Friends only!

Sorry… I’ve been working on things today… is going well. Will be organized and ready as much as possible. It’s going well, I have focus.

I had to deal with a few outside issues last night and today.

Country boy still texts me… I don’t mind… he has been a good friend to me. Is nice that he checks up with me. He isn’t pushy or overwhelming… he’s just chill – I like that.

He got close because all my deaths and things happened and he was a really good friend during those moments.

He knew ways to take my mind away, without compromising who I am. He always did very unique things – very simple things. Things that gave me peace. He never tried to capitalize on those moments of devastation, instead he uplifted. He never expects in return. He was just a friend. He does have a good heart.

He is close enough that I am at ease with who he is. Appreciate that friendship – I don’t fear him. I like those friendships ALOT!! Appreciate VERY much!

Allows me to just let my guard down.

I have a lot of man friends … between the police, golf, baseball… things like that… I have women friends too obviously… but way more men! Just because is what was around, some have been protective and I like that. Some I am very close to, like a brother. I can be at ease there

But not all know me so well, and that can be problems sometimes ☹️ … a lot 🤨

Guys can sometimes tend to be REALLY overwhelming. I am just cautious. Because some come on really strong!! REALLY STRONG!! 😳

I am quiet currently… I normally do not respond to anything from most people… just family and a few friends … people who are close (or those who will send out a swat team if I don’t 🤨) I respond to

I am just that way at this moment while I heal from things and take care of things.

However if someone reaches out because they need help… then yes I will absolutely respond. I don’t want anyone suffering or in pain… of course I will help someone who truly needs it…

So one guy reached out last night – this one does not know me very well. Just acquaintance type friend… was kinda in my golf group. He knows how I am with helping people though.

Is also aware that I’ve gone silent… everyone is. I’ve almost been completely silent for a year now. He has asked how I am before, but I just stay silent. I don’t want any problems

Last night he asked to talk because he said he needed help.

So ok, I responded… are you ok?

He went into his issue. So I helped talk him through it. I don’t judge, cause I don’t walk in anyone’s shoes… if you need help – I just help if able. I always try whatever I can do. Even just listening. Whatever I can help with.

I do way better helping others than myself… is way easier!! Just is… I never panic helping others. I am very strong in that area. I would just prefer doing that. I can see clearly to help others – I am stronger that way. I like that way better.

But then after I helped talk him through that… he then turned around and professes his love, yes seriously – he did that!!

Starts saying things. Like how he’s never met anyone one like me or how beautiful… whatever… it makes me very uncomfortable … I have heard these lines before … I don’t know him and he doesn’t know me!

When I worked at the golf course – that’s ALL I heard 🤨 the same exact lines 🤨

I told him that ya know I consider a friend, and if need help through something, will help if able… but I’m not interested in anything further.

He didn’t seem to listen cause he was too busy telling me how much in love he is 🤨… or thinks he is!!!!!! He doesn’t know me! I don’t know him … Not close enough for that! Not in the slightest. That was way out of left field!! I never talk to him!!

I told him thank you, but no thank you. Not interested

Don’t think they hear me? … this morning he texted me twice…

First asking for my address – which is a definite NO!! Nope! Not doing that!! I don’t want any gifts or flowers or nothin! Nope!! And I certainly don’t want just anyone showing up at my door…

I have had stalkers before so nope not happening! I work very hard to have peace at my home – I don’t want that invaded … I am extremely protective! There is no need for him to know my address. I don’t need or want anything.

I did not respond to that one – nope – that’s over the line nope!!! If I don’t respond generally, I also don’t freely offer my address or personal information

And then he sends another text thanking me for helping him. I don’t mind that, your welcome but I am not responding. A response was not requested on that one – he already told me thank you, I already said you’re welcome. I’m not looking for anything in return!!!

This afternoon he sends another text… something I do not want to read 🤨 … I can only read the first 2 lines and nope! I’m not reading that! It’s all more of the same. Its just saying he’s in love with me. He’s not. This happens all the time… with many… I deal with this ALOT!!

I already said wasn’t interested and I have too much going on.

This must be a lesson of some sort …cause this same exact thing occurs constantly!!! It’s always been a thing!! Since I was like 11!!! Even when I was married, which is why I just avoided completely during that! I still try to avoid – but evidentially I am not very good at avoiding this!! What am I not seeing?

It’s too much! Maybe be friends first. I’m not really looking for anything right now… I am trying to handle my stuff.

If I am silent and keep distance it slows it down a little!! Not completely… is just not constant from every direction!!! Still happens though!! Even in silence!!!

I have confidence … and I always smile… always joke … the only time I like attention is if I am commanding that attention… if I am bringing attention to something – then I don’t mind… but generally on my own, without a cause – I don’t like attention. But that’s a huge thing!!! 🤨

I prefer when I can feel at ease, maybe trust. I kinda have a thing with that. I am cautious.

He is coming on way too strong. Nope! Back that truck up!

I do not like that he got me to respond saying he was “having a problem”… and then that was an opportunity – 🤨 not a slick move. That’s a bait and switch. Knew my weakness… opened the door with that and then used that opportunity. 🤨

And that is why I am careful and do not trust.

Maybe that’s just how people operate with this stuff ?? I do not. I like peace… been through a lot – am cautious because I only want sincere.

I want peace – I chase after peace… show me peace and I will chase after that… it’s not really that difficult ?? But maybe it is?? Very few can do that or know how. You would think that’s just so easy??… but evidentially it’s the hardest thing in the entire world!!! 🤨

I don’t understand why that’s such a hard concept all over the place with literally everything? But whatever.

I suppose everyone’s peace is something different?

www.youtube.com/watch