This is my sun from this morning – when I was leaving for work ❤️

Anyway… this was a photo on my phone from this morning…

That’s my mom and dad ❤️ that kinda smacked me this morning a little bit. I want to just stare at that photo. It just floods a lot in? Like I feel how much I want them back… I know I can’t have them, but I want them.

Part of me sees and remembers funny things – and I do still kinda have my mom. Sorta but not really. I can still laugh with her and say I love you. ❤️ I can’t do that with my dad.

Anyway… that photo made me want them.

And then lol… I have these emails … they are horoscope or tarot type things – sometimes I read, sometimes I don’t – I usually do not have time. This is why I have 120,000 unread emails lol – but I leave them there.

Supposably it’s based off all my stuff like date and time of birth etc etc – I just read for entertainment usually, but again, that’s IF I have time

Anyway I read mine today 😮 this one picks one tarot card every day for me… hang on, let me copy paste cause omg… here is what it said 😮…

“In the 2 of Wands, we see a figure holding a fiery wand in one hand, with another wand planted firmly behind him. He is holding a globe and looking out into the world with a touch of stress or concern on his face. This card is telling us that he is in the planning stages of something, and may be a little worried about how this is going to play out. He has a couple of choices on the docket, and isn’t sure which one he should go with. This is the feeling you may be feeling in a certain situation today.

You may be preparing something, or someone else may be planning something for you. We see this card a lot in Twin Flame readings, and also in new job opportunities. There is no wrong choice. One choice is firmly planted in commitment, the other is firmly planted in the hand of the querent. Both offer buds of growth on them. There is always anxiety in choices, even when they are good choices.

Following your heart and intuition is the message of the 2 of Wands, and know that once you make the choice, your worry and anxiety will soon pass.”

I know my worry is just for the moment. And it’s not worry like I have had before… I have had worse… so this worry is not like that worry… I just want to make sure I choose the right choice.

I find it very difficult because – I do love it here… there are aspects that are amazing… and I get to have a calmness here ? That is expected and I like that. Like a moth to a flame right there.

I like the people I work with – I have a good team.

But it can be heavy… and it’s hard to keep a work/life balance and it will invade more.

I have a lot of concerns if this is what I want or not?

Now this took front and center – and then I have the car issue, and then the lawyer issue which I meet with on Tuesday afternoon. Oh just a lot on shoulders.

Death hmm?? I see it 2 ways.. on one hand, it took my family away 😢💔 so I want to turn away from that part – I know that’s life and you go forward… you have to… pick yourself up and move…

But on the other hand… I never meant it to come in my life like it has? I only turned to it to help me through things and also to help me provide, I expected it to be temporary- weekends only (but that was when I still had the school)

Death carried me through all of that… and I have a thing with loyalty… I brought me on through corona and gave me a little purpose after some of my stuff… I just feel a lot of loyalty

So I have to separate myself from the decision so I can see clearly

I haven’t decided what is best for me yet. I know will be fine with whatever I pick… and I know that either way – I’m gonna be ok. I do make wise decisions

I just have ALOT of decisions going on. Whew 2020 damn! Changing my whole life! 😮

I just feel like it’s all coming to a pivotal point – all at the same time – a little over a year after beating cancer and 3 years after getting out of something really bad – so is a lot of really big decisions for me and keeping them all straight

Ok well anyway… work is busy – I have to go ✌️