I have for this moment

I am thinking that would be best??

I think I need the skills I can get in this position ???

I am too afraid of the risk. I want a strong solid base. I have built my base

So I am just thinking 🤨 … and my phone earlier said “how much time do you spend thinking?” 🤨

I spend a lot of time thinking because I don’t want to get anything wrong!!!

So whatever. I don’t know what to do

It is brown and yellow everywhere … all the leaves are falling and it’s becoming that bare empty winterness… bleh

I just prefer spring and summer. Blooming and Alive? Warm, sweet, sunny

But here we are … and I can’t have that yet. All in due time right?

“Life” ?

I want to build my own life back. I don’t want to mess up. I want to make the right choices and I want to have what I want…

I want to be strong and maybe a little powerful so I won’t ever fear or need again? And I am better off without him in my life – I don’t ever want him with any power to crush me ever again – so yeah I wanna be powerful – yeah I’m gonna reach for how I build my character

So I have to think of the money too. I just do. I have to.

Bleh.

I really want those skills. I am sitting in a really good position currently … I worked hard for this…

I did really work at all for this other one ?? I took all their tests they asked me to do …

I also had to take an online assessment test 😄

I took that online assessment test when, at my actual job, I was fed up with their crap lol

So some of the questions were : are you the type to go above and beyond the job? Do you give more than 100%? Etc etc – that kind of questioning 🤨

I was a little fed up from my actual job and I was like – nope not me – just do my job and that it lol …

So I was a little surprised ?? Little disbelief when they contact me – but ok…

And I don’t know what I was thinking because all my records and backgrounds always pass – but take a long time due to living in so many states 🤨 can’t we just keep the file handy? Can I just get a copy?

With today’s technology? How does that still take for fricken ever???

Well anyway.. I forgot all about everything and work was just exploding 😮 and then I got everything I wanted 😮

Then today that other one like congratulations we would like to offer you the position 😮 I have 3 days to decide 🤨

I just do all this only since last year ❤️

Before that I was sick and before that I was only a mom.

Once they gave me all clear after surgery… I worked very hard. Stayed quiet. Did my thing

Covid helped to place me in my position … I had no idea the events would turn out the way they did!!

I went to funeral home because I thought I needed it? I thought would be perfect cause I needed to heal too – I wrote them a letter telling them they needed me lol 😄✌️ they did 😘

But I had no idea – covid would hit the way it did – I didn’t see it coming like that. I just didn’t have my eyes open.

It shut everything down. I was by myself. But also working … in a job I knew nothing about yet cause I had just started 😮

Covid just allowed the job to slowly absorb me into it. It’s been wild. But covid allowed me to learn that, and then to show I knew what doing.

So. Meh. Good and bad. I built that though – through covid so I do love it.

And I will get amazing skills there

The work/life balance SUCKS ass!! 🤨😠 there is no balance there – they own you!! They can not function without you 🤨 not one day.

But I suppose everything has a downside?

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