What suits you?

You know how some people love shoes? Or others love purses or whatever… I love bathing suits.

I love finding that perfect suit that accents all your curves just right!! ❤️ That one suit that fits perfectly and looks amazing – you feel good. So yeah I have always loved finding bathing suits ❤️

But I am having issues this year 😳😮… I thought initially this be easy … but it’s not this year. I have these new body parts… I thought that would totally open my world to a plethora of options 🤨 – not so much.

I don’t like boring bathing suits – I like fit, style, color, pattern

◦ And I DO find stunning suits!! The problems I run into is either the suit totally would show my scars or have weird lines.

I could NOT wear that one! I kinda “like” the top… but Oh my god! That would just show ALL the scars lol – and then also- I might as well just go topless cause this does nothing lol (legally I can if I want, without nipples – but I do not want lol)

And the selection of suits this year is highly disappointing!! You either have grandma type bathing suits, ones that would have crazy tan lines or ULTRA sexy … I’m finding the ones in between lack style or something?

I do find the bathing suits that have the under boob really hot!! I kinda want that…

Yeah – I really like that!! I want that one. I just really like that ALOT!!

I think it would be ok with my scars? Just that really bad one will be an issue – but that’s always going to be an issue – it goes high, from center of chest, all the way to the underarm. There’s no way I can hide that in a suit – I can’t even hide it in clothing, unless we talking a turtle neck 🤨

So that right side scar is just gonna be seen period – I can’t do anything about it. I don’t “really” care… it’s not my self esteem or body image… that’s really good for the most part … I don’t really have body issues … except the scars – little bit.

They are beautiful “to me” – they have a story to them? And I survived and makes me remember what I can make it through ❤️

They are just really personal to me… they are tied to some emotions. Not a big deal, (I am alive ❤️) just saying but that makes me feel is personal? Private ?

The way these scars are – I can’t hide them…

I also do not like to draw attention – um… but I do that anyway, fricken always!!! So I guess fuck it, right? 🤨

Sometimes in life – I feel like we have lessons … everything I have been through has had lessons …

Well… I don’t always like lessons 😝😝😝 some of them really suck!!! ✌️

I am also REALLY cautious… so what happens is, lessons are given but I don’t always catch the lesson because I am overly cautious

So then, because of that – life decides its going to throw the biggest lesson it can muster 🤨😑 so I finally get it?? Cause I don’t always? Life beats it into me lol ✌️

I sort of hide myself away? I just really really really love the peace!!!

But that’s not really good right? I’m not supposed to do that, am I? I walked away from life? It just went snap – and I walked away, I went silent and I just kinda TRY to hide.

My brain picked “flight mode” ✌️

It’s not a bad thing to me?? I only see the peace and safety in this situation. I am blinded by that… I love peace and safety ✌️❤️

Anyway… I do believe things happen for some reason (you can believe whatever you want, just saying what I believe) … and I believe those things that happen teach us lessons, or bring something amazing to your life if you let it.

So… these scars are really impossible to hide. I can’t hide them ☹️ … so I will learn how to NOT hide WITH them 🤨 – I do prefer to hide, so they will be forcing me to not hide 🤨 (grrr! Totally don’t like this lesson!!)

And then also… I like to blend in and NOT be noticed – although I really SUCK at that in general!! As if the breasts weren’t enough to catch attention… let’s go ahead and add huge purple scars on them to draw even MORE attention 🤨 is like a neon sign to have your eyes on my chest 🤨 ugh – killing me!

So I will be having some major lessons on dealing with attention 🤨 – I really HATE this lesson!! I don’t even know how to process it lol

But … if I can become strong in these lessons – it just builds who I am and how far I can fly? Plus the more I can work through things, the stronger overall I can become.

** IF I can get past the lessons and actually learn how to handle it will just make me stronger – but it’s getting PAST those lessons that I sometimes have a hard time with 🤨✌️😘

I do have a few things I need to learn how to handle and deal with… I have MANY lessons to learn still!!!

Life – it’s always lessons!!! Lessons lessons lessons!!!

If you don’t listen to your lessons – then you get even BIGGER lessons!! Ugh – my lessons are giant!! But meant to make me stronger, so whatever

This is just how I view things so I can get past things that block me. ✌️

Just trying to find what suits me ✌️😘

This morning we be up at school for a big portion of day. Returning the BIG giant TUBA lol … and getting yearbooks – she gets to see her friends again for first time in months and months – we be in masks, outside, and with distance

I already went over rules lol… no hugging and touching lol … she kinda argued a little saying “they been isolating too mum”

So we will see. It’s hard not to wanna run up and just hug ALL your people!!

Is gonna be hot again today and tmrw – then our temps will drop… oh and I get to work BOTH days this weekend ❤️ woo hoo!!

Ok I have to run- back later – enjoy the day!! ✌️ ☀️♨️

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